Float My Boat

21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I worked every shift available over the next few days, ignoring anything on my phone but calls from suppliers and messages from my staff. I silenced the notifications from everyone at the club and refused to look at how many new messages had been added to the group chats every day.

I had too much to process, didn’t know what I thought about it all, and was still in shock from Theo’s words. Did you really shag him?

Each night I dreamt about Theo and my coach and Andrew, their faces swimming together and becoming nightmares. Untrustworthy, all of them. I’d thought it was finally behind me, the stuff with my coach, how he’d made everyone believe we were sleeping together to bolster his own ego. None of this would have happened if I’d just stuck to my own simple rule and not dated anyone at the club.

And on top of the lies and dredging up my past, it hurt that I hadn’t been selected for Nationals. I knew it was unreasonable and childish, but I’d never not made it. I was the best in the club, and even if my rational mind knew they’d made the right choice, my heart cracked in two every time I remembered Andrew’s words. It's not my decision . That’s all he’d said. He’d told me he would fight for me, but he hadn’t! He hadn’t even tried.

But even knowing that, knowing he was a liar, I still wanted him, and that hurt even more, knowing I could never have him again, that I would never feel his strong, protective arms around me. I loved him. Had loved him forever but had called it friendship and put it in a safe little box to protect myself. Turns out I’d been right to. I’d watched him date other people, and that had been unpleasant, but he’d always been there, buying me drinks, squeezing my arm, watching out for me, and somehow that had been enough. But now I knew what it was like to truly have him and I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from the loss.

What was it about me that attracted liars and cheats? Why was it so hard to find a nice guy? How would I ever find anyone who made me feel even a fraction of what I felt for Andrew? But I couldn’t be with someone I didn’t trust, so even if I had to endure the most cavernous, grinding heartache, I would do it because in the long run it was the right decision, and I was a rower, I knew how to dig deep, to take the pain, to ignore my body when it told me it could take no more.

But he hadn’t even called …

Fresh tears poured down my face. It was surprising I even had tears left to cry, my eyes constantly red and puffy, and my sleep-deprived, heart-broken brain supplied a torturous, low-level thumping beat everywhere I went, a dire, relentless soundtrack to my life.

The piercing trill of my doorbell sounded all around me, but I ignored it; I couldn’t face a delivery person in this state. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a delivery person, and the bell came again and again, followed by a determined rap on my door, followed by Livia’s voice through the letterbox.

‘Miri! I know you’re in there!’ Bang. Bang. Bang. Trrrrriiiiiillllllll . ‘Miri! We’re worried about you!’

I was surprised my crew hadn’t ambushed me at the bar or café already, to be honest. I’d been avoiding the shop any time Ottie was on shift, and their restraint was more than I’d thought them capable of.

‘MIRI! I’m not going away until you answer this door!’ She pressed the bell for what must have been thirty whole seconds before I finally gave in, peeling myself off the sofa and wiping my eyes.

I pulled the door open, unconcerned about my appearance, and Livia faltered, then threw her arms around me. ‘You look God-awful!’ she said, showing no signs of letting me go. ‘We’ve been so worried about you. And Andrew, for that matter. He looks like shit, too.’

My heart squeezed to the point of pain, and I pulled myself out of her grip. ‘Why are you here?’ I snapped, because if Livia thought she was on some kind of mission to get me and Andrew back together—

Livia turned uncharacteristically sheepish, looking down at her hands. ‘I just wanted to say I’m sorry, really.’ She stepped inside and shut the door, and I retreated to the sofa. ‘I don’t know how much of the selection meeting you heard, but—’

‘Enough to know you didn’t want me in the crew, and that Andrew couldn’t care less,’ I blurted, and it felt good to finally get it out.

‘Oh. Right …’ said Livia, stopping a few paces from the sofa and narrowing her eyes as though reassessing what to say next. ‘Well, that’s not quite what happened.’

