Chapter 32
brIAR
Not a sound stirred around me except for the rhythmical beeping of the heart monitor beside this hard hospital bed. With Cassidy gone, the stale room dipped cooler, seemed emptier and hollow. The anticipation, knowing that I was about to find out what was going on with my legs, weighed heavily on my heart. TV static zipped up and down my limbs. No matter how much I willed it, concentrating on simply wiggling my toes, nothing happened. There was not a single twitch of muscle indicating that my feet received the message from my brain.
A doorknob clicked, and my gaze shot to the silver knob turning. The doctors were here.
My heart raced in my chest, nausea curling in my throat as a white, scuffed sneaker peaked out beneath purple scrubs.
Not a doctor.
Raising my eyes, I locked sight with a face so eerily similar to what I imagined mine would look like in the future. There it was. All of the features that were not like my father’s staring back at me. Gray eyes, long, blonde hair that swung in a braid to the middle of her back. Tall and thin, with weathered wrinkles outlining her heart-shaped lips.
“Hi, baby,” she whispered.
Tears welled up in my eyes, not from excitement or grief. But from anger. I said nothing and placed my hands on the mattress, scooting myself up into a higher sitting position as the woman who should have been my mother shut the door behind her.
“Cassidy Duke paid me a visit and said you were here,” Laura continued. The soles of her shoes squeaked against the tile, coming in my direction. “He said you wanted to meet me, and I can’t begin to express how grateful and happy—”
“No, you don’t get to come in here and do that,” I cut her off, finally finding my voice. A blazing fire roared in my belly. “You left me and Dad. Twenty-eight years I’ve lived believing that you were dead. Visiting a tombstone that clearly didn’t mark where your body was buried, so I get to ask the questions. And you will answer them. You don’t get a say in how this goes. I do.”
The smile immediately fell from her face. Laura stopped walking and ran her palms over a wrinkle that had sprung in her scrub top. “Fair enough,” she mumbled, offering me a small nod.
I inhaled deeply. Cassidy knew I could do this. I knew I could do this. Hearing what she had to say would give me the closure I sought and provide me with a clear picture on how to handle this stranger who should’ve been a permanent figure in my life growing up.
“Why’d you leave? What woman abandons her newborn baby and husband?” I sharply asked. There would be no pulling punches; she’d lost that respect the moment she up and left.
She blinked rapidly, fighting back the tears of pain and guilt that washed across her face. I felt no remorse, not a single prickle of desire to take back what I said. Slowly, Laura nodded and pushed behind her ear a strand of honey-colored hair that had fallen from her ponytail. “I have no excuse that will ever justify what I did,” she began.
“You’re absolutely right,” I hissed.
She visibly flinched and shot her gaze down to the floor. “I was scared,” she muttered.
“Scared? You left a husband and newborn baby because you were scared?” Unbelievable. “Get out. I don’t want you—”
“I was scared for you!” she quickly interjected, stopping me from kicking her out entirely.
Closing my eyes, Cassidy’s stupidly level-headed voice reminded me to hear her out. Not for her, but for me. “Fine,” I snarled, reconnecting with her fearful gaze. “Explain what you mean.”
Her shoulders fell in relief. “My father, your grandfather, was not a good man. Something as simple as him finding out that Thomas took me on a date set him off. And so, when your dad and I found out I was pregnant with you, I didn’t know what to do. We weren’t married, either, and I was a couple months away from becoming a registered nurse. So, we had a shotgun wedding, hoping that would curb some of the hostility from my father when we decided to announce that I was with child. And then we found out you were going to be a little girl.” Laura’s voice trailed off as she wandered to an empty chair across from the foot of my hospital bed.
Snapping my teeth together, I studied this frail-looking woman as she plopped herself down. Then she continued, “Since I was so young, hiding the pregnancy was easy. Thomas was the best partner, too, making sure that no one had any suspicions. But I was scared, and the closer we got to the due date, Thomas knew how terrified I was becoming. So, he asked if telling my mom would help, which it did… For a little while anyway.”
“Then what? You had me and took off because it protected you from pain that would come from this apparently horrible dad of yours?” I jabbed.
She sighed. “That was part of it. But I was mainly terrified he’d hurt you too. He had no care for women, including my mom. She tried to leave once, which nearly got her killed, so she stayed. It was the best she could do to protect me at the time. She wanted better for me—and for you—and had an idea. Since she was a nurse at the hospital I’d be giving birth at, she could help me escape. If everyone believed that I was dead, then my father would never know about you and never be able to hurt you or hurt me again.”
Stitching my brows together, I shook my head. “How in the world was that the best option? What about Dad? You could’ve stayed, and he would’ve protected you!”
“It wasn’t that simple, Briar,” she defensively said, and I shook my head.
“How was it not? You chose running away over staying and fighting! Something that I suddenly am clearly aware of where I get it from. Something that I’m working to be better about not doing every day.”
“Please, Briar, I’m trying to—”
“No. You don’t get to try and justify why you did what you did. I said you could explain what happened. That’s it. I get to ask the questions. So, you decided to fake your death because you had a mean dad that you wanted to protect me from. How’d you do it?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest.
She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment and chewed. “After you were born, they took you to the nursery to give me a little bit of rest, and your dad went to visit you an hour or so later. During that time, my mom helped discharge me and sneak me out. By the time he came back to the room, I was gone, and there were death forms for him to sign. Fake ones that my mom made, but all the same, it helped reinforce the ruse.” A tear slid down her cheek.
“You broke Dad’s heart. You know he never remarried? Never even went on a single date because despite you being ‘dead.’ he never stopped loving you!” I shouted, so angry. Angry at her. Angry at the world for taking my dad. Angry at everything.
