Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rylee
“I want you,” I whispered in his ear, dragging my tongue down his neck as my hands explored under his shirt. “I’ve been fighting this since we broke up, but I can’t fight it anymore. Please…”
I was peeling off layers, mine and his, without waiting for a response. But the hungry look in his eyes told me all I needed to know. He was definitely up for this.
He was laving my sensitive breasts with his tongue, making me gasp and plead as I tugged on his hair. As my guard crumbled, I eased down slowly, allowing him to fill me completely as our eyes locked.
Rocking back and forth gently, watching his eyes drift closed as his hands dug into my hips, guiding me. I felt a rush of possession, knowing I would be the first, and hopefully only woman to give this man the baby he’d been wanting for so long.
Knowing I couldn’t hold back with him, I whispered, “I can’t wait to have your baby.”
He groaned, letting his head fall back. “You don’t know what that does to me. How much it turns me on…” His gaze slid over my stomach before his hands did too. “How much I want this baby… with you.”
“Tell me.”
“Tell you?” He was tweaking my nipples, his voice raspy when he demanded, “You want me to tell you how stoked I am that you’re pregnant? How I can’t wait to watch your belly swell…” He grabbed me, kissing me hard. “With my baby.”
His words ignited something primal in me.
Stirring a longing that had been buried under years of fear and doubt.
“I’ve been waiting for this…” I was bracing my hands on his shoulders, riding him hard, as I spilled the truth.
“For someone to love.” I stilled, captivated by his blue eyes.
Wondering if our baby would have them too.
“I fell in love with our baby the second the doctor confirmed I was pregnant.”
He eased me back on the deep couch, bracing his weight on his forearms as he entered me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. “This was meant to happen, Ry.” His movements were slow, controlled, but mind-blowingly intense. “You. Me. This baby. It was fate.”
I nodded, feeling the same way he did.
My hands were gliding up and down his back as he made love to me slowly, as though he was healing all our past hurts with every stroke.
“I’ll always keep you safe, sweetheart. Both of you. I promise.”
His words made my eyes burn with tears because I’ll keep you safe are words I hadn’t known I needed to hear until I heard them leave his lips.
And knowing I could always count on him to keep our baby safe…
meant everything. Every baby deserved a daddy like him, who would go to battle with anyone who tried to hurt them. The kind of father I’d never had.
He finally tipped my hips and picked up the pace, thrusting harder, deeper, with intent.
The build was slow, but my release was consuming. It surged through me like a current, thrumming through my veins, rippling, sparking, and leaving me lightheaded and wanting more.
But even better than my own climax, was watching his. He was so handsome, so strong, always in control. But with me, he abandoned all restraint and I loved to watch him cave.
He muttered a curse before throwing the back cushions off the couch and collapsing beside me. Reaching for the throw blanket to cover us as his breath caught on a half-laugh, he said, “It’s been too damn long without you. I needed that.”
“I did too.” I laid my head on his chest and looked up at him, batting my eyelashes. “Something about being pregnant makes me…” I bit my lip. “Want it all the time.”
He growled before drawing me in to a deep kiss. “I can definitely help you with that, beautiful. All you have to do is say the word.”
I smiled. “Might be a little hard with me here and you back home. Not that I’m a stranger to phone sex—”
He kissed me again. “Don’t want to hear about it.”
“Seriously,” I said, feeling the weight of our situation.
When we were together before, waiting a few years to make a move didn’t seem unreasonable. Now, we only had months to figure this out.
“What are we going to do? I love being with you like this. But nothing’s changed—”
“Everything’s changed. You’re having my baby.”
“I know, but you still have a job to do and I don’t want to be the reason you have to give that up. I would hate myself if—”
“Listen to me.” He waited until I was looking at him before he said, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.
To find someone like you. To be a dad. It’s everything to me, Ry.
Sure, my career matters. But you matter more.
Our baby matters more. So, whatever I need to do to be here for you guys, I’ll do it.
But you have to decide what that looks like for you.
And I don’t expect you to make that decision now. Take all the time you need.”
I loved him for not putting pressure on me, because I was putting all kinds of pressure on myself to have it all figured out.
“I worry about how I’ll be a good mama, being on the road six weeks at a time.”
“We can come with you. Or we’ll stay home, whatever you need.”
I gaped at him. But the way he said we made me melt. For the first time I’d have someone who missed me, loved me, was waiting on me when I got off the tour bus.
“You can’t do that, Cam. You have responsibilities. People counting on you. You can’t be a full-time babysitter.”
He frowned. “It’s not baby-sitting when it’s your kid, Ry. It’s called being a parent.”
“You’re right.” This was still so new to me and most days it felt like I was walking in a minefield.
“I’m sorry. Obviously, being parents is the top priority for both of us.
But I have to be honest. Until a couple of months ago, my career was everything to me.
Like everything. Nothing else mattered. I know that sounds a little sad, but it’s all I had. Aside from my friends.”