I scowled, and she held up placating hands. ‘You’re right about me. I argued not to have you in the boat, and I’m sorry, it sucks, but I stand by that decision.’

I waved my hand impatiently. I didn’t need a reminder of how I wasn’t good enough, even though I knew she was only doing what was best for the crew.

‘But Andrew … He argued that you should be in the boat.’

I pinned her with a glare. ‘I heard him say it wasn’t his decision!’

‘Yes,’ she agreed, her tone tight, ‘but before that, we had a long conversation, and all through it he argued that you should be in the crew. He said if it were his decision, it would be an easy choice. So it came down to Cassandra in the end. Like Andrew said, it was her decision to make.’

I sat back and hugged a cushion. ‘Oh.’ Ohhhhh. He fought for me? He didn’t lie! Well, maybe not about that, but he lied about other things.

‘And I’ve never seen Andrew so animated about crew selection. I mean, I know I haven’t been Women’s Captain long, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so animated about anything, to be honest. He nearly swayed Cassandra, too.’

My stomach dropped. ‘Oh,’ I said again, not at my most articulate, but feeling lighter, some of the heartache having lifted.

‘If you ask me, his feelings for you were clouding his judgement, but …’ Livia shrugged exaggeratedly, looking at me with a dry smile.

I hurled my cushion at her, and she squealed and threw herself aside, avoiding the projectile by a hair.

‘That was mean.’

‘Funny though …’ she said through a laugh. She scooped up the cushion, then dropped down onto the other side of my L-shaped sofa. ‘Look, I know it’s none of my business, but he really cares about you. And you’ve seemed so happy since you finally got together …’

‘He lied to me,’ I said, mostly out of irritation.

‘About what?’

‘Did you know Theo used to work for Andrew?’

‘As a data scientist?’ she said slowly, her forehead pinched.

I shrugged, realizing I had no idea. ‘I don’t know.’

‘But—’

‘Look, the details don’t matter. What matters is that he lied, just like my coach …’ I trailed off as tears threatened.

Livia stared at me for a long moment, and I turned my gaze away, not able to stand her pity.

‘Somehow Theo knew …’ I said, my voice almost cracking on the words. ‘He asked me if …’ I bit the insides of my lips as silent tears rolled down my face, ‘if the lies my coach told were true.’

‘Oh … Miri,’ Livia shifted closer and pulled me into a hug. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Does everyone still talk about it behind my back?’ I asked through a sob.

She pulled away, appalled. ‘No! Never! I don’t think Ottie even knows.’

‘Then how? How did Theo find out?’

Livia shrugged. ‘It could have been anyone who was around back then, but my money would be on the veterans. They sit around and natter like a bunch of old biddies, drinking pints and reminiscing about the good old days. Some of them like Theo … I think they’re in awe of his womanizing ways.’

I closed my eyes and shook my head. ‘But now he knows, everyone will talk about it again. Everyone will look at me and whisper and—’

‘They won’t.’

‘You can’t know that.’

‘Hardly anyone at the club now even knows your old coach existed. And if any of us hear anything, we’ll shut it down. And if anyone hears Theo talking about it, Andrew will legit punch him in the face. You should have seen the look Andrew gave him earlier just for walking into his eyeline. Andrew’s fucking scary when he wants to be.’

More tears gushed from my eyes. ‘But they’re rowing together at Nationals!’

Livia laughed. ‘Not any longer they’re not. Andrew told Cassandra it was him or Theo, and of course she chose him.’

‘Oh …’

‘Right?’

‘Is everyone gossiping about why they’re fighting?’

‘Nope, no one knows. Well, no one aside from me and Seb. But we only gossip together. Out of earshot. And we only say how great it is that Theo’s finally got what was coming to him. And most of the other women hate Theo, seeing as he’s slept with half of them and then dumped them for the next one.’

