31. Celine
Celine
Three days have passed since Joanna slapped me. She has been awfully quiet during lessons and meals, which doesn’t surprise me. After hearing Father Keaton raise his voice and the sheer fear that crossed her face, I’m sure that set her straight.
Why do I continue to sit with them during meals and endure the awkward silence? Because if not, I’d have to sit with other women and get to know them.
No, thank you.
Today is no different than the last two. We sit here, eating our food as the women around us laugh and carry on their conversations. Even Bekah can feel the tension between Joanna and me.
As I take a bite of my food, I subtly look to Joanna, whose eyes have just lifted to Father Keaton. Not being able to help myself, I glance in his direction. He looks at Joanna, head gesturing in my direction.
Beside me, she sighs heavily and shifts on the bench to face me. “Celine, I’m sorry I slapped you.”
I stop chewing at the same time Bekah gasps. “You slapped her?”
“I was angry, and in the heat of the moment, I lost control,” Joanna explains to either me or Bekah, I don’t know. “And for that, I apologize. I had a long talk with Father Keaton about my behavior, and we both agreed I was out of line.”
My eyes slide over to Esther, who is watching the exchange with her mouth slightly open.
Neither of us thought that Joanna would apologize.
I move my gaze to Father Keaton, who is observing the conversation carefully.
He slightly dips his head as if telling me to accept her apology.
This whole thing feels strange to me, but I go along with it to avoid any more drama.
Bringing my attention back to Joanna, I muster up the fakest smile and say, “It’s okay. I said some things I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, too.”
The only reason I apologize is because I know girls like her. What she wanted out of this was for me to say that I’m sorry because, to her, it’s all my fault.
I’m not sorry, though. I meant everything I said about Father Keaton basically brainwashing her. And although she apologized first, her words don’t really mean anything because she is only doing this to appease Father Keaton.
Her face lights up from my apology. “Oh, good! I’m so glad that’s over! I couldn’t stand us being mad at each other.”
“Yeah, me neit—” I get cut off by her arms wrapping around me. I look to Esther in panic, but she is trying to hold back her laughter.
Joanna finally lets go of me and sighs. “Okay! Now, let me fill you in on movie night.”
There was a reason I didn’t want to see the movie to begin with, but I don’t object to her insisting on rambling about it.
Instead, I let her drone on and on while I ignore her, nodding here and there to make it seem like I’m listening.
While I’m dissociating, I hear her say that the popcorn was too salty and the blankets were itchy, but other than that, the movie was great.
When lunch is over, I walk out into the hall with Esther and whisper about Joanna’s apology.
The latter has skipped off to the courtyard with Bekah, thankfully not asking us to join them.
Esther and I have decided to sit in the hallway for some peace and quiet, but before we can head that way, Father Keaton calls my name.
My body freezes at the sound of his voice.
“What the hell does he want?” Esther asks as he approaches us.
“Can I speak to you in my office?” he asks.
“We can’t speak here in the hall?” I question aggressively.
He looks from Esther to me, his jaw ticking in aggravation at my tone. “It’s a private matter.”
“Okay.” I reluctantly agree and follow him without saying anything to Esther.
As he walks ahead of me, I take the opportunity to look back at where I left her. She stands there, arms crossed over her chest, wearing a worried expression. I give her a reassuring smile that I’ll be fine. He isn’t going to do anything to me.
We veer left into the hall where the offices are, and when we get to his door, he stands to the side, allowing me to step in first. His office looks the same as it did the first day I was here.
There are no photos on his bookshelves, only old, worn out books. I’m not sure how I didn’t feel it before, but the energy in his office is unsettling. The air is warmer than the other rooms in the convent, and it feels heavier. Like it’s going to crush me at any second.
Father Keaton takes a seat, motioning for me to sit in the chair opposite him. For a moment, I hesitate. I’d much rather stand in case I want to get out of here quickly, but, going against my worries, I take a seat. With my hands in my lap, I ignore his gaze and stare at the bookshelf.
“Are you married?” I ask without sparing him a glance
“I’m not.”
“So you don’t have a family?”
He follows my line of sight before answering. “I don’t.”
“Figured,” I say, finally looking at him.
“What makes you say that?”
I point to the shelf. “You have no personal photos. No family. No pets.” I look at his left hand, “No ring.”
“I became a priest young, around Father Alexander’s age, and I never married. I devoted my life to God, and that was enough for me.”
Finally, I remove my eyes from his ring finger to look at him. Was that really enough for him? Apparently not, seeing how he is sleeping with Joanna.
“Isn’t that lonely?” I ask him.
“I’m not lonely, Celine. I have the people in this convent,” he informs me. “And I have God.”
I roll my eyes at how pathetic he sounds and then change the subject to the matter of why he brought me here. “You wanted to talk?”
“Yes.” He leans forward, his arms resting on the desk. “I wanted to talk about the day Joanna slapped you.”
My jaw tightens, an unconvincing smile lifting my lips. “She apologized. All is good.”
“Good, I’m glad she did. Her behavior was out of line.” His words sound remarkably similar to what Joanna told me in her apology. “I have dealt with her, and she will be serving her punishment and praying to God for forgiveness. Now that you have forgiven her, it is God’s turn.”
A forced laugh leaves me. “What if I didn’t forgive her?”
“But you did,” Father Keaton says hesitantly.
“I may have told her that I did, but she slapped me, Father Keaton. She threatened to hurt me.”
“You lied to her?” Of course, he only cares about the fact that I lied. Not that the crazy bitch threatened me.
“I told her what she wanted to hear.”
