20. Chapter 20
Chapter 20
T he next few days passed in a blur of scrumptiousness. Every day we woke up together, trained and showered together, and then we had breakfast in my café together, where I finally managed to stop him from paying, but only because I gave strict instructions to the staff not to take his money, much to his chagrin.
‘I’ll just buy you a ridiculously expensive present,’ he said as he kissed me goodbye, ‘and buy gift baskets for my favorite clients in your shop, and hold all future work parties in your bar …’
‘Andrew, no,’ I said in the sternest voice I could manage, which wasn’t overly stern, seeing as how he was crowding me against his truck, my back pressed to the cold metal as he lavished me with love.
It was so good between us, our lives were like a honeymoon. Each morning after he left, I daydreamed about him until lunch, at which point he would return, we’d put our lunchbreaks to good use in my apartment, and then we’d while away the evenings after training, chatting or reading or working side by side until we fell into bed and wrapped ourselves up in each other’s arms again.
It was too good to be true, and a little voice inside my head kept telling me to enjoy it, to make the most of it because, how could anything so perfect possibly last?
Thursday evening rolled around at breakneck speed, and I was about to head upstairs for a quick five-minute break when my phone pinged with a text.
Seb 18:07: Forgot to ask … can we borrow a big pot tonight? And can u drop to club? Livia n me cooking. No time to swing by. Don’t tell her I forgot to ask! [Grateful hands emoji]
I sent off a quick reply, reassuring Seb that I’d drop one to the club, and that I wouldn’t tell Livia about his lapse, then grabbed a pot from the kitchen and hurried it over, telling my staff I’d be back as soon as I could. The bar was already rammed given the balmy weather, which meant no club night for me.
I raced across the piazza and through the gate, but paused by the wide open doors to the clubhouse, where Livia’s raised voice stopped me in my tracks. ‘She hasn’t been in the boat!’
‘Yes,’ Cassandra—our coach—calmly replied, ‘but her ergo scores are—’
‘Ergo scores don’t always float. You know that!’ Livia insisted. ‘And the boat’s been going well. We’re really gelling.’
My stomach dropped as I realized they were talking abut me. Crew selection for Nationals. Shit. I shouldn’t be eavesdropping. This was bad. I would leave the pot somewhere else and—
‘Andrew?’ said Cassandra.
Livia tsked.
A long pause filled the air, and I wondered if I’d somehow missed his answer. ‘It’s not my decision,’ he eventually said in his deep, rumbling voice, and my heart stuttered as I waited for him to go on. For a but . For anything!
‘Very well,’ Cassandra concluded in a crisp, clipped tone. ‘Miri will sit this one out.’
Fuck.
I whirled around, my head racing, stomach churning. I wasn’t going to Nationals … For the first time in … Fuck! And Andrew hadn’t said anything! Hadn’t even—
‘I tried to warn you,’ said a quiet voice. I jumped, then found Theo watching smugly from the entrance to the locker rooms behind me. ‘But no one ever listens to me.’
‘What do you … What?’ I whispered, not wanting the group inside to hear. I frowned, trying to decipher his words amid my turmoil.
‘Andrew!’ said Theo. ‘I told you he’s a liar, and now he’s stabbed you in the back just like he did to me.’
I shook my head a little. ‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
Theo took a step forwards, a sly smile on his lips. ‘He convinced you that you were important to him, didn’t he? But when push came to shove, what did he do? Did he stand up for you? Did he take your side?’
My head spun. ‘What?’
‘He did the same thing to me.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s his MO, I guess. Convinces you that you matter, makes you feel important, and then …’ He held up his hand and gestured in the direction of the open doors.
‘But …’
‘At least he didn’t put a gag order on you like he did to me. The fucker paid me off, too. Used my situation against me. I tried to warn you, but …’ He held up both hands in an almost comical expression. ‘No one ever listens to me.’
I felt sick. What was even happening? Was this even real? But the rushing and churning and blackness at the edges of my vision seemed real enough.
‘He’s a liar,’ said Theo. ‘And not the first time you’ve fallen for one of those if rumors are to be believed. Did you really shag him, by the way? He was your coach, wasn’t he? Old enough to be your fath—’
It was very hard to breathe, and I’d bent forward to counteract the wooziness threatening to floor me, which was why it took me a moment to realize that Andrew had appeared seemingly from nowhere, slammed Theo against the wall, released him, and was now blocking his exit.
‘You bastard. Move!’ Theo ground out, trying to shove Andrew out of his way, but his attempts were ineffectual.
‘Is it true he used to work for you?’ I asked, my words a whisper.