I laughed through my sob, and Livia squeezed my arm. ‘It’s not like last time, Miri. Theo’s not a pathological liar. He’s angry and hurt and lashing out. I don’t know why, or what happened between him and Andrew, but he’s like a teenager, erratic and emotional. Your coach set up a sophisticated web of lies, and you were in your twenties and had no way to fight back. He was desperate to look like the big man and was losing his power over you and he couldn’t handle it. That’s not what’s going on here.’

I sniffed, then bit my lip.

‘My advice would be to talk to Andrew. Let him explain.’

‘I tried. He said he can’t te-ll me.’ My voice broke fully this time.

Livia rubbed my arm. ‘That’s not good, I agree, but there must be a reason.’

‘And what if there’s not?’

‘Then we cross that bridge when we get to it. But I’ve never seen anyone look as sad as Andrew does over a breakup. Something else is going on, and you’ll never get closure unless you find out what.’

Nationals started today, but I was not there. I was working in the shop, trying not to feel sorry for myself, trying not to think about Andrew. Trying not to think about anything, really. At least the shop had been busy, thank goodness, meaning less time to wallow.

The bell dinked for the gazillionth time, and I looked up, plastering a fixed smile on my face, but when I saw who it was, I froze, forgetting to even say hello.

‘Hi, Miri,’ Andrew’s younger sister, Beth, said quietly, awkwardly.

‘Uh … Hi?’

‘Can we talk?’ she asked. ‘I don’t mean to ambush you, but … well …’

‘Did Andrew send you?’ He’d sent me a few messages over the last couple of days, nothing heavy, just checking in to see if I was alright, but I hadn’t replied. Instead, I’d stared at the picture of us kissing on my phone and cried myself to sleep because that somehow seemed like a better option than talking to him.

She looked anxious, like maybe I would throw her out. ‘I came because there’s something I want to tell you. Something I think you should know.’

My heart raced, adrenaline and dread mixing in my stomach. ‘About Andrew?’

‘No,’ Beth said in a whisper, and her eyes kept darting sideways like a skittish horse, as though she might bolt at any moment. ‘About, well …’

‘Do you want to sit?’ I asked in a soothing tone, coming around the counter and trying to seem approachable.

She shook her head, but my attempts at reassuring her seemed to be working, at least a bit because she inhaled deeply and said, ‘It’s about Theo.’

I stopped in my tracks.

‘Theo and … me.’

Ohhhh. And even though I didn’t say it out loud, my face must have given me away because she gave an embarrassed nod, then looked anywhere but at my face.

‘Yeah, exactly,’ she said, clasping her hands. ‘Theo used to work for Andrew and Dox, and …’ She trailed off and didn’t show any sign of continuing.

‘You and Theo had a … relationship?’ I prompted, even though I probably shouldn’t have. But I couldn’t help myself. Theo, and Andrew’s twenty-year-old sister?

Her face flushed. ‘Well, I’m not sure …’ She pulled her sleeves over her hands and bunched her fingers into fists. ‘I don’t think you’d you call it that.’

‘Youuuu slept together?’ I said slowly, lowering my head, trying to show her she would get no judgement from me.

She nodded. ‘On Andrew’s desk. The night of my eighteenth birthday.’

My eyebrows flew up towards my hairline.

‘Turns out he has cameras in his office.’

A startled bark of laughter came from my lips, and I clamped my hand over my mouth, appalled at myself. ‘Sorry, I …’

She gave a half-laugh. ‘It’s okay. It’s bad, I know. But I was eighteen, and Theo’s, well … Theo. He was older than me, and very attractive, and he paid me all this attention, and my friends mooned over him any chance they got, and he had this arrogant bad boy thing going on, and a mysterious past and …’ She shrugged. ‘Andrew warned me off him. Told me Theo had slept with half the company, but if anything, that just made him more attractive.’ Her shoulders lifted towards her ears. ‘I was an idiot.’

‘Hey, we’ve all been there.’

