Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Rylee
My mama was in a medium security facility, so visits were conducted in a common room, under the watchful eye of guards. A brief hug was allowed at the beginning and end of the visit, but my mama had never tried to hug me, and this day was no different.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded, glowering at me across the table. “If you feel guilty because I almost died—”
“I’m not here because I feel guilty.” I knew I would have to stay calm, otherwise the visit would quickly spiral.
She would raise her voice and I’d be asked to leave.
Again. “But I am glad you’re doing better.
I talked to your doctor at the hospital after you were discharged and he assured me they’ll be monitoring your condition. ”
She shrugged. “Who cares anyway?” She gestured around her, to the few inmates visiting with family and friends at surrounding tables. “You call this living? This is hell, that’s what it is.”
I considered reminding her she’d put herself here, but knew that would do no good. She was determined to play the victim in her own life, rather than taking ownership and making the effort to change.
“Your handsome boyfriend dumped you yet?”
I curled my hand into a fist on the tabletop, counting backwards from ten. “No, Mama. We’re still together.”
When we’d visited her in the hospital, I told her Cam was just a friend. It was hard to believe how important he’d become to me since then.
She snorted. “Won’t be long before he finds someone better, mark my words. Guys like him don’t get mixed up with trash like us for long.”
Since her facility offered a lot of privileges maximum security prisons didn’t, she could have followed my career if she wanted to, but she clearly didn’t.
She still thought of me as the same sad, latchkey kid she’d abandoned.
She didn’t realize I’d clawed my way up in the world. Into a penthouse apartment, with a Range Rover, money in the bank, investments, a big fat contract, and zero debt.
I was a responsible, successful adult. Something she’d never aspired to be.
“He’s proud to be with me.”
The days of her reminding me of where I’d come from were over. She’d see me for who I was now or learn to keep her mouth shut.
“And I feel the same way. We’re good together.” I allowed myself a small smile of satisfaction when I said, “I’m finally learning what a healthy relationship is.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t get used to it. It’ll never last.”
I’d never convince her that me and Cam were the real deal, and since I didn’t really care what she thought, I decided to move on to the real reason for my visit. “I met Cam’s family last weekend.”
She grunted. “I’m surprised. Thought he’d want to keep you his dirty little secret until he was done with you.”
Every chance she got, she tore me down, so this was nothing new. Surprisingly, it didn’t even hurt anymore.
“His family, they’re lovely people. Made me feel welcome, like I belonged.”
She narrowed her eyes like I was the enemy she wanted to intimidate, instead of her only child. “You will never be one of them. He probably grew up in a nice, normal, middle-class family. No criminal records. No addicts. No sordid family history.”
“Cam doesn’t think my childhood tainted me, Mama.
He thinks it made me who I am, and so do I.
” Before she could interrupt, I rushed on, determined to get it all out.
“I used to feel like I was less than, because of the way I grew up, but I don’t feel that way anymore.
I used to hate you.” I looked her in the eye and let that sink in, before I said, “But I don’t hate you anymore. I forgive you.”
“I don’t need your forgiveness,” she snapped. “The only person I hurt was myself, ending up in this god-forsaken place. You’re still free to do whatever the hell you want. Yet you make it seem like you were the victim.”
The fact that she didn’t see how her actions had impacted me wasn’t a surprise to me. She’d always believed everyone was out to get her and she was the victim.
“I’m not a victim.”
The peace washed over me, unlike anything I’d ever felt in her presence.
The tension was gone. The fear, anger, resentment. Gone.
It hadn’t happened in a split second. It had been a slow release, over the course of years, but meeting Cam and his family allowed the last vestiges of all that negativity to evaporate.
“Sure sounds like you think you are,” she muttered.
I squeezed her hand, drawing a frown from the guard and my mama. “I feel like I should be thanking you, in fact.” I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in years, maybe ever. “If not for you, I wouldn’t be me.”
“You must be on something. You’ve always been a little crazy, but this is out there, even for you.”
Ignoring her, I said, “I wouldn’t be strong and independent.
” I stood, feeling I’d said what I came to say.
“I wouldn’t be so determined to be successful.
And I wouldn’t believe that I actually deserve a man like Cam.
” I braced my hands on the tabletop and leaned in, whispering, “And in spite of what you think, I do deserve him, Mama. And we’re gonna have an amazing life together.
” I winked at her. “You have a good day now.”
I could feel her eyes boring into me as I left. But I felt like Teflon today. Nothing she said or did could stick to me.
