Chapter 28 #2
“Working or not, you disappear in this town, someone’s bound to call the department. You’re just lucky I talked Bea out of calling a state-wide search.”
That was a relief.
“You know, when we were asking about your routine, that’s when she got the most upset.”
“Because of my routine?”
“Because she didn’t know what it was. The only thing she said to me was that you came over after she got off work. Seems to me, that woman was upset for reasons you can’t even comprehend. Maybe you want to think about that, and then go fucking apologize for being an ass.”
I almost told him to mind his own business, but he was right. My overreaction to the situation was fueled by her call to Bianca. If it hadn’t been for that, I would have laughed the whole thing off.
Instead, she stormed away, pissed as hell at me.
And it was time to fix that.
Grabbing my keys, I locked the office and waved at the officers before turning for my car, only to be smacked in the face with something cold and wet.
I really fucking hated this town.
Knocking on Ellie’s door, I wiped what I could of the foul-smelling milkshake from my neck. Whoever thought banana belonged in a milkshake was insane. The scent would linger the rest of the night.
I was tempted to just go home and forget about apologies. The shake running down my spine and chest, coating my balls, was enough to almost make me turn around.
But I was already here, and Ellie deserved an apology for my behavior.
When the door swung open, the usual charm and perfect smile were missing from Ellie’s face. Instead, she quirked an eyebrow at me, her eyes roaming over my soaked chest before returning to my face.
“Can I help you?”
She was not going to make this easy on me. “Can I come in?”
“I don’t think so.”
The door slammed in my face, and then I heard the telltale sound of the lock clicking into place. It would be so easy to turn around right now and call it quits, but despite my reputation, quitting wasn’t a word I was familiar with.
So, I pounded on the door again and waited for her to answer.
It took another five minutes of relentless banging before she finally answered the door, looking even more agitated than the last time she answered.
“What do you want?”
“Just a minute to talk.”
“Why? If you’re not here to fuck, I’m not sure what the point of you entering my house would be.”
Yeah, I deserved that, and probably a punch to the face. I could have worded it differently, but I was still pissed that she contacted Bianca.
“Bad choice of words.”
She huffed out a laugh. “Bad choice…that’s what you think that was?”
“Okay, it was worse than a bad choice of words. It was stupid and…look, I never intended to say anything like that to you.”
“And yet, it came out of your mouth in front of everyone at your office.”
“You called my ex!”
“Because I was worried about you. Not because I was digging up dark secrets!”
“I know!” I shouted, relenting my stupidity. “I know,” I repeated more softly. “Look, it was stupid of me. I never should have gotten upset, but the thought of Bianca touching anything here just pisses me off.”
I looked up into her sweet eyes and watched as they slowly melted before me. I wasn’t sure how the hell this woman ever got stuck with a bastard like me, but for some reason, she was, and she wasn’t slamming the door in my face for a second time.
Instead, the door widened and she stepped aside. “You’d better come inside.”
“Thank you.”
“But don’t sit on my furniture. You smell terrible.”
A smile slid across my lips, but the moment her door slammed, I schooled my features. This was far from over.
“I owe you an explanation.”
“You’re damn right you do,” she scoffed.
“It’s actually really simple. I worked late last night, and I was sitting in your driveway, wishing I could be inside with you, but…I didn’t want to wake you up. I thought it would be selfish of me.”
“I was awake,” she retorted, glancing away from me.
“How could you—”
“Because I waited up for you!” she snapped. “You’ve been coming here every night. And when I didn’t hear from you, I figured you’d come here when you got off work. So, I waited, and the longer I waited, the more worried I got.”
“Ellie, this isn’t a relationship—”
“Don’t you dare start that bullshit with me,” she seethed. “This isn’t about whether or not we’re in a relationship. Do you really think I was sitting here, twiddling my thumbs and drawing hearts on paper as I waited for Prince Charming to come home?”
I didn’t say it, but yeah, that was about the gist of it. Sans the hearts on the notes. That didn’t really seem like Ellie’s style.
“I just didn’t want to wake you up,” I said again.
“And I had a long day ahead of me. There was a case that I needed to take care of first thing in the morning. I missed my meeting with my secretary because she arrived late, and it took me all damn day to convince another lawyer to help me on a case. I was just finishing up when I got back to the office.”
“And not once did you think to check your voicemail or your texts?” she snapped.