She eyed me speculatively. ‘Yeah, well, Andrew … Dox messaged me to say something was wrong with him, that I should come home and patch things up between us. She thought it was me being away that was finally getting to him, on top of the acquisition and work, but turns out it wasn’t me he was wound up about. It was you.’

I gave a disbelieving exhale, shaking my head. ‘I, um … I’m not … I …’ I shook my head some more, impersonating one of those irritating nodding dogs. ‘No. I … don’t think ...’

She watched me with astute eyes, eyes that reminded me of her brother, and I shrank into myself, not really sure what she was saying, just knowing that it was making me uncomfortable.

‘Andrew came to see me last week,’ said Beth, folding her arms across her chest. She paused, her face flaming, the words seeming difficult to find. ‘When Andrew found out what happened between me and Theo, he sacked Theo for gross misconduct and told me never to see him again. I hated him for it. I cried and screamed and generally made a fool of myself. I told Andrew that it was my life, that I could do what I wanted, that Theo liked me … wanted to date me …’ She gave a bitter laugh. ‘I was young and na?ve. Theo dropped me like a stone.’

‘Sounds about right,’ I said, wondering how freaked out I should be that Andrew’s little sister and I had Theo in common.

‘Theo started boasting, telling people at the company what had happened, but everyone who works at DrewDox loves my brother and sister, and someone told them. They didn’t want Theo to have that power over me, so they offered him money in return for his silence.’

‘The gag order …’ I said, half to myself.

She nodded. ‘Andrew took the whole thing hard. He saw it as his fault because he’d welcomed Theo into the company and felt like he should have sacked him sooner. But Theo’s background … Andrew met Theo at this youth program he was sponsoring? Theo was volunteering too because he wanted to help kids who’d had a rough start like him. They got talking, and Theo’s clever, so Andrew offered him a job … I think Andrew didn’t want to abandon him, you know? He felt responsible in some way. I think he still does.’

‘That’s why he rows with Theo?’

Beth shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Andrew’s always kept his reasons to himself. He keeps most things to himself, actually, and he’s got worse since the stuff with Theo. It’s like he’s gone into hyper-protective mode or something, but he would have told you all of it if he could have. He wanted to tell you himself, but he’s bound by HR policy, same as Dox. If they tell anyone, Theo can sue them.’

Fuck.

Beth inhaled a long breath. ‘I went travelling, needed to get away, and with time I’ve realized I should never have done any of it. Maybe I was rebelling, I don’t know.’

Silence stretched between us as I let her words settle in. Andrew wasn’t being secretive about Theo. He couldn’t talk about it even if he wanted to. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, my voice small as I worked through it all in my head.

She raised one shoulder, dismissing it. ‘Andrew asked me to tell you. Begged me, actually. He tried to convince Dox to renegotiate with Theo, to offer to pay him again so Andrew could tell you the truth, but Dox wouldn’t let him. So he came to me and asked me to tell you—I’m the only one not bound by some kind of contract. I said no to start, but then … I’ve never seen Andrew like that—distraught, drawn, and exhausted. He’s modest, so maybe you don’t know how clever and hardworking he is, but he’s won all these awards, and clients are clamoring to work with him, and people are desperate to work for him … to learn from him. He has this vision, and he’s just bought this massive company, and he really is a great guy. He cares about people, and especially about you, so much that honestly, it kind of scares me.’

‘I …’ I floundered, no idea what to say to any of that.

‘It would have been so much easier for him if I’d just told everyone the truth about Theo, but he never asked me to. Not once. Even when Theo joined the rowing club. Even when Theo tried to turn one of Andrew’s clients against him. Everywhere Andrew goes, there’s Theo, a thorn in his side, and Andrew’s always just sucked it up, acting like he doesn’t care, all to protect me. Until now. Until you .’

I leaned back against the counter and shook my head a little in disbelief. Andrew had been protecting his sister. And he’d offered to fake date me, to what? Save me from myself? ‘Or maybe he’s finally just had enough and wants to stick it to Theo,’ I said weakly.

