Chapter 35
Miles
Jericho’s words settle over me like a warm blanket. After the intense sex and mind-blowing orgasm, my body relaxes more than it has in months. I hug him a little tighter, sighing against his neck. Did he really say that?
I realized when he was gone that what I felt for him is love. It wasn’t an aha moment for me, it wasn’t a sudden holy crap I love this man.
No, with him, it was a slow build. A deep settled feeling that I only discovered when he was gone because I knew I was missing something. A part of me. Something that should be with me at all times.
Even if things were supposed to be casual, and even if I can’t pinpoint the moment my feelings for him changed, they did. I know it’s the way I feel.
“I love you too,” I whisper back.
He lets out a small huff of a laugh, and kisses below my ear.
“I missed you doing that,” I say.
“Doing what?”
“Kissing me there. You always do.”
He looks up at me. “Do I?”
I nod, then lean in to kiss his perfect lips.
“Let’s shower,” he suggests. But neither of us move. We stay there, holding each other, basking in this after-sex high and love declarations. I’m not sure how long we stay there, but it feels so perfect. Exactly where I belong.
Eventually, we make our way to the bathroom and get into the shower together.
“Stay with me tonight,” he says as he moves me under the shower spray. I lean my head back. He runs his fingers through my hair, wetting it.
“I’ll have to leave early to get ready for work.”
“We can get your things tonight.”
“I have to bring Noah to school in the morning.”
He’s silent for a moment as he picks up the bottle of shampoo and pours some into his palm.
“How early?” he asks.
“Six.” He runs his hands through my hair, soaping it up. “Though, I could call in… and let Audrey know to drop him off in the morning. She isn’t working today, so waking up early won’t be a problem.”
“I don’t want you doing that for me.”
“Trust me, she won’t mind.”
“How do you know that?”
He moves my head under the water to rinse my hair. My hands find his hips, just wanting to touch him.
“She’s been rooting for us from the beginning. She was convinced this was more than what it was the entire time, even though I kept telling her we were just being casual. Laughable now, huh?”
He smirks, his attention on his hands.
“Seems she was the only one who realized it.”
I huff a laugh. “I tried to keep things casual, Jericho. You said you wanted that and—”
His lips find mine, shutting me up. I laugh as he deepens the kiss, and it turns playful.
“I wanted that because I thought it was all I should have. But now I know better.” He pulls me out of the spray and grabs his bar of soap, then begins to wash me. “And please, don’t ever stop calling me Jericho.”
I grin, leaning in to kiss his nose. “I’ll call Audrey when we get out and make sure she’s okay with it. If she’s not, I’ll leave in the morning, but either way, I’m staying tonight.”
He looks up at me as he washes my calf. “Good.”
Jericho doesn’t let me wash him and doesn’t give himself even half the attention he gave me. I think he washes his hair and body in under thirty seconds.
When we’re out, he gives me clothes to wear…
clothes that don’t fit but are so comfortable because of it.
Usually, I wear medium t-shirts, but I can wear a small, if I’m going for a tighter fit.
All of his shirts are a size large, so they’re baggy on me, but of course fit him and all his muscles like a second skin.
I have to pull the drawstring on the sweatpants tight and tie it to keep them from falling off my hips.
“What do you want for dinner?” he asks.
“Are you cooking?”
“Planned on it.”
“Then whatever you want.”
He gives me a quick kiss and goes into the kitchen while I go back to the living room to get my phone. I call Audrey. She answers right away.
“You good? Need rescuing?”
“No rescuing needed.”
“Good. So, what’s up?”
“Can you bring Noah to school in the morning?”
“He’s my kid, Miles, of course I can bring him to school.”
I run my hand through my damp hair and move over to the window, to look out into the front yard. It’s a beautiful neighborhood. A great place to raise a family.
“I know that, but I bring him for you.”
“Which is a favor, not an expectation. You have a life, Miles.”
I lower my voice. “But I don’t want you to think I’m throwing you and him aside for it.”
“I know you would never do that.”
“You do?”
“Of course I do. You’re not that kind of person. I know that if for some reason I couldn’t bring Noah in the morning, you would, despite wanting to fuck your boyfriend.”
I bark out a laugh. “You’re right.”
