Chapter 12
For all anyone knew, my nightly excursions were for the purpose of meditation.
My position as seer, after all, did require excessive contemplation on the intentions of the gods.
With this in mind I had shrouded myself in the ruse of pilgrimage, carrying incense with me across the grounds, feigning reverence to the Olympians as I journeyed into the waiting arms of Death. And it did work out, for a time.
But one night, when I stepped out from the concealment of the temple, Andrew was waiting with a lantern at the start of my path.
He was wearing maroon robes today: light and breathable, yet somehow still ostentatious.
The ornamentations sewn into the hems sparkled in the lamplight.
I let my surprise pass through my mind as I approached him, and with concentration I adopted an expression of nonchalance.
“Off so late?” he asked at my arrival. He cut in front of me to deter my progress, and I stopped in my tracks.
“Yes,” I said evenly. “I do this on most nights. I find the serenity of the park enhances my focus when I commune with the gods.” I raised the stick of incense I carried, demonstrating my intent. My acting had improved recently, I thought; but Andrew still frowned, unsatisfied.
“I see,” he said. “Let us walk together, then, for I would much like to experience the peace you describe.”
I furrowed my brow. “I’d really prefer to go alone.”
“I should certainly hope so,” he replied.
Andrew fixed me with a stony stare, one that exuded strength and confidence: a challenge.
At this, I tried to remain stoic, but the demanding silence stretched on unbearably as I returned his gaze.
I couldn’t hold my composure long enough.
My spirit wavered in the face of my fear, and I looked away. “Come,” ordered my keeper then.
He started down the path, and I had no choice but to follow at an uncomfortably quick pace.
The last hints of sunset disappeared as we made our way through the field, allowing the darkness to press in all around us.
I considered what to do as I strained to keep up.
I had made a plan before, for a situation like this one.
I only needed to be steady and follow it, and everything would be fine.
Not a soul was in sight when we neared the end of the path. Here I took point, lantern raised, and led the way to the gazebo I’d grown so fond of. It would be silly to mislead Andrew here, I thought, when I didn’t know what knowledge he had already. Besides, there was no need.
“This one is where I usually sit,” I said somewhat loudly as we approached the arching entryway.
The hut remained silent, nothing stirring from within, and when we crossed the threshold Andrew was met with only emptiness.
He set his lantern onto the table and took a brief survey of the room, looking around for something he didn’t find.
When satisfied, he gave a small grunt and moved to find a seat.
Thanatos leapt away, crinkling his nose, when Andrew made to sit in his spot along the bench. “I would rather not interact with the essence of that guy,” he muttered for me to hear. I concentrated, though, and didn’t turn to look his way.
“I think I will stay,” Andrew decided, “and you can show me how oracles meditate. I have never learned of such things, but it would do well for me to know them.” At this, I raised a brow, which was answered with another challenging stare.
“Teach me, priestess,” he commanded, “and let us see what blessings come our way when you commune with the gods.”
I seethed, though I allowed no hint of my emotion to show.
Surely he was expecting some poor local boy to turn up and confirm the relationship he somehow suspected.
Then, basking in his righteousness, Andrew would throw us both into the executioner’s line and beg a reward from the elders.
Because that was just the way it worked around here.
Rage flared in my gut, but it was of no use to me. My only option now was to obey. I knew it, and my keeper knew it. His steadfast expression repeated the words that need not be said, proclaiming the burden I had carried all my life. I can do whatever I want with you.
Andrew leaned back and crossed his arms. “Go on,” he instructed again, and I nodded in silence as I set my lantern adjacent to his.
I sank to the ground dutifully in front of him, never breaking eye contact, and crossed my legs into a position of serenity.
I lit the stick of incense with the lantern’s flame, then placed it into its stand on the floor before me.
The scent that wafted through the hut was meant to be pleasing to the gods.
I’d have to ask Thanatos if I should make it my new perfume.
Thanatos, by the way, had flickered onto the floor beside me and draped a wing over my shoulders.