She narrowed her eyes, giving me an unimpressed look. ‘He loves you, Miri. He's never been like this about anyone.’

‘He doesn’t … um …’

She raised an eyebrow. ‘Have you seen him? He’s a mess. He can’t sleep. Dox says he hasn’t been turning up to work. He took three days off last week. He’s never done that. Ever! He’s loved you for years, and he thinks it’s over, that you’ll never trust him again.’

I scoffed. ‘Andrew hasn’t loved me for years.’ It was impossible. He’d had many other girlfriends, all of them beautiful and successful.

‘No? Then why did he name a boat after you?’ She crossed her arms as though she’d just pulled a check mate.

‘He didn’t!’ I ran through the names. ‘ Dr. Dox .’

‘For Dox, obviously,’ said Beth. ‘ Busy Livy for me—my childhood nickname—and—’

‘ Em ,’ I said triumphantly. Take that, Andrew’s little sister. The name has nothing to do with me.

She looked at me as though I was an idiot. ‘Exactly. Em .’

I frowned. She did know my name, right? ‘What do you—’

‘And what does Em sound like?’ she asked, tipping her head to one side.

‘I don’t know … Emily?’ Or at least, that’s what I’d always thought when I saw it.

‘It’s never struck you that it sounds like the letter M ? Like M for Miri?’

Oh. ‘No,’ I blurted, blushing hard.

She raised her eyebrows, a faint smile on her lips.

My head swam as I tried to make sense of it, as I tried to breathe. ‘No … it’s not … that’s not …’

She grinned. ‘He loves you, Miri. Always has.’

I hastily wrote a sign saying the shop would be closed for the rest of the day, locked up, and ran for my van. It would take four hours to drive to Nationals, assuming a good run, but I had to go. Had to see Andrew. Had to apologize … and find out if the boat was really named after me. Surely I hadn’t been that blind?

I was lucky with the traffic, and made it in three hours and fifty seven minutes, swinging my van into the campsite we always stayed at and scanning the rows for Andrew’s monstrous tent. It took a while because apparently these days, every second self-respecting camper had one at least as big, but eventually I found his and parked up.

I did a quick check of the tents, found no one home, then headed back towards the entrance on foot, my head down as I raced for the loudspeakers in the distance. Even after four hours to think on the drive, I had no clue what to say to him, and my mind focused on the task as I jogged.

Should I just tell him I love him? Maybe not the best opening line. But then again, it was the truth. Should I apologize for ever doubting him? For jumping to conclusions? For—

‘Miri?’ Hannah’s high-pitched voice pierced my thoughts, and I careered to a stop and whipped my head around to see her and the whole men’s crew drinking pints under a sun umbrella at a wooden picnic table.

Shit. ‘You lost?’ I asked, flicking my eyes around the table as I caught my breath. Pete, Seb, and Hannah on one side, and Andrew and Noah on the other.

None of them said anything, all of them looking expectantly at Andrew, and it turned out Beth hadn’t been lying. He did look like shit. His jaw covered in stubble, dark circles under his eyes.

‘We lost,’ he confirmed, then got to his feet. ‘I didn’t think you were—’

‘Can we talk?’ I blurted, my eyes flicking sideways to our audience, my face burning.

He hesitated for a split second, and my heart nearly broke, the idea that he would reject me too much to bear. But then he strode to my side, saying quietly, ‘The women’s race is in an hour, so no one’s at the tents, we can talk there.’

I nodded, then turned back the way I’d come, trying not to hear Hannah and Seb’s excitable whispers. We walked side by side, but he didn’t try to touch me, the air between us taut, the silence heavy.

‘I’m sorry about your race,’ I said eventually, as we finally entered his tent and could shut out the world.

He shrugged, then motioned to a camping chair, watching me with hawk-like eyes.

