Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Rylee
I was so nervous. It was my first ultrasound and Cam was coming to the appointment with me.
It had been a couple of weeks since I’d seen him and our phone conversations had been frequent, but brief.
It felt like he was just checking in to make sure we were okay.
But he hadn’t mentioned the possibility of moving forward with our relationship since I shot him down.
I’d regretted that every second since, but in the moment, I panicked.
I hadn’t had a healthy role model growing up. I didn’t even know what a good marriage was supposed to look like, except for the few friends who’d managed to pull it off.
I was a commitment-phobe and a trainwreck when it came to relationships.
And this guy, who had his whole life figured out, wanted to bet it all on me.
That was crazy! Wasn’t it? Or was it crazy for me to ask him not to?
I didn’t even know anymore.
All I knew was that I missed him more every day and was watching the hours crawl by without him sleeping next to me.
His smile was grim when he stepped off the elevator and I met him in the hall. “Hey, you look great.”
He kissed my cheek. My cheek? What was that about?
“Uh, thanks. So do you.” Why did this feel so awkward? “Are you okay?” When he didn’t respond, I sighed. “Are we okay?”
“I don’t know, Rylee.” He studied me. “You tell me.”
I flattened my palm against his chest, knowing this was the moment to go all in. “I love you,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around his waist. “That’s not gonna change.”
“But…?”
I frowned. “Why would you think there’s a but?”
He shrugged. “Because there usually is. This is the time when you start to list all the reasons why it won’t work or we should take it slow.”
Ouch. He was right. No wonder he’d been distant.
“Look, I’m sorry about—”
“We should talk about this later, shouldn’t we? I don’t want to be late for your appointment.”
Shot. Down.
“Um, sure. Okay.”
I locked the door to my condo and dropped the keys in my purse before leading him down the hall to the elevator.
Punching the button a little harder than necessary, I snagged my phone from the back pocket of my jeans and started scrolling.
I didn’t give a rip about social media posts, but I refused to look him in the eye, in case he saw the tears I was fighting.
Damn pregnancy hormones were making a mess of me.
We stepped onto the elevator in silence before he stabbed the button for the ground floor. I snuck a peek at him. His jaw was clenched and he was staring straight ahead, refusing to look at me.
“Why are you so pissy today?” I demanded. “You didn’t have to come to this appointment with me, you know. I could have gone by myself.”
“Don’t.” He raised a finger in warning. “Do not test me today, Rylee. I’m so sick of this back-and-forth, push-and-pull crap. I’m telling you; I’m done with it.”
Those tears I’d been holding back started spilling down my cheeks and I quickly swiped them away when the elevator landed on the ground floor and the doors slid open.
There was a little old lady, mail in hand, waiting to step on. Looking from me to Cam, her eyes widened when she saw my tears, before glancing at the gun strapped to his waist.
“Is everything okay, honey?” she asked, reaching for my wrist as she cast a nervous glance in Cam’s direction. “Do you need help? Should I call someone?”
Cam rolled his eyes before reaching into his back pocket and flashing his badge. “Everything’s fine, ma’am. My girlfriend and I just had a little disagreement, that’s all.”
“Oh!” Her eyes softened before she withdrew her hand from my arm. “I know what that’s all about. Me and my husband, Norm, we still bicker constantly, after fifty-three years of marriage.” She winked at me. “Keeps him on his toes. If we never fought, how boring would that be?”
I smiled politely, nodding. “True. Have a nice day, ma’am.”
I ran-walked to the front doors, waving to the security guard, who called out a greeting.
I didn’t even know whether Cam had flown and rented a car or driven to Nashville, so I scanned the parking lot, hoping to see his vehicle as I continued swiping at the tears that wouldn’t stop.
He ushered me off the walkway to a nearby bench and hauled me into his arms. “I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s just…” He sighed, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Ry, this is gettin’ old. Seeing you the odd weekend—”
“I know.” I tipped my head back, still sniffling. “I’m sorry too. I hate that I’ve brought so much stress and upheaval into your life. I’m like a tornado—”
“Baby,” he said, cradling my face in his hands and wiping my tears with his thumbs. “If you’re a tornado, then I must be the storm chaser. Because I can’t stay away from you.”
