Chapter Thirteen
The first shocking realisation when I woke was that it was very, very bright outside. The curtains were closed but the light that was seeping between the gaps looked like the middle of the day.
The second shocking realisation was that Abel’s bed was empty and had been made. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin was back under his bed and I couldn’t remember a single thing about it. Which meant that I had, once again – unbelievably – fallen asleep to Abel Sutherland reading to me.
The next thoughts that jumbled in were the recollections of Abel’s soft, glowing face and our hushed conversation.
Weakness and strength of characters. Smiles and frowns.
Ice Queens and soft parts. It seemed too lovely to be real and for a moment, I just lay there with the covers around my neck, feeling the gentle gift of sleep, and whispers, and kindness.
I’d changed my mind about Abel. He was as good as they came.
Tessie, whoever she was, was a very, very lucky girl.
I was way too fresh off the back of my relationship with the dipshit Felix to take any personal romantic interest in Abel (however inappropriate that would be, given he wasn’t even available) but I felt that it was a good thing for me to experience that there were nice men in the world.
Solid men. Gorgeous men. And that those men could make some women happy.
Lucky, lucky Tessie.
I didn’t rush because we were starting at ten this morning, allowing everyone – including me, apparently – a luxurious sleep-in. When I was dressed and ready, I headed to the tea room, already smiling at the scolding I’d get from Abel about having fallen asleep during his book again.
‘Mary.’
I turned at my name. It was Lilly. She looked tired but happy.
‘Last night was good, hey?’ she said.
‘It was. Thanks for your help. I’ll know who to ask if I ever need a very distracting, neurotic and high-volume mother.’
She laughed. ‘You did a great job keeping the whole thing together. It was chaos.’ She looked briefly either side of us. The corridor was empty. ‘Hey, I just wanted to apologise for the stitch-up yesterday,’ she said quietly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, Jimmy had been talking about you earlier and, you know … was keen to get to know you a bit better.’ She was cringing a little.
‘And I’d thought something was going on with Abel, and then you said it wasn’t and then Jimmy was there and I kind of stranded you …
Then last night, after the thing, Jimmy mentioned that you and Abel are an item?
’ Her hands were flapping around like she was the one who should feel uncomfortable.
‘Anyway. It’s not my business if you are or you’re not, but I get the feeling leaving Jimmy to sidle up to you on the couch was perhaps not what you’d had in mind for the evening. Sorry!’
A little ball of embarrassment started to unfurl in my chest. I didn’t know what to say.
And then Felix came down the corridor with his new brunette on his arm. Lilly and I pressed ourselves to the wall to let them pass and Felix’s eyes lifted with a smug smile before the pair disappeared into the dining room.
I groaned before I could stop myself.
‘Look,’ Lilly said, ‘I’m not gonna pry because once again – none of my business. But there are some fucking weird vibes going on between you guys.’ She indicated the hallway Felix had just disappeared along.
Maybe sleep turned me into a different person.
Maybe I felt all softened up by my conversation with Abel the previous night, I don’t know, but I felt an unusual rush of warmth towards Lilly, as I imagined close friends would feel.
And I had the unexpected desire to have someone understand me.
I led her into my cabin so I could explain the situation in private.
I didn’t know why I even wanted to explain it, but I’d done a lot of things that didn’t feel like me over the last few days and so far, I was still okay.
I closed the door and Lilly sat on Abel’s bed. She looked around the room, taking in my gear, Abel’s gear. The beds. She shot me a very disbelieving look.
‘So, you’re sharing a room with an absolute God of a man who looks at you like he wants to tear your clothes off and there’s nothing going on?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘That is completely not the situation.’
‘The hugs and the physical contact are just you two being friendly, huh?’ She wasn’t buying shit.
I sighed. ‘Felix and I were a couple up until about three weeks ago.’
‘Felix? But he’s with Morgan.’
‘Yeah. Apparently so.’
‘Wow.’ She shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t have picked you guys.’
‘Six years.’
‘Six years? But you’re like, together and serious, and respectable. He’s like a fucking horny puppy dog.’
‘Obvious to everyone except me, it would seem.’
‘Sorry. Are you okay? That’s really awful.’
‘I’m actually better than I expected to be. I think I’m finally recognising that Felix is not someone I want to be with. But he’s pissed me off by coming on this course.’
‘He followed you on this course without you knowing?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Bastard.’ Her face was a picture of distaste. ‘And now he’s parading in front of you with a new girl?’