I didn’t move. Couldn’t. And after a long silence, said, ‘Beth told me about Theo.’

He nodded. ‘I know, she texted.’

‘I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I …’

‘Why are you here, Miri?’ he asked, taking a step closer, so he was only an arm’s length away, so close I could smell his musky male scent.

‘I …’ Why was I here, exactly? To apologize, yes, but I’d already done that. I’d probably have to do it a few more times before he forgave me … if he ever forgave me. Right, yes, that was why I was here. To beg his forgiveness … Wait, no, that wasn’t quite right. I was here to tell him … to tell him … to … Fuck! Why was this so hard?

‘Miri?’ he said gently, stepping even closer, so close I rested my forehead against his chest and breathed him in, my hands on his torso, steadying myself, grounding myself. Something about his presence made me calm, made me feel like wherever he was was exactly where I should be.

He pulled me away and cupped my cheek, then kissed me gently. ‘Is this why you’re here?’ he asked, sounding so hopeful my heart broke.

I nodded, then kissed him again, opening my mouth to him, offering myself to him. The kiss was deep but unhurried, tender, and full of so much more than we could ever convey with words.

‘I love you, Miri,’ he whispered in my ear. ‘I should have told you sooner, should have been honest …’

‘No, I’m sorry. For doubting you, for causing all this mess.’

We kissed again, and I gasped at the rightness of it, the feel of him under my fingers, the relief and safety and joy.

‘Beth told me everything. About Theo, about his background … I just … I … I never want to see him again. How can you stand it? Having to be around him every day at the club … In your crew!’

Andrew held me against him, and I nearly cried, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him tight and closing my eyes. He didn’t hate me. He still wanted to kiss me. He—

‘I don’t think about him at all,’ he said, in a voice so benign, I believed him.

I pulled back and searched his deep, green eyes. ‘You … How?’

He smiled down at me and stroked my hair. ‘If anything, I feel sorry for him. He’s a lost kid from a troubled background who threw away the best opportunity he’ll likely ever get when he slept with my sister. He has no qualifications, no friends, no family … He has potential. I wouldn’t have offered him a job if I didn’t think so, but that’s it. I used to feel sorry for him, but now the only time I give him a second thought is when he’s hurting someone I care about. Why would I? I have more than enough to occupy my mind, everything I ever wanted.’ He turned a little bashful. ‘Or at least maybe now I do.’

‘So that’s why you wanted to fake date me? Because you thought he would hurt me?’

He stroked a hair behind my ear, and I shivered, gripping him tighter. ‘I never wanted to fake date you, Miri. I’ve wanted to real date you for over a decade. But after what happened with your coach … And then you said you would never date anyone at the club, and …’

‘I didn’t even mean it,’ I breathed. ‘I was so upset about everything with my coach, and my dad had just died, and I felt so alone. That day, when I said it, I lashed out with the first thing that came into my head.’

‘I know,’ he said, stroking his thumb across my cheekbone. ‘Or at least, I realize that now. Or maybe I did when you started dating Theo.’

I swallowed. ‘I’m so sorry. That must have been …’

He ducked his head and kissed me, then pulled back and captured me in the deep sea green of his gaze. ‘I couldn’t stand it. I went from never thinking about Theo to thinking about him all the time, obsessing over him, trying to work out how to tell you what an arsehole he was without breaking the stupid fucking HR rules. I thought about dragging him out into the street and beating him senseless, or warning him off you, or …’

I half-laughed. ‘I’m glad you didn’t. I knew all along what he was like, it’s just there was no one else, and desperate times call for … well, anyway, I thought you and I would only ever be friends, and the longer it went on, the less hope there seemed to be, what with your endless parade of ridiculously accomplished and beautiful girlfriends.’

He chuckled. ‘None of them meant anything next to you. Perhaps I was hoping you’d see them and get jealous.’

I barked a laugh. ‘Don’t worry, I was.’

