Chapter Thirteen #2
There was a sort of calm over the group after the events of the night before: tiredness mixed with satisfaction and increasing comfort in one another’s company.
Maybe Lilly was right. Maybe humans were just animals who start regressing to their primitive forms the longer they spend together away from civilisation.
On the one hand, the idea seemed ridiculous, but there was another part of me that saw something kind of beautiful going on.
Something simple. Maybe it was just about sex, but maybe it was also about people seeing the good in one another and an appreciation growing from that.
I certainly wasn’t seeing any good in Felix – in fact, the notion that I had ever been in a relationship with that man was getting harder and harder to believe – but I was feeling increasingly fond of everyone else in the group.
They were sweet people. All with their strengths, weaknesses and oddities, but somehow, given the opportunity to get to know each individual, I found myself liking every one of them in an unexpected way.
Abel found me in the dining room just as I’d finished my breakfast. He sat down beside me and Lilly excused herself with an amused smile: ‘I think someone might be about to use my toothbrush. Better go!’
Abel’s legs were wide and angled around me such that I felt very aware of his enormous body and had the involuntary image of jumping onto his lap and wrapping my thighs around his hips. (Damn my primitive brain!) Undoubtedly Lilly’s fault.
‘She’s an odd girl,’ he said as he watched her go.
‘I like her.’
‘Hmm.’ He turned his eyes to me and I wondered if he could tell I’d been fantasising about straddling him.
‘You’re frowning again.’
‘You fell asleep in the middle of my book again.’
I tried to look remorseful. ‘I’m a terrible person, aren’t I?’
‘Terrible.’ He nodded earnestly. ‘You didn’t like it?’
‘I’ve never in my life slept so well as in the last two nights, so I liked that. Does that count?’
He screwed up his face, unimpressed. ‘I want to hear you laugh about the pea bit.’
A blurry recollection was triggered. ‘I think I remember that bit!’
He looked hopeful.
‘They had pea and ham soup, didn’t they?’
He shook his head with deep, dramatic disappointment. ‘Mary, Mary, Mary.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m happy to give it another go. Anytime.’
He shrugged. ‘Very well then.’
‘Honestly, you could patent whatever is in that book. I’ve never come across any sleeping pills that work so effectively and don’t leave me feeling like a zombie. You should make audiobooks. Call it something like “Abel and the Ukulele”.’
‘Mandolin.’
‘Whatever. “Abel and the String Instrument”. Sell it for heaps. Spend your days climbing the mountains and resting on your metaphorical laurels.’
‘Sounds pretty good.’
He was smiling.
‘Can I do something to help? Here I am being completely useless again.’
He looked out the window, where the rain was lashing down.
A vision arrived in my primitive brain of him telling me yes, I could help, leading me down to the cabin, locking our door and keeping the curtains closed and the lamp on while he threw me on the bed and started removing my clothes piece by piece. I was wearing my indigo bra and panty set—
Oh my God, I needed to stop talking to Lilly. She was a very bad influence.
I blushed. ‘What’s on the agenda today? The schedule says river traverse? Sounds suitably awful.’
He looked at the window again with uncertainty.
‘I think we need to postpone that and hope that the weather settles down a bit later in the day. Maybe we do a couple of talks this morning. I could do one about winter rescues. You could talk about hypothermia and the physiology around that. Then maybe we put on the video from the Banff Mountain Film Festival, before or after or in lieu of the river traverse.’
I chuckled. ‘An educational film?’
‘Entertainment. Purely entertainment.’
‘For you or them?’
He shrugged. ‘Okay, mostly me. Have you watched any?’
‘Do I look like someone who watches the Banff Mountain Film Festival?’
‘You just wait, Contrary Mary. North of the Sun. You know it?’
‘No.’
‘Well, consider it your lucky day. It’s so fucking beautiful, it made me cry.’
‘That in itself sounds worth witnessing.’
He stood up and stretched completely without self-awareness. Meanwhile, my eyes fixated on the exposed strip of flesh above his low-slung pants. A trail of curling hairs met his belt buckle in an incredibly tantalising way. I blushed a second time and tried to avert my eyes to my cup of tea.
‘Gigantically clear on that, Mary?’ He gave my shoulders a hearty rub and I was glad he couldn’t see my face. ‘Talk about cold people for half an hour?’
‘Sure. I’m an expert on cold people.’
Abel made expedition medicine seem indecently sexy.
By the end of his winter rescues talk, I suspected the whole room was secretly considering whether they still had time in their lives to become Abel Sutherland – including me.
I wanted to be him, and straddle him, and all sorts of inappropriate things I tried not to think about.
But that was Lilly and her law of biology messing with me.
My talk on hypothermia wasn’t nearly as interesting, but to their credit, the group listened and asked appropriate questions. At the end, despite the ongoing rain, the decision was made that we were ready to get outside.
After the medically heavy scenario of the night before, today’s focus was more around group work and the practical skills associated with wilderness rescues.
We were positioned beside a ten-metre-wide river.
There would be four patients, all with long bone fractures, who needed to be ferried across the raging torrent to meet the retrieval team on the other side.
This involved harnesses and carabiners and ropes, and – terrifyingly – a traverse way above the river below.
‘What do you want me to do?’ I asked Abel with trepidation.
‘Whatever you want to do.’ His voice was kind and I could see in his eyes he knew how much this freaked me out. ‘You can be part of the rescue team and learn about the practical aspects of the rope work. Or you can be a patient. I promise no tomato sauce or lying in the mud today.’
