CHAPTER EIGHT
WHITLOCK AbrAHAMS
We have history, Juliana. Don’t you think of me? I think of you all the time.
JULIANA THE DEMON HUNTRESS
I don’t let myself.
Vampire Falls. Season two, episode seventeen – “Dead Moon”
I am so livid right now I could actually leap on someone and murder them dead.
“Charlie Chamberlain, I know you’re out there,” calls Damon Van Schwartz, his voice all sing-songy. “Stand up so I can see you, my brother.”
Sometimes the actors chat with members of the crowd, or babies get attention (on my pro list for considering pregnancy in the very distant future), but I’ve never seen someone singled out by name.
Hopefully it’s because they’ve discovered that Charlie Chamberlain hasn’t watched an episode of Vampire Falls since he swapped the show for protein shakes and want to expose him for the fraud that he is, and not because he was in the right place at the right time and just happened to save our favourite cast member’s life.
I remember clearly the day Charlie Chamberlain’s mum dropped him off at mine so she could take Sadie to ballet.
I wish I couldn’t, but I can. It’s our origin story, I guess.
He shuffled in on crutches, his leg in plaster from a bad break after falling out of a tree, and he’d used so much deodorant I could taste it in the back of my throat.
He was a gangly fourteen-year-old then; his shoulders hadn’t filled out and he was all Adam’s apple and angry spots.
I believe he would have been called a hobbledehoy back in the day, fact fans, but I was still struck by his smile.
I was kind of nervously excited, waiting for him to arrive.
Our mums had met at a baby group years before, and we’d shared a birthday party once when we were pre-schoolers.
Fairies and Cowboys. He actually chose fairies, and I chose cowboys.
We were progressive in that way. But then we sort of drifted at primary school when he decided girls were gross.
He was nervous and polite, and I was bolshy and territorial (I know; hard to imagine, right?). We had no friends or classes in common so just sat in silence staring at the TV until my mum came in.
“Charlie, can you manage in here with your leg? Or would you rather eat at the table?”
“Here’s fine,” he said, his voice squeaking in that unpredictable teenage boy way.
“Good.” My mum’s face brightened. “We normally watch the latest Vampire Falls episode on a Thursday. Do you watch it, Charlie?”
Charlie shook his head and glanced at me. I could see the discomfort in his eyes – probably the thought of eating a meal cooked by someone else in an unfamiliar house and now having to sit through a TV show he had zero interest in.
“It’s kind of our little tradition, isn’t it, Eliza?”
I nodded, squirming on the sofa as my mum revealed to Charlie that I actually enjoyed spending time with her. I mean, lame. She disappeared back into the kitchen while I lined up the latest episode of Vampire Falls.
“So, what’s it about?” he asked.
“Vampires,” I said, without looking at him.
“Right,” he said, shifting on the sofa. “Helpful.”
Mum brought Charlie’s dinner in on a tray. His face lit up when he saw the massive plate of breadcrumb coated chicken, chips and peas, and my mum handed him the ketchup.
He smiled and drenched his chips in sauce, then I pressed play and he politely watched the pre-credit scene, his eyebrows pinching together as he tried to work out which of the two characters fighting was the vampire.
Next thing, the intro music kicked in and he watched each actor’s sequence, his eyes brightening when he saw Amber Anderson.
“Who’s she?” he asked.
“That’s Juliana the Demon Huntress,” Mum explained. “An undead warrior from the Megna dimension. Her mother was murdered by vampires. She hates everything about this world, apart from heavy metal.”
Mum pulled the metal sign with her fingers then did a little air guitar riff as Charlie Chamberlain blinked at her. Amazingly, I didn’t die of embarrassment. He swallowed down a chip, then cleared his throat.
“Is . . . she in every episode?”
“She first appeared at the end of season one but was so popular they made her a series regular in season two,” Mum clarified.
He nodded and looked back at the TV, frowning again as he attempted to follow the storyline. He was hooked by the end of that episode, and that week he came over after school every day to watch it from the first episode. We’d watched the entire first season by Sadie’s next ballet lesson.