He raised a coy eyebrow. ‘Was that the purpose of your handsome-yet-not-overly-accomplished boyfriends?’

I punched his arm. ‘Don’t pretend you were jealous of any of them.’

He buried his hand in my hair and tugged gently. ‘I was so fucking jealous. Why do you think I joined Pete’s gym on top of rowing? I had to punch something.’

I preened but didn’t fully believe him. ‘You’re lying.’

‘I am not.’

‘I love you.’

He kissed me until I was breathless. ‘I love you, too.’

‘But I still can’t get my head around why you put up with Theo in your crew.’

Andrew shrugged. ‘He makes the boat go faster.’

I exhaled a laugh and shook my head, but the weirdest part was that I totally understood. ‘Fucking rowers.’

Not long later, we stood with the men’s crew and our coach near the finish line, Andrew hugging me from behind as we waited for my crew’s race to start. It was strange, not having been through the pre-race routine, not carrying a boat to the water, not feeling the butterflies on the start line. Although I had butterflies for entirely different reasons …

‘I can’t wait to get out of here,’ Andrew murmured in my ear. I leaned into his touch as he kissed my temple. ‘And there’s no way we’re sleeping in my tent.’

‘Then where on Earth—’

‘We’re finding the swankiest, most luxurious hotel within a twenty-minute radius.’

‘We can’t!’ I turned my head to look him in the eye, trying to work out if he was being serious.

‘I assure you we can,’ he countered, his expression telling me that he very much meant business.

‘I can’t abandon my crew …’ Although, a swanky hotel, just the two of us, didn’t sound terrible.

‘They didn’t pick you,’ he whispered. ‘They’re dead to me.’ I gasp-laughed and swiped him, and he kissed my neck, making me squirm.

‘Andrew …’ I breathed, chastising him but also, not. ‘We can’t leave,’ I said, my eyes falling closed on account of the gentle sucking sensation. I had to wait for him to stop before I could find words to continue. ‘Your tent is essentially the Ritz; we’re already staying in luxury.’

‘Too many people,’ he said, moving his lips to my ear, which was better, less intimate, but still highly distracting. The race had started, yet I had no clue what was going on. Good thing it would take a few minutes for the eight crews racing side by side to get to our end of the lake. I could bask in Andrew’s affections a while longer and not miss the finish.

‘But it’s after Nationals,’ he whispered.

‘Almost …’ I said slowly, not catching his drift.

‘If we leave, I’ll find you the most delectable, grease-filled kebab known to man.’

‘You want our first real date to be a kebab?’

‘God no! But maybe you do, and I’d endure far worse to get you on your own.’

My heart squeezed, and I turned my head and kissed him, momentarily forgetting where we were.

‘Here they come!’ squealed Seb, jumping up and down, pulling my attention back to the race, Em ’s yellow hull now only five hundred meters away.

‘Andrew,’ I asked, turning in his arms so I could see all of his face. ‘Did you name that boat after me?’

He paused, then smirked, then beamed, then dropped a peck on my lips. ‘You finally worked it out.’

I scowled. ‘I didn’t, actually. Your sister told me.’

He shrugged as though that made more sense, and I pinched his arm, which only made him hug me tighter.

‘You deserve it,’ he whispered.

‘Hmm,’ I said, skeptically, but the boats were nearly on us, and everyone around us was screaming and clapping and chanting, and we let ourselves get swept up in the moment, jumping and shouting along with everyone else, the nerves somehow worse on the sidelines than on the water.

‘Go on Dex!’ we all screamed, the race too close to call, my crew—my friends—right in the middle of the fray. ‘Go on! Go Dex!’

I was sad not to be out there, fighting for a medal, giving it everything I had, but with Andrew behind me, and my friends all around, I felt strangely content watching my crew fly across the water, screaming at the top of my lungs as they edged ahead of the pack, clasping my hands to my frantic heart as they put in their final furious push, especially because they were doing it in a boat named just for me.

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