‘So it seems.’
‘Last night they were making out in the common room. It was disgusting.’
‘Wow.’
‘Sorry. I don’t know why I said that.’
‘It’s fine. I’m actually beginning to genuinely not care.
Anyway, Abel was pissed off by the whole thing too, because Felix essentially showed up unannounced after swapping with another ED registrar without notifying anyone.
So Abel has been trying to make him miserable by hinting at something going on between us.
’ I felt myself colouring. It was such a weird situation.
‘Jesus. And was Felix trying to get back together with you when he joined the course?’
‘I have no idea. But he’s cheated on me at least four times in the years we’ve been together so I don’t think his goal is particularly focused.’
‘Ugh.’ She shook her head. ‘That is truly piss-poor.’
‘But Abel’s minor insinuation has been making Felix visibly fume, so I won’t say I haven’t enjoyed that.’
‘Of course.’ I could see her processing all the bits. ‘So you’re not with Abel, but kind of pretending to be, while you’re both secretly totally hot for each other.’
‘No!’ I put my head in my hands. This was so pathetically juvenile it felt like the high-school experience I’d done such a good job of avoiding. ‘Completely not. I’m totally done with men. And Abel is happily coupled, for all I know.’
‘Is he?’
‘Probably! It’s none of my business. This is ridiculous. We’re on a medical course and it feels like more focus is going into people’s romantic developments than the medicine itself.’
‘Obviously.’ She was looking at me like I was very, very dim. ‘Why else do you think people come on these courses?’
‘I don’t know!’ And I didn’t know. It seemed like an absolute waste of time to me. Why faff around in the bush when you could actually practise proper medicine in a hospital? ‘Probably to try and … survive in the wilderness or something?’
‘Why did you come, then?’
I hesitated. ‘To get away from Felix.’
She gave me an I told you so expression. ‘See? It’s never about the medicine.’
‘My situation was … unusual. I’m sure everyone else here is keen to learn how to rescue people.’
She shook her head firmly. ‘No. It’s completely about hooking up.’
‘Really?’
‘Oh, yeah. Absolutely. If you put humans in one another’s company for any prolonged period of time, they become attracted to each other. It’s like a law of biology.’
I laughed. This was unbelievable.
But her expression was dead serious. ‘Honestly. That’s why these courses are so good.
Why people go hiking together. Or to Antarctica.
Orchestra camps. Whatever. By day two, the exchange of pheromones has reached a critical mass and people stop being driven by frontal lobe functions and become preoccupied solely with how they can have sex. ’
She wasn’t even cracking a smile. Lilly, the competent rural generalist GP, was laying down the facts like she’d just read the latest Lancet journal article and the results were indisputable.
‘Wow. This is … enlightening.’ I was struggling not to laugh. ‘So why are you here?’
‘The same.’ She shrugged. ‘I could rescue someone from a canyon and perform CPR on a cliff edge with my eyes closed. I’m not here for a medical refresher. I’m here for a good time.’
She didn’t even seem arrogant about it. I believed her. I would definitely have an out-of-hospital cardiac arrest on a cliff if she was on-call.
‘And who’s your target?’
‘Dylan,’ she said matter-of-factly.
I frowned. Surely not. ‘The sixty-year-old guide leader?’
‘I think he’s more like mid-fifties.’ She waved a dismissive hand. ‘Whatever. I like my men matured.’
‘Okay.’ I nodded, trying to come to terms with all of this new information.
We were silent. I just couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. ‘Are you taking the piss?’
‘No, Mary.’ She looked exasperated. ‘All I wanted to say was, I’m sorry if I got the wrong message and made you uncom-fortable with Jimmy.
But he’s fine with it, so no stress. And I’m happy to play along with the “pretend” thing you’ve got going on with Abel.
’ She did air quotes while rolling her eyes, totally humouring me.
‘Okay. Cool.’ I was honestly more confused now than I had been before.
‘And I’m really sorry to hear about that shit with Felix. But he’s clearly a knob, so I think you can be glad that he’s made that nice and obvious to you.’
I grimaced. ‘Yeah. I’m starting to realise he was probably not my wisest choice in life.’
‘He’s a total arsewipe. But we live and learn. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just move on.’
She stood up, took one final look between Abel’s bed and mine then gave me a knowing smile that spoke volumes.
‘Breakfast time?’