37. Father Alexander
Father Alexander
I stand outside Father Keaton’s office, staring at the wooden door.
My eyes are burning with exhaustion, threatening to stay closed every time I blink.
After I took Celine back to her room, the rest of the night consisted of two things: replaying how amazing the sex was with her and the anticipation of having this conversation with Father Keaton.
Once my brain couldn’t think anymore, I eventually dozed off, but then ten minutes later, my alarm rang.
Now, as I wait outside Father Keaton’s office, I feel groggy and want nothing more than to go back to my room to try and sleep the day away.
But I can’t push this conversation off. I lift my hand, my knuckles a paper width away from knocking, when I hear soft footsteps to my left.
When I turn my head to see who is walking down the hall, warmth spreads through my chest at the sight of Celine.
Her bright eyes immediately find mine, and her smile grows to match my own.
I lower my hand and take a step away from Father Keaton’s door to go to her, but then the sound of heels coming from behind makes me halt.
The light in Celine’s eyes vanishes as she spots who is walking down the hall.
Looking over my shoulder, I see her mother, who seems a day late for her visit.
Her eyes are glued to her phone, but she finishes typing out a text and shoves the device in her purse.
When she focuses on the hall, her eyes meet mine.
“Hello, Father Alexander,” she beams.
“Hello, Suzanne. How are you?” I politely ask.
“Fantastic!” She smiles until her gaze wanders farther down the hall to where her daughter stands.
I don’t miss the way her mother’s smile fades a bit when she sees Celine, and the slight change makes me angry.
How can she not be happy when she sees her own daughter? Whenever I lay eyes on Celine, my entire mood brightens. But then again, maybe it’s because her mother doesn’t love her the way I do.
The sudden confession stills my body. Sure, I knew that I was obsessed with Celine, but to be in love with her?
I’ve never loved anyone besides my parents, but with Celine, it’s a different kind of love.
When I’m not with her, my heart and body ache to be near her.
My nerve endings feel like they are on fire when we are apart, making me want to jump out of my skin every second that passes that she’s not in my sight. That I can’t touch her.
She has become my salvation.
Loving Celine is consuming. She possesses my mind, body, and soul. Every single part of me belongs to her, and that terrifies me a bit.
I want to give her everything I have, which I never thought I’d get to a point in my life where I want to dedicate myself to a woman.
I was content with where I was, being a priest and devoting my time and energy to God.
But then Celine waltzed into the convent and threw my entire world off its axis, making me change my mind about everything I thought I knew I wanted.
But I guess that’s what happens when the right person comes along.
I slide my eyes from Suzanne to Celine, who is standing there with a fake smile plastered on her face and her hands clasped in front of her. She is already putting on quite a show, because although I know the happiness on her face is fake, I know her mother thinks it’s real.
“How is she doing?” her mother asks me quietly.
My focus finds Suzanne again, and I clear my throat. “Great. She has been showing a lot of improvement.”
Suzanne nods slowly, looks at her daughter, and begins her walk towards her. Celine doesn’t say anything until her mother stops before her. They exchange soft hellos, and then her mother enters the room for the visit.
Celine glances at me and rolls her eyes, and her head gestures towards Father Keaton’s office, and she mouths, “Good luck.”
Not wanting to keep her mother waiting, Celine disappears into the office used for visits and shuts the door.
Inhaling a deep breath, I spin on my heel and step in front of Father Keaton’s door, where my knuckles meet the wood in two knocks. I hear him tell me to come in, and when I reach for the doorknob, I blow out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding in.
Father Keaton is sitting at his desk, his finger scrolling on the touchpad of his laptop. His gaze leaves the screen and looks to where I’m standing. With even breaths, he pushes the computer to the side and motions for me to sit.
“I wasn’t expecting you this early,” he states.
I take a seat, and with a clipped tone, I say, “I wanted to get it over with.”
“Okay, then,” he says, resting his elbows on the surface of the desk. “Look, I’m not sure what you think you heard coming from my office, but I can promise you that it wasn’t what you thought.”
“Really?” I narrow my eyes at him.
“Yes.” His fingers clasp together, and he sets his chin on the top of his hands. “I had a lapse of willpower. As a man, you know that sometimes we yearn for something physical.”