“Lying is a sin, Celine.” Seems to be the motto of this place.
I shake my head in disbelief and glance at the wall to my right, muttering under my breath, “You’re one to talk.”
“Excuse me?” His voice has dropped, a deeper tone that makes my heart beat faster with alarm.
I should tell him it’s nothing. That I said nothing, but I don’t feel like holding anything back anymore. Because you can’t hold things in; otherwise, you are going to explode.
And I have been holding this anger in for a while, so I guess this is me exploding.
“I said you’re one to talk. Lying is a sin, Celine.” I mock him. “You are lying and committing fornication. And let’s not forget all the bullshit you are spewing to make Joanna believe that what the two of you are doing is right.”
His jaw ticks, and he rests back into his seat. “My business is precisely that—my business. You shouldn’t worry yourself with what I’m doing.”
“It became my business when Joanna slapped me!” I push myself from the chair, flattening my hands on his desk.
Narrowing my eyes at him, I say, “You’re a piece of shit, I hope you know that.
Sleeping with a woman in the convent and taking advantage of her like that?
If Hell exists, you’ll be burning in it. ”
I twist away from his desk, being satisfied with my hate-filled words and wanting to get out of here, when a dark chuckle leaves him. The haunting sound stops me in my tracks, but I’m too afraid to look back at him.
The air in the room becomes even heavier than before.
The chair he sits in drags across the carpet, and I hear him slowly rise.
I’m frozen in my spot, air fighting to get to my lungs but failing.
Father Keaton steps around where I’m at to stand before me.
This is why I didn’t want to turn around.
His eyes are almost black as he stares down at me.
I swear, he could be the Devil reincarnated.
“Now who’s the one to talk?” he snorts. I glare at him, unable to find words, so when I don’t answer, he continues. “Reprimanding me for sleeping with Joanna when you are no better.”
I swallow hard, holding my eyes to his. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
He takes a step closer. “Don’t play dumb, Celine.”
“I’m not playing dumb, Father.” I side-step him and walk around to reach for the doorknob so I can get the hell out of here, but he yanks me back by my arm, spinning me around to face him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He asks roughly, shoving my back against the door.
“To tell everyone what a lying piece of shit you are.” I attempt to rip my arm free of him, but he only tightens his hold. “Let me go!”
It takes a few moments, but he does. The relief of his hands no longer being on my body doesn’t last long because he quickly grips my face.
His fingers dig into my cheeks when he asks, “Who is going to believe you? Hmm?”
“Father Alexander,” I mutter.
He lets out another dark chuckle. “You think he is going to believe you because you spread your legs for him?”
His comment shocks me. Not because it’s the truth, but hearing Father Keaton say something like that is odd. I try again to pull his hand off me, but he is stronger.
“What makes you think he would believe a whore like you over someone he looks up to?”
Anger bubbles in me at his harsh words. “Because he already knows.”
His hand loosens a bit, and I take the opportunity to swat his arm away from my face.
“No, he doesn’t.” The disbelief in his voice is thick.
“Why don’t you go ahead and ask him?” My hand reaches for the doorknob.
“Oh, wait. If you do that, then you’d have to confess the massive sin you are committing, and it will make him look at you differently.
News flash, Father Keaton, he already does.
Perhaps the nuns should be aware of your extracurricular activities. ”
There is a brief second that terror crosses his face, but he puts his mask back on just as quickly as it dropped.
I wrap my hand around the knob as I continue, “Now the question is, is Joanna the only woman you are brainwashing into sleeping with you, or are there others?”
He stares at me, not saying anything, but his silence is an answer in itself. It makes me sick to my stomach knowing that Joanna isn’t the only one.
“Yeah, the nuns will love to know th—”
“If you tell anyone, I will make sure Alexander pays for it.”
“Did you just threaten him?” Now it’s my turn to be in disbelief. How dare he threaten Alex when he isn’t here to defend himself?
He shrugs. “Given his past, it would be easy.”
“What do you mean?” I ask quietly.
“He didn’t tell you?” he questions. “After his dad died, he had a rough time.”
“I know,” I snap.
“Did you know he fell into the wrong crowd? Got into drugs?” Father Keaton tips my chin up with his pointer finger.
“It would be easy to plant something in his room, make it seem like I’m concerned about his well-being, and find it.
His poor mother would be heartbroken. And if I remember correctly, if he were to be caught with any drugs on him, he would get sent to prison. ”
“You’re lying.” I try to hide the panic in my voice, but it’s slipping through.
“I wish I were. And your parents?” His hand drops from my face as he moves back an inch, rolling his eyes down my body. “How disappointed would they be in their daughter when they find out she fucked a priest?”
His threats keep coming, and it’s making my stomach twist.
Alex and I haven’t had sex yet, but that’s beside the point, and it’s useless to tell him the truth. The few things we have done would send my parents into a spiral.
“You wouldn’t.” I seethe through my teeth.
“I would,” he says matter-of-factly. “And if you go running your mouth, I will. I can make it so you never leave here, Celine. So what is more important to you? Outing me to everyone in the convent or your freedom?”
He reaches around me, causing me to jump to my left and out of his way. When he twists the handle, causing the door to open, he steps behind it, gesturing for me to leave.
I look at it, then back to him, in silence. I want to get out of this place more than anything, but what he is doing is wrong. I mean, I have no room to talk because of what Alex and I have done, but what Father Keaton is doing is evil. Without saying a word, I walk through the door.
“I’ll take your silence as you choosing your freedom. Have a good night, Celine.” A cunning smile spreads across his mouth. “I know I will.”
And with that, he slams the door in my face.