Chapter Fifteen
The sleeping thing was disorientating. The lack of time spent lying awake in the loneliness of my thoughts trying to fall asleep was … bizarre.
Maybe the absence of normal reflection time and scrutiny was responsible for why I didn’t feel myself. Why I was acting before I thought things through. Why I felt like my heart was right out there on my sleeve like I’d lost all the filters I’d spent my whole life strengthening.
The other thing was, being rested was very relaxing.
There was a thready, uncomfortable feeling of anxiety that came with sleep deprivation and it was so normal for me that I didn’t even notice how much it affected me until it was gone.
And in its absence was this deep feeling of calm, even being out here in the wilderness, even knowing there were more terrifying activities ahead of me.
Abel had once again been first out of bed and I lay savouring this spot that had come to feel so comforting.
I could see the clouds moving, fast and white, across a new sky, still grey overhead with pink and yellow hues peering through the trees.
The warm recollections of the conversations I’d had with Abel were still wrapped around my sleepy brain.
The door squeaked and I startled at the sound, suddenly self-conscious that I was languishing here while I should be getting up and doing some work.
Abel appeared fresh-eyed and rosy-cheeked like he’d been out in the cold. His face broke into a smile when he saw me and he came to sit on my bed like I was someone close and familiar, rather than the weird girl he’d only just met who mixed up her shifts and gatecrashed his cabin.
‘I’m sorry. I should get up.’ I made to sit, but he shushed me with a hand on my shoulder that made me lie back down.
‘It’s fine. It’s still early. You slept well?’
I shook my head in bewilderment. ‘Like, ridiculously well. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’
He chuckled. ‘Sounds like a good thing?’
‘It’s just extremely unusual.’
He smiled. ‘I think the bush does that. Being away from the city noise and the busy rush of normal life.’
‘I’ll take your word for it.’
‘Or maybe it’s the high quality of literature you’ve been enjoying of late.’
I grinned. ‘Hey, I think I stayed awake last night.’
‘You did. I was most impressed. You were still conscious right up until the end of chapter two. Then, sometime into chapter three, I lost you. Then you just snored and snored and snored.’
‘I did not!’
He gave a loud snore, eyes closed.
‘I am not a snorer!’
‘Only I will ever know,’ he said smugly. ‘You loved it?’
‘It was okay.’ I tried not to smile.
‘“It was okay”? Come on – you loved it! How could you not?’
‘I liked it a little bit,’ I conceded.
‘A little bit?’ He grabbed at me, his fingers digging into my waist through the covers, finding somewhere that tickled that I hadn’t even realised existed.
I squirmed and shrieked in surprise. How could something feel so lovely and torturous at the same time?
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been tickled.
‘A lot!’ I gasped. ‘I liked it a lot!’
‘Did you?’ He carried on grabbing my sides while I kicked and thrashed under his grasp until the covers had slipped down my waist and he had access to the bare flesh between my pyjama bottoms and tank top. ‘You’re not being very convincing, Contrary Mary.’
‘Okay, I loved it! Stop!’ I tried not to scream inappropriately, but the giggles just tumbled out of my mouth. I twisted my face into the pillow to stifle the sound and wondered if anything had ever felt so simultaneously glorious and excruciating.
‘What did you say?’
I could hear his smile even with my eyes against the pillow. His hands felt huge on my waist and the roughened calluses against the softness of my belly stole all of my focus while I writhed in his grasp.
‘I loved it!’
He stopped suddenly, his hands still on my bare skin. ‘Good.’
I turned my face from the pillow to look at him.
He wasn’t laughing anymore. His body was right over mine and my breath quickened even more.
The tickly feeling evaporated. His hands were almost entirely encircling me and I felt my body go hot beneath his touch, my organs turning liquid.
A luxurious heat spreading right down to my groin.
I was very aware of the way my chest moved up and down. And even more so when I felt his eyes scan swiftly from my face all the way down my body to where his hands still rested on the strip of flesh above my pyjamas. There was something almost hungry in the way he looked at me.
The moment must only have lasted a few seconds, but it seemed to stretch dangerously.
I saw his Adam’s apple bob and then, as though composing himself, he straightened, pulling the covers back over me.
