Chapter 8 #2
The thing was, though, their relationship had blossomed so quickly.
In just ten months, they’d gone from childhood friends to dating to lovers to engaged to pregnant.
There had barely been time to catch her breath.
She’d only been eighteen, Leo twenty-four.
Between his budding special forces career and her college studies, they’d both been busy, and sneaking in time to spend together had been difficult.
If only she’d known what he was planning, she would have talked him out of it.
Tried to at least. Kate had always respected Leo’s desire to serve his country even as it put him in danger and would keep him away for large chunks of time, but being experimented on would have been taking things a step too far.
But it was too late to go back and play the if only game.
Leo hadn't told her about taking part in the program, and when it had gone bad, he hadn't talked to her, explaining things so she understood. He’d chosen to dump her in the cruelest way he could think of, and while she understood that it was his way of ensuring that she never came after him in case he wasn't strong enough to enforce distance, how was she supposed to get past that pain?
The truth didn't magically erase it all. If only it did.
It felt like she was tied to the past, unable to let it go.
Part of it was the pain Leo had caused, part of it was fear of letting him in and getting hurt again, and part of it was the uncertainty of everything.
According to Leo and the others, a threat was still out there, and by tracking down her daughter’s father and taking them both there, she might have painted a target on their backs.
If this River Gardner lady found out about them, would she try using Ariella to get to Leo?
Frustrated, anxious, and a whole mess of other emotions she didn't have the energy to name, Kate gave up on sleep. Shoving back the covers, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood.
In the thin moonlight from the window, she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror on the dresser.
She was wearing his T-shirt. One of Leo’s that had been at her place when he left.
She’d kept it, but she didn't really know why. She even wore it sometimes when she … needed to pretend that he’d never walked out on her.
Why was she wearing it now? She didn't remember putting it on after they’d finished their emotionally charged talk in the hall, where he’d promised to never let her down again and to always be there for her.
Needing space and time, she’d told him goodnight and then retreated to her room instead of heading back downstairs to join the others, along with him.
He’d sounded so sad when he wished her sweet dreams, and that pain tugged at her. Demanded that she do something to soothe it. Only what was she supposed to do?
Of course, she understood now that she and Ariella weren't the only ones who had been suffering these last ten years. Leo had been too. He’d had his DNA messed with, been kept in a cage, forced on the run to remain free, been hunted, lived with a constant threat hanging over his head, both from within and from the outside.
How exhausting that must have been for him.
Was she strong enough to go to him now? Offer comfort, and maybe friendship?
Things could never go back to the way they’d been before, too much had happened, and too much time had passed, but maybe they could still find a way to move forward.
If Ariella survived, Leo was always going to be part of her life, and she didn't want things to be awkward or uncomfortable for any of them. Even if the worst happened and they lost Ariella, she was pretty sure that Leo intended to follow through on his promises, so he’d still be part of her life.
That didn't fill her with the same anger it would have just a couple of days ago.
Then she hadn't wanted anything to do with him beyond seeing if he could offer her daughter a life-saving bone marrow transplant.
Now …
She wasn't sure what she wanted from him.
Apparently, her feet were, though, because without realizing it she was moving toward the door, drawn by a need she didn't even understand, and right now didn't want to figure out. All her body knew was that it sought out one man.
One man who set her blood on fire, who made her feel alive, who made her feel protected and safe, who made her feel respected and valued. A man who had hurt her more than she’d thought anyone had the power to inflict, but who was also truly remorseful of that pain he’d caused.
There was no doubt in her mind that if Leo could take back what he’d done, wind back the clock and go back in time, he would have made a different choice that day. He would have found a way to protect her and their baby from the anger that lived inside him.
Once she was in the hall, Kate realized she had no idea where to find Leo. It was late and the mansion was quiet. She assumed everyone was in bed, but she hadn't asked Leo where his room was.
Turned out she didn't have to worry about it.
“Kate?” A door across the hall opened, and Leo stepped out. Although his hair was mussed, and the sweatpants he was wearing rumpled, his gaze was alert, like he, too, had been struggling to shut off his mind and go to sleep.
“I didn't realize that was your room,” she whispered, suddenly shy now that he was standing half naked before her, and she realized she was wearing only this old T-shirt of Leo’s and nothing else.
“It’s not,” Leo replied.
“Then why are you sleeping in it?”
His dark eyebrows arched, and she realized the answer. Because this was where she and Ariella were, and he couldn’t bear to be too far away from them.
Something softened inside her, and she took a step toward him. “When did you get rid of all your hair?” she asked.
If he was surprised by her question he didn't show it. “A few months ago.”
“Why?”
“Needed a change.”
The shorter hair wasn't the only thing that had changed about him. His skin was tanned, and every muscle clearly defined. In the ten years since she’d seen him, he’d definitely bulked up a lot, looking more like a marble sculpture than a real person.
What would it feel like to trace every one of those ridges with her fingertips?
Her tongue swept along her bottom lip as she wondered what it would feel like to trace those muscles with her tongue.
What would he taste like? She’d been young and inexperienced when they were together, and she’d mostly let Leo guide things, especially since he always made her feel so good and took such good care of her.
But she wasn't an eighteen-year-old girl anymore, and she knew what she wanted. Apparently, part of what she wanted was to taste every inch of Leo’s body, run her hands all over it, and remind herself of what those muscles felt like beneath her palms. Have that thick length of his stretch its way inside her.
Only that was a bad idea, wasn't it?
When her feelings were all mixed up, having sex with Leo would be a mistake.
“Babe, you can't do that.” Leo groaned.
“Do what?”
“That thing with your tongue.”
“What thing?”
“Where you drag the tip of your tongue along your bottom lip. Do you have any idea how sexy that is?”
“Umm … no.” But she sure as heck knew those sweatpants he was wearing were sexy as hell.
What was it about sweatpants that almost had her drooling?
They did little to hide the bulge from his erection, and they hung low on his hips.
Just a little lower, and she’d be able to see his more-than-impressive length.
“Babe.” Leo groaned again.
“What?” she asked, innocently twirling a finger around her hair.
“You know what. You can't look at me like that when we both know you're not ready for anything to happen between us. Might never be ready.”
“I can't not look at you like this when you're wearing those,” she said, waving a hand to indicate those sexy as sin sweatpants of his.
A slow smile curled up one side of his mouth, making him look deliciously handsome, and she knew why he looked so smug. He knew exactly what those sweatpants were going to do to her, and he enjoyed every second of watching her squirm.
“You like me like this, huh, Katie-Bear.”
“You know I do,” she said breathily, like all the oxygen in the air had been burned up by the sexual tension humming between them.
“I know everything you like, don’t I, baby?” he asked, but he hadn't taken a step toward her, even as his erection strained against the thin material of his pants, and she knew he wouldn't. Anything that happened between them would be on her terms.
“Leo,” she said, suddenly anxious. “I don’t know what I want.
I know I'm still wildly attracted to you. I know that I now understand why you did what you did. I know I want you to be part of Ariella’s life.
I know that I'm not really angry anymore. I know that I haven’t quite fully forgiven you for hurting me yet, but that I will.
But I don’t know what happens next. Between us. ”
“Whatever you want, Katie-Bear. I'm in your life in whatever ways you’ll have me. I'm yours. Always have been. Whatever happens next is totally up to you.”