Chapter 12 #2
I turned to glance at the door, in part for emphasis, but also for the opportunity to wipe away the stupid tears that were welling in my eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” I said when I turned back to them.
I let loose an involuntary sniffle. “I tried to placate him, but he would have none of it. And now I’ve ruined your freedom, too… ”
Zoe sprang up from her seat and wrapped her arms around me. “Don’t cry, please!” she pleaded, as if I had any say in the matter. “None of us make a habit of going out at night, you know. So it’s really not that bad! We will be fine. It’s you I’m worried about.”
“What? Why?” I asked, the knot of guilt tightening even more. Zoe was too good to me. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t deserve her comfort.
“Because you’re massively in love, stupid,” she pointed out, holding me gently by the shoulders. “You won’t be able to see him now. Ugh…the worst part of lock-in will surely be surviving your moods in withdrawal.”
I managed a strained laugh. “I…don’t worry about that,” I assured her.
“I’ll be fine. It will all be fine. I just…
I need to get some rest.” I broke away from her hold and made hastily for my bed, willing the conversation to end.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeated as I stepped into my tiny space.
“Goodnight.” And I pulled my curtains closed.
A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I crawled onto my bed, where Thanatos waited for me with concern in his eyes.
I slipped easily into his embrace and let out another sniffle.
I wanted to tell him how stressful it was to perform for Andrew, then to be locked in a cage like some prized animal.
How terrible it felt to be another chain holding my sisters down.
But I couldn’t, of course. I buried my face in his shoulder instead.
“It will be alright,” he murmured, petting my hair. “The man knows nothing. We will figure something out.”
I nodded and took a few deep breaths before looking up at him.
The flame was still lit outside my curtains, and its light filtered through to cover us in dim amber.
He was beautiful in the dull radiance, and my mind flashed to the way I’d intended for this evening to turn out.
Zoe was right. This was going to be painful, and we had no idea how long it would last.
Thanatos seemed to read my mind. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned down to kiss me. His lips felt like home. “It is alright,” he said softly. “We still have this.”
And so we did. I was grateful for it, but a tear still escaped to trace a path down my cheek.
Thanatos caught it with his thumb and wiped it gently away.
“Ah, my love,” he sighed. Then a flicker of mischief lit his eyes and he flashed me a knowing smile.
“Do you want to braid my hair?” he tempted.
“I recall being told it would be good for that.”
I raised a brow. Surely he hadn’t been holding on to this for months as a surefire way to raise my spirits. He chuckled softly. “Well, you can if you want to. We have plenty of time now, it seems, and I would appreciate being distracted from the frustration of not having my way with you.”
I nodded gratefully, enticed by his proposal despite my similar disappointment.
I held up a finger to tell him to wait for me, then slid off the bed and out through my closed curtains.
Zoe and Sophie looked up from their scrolls when they spotted me rooting through our vanity chest, but I managed to escape back into my private space without being detained.
Finding Thanatos awaiting me patiently, I smiled and held up my favorite wooden comb and a tie. I made a motion for him to turn so that the dim lamplight fell on his back. “As you command, stubborn mortal,” he teased before obeying.
I stood back to avoid being clipped by his wings as he turned and rearranged them. When he’d settled so that one fell to either side of my small bed, I climbed up behind him and rocked up onto my knees.
I brushed my thumbs along his hairline over the tops of his ears, scooping his hair toward me so that it fell neatly down his back.
I ran my fingers through it, savoring the feel of its softness in my hands.
On any other person, its length and rare color would make it a defining characteristic.
On Thanatos, it was necessarily overshadowed by his wings filled with souls.
I combed gently through the pale strands, starting at the ends and working my way up.
There were not many tangles, but I still took my time, clinging to this moment of tenderness between us.
He was right that I had been wanting to do this, and it warmed my heart to think that he’d been saving this moment to cheer me up.
With the combing complete, I separated a section of hair at the top of his head and began to braid, incorporating more hair as I moved along.
My hands were used to these motions, having performed them countless times, but now I acted with a new reverence.
Who among gods or men could say that they’d braided Death’s hair?
Only I could. Despite this being just one more entry on a list of firsts he’d shared with me, it seemed I could never lose my awe.
When I reached the end of the braid, I carefully fluffed out each segment before tying it off.
I would ordinarily adorn this style with decorative pins, but I suspected it to be more fashionable to leave a man’s hair simple.
Besides, I could hardly picture Thanatos showing off baubles borrowed from Apollo’s oracles.
Though the braid was finished, I yearned to prolong this affection. The longer I could care for him, the longer I could hold fast against my gnawing despair. I lightly massaged the nape of his neck, then ran my hands over his shoulders, down his back, and out over the arches of his wings.
Thanatos startled me by flinching sharply away.
“Sorry,” I said aloud, yanking my hands off of him.
Before he could respond, I heard Sophie’s voice from beyond my curtain. “It’s really fine, Cyrie,” she mumbled from the direction of her bed. “Sleep it off.”
“Right. Okay,” I answered. I pressed my lips together, admonishing myself for my mistake while wringing my hands. Sophie said nothing more.
Thanatos looked over his shoulder. “Hush, my love,” he said. “My reaction was involuntary. It is alright. You can…you can touch them.”
I tilted my head, probing with silent questions—the most prominent among them being whether he was sure.
I hadn’t even recognized that I’d never touched his wings in earnest before.
I would have thought I’d explored every part of him during our forays, but looking back, I supposed I had treated them more as a haunting showcase of his power than as a potential erogenous zone.
It seemed that I’d been correct to do so.
“Go on,” Thanatos encouraged quietly. “Touch me, and I will tell you why I hesitated.”
I obeyed and reached out timidly to stroke his feathers again.
His wings boasted a surprising amount of musculature, particularly surrounding the places where their bones joined to his back, where smaller feathers transitioned to smooth skin under the cutouts in his shirt.
I dipped my hands beneath the linen and stroked outwards again, from skin to feathers, and I felt the tension in his muscles ease as I continued to caress him.
Thanatos tilted his head back, relaxing once more in my care.
I moved my hands outward to give his longer feathers attention as I waited for him to speak.
He stretched out the area to allow me better access, setting off a mesmerizing ripple of movement and a fleeting arc of violet light.
My heartbeat accelerated at the reminder of what I now touched.
These feathers were sacred. I scratched delicately through them, and my patience was rewarded when Thanatos looked over his shoulder again.