“Right, but the promises we made—”
“Sometimes with that lapse, promises break.” He sighs, shutting his eyes. “I watched a video, one video, to help ease that need, and after I was disgusted with myself.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to stop the noise of disbelief that wants to leave me. Someone needs to get this guy an Oscar for his award-winning performance. I could sit here, listen to him continue to say things that are untrue, but I’ve had enough of it.
“You are really going to continue lying, aren’t you?”
“And you’re really going to believe what she tells you?” Father Keaton drops his hands to the desk. “After years of you being here, devoting your life to God, and trusting me to help guide you, you’re going to throw all that out because of her deceitfulness?”
“Celine may be a lot of things, but she is not a liar.” I grit my teeth. She has lied before, but none of the things that she lied about were as bad as his dishonesty. “She may be the only honest person in this entire convent.”
“That’s a stretch,” Father Keaton laughs. “She doesn’t even believe in God.”
My teeth grind together harshly, and I inhale a deep breath through my nose. “I’m aware. But even though she doesn’t believe in God, she still is a better person than most of the people in here. Including myself.”
“Is that why you slept with her?” he asks casually. “Because you saw her as some Holy beacon of light?”
Alright, so we are putting it all out there.
Got it.
“I slept with her because it was a moment of weakness, and then I kept wanting more.”
“She has fooled you, Alexander.”
“So have you.” I turn the conversation back to him.
“I came to this church to work alongside you because of the praise you have received from your peers, and while the past year has been great, you have recently shown your true colors. I’m not the only one under this roof that is committing fornication, Father Keaton.
” I lean forward in the seat, my elbows resting on my knees.
“You can sit here and lie all you want. You can try to twist your words and make Celine look like the bad guy, but I’m seeing through your bullshit. ”
His eyes widen at the curse word as if that is the worst thing that is happening right now.
“Very well, then.” He sinks back into his chair.
“If you want the truth, then I will throw your words back at you. It was a moment of weakness with Joanna, and I kept wanting more.” He shrugs.
“How does my transgression differ from yours? If our sins are so similar, then how does that make me the bad guy?”
“Because I’m not filling Celine’s head with lies and promises,” I fire back. “We agreed to do what we have been doing because it is what we both wanted. I also don’t make threats to those who try to bring our secret to light.”
He slowly nods as he takes in my words, knowing now that Celine and I have talked about the conversation that they had previously. “I’ll stop my wrongdoing if you stop yours.”
My tongue pokes the inside of my cheek, and I shake my head.
Father Keaton watches me for a moment, inspecting me like I’m some organism under a microscope, and he hums as he has come to a realization. “You love her.”
The things that Celine and I do together, or the feelings I have towards her, are none of his business. But as I go to tell him this, my mouth opening to say the words, he starts speaking again.
“Alexander, you have worked so hard to steer your life onto the right path after your father died.” At the mention of my dad, it gets harder to breathe, like a snake is wrapping itself around my throat.
“And one woman comes into this convent and messes that up. Can’t you see that she is bad for you?
Can’t you see that she will drag you back into that darkness? ”
Anger boils inside me, threatening to seep out from my skin and burn this office to the ground. How dare he think that she isn’t good for me? He only sees the side of her he wants to see: A woman who doesn’t believe in God and who is incapable of change.
“This place is holding me hostage in the darkness. When Celine came here, against her will, might I add, that is when I saw the light. She broke me free from this cage that I didn’t know I had put myself in and showed me the life I want to live.”
“What are you saying?” he asks.
I hesitate for a moment because I wasn’t ready to tell him my plan, but now, I feel like I have no choice. “I’ve decided to leave the church.”
His jaw tenses, and a flicker of anger mixed with a pinch of hurt passes through his eyes. “Because of her?”
“No. Because I want to start living my life outside of these walls again.”
“And this is what you truly want?”
“Yes.”
“Well then,”—he looks up to the ceiling—“I can’t force you to stay if that isn’t what you want.”
He took the news better than expected. As I am about to bargain for Celine to be released, too, Father Keaton beats me to it and begins talking.
“That being the case, I would like you to consider participating in the event, Sister Alice, and I have planned.”
“Fine.” If this is the last thing he asks me to do, then I’ll do it.
And after this event, I’ll figure out a way to get Celine out of here with me.