“So, he is your boyfriend then? Finally?”
I turn around when I hear clanking in the kitchen. I can’t see him from here, but I can imagine him in the kitchen, grabbing things to prep dinner. That serious look on his face as he focuses on what he’s doing.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“See. I told you it was more.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be.”
I hear the eye roll. “Never is.”
I end the call and watch Jericho as he makes dinner. We eat, watch a movie, cuddle on the couch, and fuck again when we get to bed. Then I fall asleep in his arms.
When morning comes, I find the bed empty. It feels early, but the bright sun is streaming in. It’s a damn trick though, because it’s cold as hell outside and will be for another month or two.
My phone says it’s almost nine. I’d called into work last night to the attendance line, letting them know I wouldn’t make it in today.
I crawl out of bed, find Jericho’s sweatpants I was wearing yesterday tangled at the bottom of the mattress with the sheets, and put them on.
Then I go in search of him. I catch a glimpse of movement from outside when I check the kitchen.
The sliding glass door that leads to the porch is through the dining room, that’s just beyond the kitchen.
I’ve never gotten a full tour of his house, but it’s sort of maze-like.
I go that way, wondering what he’s doing outside this early and in the cold.
I stop at the door and look out. He’s on the phone.
My stomach does a little twist. He turns to me, almost like he could sense that I’m here.
A memory flashes in my head—of the last time I caught him on the phone through a window, and the way he was different when he came back in.
Obviously he was talking to Franklin then, and it’s probably who he’s talking to now.
He warned me he was going to, that he had to.
Even though I agree, doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Franklin doesn’t deserve a thing from him.
Not an explanation—nothing. But I know this isn’t for him.
It’s for Jericho, for his peace of mind.
There will always be a part of me that hates that man, resents him for what he did to Jericho, but it’s not really my business.
I have no control over that part of Jericho’s life.
All I can do is hope he means what he says, and once he gets his words out to Franklin, he won’t have to speak to him again.
Jericho’s eyes meet mine and he gestures for me to come out but then points to something at my left. A rack with sweatshirts. I put one on and pull the sliding door open, stepping onto the cold porch. Jericho doesn’t have shoes on either. He holds his arm out, and I go to him.
His arm comes around me, hugging me while holding the phone to his ear with the other.
He’s warm and smells so good. I keep my head against his chest, looking out at the large backyard that could fit so many fun things.
A pool, playground, trampoline. Plenty of space for a dog to run around. A sand box.
I bet he had plans to do that… all of it. With Franklin.
He shifts his stance, and then I see the phone being lowered. Is the conversation done already?
“Yeah, I’m here,” he says, his chest vibrating slightly as he speaks. I realize that the call isn’t done. He just put it on speaker so I can listen. My heart squeezes in my chest.
Franklin’s voice is deep and emotionless when it comes through the phone speaker.
“This is just like you to act this way, and I can’t say I’m surprised, but I did expect more from you.”
I hold back my scoff. Is he serious?
I listen to Jericho’s heart beat a steady rhythm. My eyes fall closed. Being in his arms always feels so good. It feels safe.
“Honestly, I don’t care about your opinion anymore,” he says. “It was the only way you’d take me seriously.”
“Difficult to do that when you’re an emotional wreck all the time.”
I grit my teeth, wanting to throw the phone across the yard. How did Jericho deal with this for fourteen years?
“It’s unfortunate that you feel that way. There’s nothing to be done about it now.”
“Well, if you had—”
“No, you’re not putting this on me.” He takes a deep, steadying breath, his heart beating just a little faster. “Look, I didn’t call to argue, I just wanted to clear the air, but it’s obvious that nothing about you has changed and you aren’t going to—hello? Hello?”
He huffs an annoyed sound.
“He hung up.”
I look up at him, not sure what to say. Not sure how he feels. Not sure if I still need to be worried about this.
Yesterday, it was like we were in a perfect little bubble. Everything went right. But moving forward?
“Do I need to worry about him?” I ask.
Even after that conversation, even after I know that I would never deal with that, I need to hear him say it. Because Jericho did deal with that for a very long time, and even though it’s not ideal, people go back to what they know. It’s why he stayed for so long.
“Franklin? Fuck no,” he says.