“I didn’t check my phone at all!” I yelled.
Why the fuck was I even explaining myself? We weren’t dating, and the idea that I went missing was completely absurd.
“You gathered the whole fucking town because for one day you didn’t hear from me. That’s ludicrous!”
“It wasn’t the whole town. It was Mav and Remi.”
“And Wayne. And along with them, everyone else gathered to find out what was wrong. Hell, there was police tape on my office door!”
She took a menacing step toward me, her bitch face on full display. I had never seen it before, and based on the mother of all glares, I hoped I never saw it again.
“So, you have a problem with me being genuinely worried about you?”
“No, I—”
“If you go missing again, and no one hears from you, I should just pretend like it’s completely normal?”
“Well, it’s not likely I’ll be kidnapped in a town this size,” I muttered.
“There was a murder years ago here. And just last winter, a little girl was kidnapped.”
“I’m not a little girl,” I argued.
“The point is, you’re acting like I was being ridiculous, and maybe I was, but it wasn’t because I was pining over the loss of a boyfriend or wondering why you wouldn’t answer my pathetic calls.
It was because I was worried about you. And the sad truth is that when Mav and Remi were asking where you might be, I didn’t have a single answer for them. ”
“There are only so many places to go.”
“Yes, but you weren’t at any of them,” she said sweetly, her cruelty taking a backseat for only a second.
I knew a devastating blow was coming.
“And do know what I came to realize?”
“Um…”
“After all these questions, it became quite clear to me that I don’t know a thing about you.”
“Yes, you do,” I laughed. “We spend every day together—”
“And you tell me nothing! I went to your cabin, and that’s how I found Bianca’s number. I asked if she had heard from you recently. She said no, by the way. And in case you were wondering if we gossiped about you, the answer is no. I said thank you, and I hung up.”
Sighing, I ducked my head, not out of embarrassment, but frustration. “Ellie, we said this was just sex.”
“And friendship, Ryder.”
“Yeah, you wanted my friendship, which I have more than given.”
“Just not from you,” she chuckled lightly.
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“You have been there for me. I’m not denying that. But you haven’t once actually given me a piece of yourself.”
“Because that wasn’t part of the deal,” I hissed.
“You know, I didn’t ask for you to have a relationship with me. I didn’t ask you to spend every night in my bed. You did that all on your own. And I’m a big girl. If you need a break, I can give it to you. But what I can’t take is being the only person around here being honest.”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“Really? You didn’t rush off to your house because you needed space?”
“No!” I shouted. “I just wanted some fucking sleep!”
“Then just say that!” she argued. “Why is it so fucking hard for you to inform me of little things in your life?”
“Because you’re not my fucking girlfriend!” I shouted. “This is sex. You don’t get to know every part of my life. You don’t get to demand I answer my phone anytime you call. That’s not what any of this is!”
The slightest nod made her chin dip, and then she walked toward the door. “Then leave.”
“Because of a fucking phone call?”
“Because I said I wanted a friend. I thought that’s what we were, but based on how upset you are about something as simple as me being worried about you, I can see this won’t work any longer.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I laughed. “You’re breaking this off because you overreacted!”
“No,” she said calmly. “I’m breaking this off because you can’t handle someone else being worried about you. I’m ending this because you can’t be honest with yourself about what’s really going on here.”
“Yeah?” I huffed. “Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?”
Her head cocked at me, a knowing smile touching her lips.
And at that moment, I knew what she was about to say. I knew she was about to cross a line I would never return from.
“You’ve made a friend, Ryder. A genuine person who cares about you. Someone who loves you—”
“Stop it,” I snapped.
“Someone who loves you for who you are, and you can’t handle that. I don’t know why, and it’s none of my business anymore.”
Spinning away from her, I swallowed down the anger threatening to spill over.
“You don’t want what I can offer you. You think you’re better off on your own. Whatever Bianca did really screwed you up.”
“You don’t know a damn thing!” I shouted, spinning around, getting in her face.
“I know,” she answered calmly. She stepped back, then walked around me to the door, opening it once again. “Goodbye, Ryder.”
My mouth gaped as I tried to think of a comeback, of any way to get the last word in. Why? Hell if I knew. But as I stood there and stared at Ellie’s beautiful face, I realized that I didn’t want to get the last word in.
I just wanted her.
And that scared me more than anything ever had before in my life.
I needed her.
“Goodbye, Ellie.”