Chapter Eight #3
Hearing footsteps approaching, he doesn’t know who to expect. He glances over his shoulder against his better judgement and only sees a silhouette in the distance. Exhaling a cloud of smoke, Jeremy calls out, “Who’s there?”
Stepping out of the shadow of a building, Clark and his handy flask saunter towards Jeremy. Clark asks, “Is that really you?”
Jeremy wonders what that means, answering, “Yeah.”
Clark stops in his tracks and scrunches his mouth, “I don’t know if I want to see you right now.”
“Ditto,” Jeremy replies.
Sharing a silence for a moment, Clark walks over to Jeremy and climbs up on the fence to sit beside him. He offers the flask to Jeremy. Taking it, he drinks a generous swig. Clark gestures to his cigarette, “Can I bum one?”
Unable to stifle a chuckle, Jeremy shakes his head as he pulls out a stogie and hands it to Clark along with the flask.
He watches as Clark puts the cig between his lips and pulls out Jeremy’s zippo.
He lights it and keeps the lighter out, feeling it with his fingers.
Encouraged by the alcohol, Jeremy asks him outright, “Why did you take that from me? You always carry it around.”
Clark sways a bit on the fence as he shrugs, looking up toward the sky as he answers, “It reminds me of you.”
Heart skipping a beat, Jeremy’s eyes flick up to Clark’s face and he says, “You’re drunk.”
“Maybe a little,” Clark smirks goofily.
Jeremy thinks that makes sense, today holding many heavy revelations. He looks back up to the sky with Clark and decides to bring it up, “So that was something today, huh?”
“Yeah,” Clark huffs, “Laurelai kicked me out of the house tonight. Said she’s leaving with her kids tomorrow.”
Biting his lip, Jeremy lowers his eyes again and replies, “Sorry that went down like that.”
Clark shrugs, saying his words slowly, “It was inevitable, really.”
“Still,” Jeremy puffs from his cigarette, “I’m sorry.”
Clark’s eyes lower to earth as he chews on that, the apology overarching and only a bandaid. He hangs his head a little lower, stretching out his arm on his propped up knee and peeking from over his shoulder as he asks, “Are you really going to leave me for Rezai?”
Jeremy’s breath feels small as he quietly asks as a response, “I thought you were over me?”
“I lied,” Clark replies in a hushed voice.
Having to look away, Jeremy’s brow scrunches and the air between them feels thick. Jeremy licks his lips before he answers, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that.”
Clark leans into him, their shoulders pressed against each other. His voice remains low as he says, “Is it true that you’re entering the rodeo?”
Brow crinkling in confusion, Jeremy nods.
“I hear you do it every year,” Clark continues.
“Every one.”
“Hm,” Clark mumbles, “And I guess there’s some prize money in it for you, huh?”
Jeremy tilts his head, smoking more from his dying cigarette, “Could be, yeah.”
“What if I paid you twice that much to skip the rodeo?” Clark proposes out of nowhere, sipping his flask.
“Ha,” Jeremy laughs shortly, shaking his head, “I gotta compete. It’s tradition that somebody represents Willmaker Ranch.”
“I could get us someone else. An understudy.”
“An ‘understudy?’” Jeremy emphasizes, actually insulted, “You tryin’ to edge me out right now? Seriously?”
“It’s not like that,” Clark readjusts himself on the fence, looking into Jeremy’s eyes as he says, “It’s just dangerous.”
“Pfft, come on. You saw me handle that bronco earlier, I’ll do the same again,” Jeremy points out.
Clark nods slowly, “That was pretty cool what you did today.”
Jeremy shrugs, “All in a day’s work.”
“Speaking of work,” Clark looks over to him, asking, “What are you going to do about Barry?”
Jeremy shrugs, simply stating the truth, “I like him.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Jeremy,” Clark leans in again.
Neck burning red, Jeremy deflects by looking away and spouting, “I don’t have any answers for you right now.”
“Then tell me the truth about something you do know,” Clark smokes on his cigarette before continuing, “What was that Rezai was saying about an old crush?”
Biting down hard on his bottom lip, Jeremy’s eyes are trained to the ground.
He feels a little naked without his cowboy hat on to shade his expression, trying to keep a poker face.
Thinking up a lie or an excuse feels like such a burden in this moment.
Jeremy’s shoulders relax as he shares the truth, “It’s you. I had a crush on you back in the day.”
“When?” Clark’s voice lilts up, rolling out the ember of his cigarette and pocketing the butt, “When exactly?”
Jeremy’s eyes lift a bit, answering, “High school. And middle school. And, I don’t know, forever.”
Clark holds his breath as he asks, “And now?”
Closing his eyes briefly, he opens them and looks over to Clark. His face is so tortured, yearning for Jeremy’s answer. He decides it’s reasonable to be transparent, nodding gently as he says, “Yes, even now.”
“Then why?” Clark grabs onto Jeremy’s bicep, bringing him closer, “Why reject me back in Oahu? Why can’t we be together now?”
“Because,” Jeremy’s brow pinches as his eyes brim with moisture, choking out, “You hurt me so much before. And at the party… Don’t you get it? I don’t want to feel this way.”
Jeremy stands up, taking a step away and needing the space to think clearly before he does something stupid like burst into tears. Clark stands up too, reaching out for him and saying, “It’s different now, though. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
“I just don’t know if I can trust you,” Jeremy puts out his cigarette, refusing to look at Clark again. He’s weak now, feeling tender in the aftermath of his confession.
“What can I do to convince you that I’m serious?” Clark steps closer, urging, “I want you to understand that there’s nobody for me but you. It’s always been that way. I was just too stupid to not see it before.”
“I don’t know. I need- I need time,” Jeremy finally turns back to Clark, looking him dead in the eye and saying, “Give me time to think.”
Clark looks at each one of Jeremy’s eyes individually, searching them deeply. He inhales slowly and exhales as calmly as he can, “Take as much time as you need. You know why? Cuz I’ll always be waiting for you.”
Jeremy loses his breath, struggles to get it back, like he’s been punched in the gut.