I step away from him, and he looks almost upset by it.
“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it all just feels… fresh.”
He takes a deep breath, watching me for a moment before answering.
“I can see how it would, after knowing we’ve been together so long and the breakup being new, but if you knew everything I’ve been through with him, you’d know the relationship was over long ago.
” He holds up the phone. “This was nothing. I’ve dealt with more, so much worse.
I don’t want that anymore.” He moves forward, taking my hand.
“There’s been nothing between me and Franklin for a very long time. ”
“But something held you to him… something kept you from divorcing him.”
“It wasn’t him, that’s for sure. When I showed up there in October, when I called you? He was pissed. He left to go to a fundraiser with a date and left me alone all night.”
“He did that to you?”
My heart hurts for him. That’s an awful way to treat your husband.
He huffs a laugh. “Trust me, Miles, that’s low on the scale of shitty things he’s done to me. I dealt with it because I thought I had to, because I thought it was some kind of penance for my mother.”
“And you fixed that in three months?” I ask.
“No,” he says solidly. “Not entirely. But enough to know that I can have what I want, that I’m allowed to be happy while I’m working through my issues.
” He steps closer to me, taking my other hand.
“Enough to know that I want to be with you and see where things go. I’ve always known what I wanted in life, and I can see that future—with you.
It’s a clear picture now, not just an idea. ”
“But you saw it with him too, right?” I ask cautiously.
“That’s the thing,” he says with a slight shake of his head.
“I didn’t. Never. We made the plans, we talked about it, but deep down, I never saw it.
Not the way I can with you. It’s not just an idea anymore, it’s a clear picture.
” Jericho places two fingers beneath my chin, lifting so I look him in the eyes.
“Franklin and I are done. The divorce will be official soon. I tried to talk to him. That’s that last thing I needed from him. ”
“What if he calls back? What if he comes here?”
“Then I’ll deal with it. But trust me, Miles, he is not the kind of person I’m going to run back to.
What does he have to offer me? Money? I don’t care about money.
And honestly, I may die of a heart attack if Franklin ran back here because he’s not the type.
He didn’t try before, why would he try now?
All he does is make me feel like shit about myself.
I like the way you make me feel. I like who I am when I’m with you.
I just like being with you, and I am not going to convince you to be with me, but I meant it when I said I love you…
but I also know relationships take more than that. If you need more time—”
“I just need honesty from you. All the time. Even if it’s something you think I won’t want to hear. And if it’s something hard, something you can’t talk about, I need you to try.”
“That’s exactly what I’m giving you. I wasn’t up front before, and I can’t apologize enough for that. I hate that I made you feel this way.”
“I know you’re trying. I appreciate you putting it on speaker.”
“I just didn’t want you to think I was hiding. I don’t want my phone to be a problem between us. That’s just… we’re better than that.”
We hold each other’s gaze as I try to calm my heart that’s picking up speed.
“I don’t want this to be a problem between us,” I begin. “I do think I need more time to learn that I can trust you, but I do love you, and I do want to do this.”
Jericho smiles, closing the distance between us. His lips are cold when they press against mine. His arms wrap around me, and he lifts me up, holding me tightly for a moment before putting me back on my feet. His arm comes around me, and we turn to face the backyard.
“I can’t decide if I want to move or not,” he says.
“Do you love this house?” I ask.
“Not really,” he says.
“Then sell it.” He glances down at me, raising a brow. “I love my apartment, and I love living so close to Audrey and Noah. It’s important to be comfortable at home. If you don’t love this house, then get rid of it.”
He watches me carefully, then asks, “Where do you see your future? Do you think you’ll live there forever?”
I shrug. “I’ve imagined living in a one-family, and I don’t hate the idea. I just want Audrey to get a little more settled first. I help a lot with Noah, and I love doing it, but I can’t leave and let her do everything on her own.”
“You’re a good brother,” he says, pulling me closer to him.
“So are you.”
“Nah, I’m kind of an asshole. Didn’t even help Nash move,” he says with a smile.
“You were dealing with stuff, and I’m sure he knows that.”
We stay there for a few moments longer, until my feet have turned into icicles. Inside, JJ makes me breakfast, and it all feels just right.