“I know,” she whispered, silent tears free-falling down her cheeks.
“Why didn’t you change your last name? You don’t deserve to be a Kensington,” I asked, my own face quickly becoming wet.
Her gaze shot to her lap as my soul screamed at the world. “Because my dad wouldn’t be able to find me if I stayed as Laura Kensington. She was all but officially dead to him and to everyone who knew me in my past life.”
“I VISITED YOUR GRAVE!” I screamed, balling my hands up into fists.
“I know.” She closed her eyes. “My mom managed to have the funeral services closed-casket. Your dad was deep in the throws of taking care of a newborn and…you know…so he didn’t question it. Nobody did. You buried an empty coffin.”
“Did you ever think about coming back? Did you ever want to come back?” I asked, though I wasn’t even sure I wanted an answer to that question.
“Yes, I wanted to come back. But no, I never considered it to be an option. There was too much risk—”
“Too much risk? It was too risky to come see your family?”
“Yes, Briar. I couldn’t chance your grandfather finding out.”
“He died when I was sixteen! And I know you knew that if you knew Dad never remarried. If you knew how things with the funeral were handled, you knew,” I snapped.
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Yes, I knew.”
“I can’t believe this,” I muttered and turned toward the gentle sunlight coming in through the window. “I never met my grandparents. Dad’s parents passed before I was born, and then he told me your dad was too sick to meet me and your mom had to stay to take care of him. Then when he died, Dad told me your grandma was too heartbroken to meet me. I was so wrapped up in myself as a teenager, I didn’t recognize how painful that was for him to tell me until I was much older.”
Whipping an accusatory glare back toward Laura, I noticed that her gaze remained trained on a single stitch of thread on her clothes. “Why did your mom not want to get to know me after your dad died?”
“Because I asked her to stay away. Because I didn’t want to put my mom in a position where she had to continue lying for me. So, once your dad stopped asking questions about my death and your grandfather’s death, my mom just left him alone. Then she passed a year later and it made it easy to just let it go.”
“Dad died believing you were dead! Dad had to protect me from everything you should’ve been there to help him with on his own! Dad took care of me alone because you abandoned us! And I never got to say goodbye to him!” Anguish squeezed my heart. My chest tightened as I stared at a woman I didn’t know and never wanted to know. I wailed to the ceiling, a soul-shattering ghost of a scream. “Tell me this, why did the Dukes make Cassidy come home from living with Rooney when he learned my dad’s last name? Cassidy never even knew I existed, so what was the point?”
“The Dukes didn’t know you existed either. I told them about my father and how I had to leave to protect Thomas. But I didn’t say anything about you. They brought Cassidy home for fear that somehow, my father would discover the connection between Cassidy’s family and myself,” she explained. Her voice had a mere fraction of the strength she’d walked in with.
“You’re a coward,” I snarled. “Dad would’ve rather had you and dealt with protecting you and me from your father than what happened. And you know it.”
“Briar,” she whispered.
Rolling my shoulders, I lifted my chin. “No. I don’t need anything else from you. You’ve told me enough. You had plenty of opportunities to come back. You had other options. You could’ve made a different choice. I never want to see you again.” I motioned with my head toward the brown door, and I heard her gasp as I said, “Get out.”
“Please, Briar. I just wanted to keep you safe. I just—”
“I said, get. Out.” Whipping my head back, I narrowed my eyes and curled my lip into a sneer. “You’re a disgrace to my dad’s name.”
She shakily rose from the chair. “I loved him, you know. I still loved him long after I left. I still love him.”
“Clearly not enough.”
“Briar, again, it’s not that simple.”
“How is it not? The threat, your entire reason for leaving eventually died. I could’ve had a grandma. I could’ve had a mother,” I snarled as the doorknob clicked again, signifying it was opening.
I glanced away from Laura as another nurse popped her head through the door. She was a mousy lady with intense, curly hair. “Sorry to interrupt, but your son popped by with some lunch for you, Laura,” the lady said.
The blood in my veins slammed to a halt, and I swirled my gaze back to Laura. Cold ran through my skin. “Son?” I hissed.
She closed her eyes, her face pulling tight with guilt. “I never remarried, if that makes a difference,” she whispered.
“Yeah, because you couldn’t. Then everyone would’ve figured you out,” I sneered. “Leave me. Forget I exist like you’ve so masterfully done for my entire life. Go to your son. I don’t want or need you. I never have and never will.”
The other nurse’s brows twitched, a hint of confusion swiping across her features. Laura remained still for another a second as a large hand slammed against the door above the mousy nurse. She squeaked in fright as Cassidy marched into the room.
His eyes were wild, narrowed with rage nearly equal to the look he’d had upon seeing me being held captive by Wayde. “You heard her,” he snarled. All fear, all anguish, everything that weighed me down from this interaction with this woman flushed away in an instance. A smile spread across my face at the sight of Cassidy so broody and possessively protective.
“I don’t have the use of my legs right now, but he does. And all I have to do is ask. So, leave. Now,” I triumphantly and proudly said.
Laura shot me one last shame-filled glance and then quickly whisked out of the room.
Closing my eyes, my hand slapped against my mouth as tears crashed down my face. Both relief and closure filled me, along with a hint of my own grief. It would take time to mourn the loss of the idea that I might’ve had a mother.
Rough, calloused fingers slid against my cheeks, rubbing away the stains of tears. “The doctors are on their way. What do you need?” Cassidy whispered, his lips melting against my forehead.
“Nothing,” I replied softly. “I did it. I faced her. I got answers. I’m okay now. But she’ll never be a part of my life. Of our life.”
His lips brushed up and down against my skin. “Sounds perfect to me, Goldie. Sounds perfect to me.”