Andrew’s head whipped around to look at me, his eyes wide. ‘Who told you that?’
‘I did,’ Theo said proudly, pulling Andrew’s attention back to him.
‘You signed a contract,’ Andrew spat.
‘Then it’s true?’ I breathed. ‘You put a gag order on him?’
Andrew paled. ‘I can explain.’
Theo laughed and folded his arms as though knowing something I didn’t. ‘This should be good,’ he said haughtily.
‘Go fuck yourself,’ Andrew bit out.
‘I’d rather fuck your mum … Or maybe your sister …’
Andrew shoved him against the wall again, and this time held him there, one hand on his throat.
Theo laughed. ‘Go on, Andrew,’ he choked, ‘tell her the truth.’ Andrew said nothing, and Theo flicked his eyes to me. ‘You think you know a guy …’
‘Andrew?’ I said, my voice shrill.
Andrew slammed Theo against the wall one more time, then grabbed his shirt and hurled him towards the gate. Theo stumbled but stayed on his feet. ‘Get the fuck out of here,’ Andrew growled.
Theo laughed as he sauntered through the gate, and I couldn’t make sense of any of it.
‘ Shit! Miri! Are you okay?’ Livia’s hands were suddenly pulling me upright, then she was hugging me, while Cassandra watched on from the doorway, stoically flicking her eyes from Andrew to me and back again, assessing us with clinical features.
‘I’m fine.’ I said mechanically, my eyes on Andrew, who was watching me with a pained expression. ‘I just … I need to …’ My phone vibrated, and I knew it would be the bar. They were short-staffed. Needed me. I didn’t have time to deal with this right now. ‘I … um … I have to go.’
I half-yanked myself from Livia’s grasp and turned to leave.
‘Miri, wait, I can explain.’ Andrew stepped closer, and I looked at him but didn’t really see him, my mind and body numb. ‘Please.’
I shook my head, trying to clear the fog, but it wouldn’t budge. Did you really shag him? Theo’s hateful words filled my mind, playing over and over. How did he even know? Theo hadn’t been at the club for long, only two or three years, and I’d thought everyone had forgotten, that they’d finally moved on. There hadn’t been one single joke when I’d started dating Theo or Andrew, but it would never truly be over, would it? It would always be there, hanging over me.
‘Just let me explain, please …’ said Andrew, close enough to touch me. But he didn’t.
‘What happened with Theo?’ I asked, vaguely aware of Cassandra and Livia still watching from the doorway. ‘At your work?’
Andrew closed his eyes and swallowed hard, and when he looked at me again, I’d never seen regret quite like it. ‘I can’t tell you,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m not allowed to tell you.’
Tears stung my eyes as Cassandra and Livia headed back inside, leaving us to fight alone.
Andrew ran a hand through his hair. ‘I wish Theo would just get the fuck out of my life … Leave me and my family alone.’
‘But you row in the same crew! You can’t hate him that much.’
‘He makes the boat go faster. I’m the men’s captain. What would you have me do? Put my personal preferences above the wellbeing of the club?’
‘You should have told me you used to work together. Was that what this whole thing between us was about? Getting back at Theo?’
He reared back as though I’d punched him. ‘No! Of course not. Miri … I couldn’t tell you. I can’t … Just … Come with me, I’ll explain everything. I’ll find a way to—’
‘They need me at the bar.’
He dipped his head, the gesture forlorn. ‘Then I’ll come over later?’
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
‘I heard what Theo said,’ Andrew said carefully, ‘about your coach. I … Are you okay?’
Maybe I’d been right all along. Dating anyone at the club would always dredge up the past, what had happened, the lies my coach had told about me and him. The things we’d supposedly done … Just the thought of it made me want to be sick. ‘I’m fine.’
‘I don’t want you to be alone. Let me come over.’
I shook my head. ‘In relationships, you’re supposed to tell each other everything, aren’t you?’
‘Miri …’ He reached for me, but I pulled away.
‘I can't do this. The lying. I can't be with someone who isn't honest, who hides things.’
He watched me with desolation in his eyes as tears flooded down my cheeks. He swayed towards me, looking like he might reach for me again, so I inhaled a shuddery breath and steeled myself. ‘I have to go.’
He froze, a deep frown on his forehead, his body rigid. But somehow as I made to leave, I passed close enough that my hand brushed against his, and then my forehead pressed to his chest, and then my lips found his, and we were kissing through my sobs.
‘I’m not lying, Miri,’ he breathed into my ear. ‘I’ll fix this. I promise.’
That time when I pulled away, I made sure to put distance between us, then refused to look at him as I wiped away my tears and went to work.