‘Well. I’m glad you liked it.’
Before I could stop myself, I reached for his arm. ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘For reading to me. I don’t know why you’re doing it, but I do like it. I really like it.’
‘You’re welcome, Mary.’
There. My name. Again.
‘Now, I’m getting up. No teasing me for bed hair.’
I grabbed my toiletries, towel and change of clothes. As I left the cabin I felt his eyes following me, and it had me feeling inexplicably alight.
‘We are mountaineering today folks,’ Abel explained to the group.
He gestured to the steep concrete of the dam wall above us.
‘Here is our ice slope. We have patients who will be located at the top of the mountain at a height of four thousand, six hundred metres who will need to be retrieved safely. We’ll be using our harnesses attached to the cable that runs between the bolts on the concrete.
We each have two carabiners, so no one should ever be unclipped.
There may be medical issues to attend to along the way.
Understood?’ He shot a look in my direction.
I was familiar with the briefing – I’d be developing acute mountain sickness shortly.
The dam wall was a steep concrete face that looked about one hundred metres high and was dotted with climbing holds and cables that we would use to ascend and descend.
It was five p.m. and we were staging a dusk altitude rescue.
The morning had been spent doing a tutorial run by Abel on improvised splinting techniques (which had involved the slightly dizzying process of him demonstrating on my leg while I tried not to hyperventilate at the feeling of his hands tying things around my upper thigh) and a talk by me on high-altitude illnesses.
‘Any questions?’ Abel asked the group. ‘Any concerns, just sing out. Anyone feeling uncomfortable at any point, just say so. We can have a lot of fun with this, but we need to adhere to all the safety processes. Okay?’
Everyone nodded.
‘Dylan will take Mary, Lilly and Felix up while the rest of us do a practice check of our medical kits and a review of our rescue equipment.’ Abel’s eyes met mine. The momentary flicker of his eyebrows was enough to ask me silently if that was okay and I gave a reassuring nod. I could handle this.
When Lilly had volunteered earlier that afternoon to be a patient again, I’d questioned her. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to do the scenario with the rest? Surely you’ll get more out of it? You already helped with the night scenario.’
She’d given me a weary look. ‘Trust me, Mary. I will get considerably more out of being told how to put on a harness by Dylan.’
I had to laugh as I watched her now, feigning complete incompetence as Dylan helped her into the harness and tightened her straps. I wondered if I’d looked as entranced as that when Abel had helped me during the climbing session on the first afternoon.
I put on my own harness and, on Dylan’s instruction, began the climb. It wasn’t difficult climbing, more of a steep walk up the slope, but a slip would result in falling a long way, so clipping in was essential.
When we got to a ledge about one third of the way up, I took a breather.
Dylan and Lilly were already starting on the next section but I let myself take in the elevation we’d already gained.
It made my vision whirl. I could feel my heart already beginning to pound when Felix, right at my heel, startled me.
‘You scared me,’ I said, grabbing the rope.
‘You look like you’re having a good time,’ he sneered.
‘I’m just trying to concentrate on the climb, Felix,’ I said through gritted teeth.
‘Doesn’t seem like that’s all you’re concentrating on.’
His tone was menacing and I found myself suddenly uncomfortable to be up here with him. It was hard to believe that just a few weeks ago, this was someone with whom I’d shared a home. A life. And he was the epitome of my romantic life – wow.
‘Let’s just focus on what we’re here for,’ I said, my voice shaking slightly with my body. I still didn’t like heights and I would never get used to this, even if I did know I was securely attached to the cable.
‘So, I guess you get paid to fuck every night, huh? Pretty sweet deal.’
I was shocked by his vulgarity. ‘How dare you say that!’
‘Isn’t that what this is about? Share a cabin with the boss? Engage in some sexual misconduct between healthcare professionals?’
‘Sexual misconduct— What? That’s— Jesus, Felix!’ My mind reeled. I didn’t even know where to start. ‘He’s not my boss – nor is it any of your business what’s going on …’ I stammered. Was there something inappropriate going on with Abel?
Hang on – what was I thinking? Nothing was going on with Abel.
‘I just think you seem very out of character, Mary. Unprofessional. Flirting and carrying on while you should be working. It’s extremely inappropriate.’