Kissing my forehead as he stroked my hair, he said, “I get that, baby. My career’s always been important to me too. But it can’t be all there is. Personally, having someone to share my life with, kids to fill the house with laughter, bickering, and play, that matters too.”
I let my mind wander, imagining the life he wanted.
A house on a bit of land, maybe in the country, where kids could have fun and explore, without being on guard all the time.
Family dinners. Bedtime stories. Christmas mornings around a real tree, with presents.
Where Santa actually showed up. Not like my childhood memories, when my mama told me Santa hadn’t come because I was naughty and didn’t deserve presents.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, gently.
“I was just thinking about what that kind of life would be like… the one you and Eden probably had growing up. And how different it was from my childhood.”
I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I accepted my lot in life and was thankful for the strength it fostered, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want better for my baby.
“Talk to me, Ry. Tell me what you want… for our baby. What kind of life do you want them to have?” He kissed my temple. “What do you want for yourself?”
Those felt like loaded questions. So far, I’d only allowed myself to daydream about making my career dreams come true.
And that was all about back-breaking work and tenacity.
But believing I could have it all, love, career, and a family, felt like an embarrassment of riches girls like me didn’t deserve.
Those blessings were reserved for people from law-abiding families, who went to church on Sundays, did good deeds, went to college, and walked the line.
“This is a judgment-free zone, babe.” It was a little unnerving how easy it was for him to read my mind. “You can say anything to me.”
“I want our baby to have all the things I never had growing up.” I cleared my throat while curling my leg around his. “Two parents who would do anything for them. A safe, warm, loving home. And all the little things that kids take for granted, unless they never have them.”
“Like?”
Wow, he really was determined to get inside my head. And I was willing to let him in. This was still new for me.
“Having someone there to read you bedtime stories, sing you lullabies, and knowing they’d still be there when you woke up.”
His arms tightened around me, but he didn’t comment.
“Having someone to pack your lunch, go to parent-teacher meetings or concerts—” It was hard to relive all the little things that set me apart from all the other kids in school, but I wouldn’t hide from the lessons that shaped me.
“Take you to the doctor when you’re sick, make dinner.
” It felt hard to get enough air into my lungs as anxiety tightened its grip, but I forced myself to add, “There are a million little things.”
“I know.” His fingertip was grazing my shoulder, trailing down my arm, when he said, “And I want to be there for every one of those little things, Ry. I don’t want to be a part-time dad. I don’t think I can do that.”
I wouldn’t expect him to be. That wouldn’t be fair to him or our baby.
“I’m still in love with you,” I admitted. “It’s impossible to just turn that off. But I can’t play house with you for the sake of our baby. That wouldn’t be right.”
“No, but we could have a place here, somewhere in Tennessee. Maybe outside of the city. And I could keep my place until the end of my term. It’s only three more years.
Our little one wouldn’t even be in school yet, so travelling back and forth with them wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
It’s a quick flight, and the drive isn’t brutal. ”
He made it sound so easy, but was it possible to blend our lives so seamlessly, with a baby in the mix?
“I meant what I said. If I have to resign, I will—”
“No, I can’t let you do that. You made a commitment, and you’re the kind of man who honours his commitments.” I tipped my head back to kiss him. “That’s why I love you.”
He closed his eyes. “I love you too, Rylee. I know we said we’d take our time figuring this thing out, and I’m determined to do that. But you need to know I want to be with you, more than anything.”
I kissed his chest, absorbing the moment.
It felt like contentment, security, love, and possibility.
“I want it all with you too,” I admitted.
“And that’s kind of scary, because I’m not sure I can have it all.
A lot of people in my business fail at relationships because this career demands a lot.
And it’s not fair to expect partners and families to have to sacrifice so much so an artist, like me, can live their dream. ”
“You wouldn’t be you without your music.
” He was running his fingers through my soft curls now, massaging my scalp, but it looked like he was lost in his thoughts when he said, “I want our kids to see what hard work and tenacity looks like, firsthand. What’s possible when you chase your dreams and make sacrifices. ”
Having a man who got me the way Cam did was a blessing I never expected.
“You said kids, plural,” I teased. “That means you’d want more than one?”
He chuckled. “Hell, I’d love a houseful, to be honest. But I don’t want to scare you away.”
The quivers in my belly felt like excitement, not fear.
“I have a feeling, once I look into our baby’s eyes for the first time, I’ll be so in love, I’ll be anxious to do it all over again.”
I already loved them so much, and felt so protective, it was a little shocking. Why hadn’t my mama felt that way about me? Why hadn’t she been able to love me with all she had and want to protect me at all costs?
“You’re killing me here,” he whispered in my ear. “I don’t want to take it slow. I want to slip a ring on your finger and exchange our vows before our baby’s born. God, Rylee, that’s all I want. We’ll figure the rest out. I just love you so much and—”
I pressed my lips to his, needing to halt the words that were tempting me to go all in with him. I needed time. To think. To process. To plan. And to be sure. Because I couldn’t afford to make a mistake when so much was on the line.