I closed my eyes, resting my head against his chest. “I hate myself for doing this to you. You don’t deserve this. When you said on the elevator that you’re tired of the push-and-pull, I get that. I know I’ve been sending you mixed messages, but—”
“Sweetheart,” he said, silencing me with a kiss. “I know we need to talk about this. And I want to. But I’ll be honest, I’m nervous as hell about this appointment. I just want to see our little peanut on that screen and hear their heartbeat, so I can breathe again. Okay?”
Just when I thought I couldn’t love him anymore, he said something like that and challenged my belief. Men like Cam didn’t fall for girls like me. Yet somehow, he had. So, why wasn’t I rushing to put a ring on his finger?
“Okay.” I threaded my hand through his and he led me to his familiar Tahoe. “Why did you drive?” I asked, as he opened the passenger’s door for me.
“I needed time to think.” He waited until I was strapped in before he leaned in to kiss me. I didn’t realize I’d been frowning until he traced the lines on my forehead with his fingertip, smiling. “Don’t worry, sexy. It’s all good.”
I was lying on my back with cold gel on my belly, holding Cam’s hand and praying harder than I had in years as a sonographer explained a transvaginal ultrasound may be necessary, since I hadn’t reached twelve weeks yet. Did that mean she couldn’t see anything on the screen?
“There it is,” she said, pointing a flicker on the screen. “See that? That’s your baby’s heartbeat. Just let me switch on the Doppler so you can hear it.” The room was filled with a whooshing sound, then a galloping sound that made me gasp.
I stared at Cam, wide-eyed. He grinned before kissing my hand.
“Wow,” I whispered, staring at the screen, even though I didn’t know what the hell I was looking at. It was my first visible connection to my baby and I was completely gob-smacked.
The sonographer, a gray-haired lady in her late fifties, smiled at me and Cam before repositioning the equipment. She wiped my belly off and pulled my shirt down. “And next time you’ll be able to find out if you’re having a boy or girl, unless you want it to be a surprise.”
“I want to know,” I blurted, before I realized Cam may not share my opinion. “Do you?” I asked, looking at him hopefully.
He chuckled. “Yeah, I can’t wait.”
“Your doctor will be in soon,” the sonographer said, before leaving the room.
I was grateful we’d been able to do the ultrasound at my obstetrician’s office.
It meant I wouldn’t have to wait to get confirmation from him that everything was fine.
It’s not that I was a pessimist, but since learning I was pregnant, fearful thoughts snuck up on me, out of nowhere, making me fear for our baby’s well-being.
Friends who’d had kids assured me that was a normal part of pregnancy, but it was still a little unnerving.
“Can you believe it?” I whispered to Cam. “We got to hear our baby’s heartbeat.” I covered my stomach with my free hand. “I knew it was real before, but something about hearing—”
“Hello, Rylee,” Dr. Martin said, after tapping on the closed door before walking in. “How are we today?”
“Fine, thanks.” When Cam stood up and offered the doctor his hand, I said, “This is my boyfriend, Cameron Reynolds.”
When the doctor smiled and shook Cam’s hand before glancing at the Glock strapped to his waist, I blurted, “It’s okay, Dr. Martin. He’s a sheriff. He’s allowed to carry that.”
Cam laughed, before shaking his head. “Sorry, strapping it on every day is a force of habit. But I’m out of my jurisdiction here. It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Martin.”
“You as well.” He glanced at me. “I’m assuming you’re the dad?”
“Yes, sir,” Cam said, reclaiming his seat beside me. “We heard the baby’s heartbeat. Does that mean everything is fine?”
Dr. Martin scanned my file, nodding. “Yes, everything appears to be fine. You’re about nine weeks, as we suspected, which means your estimated due date is May 6. Heartbeat is healthy, around 160 beats per minute, which is exactly where it should be.”
The doctor looked up, catching the expression on my face as my eyes darted to Cam. “I’m sorry,” I said, before he could ask. “You said my due date is early May. I have a tour scheduled for late spring – early summer.”
The doctor already knew I was a musician, and we’d estimated the approximate due date during my first in-office appointment. But now it was official and I hadn’t told my record label yet. They wouldn’t be happy.
The doctor chuckled. “Yes, well. I’m afraid this little one won’t wait, Rylee. So, your fans will have to.”
It was my first headlining tour. Not stadiums yet, but it was still a huge deal to me.