Eden talked me into a girl’s day. Shopping, lunch, and a spa day. I felt like a new woman by the time I dropped her off at home.
“Come in for a glass of wine,” Eden urged when I pulled up to her front door. “Austin texted to let me know he’s working late, and I don’t feel like being alone.”
I knew she was still dealing with the aftermath of her abduction, so I could understand why she still didn’t feel safe. It took years for me to feel safe being alone, and I still got triggered sometimes, like I had the night of Eden’s kidnapping.
“Sure.” I followed her inside and dropped my purse in the foyer while she moved to the kitchen.
“My brother told me he’s planning a visit this weekend,” Eden said, taking a bottle of white wine out of the fridge along with grapes, several cheeses, and smoked meats.
“We should go out for dinner while he’s here.
” Before I could respond, she raised an eyebrow.
“Unless y’all plan to hole up in your apartment all weekend and—”
“Dinner sounds like fun,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I’ll book it and text you the details.”
“Awesome!” She laughed. “Honestly, I never thought Cam would end up with someone I wanted to hang out with.”
I could understand why she felt that way about Kelly, but it was hard to believe all of his exes had been like her.
“He must have had some nice girlfriends,” I said, reaching for the corkscrew she’d left on the counter so I could open the bottle of wine while she prepared the charcuterie board.
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “I guess, but it was always so… awkward.” She grimaced. “They were into him, but it always felt like he was faking it. Then they’d try to befriend me, thinking it would help score points with him.”
“Hmm.” I couldn’t deny it bothered me a little to hear about all the girls who’d come before me, but I was too curious to shut my friend down. “So, aside from Kelly, you couldn’t have seen him marrying any of the others?”
“Ugh. No.” She wrinkled her nose. “And I didn’t see him marrying her either. I think he was only considering it because the clock was ticking.”
I chuckled. “Is that a thing for guys?”
“It is when all your friends are married with kids.” She passed me the empty wine glasses. “And you saw Cam with the little ones at our parents’ place last weekend. He’s a natural, they love him.”
“Yeah, I noticed that.” Not gonna lie, my traitorous hormones started pumping baby fever into my bloodstream when I caught sight of him with his cousin’s infant curled protectively in his strong arms.
Eden pointed at me, laughing. “Not even you can deny it, Ry. There’s something about seeing a big, strong guy holding a tiny baby—”
“Stop!” I warned, flashing her my palm. “We’re not going there.”
Her brows furrowed when she asked, “Are you saying you don’t want to have kids… ever?”
“No! I mean yes, I do. Just not anytime soon.” I climbed up on the stool at the breakfast bar after pouring our wine and passing her a glass. “We’ve talked about it—”
“Ohmigod, seriously?” Her jaw dropped. “You and Cam have actually talked about kids?”
I nodded, feeling a flush creep up my neck.
“Well, yeah. It seemed crazy to work so hard on this relationship if we’re not on the same page about where we’d want to end up.
He wants marriage and babies.” I snuck a square of cheese she’d been cutting and popped it in my mouth.
“Personally? I don’t really care about a piece of paper and could wait another ten years for babies, but if he’s going to move to Nashville eventually, I have to be willing to compromise, right? ”
Eden side-eyed me, looking concerned. “Honey, that’s not something you compromise about.
You either want it or you don’t. You can’t do it just to make someone else happy.
” She cupped her hand around her ear. “And I’m sorry, I could have sworn I heard you say something about Cam moving here. For real?”
“It was just pillow-talk,” I admitted, chastising myself when I realized that was probably T.M.I. “But we were talking about where we could see our relationship going, and he said when his term is over, he has options, professionally, that would allow him to move to Nashville.”
“His term doesn’t end for almost three years,” Eden reminded me. “You’d be okay with the long-distance thing for that long?”
“What choice do we have, right? Cam is as committed to his career as I am. And for the time being, that means we have to do the long-distance thing.”
Eden passed me a plate and napkin before she said, “Hey, if you guys want to be together, you’ll get through it.”
I nodded. “Has he said anything to you about us?”
I felt like an immature high school girl for even asking, but I wondered if Cam had shared any concerns with his sister that he hadn’t been willing to share with me.
There was that doubt creeping in again, fueled by that pesky bitch insecurity.
She smiled as she brought the wine glass to her lips. “He told me when he’s not with you he wants to be, and I’ve never heard him say that about anyone else before.”
The flutter in my belly was undeniable when I asked, “Really?”
She giggled. “You guys are too cute.”
If by cute she meant a little crazy, I couldn’t deny that.