Felix was nearby and I met his eye before I could stop myself. The sneer on his face was enough to make me steely.
‘I can be rescued,’ I said with determination.
Abel smiled. ‘I’ll make one hundred per cent sure you’re safe.’ He spoke with such certainty and confidence that I believed him entirely.
We were divided into four groups and Abel went through the process, the safety, back-up safety, and then repeated the key parts.
He was a dream to watch and be led by – distractingly so.
I wondered if I’d ever seen a man with more masculinity and competence.
And despite what I’d said about him being scary when he frowned, I was slightly infatuated by Serious Abel.
He was commanding and testosterone rich, without being in any way toxic.
He was totally in control while being respectful and gentle, and I was completely willing to put my care in his hands.
I tried to ignore the constant stream of inappropriate observations I seemed to be having. I was out of my space, my usual comfort zone. And my romantic experience thus far had involved primarily Felix, so it was no surprise that Abel was utterly breathtaking in comparison.
‘Ready, Mary?’
Abel said my name a lot, and I’d begun to notice that every time he did so, something fluttered in my belly like a pleasant surprise. The sound of my name on his breath, his lips, his tongue. It was as though for a second, I was being seen and being held. By him. And it gave me this odd rush.
‘Mary?’
But I really needed to get my shit together and start acting like a normal human again.
‘Yes!’
‘Are you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Gigantically ready?’
I grunted and turned towards the river before he could see the blush spreading up my neck.
The rain kept on all afternoon. We were layered up and warm but soaked through. The banter and good humour was palpable. It would have been titled ‘Bonding Montage’ in a movie script.
When my group hoisted me into my harness and the river fell away below me as I was pulleyed across to the other side, my stomach seemed to disappear from my body and all my senses focused on this crazy, improbable moment.
Before I could stop myself, I was yelping in terrified astonishment, my usual filters somehow having fallen from me along with my insides.
My team was whistling and yelling words of encouragement.
I felt in some weird, elated way that I loved them all, and I could appreciate why people did these sorts of death-defying things for fun: because they were disarming, and overwhelming, and amazing.
I watched Abel as I approached the other side.
His expression was serious, his hands ready to grab the ropes if my team made any mistakes, like there was no more important task than ensuring my safety.
As I moved past the drop and came back over solid land, his face broke into a grin.
He held my gaze, full of warmth and softness, and came straight to me.
Then, like it was a completely ordinary thing to do, he took my weight off the harness and I was in his arms.
‘Well done, sugarplum,’ he whispered with genuine affection.
I was too overwhelmed with relief and adrenaline to think of a sharp comeback. All I could muster was a shaky ‘Thank you.’
A bead of rain came off the pink of his cheek and dropped onto my lips. I could taste the salt of him. It tasted of happiness. It tasted of bravery.
It tasted totally beautiful.
As promised, the day ended with Abel’s Banff adventure film.
Everyone was wet, soggy and drunk on the good vibes of our team-building river rescue and winding down to an inspiring film was just what we all needed.
I squeezed onto the couches between Lilly and Abel and felt absurdly like I belonged there.
Felix was with his brunette and I couldn’t even be bothered scowling at him anymore. I was realising I no longer cared.
The look of surprise on his face after I’d done the river traverse had been extremely satisfying – so I guess I cared a little bit.
It was like I had completely outdone his expectations of me.
And it made me realise how my fears and my reservations had always been reinforced by him; locking me within myself and my limitations, rather than testing if I might want to push beyond them.
But I was discovering maybe I could still find new parts to myself.
‘Careful, Mary,’ Abel murmured when Lilly had left the couch for a tea break. ‘You’re looking worryingly like you’re enjoying yourself.’
I didn’t trust myself to look at him so I kept my eyes on the screen. The film was epic. Heart-swelling even.
‘You might be the one in tears at this rate.’
I could hear the tease in his voice. ‘Shh,’ I said, giving him an elbow to his side. But I had an unusual lump in my throat. ‘It’s the music. It’s very … emotive.’
‘You like it?’ he whispered.
I could feel him watching me and something expanded inside my chest. ‘Yeah,’ I said, leaning into the warmth of him. ‘I like it.’
‘Good.’ He returned the pressure against me, at once firm and soft. Comfort and strength. ‘I like these characters. They have grit, don’t you think?’
‘Yeah. They do.’ I felt his eyes still on me and turned to him before I could stop myself. The only light came from the projector screen and the blue colours danced on his face and gleamed in his eyes. What was this?
As if hearing my question, his eyes smiled as they looked into mine. He seemed to be searching for something too.
We could have been the only ones in the room.
Something had shifted between us. I didn’t know when, but there was a new, undeniable intensity. My breath caught with the implications of what that might mean.
Abel shifted for a moment and I wondered if he was going to move away. But instead, I felt his big, warm hand find mine, his fingers lacing with my own. My heart began to gallop. And then he raised our interlocked hands and his lips were on my skin.
A kiss. A kiss.
It was over in a stunning instant. He replaced my hand on my lap, returned his own to his lap, and carried on watching the movie. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world, while simultaneously being as earth-shattering as a major seismic event. An earthquake. A landslide.
‘I love this bit,’ he said, his face alight with wonder.
My attention was divided between Abel’s perfect profile and the film, and when his eyes began to glisten, my own echoed, emotion rising and filling me in odd and unexpected ways.
I couldn’t be sure if I was more moved by the feat of the two young adventurers in the film or by the beauty of Abel Sutherland.
But if I were to guess, I’d say it was Abel Sutherland.