Chapter Five #6
“No, you’re screwing with my head,” Jeremy scowls, listening to the instinctual skepticism in his gut. He’s already reconciled with himself that he wouldn’t leave himself vulnerable to Clark again.
“How?”
“By making it seem like you’re into me!” Jeremy spits out, “It messes with me when you tell me you’re jealous, when you act like this. So what? What do you want from me?”
Clark steps forward, brow darkening as he says, “You want to hear it? Fine. I want you to never see that surfer again. And Barry, I want you to cut that off. I want you to be with me.”
Jeremy’s head is spinning, not knowing what to believe. He tells Clark as much, “How can I trust you? I seriously can’t tell if you’re being sincere.”
“Why would I lie?” Clark punches back.
“Why would you want to be with me? I’m just a cowboy, a nobody compared to you,” Jeremy deflates, emotions centering to his forehead and giving him a headache, “I have nothing to offer.”
“What are you talking about? The best years of my life were with you! I never listened to the kids who made fun of you because your mom left, because you lived in the shack by the railroad. You and your dad always treated me like family. I want that back again,” Clark is clutching his chest as he spills his guts.
A quick sadness grips Jeremy’s throat, threatening him with some real display of emotion. His fists clench, fingernails digging into the meat of his palm and grounding him. Jeremy shakes his head, “I can’t give you that.”
Clark looks as if Jeremy’s just slapped him across the face, asking, “Why not?”
“Because it doesn’t exist anymore,” Jeremy’s blinks and has to look away, “Dad. That little farmhouse. It’s gone. And Dad’s dead.”
“What?” Clark sounds actually astonished, asking, “When? How?”
Jeremy shrugs, walking over to the shores edge and allowing the tide to lap gently at his boots.
He shares as he looks out to the sea, “Been a long time now. I was twenty when they diagnosed him. Quit college to come back, help out. Mostly just watched him whither away. Cancer took him a couple years later. I sold the house pretty much right after.”
“Huh… Your dad was always so tough. He seemed invincible to me,” Clark steps closer, adding, “I’m sorry.”
Biting down on his lip, Jeremy closes his eyes briefly and listens to the crashing tide. Steadying himself, he turns to face Clark and ask him, “What is it you really want from me, Clark?”
“I,” Clark’s expression hardens, voice conflicted, “I want to know the truth from you too.”
Jeremy’s heart is tight, confused, “The truth about what?”
“Me,” Clark’s eyes flick between each of Jeremy’s, heartfelt as he says, “I saw how you looked at me in high school, noticed that you came to every one of my plays. And even now, it’s obvious. So tell me this isn’t unrequited. I want to hear the truth.”
Jeremy’s back is against the ocean, nowhere to run even though he feels like escaping. His crush is so strong that Jeremy grows weak, wanting to submit to Clark and do whatever he says. His brow relaxes, fists unclenching as he tells him, “I can’t.”
“Please.”
“I can’t, I’m scared,” Jeremy huffs.
Clark steps into Jeremy’s personal space, leaning his head forward, “Don’t be.”
“You hurt me so much before, Clark,” Jeremy shakes his head, “I can’t let you have that chance again.”
“I won’t hurt you, I promise,” Clark insists, hand coming out and touching Jeremy’s arm, “Jeremy.”
He shakes like a leaf in the wind as Clark leans in closer.
Jeremy swallows the breath that Clark exhales and then their lips are touching.
It’s as if someone pointed a Roman candle right at Jeremy’s face.
Boom. Fireworks. His lips part and the kiss deepens, Clark tilting his head and pressing his chest against Jeremy’s as his hand skims down the other’s arm to touch his hand.
Clark’s tongue peeks out and gently licks at Jeremy’s, sending sparks flying all around the back of his eyelids. Their tongues circle each other’s and flatten, lips working together in harmony. Much more educated than their juvenile days, this is undoubtedly the best kiss Jeremy’s ever experienced.
The realization is too powerful, terrifying Jeremy to his core.
He’s doing something he forbade himself from even imagining, leaving him exposed.
He has to stop this before it goes any further.
Clark Radison would never actually want to pursue a future with Jeremy, and he needs to be careful to distinguish between reality and this fiction he’s experiencing.
Jeremy breaks off the kiss, and presses his hand against Clark’s chest to push him away. Clark’s eyelids slowly slip open and his gaze is watery as it finds Jeremy’s closed off face. Jeremy shakes his head and Clark’s brow wrinkles, “Why?”
“I’m sorry,” Jeremy barely gets out, biting down on his lip as hard as possible to stave off the sudden wave of emotion.
Turning away, Jeremy deftly ties Haukea’s reins to Kau’s and he gets up on the saddle. He has to repeat to himself not to turn around, afraid if he does then he’ll never be able to escape. Jeremy snaps the reins and runs away to the safety of the distance.