The audience looks around, even Roxy, trying to spot the mysterious brother of Damon Van Schwartz. I do not move, my back pressed to my chair as tightly as my jaw is clenched.
“He’s here!” shouts a very loud, very proud, voice. “Over here!”
“Sadie, honey, is that you?” says Damon Van Schwartz.
“Y-yes!”
“Can you bring up that hero brother of yours?”
“Y-yes!” she manages.
The crowd erupts like Charlie Chamberlain has the chance to win a million dollars.
I mean, it would feel like winning a million dollars, being invited onto the stage by Damon Van Schwartz.
Not that I’m jealous. Not that I’m at all bothered by what Charlie Chamberlain does.
He could trip over on the top step, fall over and smash his perfect teeth for all I care.
Roxy elbows me and I look round, horrified to see her clapping and smiling as Sadie drags Charlie towards the stage. I glare at her, and she rolls her eyes.
“Come on, ice queen. This is cool. Look how excited Sadie is.”
They climb up the steps to the stage, then Damon Van Schwartz says something to Sadie away from the mic as her brother looks on.
Felix brings two extra chairs on while Damon Van Schwartz says something else we can’t hear to Charlie Chamberlain.
Honestly, it was kind of cute when it was Sadie, but this is just rude.
There’s a bit of laughter and a few more words between them, then he lifts the mic and he’s all of ours again.
“Friends, I want you all to meet Charlie Chamberlain.”
Applause. Blah.
“You may not know this, but if it wasn’t for Charlie, my life would have ended abruptly earlier today.”
More applause. Eye roll.
“I want to say the biggest thank you to this hero, right here. I really thought the reaper was about to claim me, but you fought him off.”
“For goodness’ sake!” I say, possibly louder than I’d planned as a lot of people in front turn and look at me like I’ve broken a puppy’s neck with my bare hands.
“What now?” hisses Roxy.
“We don’t know he was actually about to die,” I say, doing angry air quotes.
“Are you calling Damon Van Schwartz a liar?” asks a woman in a faded Vampire Falls T-shirt in the row in front of me.
“No,” says Roxy, pulling me back into my seat. I didn’t even realise I was perched on the edge of it. “No, she’s not saying that. She’s just . . . excited.”
Damon Van Schwartz’s assistant appears with a couple of red lanyards (RED ONES, ffs) and puts them over their heads like they’ve just won gold at the Olympics, which they basically have because red lanyards are the best passes money can buy.
I can’t imagine what the extra perks would be.
I heard you can only get them on the dark web.
The red lanyards that is, not the perks.
Roxy strokes my head in a fruitless attempt to settle me down; red lanyards are the ultimate dream, as well as meeting Megan Nicole Jefferies who plays Lila Murphy, most Fallers’ final cast member on their photo op bingo card.
“I’ve also arranged for a room upgrade, right here at the hotel, and we’re going to have dinner tomorrow.”
“Room upgrade?!” I blurt, this time loud enough that Charlie Chamberlain, Sadie and Damon Van Schwartz peer at me all the way from the stage.
I sink down into my seat in case the stewards try to remove me because I’m being so loud.
Actually, not loud. Emotional. OK, fine.
Loud and emotional, but a room upgrade and dinner?
We all know what a great guy Damon Van Schwartz is, but this special treatment is wildly unnecessary, in my humble opinion.
“Can I hear it for Charlie and his sister Sadie, guys?”
The crowd cheers even louder, if possible, as Felix ushers them to their seats on the stage. Sadie beams at Amber Anderson who high-fives her as she sits down, while the rest of the guests lean forward to welcome them.
“You OK?” asks Roxy.
I gape at the stage, and then at Roxy.
“Am I OK? Do you even know me?”
“Fair. Just try and screw a lid on it before one of the stewards throws you out.”
“Pffft.”
Yes, I pffft-ed. My heart and soul pffft-ed for my little convention.