Things changed fast in our business. Artists were forgotten quickly when they didn’t tour or produce new music.
It was finally hitting me. It may come down to choosing my baby over my career. Maybe I couldn’t have both.
I was numb until the doctor handed me the image from my scan. My baby. It looked like a tiny blip, but it was there. It was real. This was happening, whether I was prepared for it or not.
Cam could obviously tell something was wrong because he stood quickly, offering the doctor his hand. “Thank you, Dr. Martin. We appreciate the reassurance. As first-time parents I think we’re both a little overwhelmed. But excited,” he added quickly. “We can’t wait. Right, Rylee?”
I nodded, fighting back tears again. “Of course.” Faking a smile for the doctor’s benefit, I said, “Thank you.”
“My pleasure. Make your next appointment on your way out, and if you need anything in the meantime, don’t hesitate to call. That goes for you too, Sheriff. Any questions, you know where to find me.”
“Thanks,” Cam muttered, waiting for him to leave before he asked, “What’s wrong, babe? Are you not feeling well? You’re so pale, all of a sudden.”
I closed my eyes, trying to find the words to describe the storm of emotions swirling around inside me.
“I’m relieved,” I said. “And excited. And scared.” I bit my trembling lip. “And it just hit me; I have my first game-changing choice to make. And it’s not even a choice. I have to cancel my first headlining tour because it conflicts with my due date.”
The tour had already been in the works for almost a year. Announcements had been made. My label had been promoting it. Tickets would be going on sale soon. And I’d be letting so many people down.
“Wait, what?” Cam reached for my hands, pulling me up so I was in a sitting position. He looked into my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
I’d been thinking about this since I learned about my pregnancy, obviously, but hearing the doctor tell me my due date meant I couldn’t hide from it anymore.
I had to have one of the most difficult conversations of my life with the president of my label, Luc Spencer, and pray it didn’t end my career.
“I was supposed to start my first headlining tour on April 30, right here in Nashville.” I sighed. “I guess that won’t be happening now.”
I felt guilty for being sad. I’d be celebrating something a lot more important than music–the birth of my first child. But it still stung a little, to renege on my tour, if I was being honest with myself.
“Sweetheart, I had no idea.” Cam’s broad shoulders slumped. “Why didn’t you say anything? Your first headlining tour is a huge deal.”
“It’s not stadium shows or anything,” I reasoned. “Just arenas. But it is a pretty big deal to me… and my band.” I tipped my head back. “I feel like I’m letting so many people down. Not that I don’t want this baby,” I said, quickly. “You know I do.”
“Of course, I know that. You have every right to have mixed feelings about this, Ry. Anyone would. It’s okay to be excited about the baby and disappointed and sad that you have to postpone this incredible opportunity you’ve waited years for.
” He swore softly. “And I can’t help but blame myself.
I’m not a kid. I know the pill isn’t foolproof.
I should’ve used a condom and you wouldn’t be in the position of having to choose between—”
I pressed my fingertips against his lips. “It’s not your fault. It’s not my fault. And it is a blessing. I’m already in love with this baby and I know you are too.”
“Of course, I am. But I hate that you have to give up so much to—”
“What about you? You’ve offered to give up everything to be here for us.”
He nodded, before a half-smile softened his features. “I think it’s pretty obvious we’re both willing to do anything for this kid. And I’d say that makes him or her pretty damn lucky, wouldn’t you?”
I laughed, suddenly feeling lighter. We’d figure this out. Together. “Have you told your parents I’m pregnant?”
He rolled his head back. “Don’t even get me started on that.”
I winced. “Uh oh, they weren’t happy?”
“Are you kidding? They’re thrilled.”
I smiled. “Oh, thank goodness.”
I’d only met his parents once, but I had no doubt they would be amazing grandparents because they’d done such a great job with Cam and Eden.
“Have you told your mama?” Cam asked, gently.
I groaned, letting my head fall forward. “Uh, no. But I guess I’ll have to. Soon.”
“We’ll visit her tomorrow and tell her together.”
I considered telling him I could do it alone, but realized I wanted Cam by my side. Not only when I was facing my mama, but through all life’s ups and downs.
Huh. How about that? I wasn’t willing to do life alone anymore. I didn’t see that coming.