He hadn’t said another word, but I could practically feel his revulsion as he glared up at Andrew.
I closed my eyes, removing the temptation to look his way, and searched for the words I would need to pacify my overseer.
“When reflecting on the heavens,” I began, “calm and stillness are essential, and an aura of deep reverence is necessary to achieve the most enlightened state. This is why I prefer to come here in the evenings, when I am sure to be alone.
“I sit on the floor like this, with my eyes closed and my hands like so.
I have found that the best way to reach the correct frame of mind is to dwell on a piece of divinity that is close to me.
This aspect will likely be different for every person, according to their lives, but everyone has such memories.
We have all felt the power of the gods in some way, no matter how small.
“For instance, right now I am thinking of the roof of the oracles’ tower. I stood there once, beneath a river of stars, and experienced the most overwhelming rush. So close to the heavens, touched by the divine, many things became clear to me. In that moment I felt certain of who I wanted to be.”
Thanatos scratched my back, and the corners of my lips turned up without a thought. “Such a flirt,” he murmured.
“So now I embrace these feelings,” I continued over him, “and I use them as a bridge to higher contemplations. I reach out with my mind in search of the wills of the gods. For this, I will be still and quiet. You are welcome to join me, if you would like to.”
Andrew made a small grunt, but said nothing; perhaps he was still waiting for my secret lover to show his face. Thanatos, though, intended to do no such thing. He stayed at my side, imperceptible, and scratched my back some more as my silent meditation continued. “I hate this,” he muttered.
When I decided it had been long enough to dispel suspicion, I opened my eyes to peer up at my overseer. “This is really all it is,” I told him innocently.
Andrew frowned down at me, considering. “You’ve enlightened me, seer,” he said after a pause.
“It seems I’ve been ignorant of what is needed for performing these rites—but no more.
I will ensure that you and your sisters are delivered the finest handwoven prayer mats.
I believe I can even procure a treasured candelabra from which you may light your incense.
This, too, will be provided at the greatest quality, I assure you. ”
I raised an eyebrow. “I appreciate the gesture, but what I really need is isolation and quiet.”
“And you will have it,” he responded with a note of force. “You will have much more comfort when the four of you are able to meditate together, in the peace of your own chamber. I will make certain you are undisturbed there each night.”
“There is no need to change my current routine,” I said, but Andrew shook his head.
“I insist,” he decided, and I could do nothing but nod agreement and rise with him to return to the complex.
“Very well,” I replied.
“Do not worry,” said Thanatos, standing up beside me. “I will meet you at the tower.” He moved instinctively to touch me, then stopped himself, groaning. With a flick of his wings, he disappeared from sight.
So I trudged back across the field behind Andrew, lamenting my lost freedom but at least thankful that he had truly discovered nothing.
The worst of this would be facing my sisters with the news that my sneaking around had caused us all to be caged.
A twinge of guilt fluttered beneath my ribs as I considered it.
Was I a bad friend as well as a bad oracle?
Andrew followed me up the staircase to our room and held open the heavy door as I entered. He poked his head into the chamber to ensure that all four of us were within, then closed the door behind me, satisfied. I heard the click of our previously unused lock setting into place.
I let out a heavy breath, relieved to be rid of the keeper at last. My morale lifted slightly when I saw that Thanatos was already here. He’d removed his shoes and was now sitting cross-legged atop my bed, lovely as ever. He gave me a small smile as I crossed the room to meet my sisters.
“What’s going on?” asked Sophie as soon as the sounds of Andrew’s footfalls faded away.
“You’re back early,” Alex added, frowning.
“Andrew met me on the path to observe my ‘meditation,’” I admitted. “He didn’t see anything, though,” I added hastily. “No one else. He has nothing, other than a suspicion that my evening strolls and prayers aren’t wholly innocent.”
“Gods damn it,” Sophie groaned in response. “What did he say to you?”
At that, I sighed and hung my head. “He said that if meditation was so important, he would make certain we have everything needed to do it here. I think he intends to lock us up every evening.”