Chapter 30 Keeley
Keeley
I blink at Jane as her words wash over me.
Jane loves me.
Jane loves me.
Jane loves me.
I just…stare at this girl who makes my head spin. It’s been such a marvel to see her so determined to fight for this band, and it has taken every ounce of restraint not to throw myself at her feet and beg her to let me back in.
And now she’s done it, and I don’t know how to respond, because I can’t believe she beat me to those words. I’m speechless.
She blinks rapidly, her cheeks going pink. “But, if that’s not enough, or it’s not where your head is at and you need us to take a more permanent break, I totally get it, and—”
“Jane, stop,” I say, stepping closer to her. That, at least, gets her attention. I hate that even my moment of silence made her feel anything less than what she is: worth every effort in the world. Because she’s more than enough.
She’s everything.
“Jane, I love you too,” I say, unable to fight the smile on my face. I grip her hands in each of mine. “But are you sure this is what you want?”
She squeezes my hand. “I believe we’re worth fighting for, and I hope you do too.”
Tears prick the back of my eyes. “Of course I do. Whatever the future looks like, I want you there.” I release one of her hands, tucking a stray curl behind her ear, dragging my fingertips down her jaw with gentle care.
She sighs at the contact, but I don’t dare try to kiss her. Not until I’ve said everything I need to say.
“Jane Mercer, I love you.” Teardrops slip down her cheeks now, and I brush them away with my thumbs, leaning my forehead against hers as my own tears return.
“I am so fucking in love with you that when I wake up, you’re the first thing in my thoughts, and you stay with me all day, whether we’re together or apart.
I’m so fucking in love with you it keeps me up at night when you’re not in my bed, close enough for me to hold tight.
Hell, I’m so fucking in love with you that I’ve filled my place with vanilla candles for years because they reminded me of your perfume.
And I’m so fucking in love with you that I will get on a plane and face your family with you, if that’s what you want.
But I would run away to a sheep farm in Ireland if you thought being away from the goddamn media would keep you safe. ”
“I know.” Jane nods. “I love you, Keeley.”
A shaky breath escapes my lips. “Thank god for that.” My voice breaks.
“Now will you please kiss me already? I’ve missed you so much.”
Who am I to argue with that? Carefully, softly, I pull her mouth to mine.
A tiny sob escapes her as our lips meet, and I slip my arms around her, pulling her flush against me, desperate to soothe all the ways I know she’s still hurting.
She tastes like rosé from the bottle we polished off an hour ago, and a bit salty from our tears, but also like coming home.
I never want to leave her again.
Jane’s fingers tangle in my hair as she deepens the kiss, swiping her tongue against mine, devouring me with purpose, like she’s on a mission and I’m the objective.
I open to her, reveling in the delicious heat of her mouth.
There’s something different tonight, something desperate, and it’s almost enough to undo me right in the middle of her living room.
“Fuck, I need you naked,” Jane says.
I smirk, pulling her closer. “That can be arranged.”
Grinning, Jane tugs me up the stairs, past that goddamn window, and into her lamplit room.
It smells like vanilla and her fabric softener, and I practically swoon.
She shuts the door behind us, then kisses me again, walking me back until I hit the bed and sink onto the quilt.
Jane tugs off her sweater, then lets down her hair, those glorious curls cascading down her back.
My mouth goes dry, and I’m unable to do anything but stare at her as she shimmies off her jeans, then unhooks her bra, exposing those most perfect breasts to the warm light.
“You’re behind,” she says, gesturing at me.
“Help me then,” I say, smirking at her.
Jane settles onto the bed, so she’s straddling my thighs, and lowers her lips to my ear. “You’re lucky I love you.”
“So goddamn lucky,” I whisper, grabbing her chin and capturing her mouth for a kiss.
It’s long and deep and sinfully sweet. Without breaking the kiss, she grabs the hem of my sweater, her fingers grazing the skin just above my jeans.
I shudder at the perfectness of that careful touch, my skin pebbling.
When I draw back for air, Jane tugs the sweater and my T-shirt over my head in one go.
“Better?” I ask.
“Not quite,” she says. She runs her hands over my arms and rib cage, leaving more goose bumps in her wake. Her touch skates across my skin, sending a thrill down my spine as she traces my tattoo on her way around my back to unclasp my bra. “Almost there,” she says.
I bite my lip as I undo the button of my jeans, tugging them down along with my underwear, then throwing them in the direction of the floor. Who fucking cares where they land.
“Now you’re the one who’s overdressed,” I say, gesturing at the black lace of her panties.
Jane arches a brow. “Guess I am,” she says, and then her weight is off of me as she rises up. Slowly, so painfully slowly, she runs her hands over her waist and hips until they find the lace. “Am I doing this right?” she asks with a wicked grin.
“You’re such a tease,” I say, but I’ve lost all cool, and it comes out in a whimper.
Finally, Jane tugs down her panties, sliding them down those perfect thighs until they’ve disappeared from my view. And then we’re both naked, and she’s climbing on top of me, and I’m so in awe of how incredible her skin feels against mine.
“You love when I’m a tease,” she whispers.
“I love you,” I say.
She grins, and it would be enough to make my knees weak if I weren’t already trembling beneath her. “I love you too.”
And then we’re kissing and it’s all a tangle of skin and heat. Her hand reaches between my thighs, sending static across my skin as her fingers find the place I want them most. Unable to restrain myself, I reach for her too, desperate to feel the slick heat of her cunt under my touch.
Even as pleasure ripples through my body, I’m overcome at just how much this moment means to me. I get to hold Jane. I get to love her. And I don’t have to let her go.
“You’re perfect like this,” she murmurs after a while, as we find a rhythm. There’s something so intimate about getting each other off at the same time, still being able to kiss her and hold her and press our bodies so close until we’re breathless.
“So are you,” I say, and I mean it. “Fuck.”
I feel so much tonight it’s overwhelming, and by the shining look in her eyes, I know I’m not alone.
Then we’re gripping each other tighter and kissing frantically and sighing each other’s names until we both fall over the edge, slick with sweat and gasping.
And in this moment, I know I want nothing more than to spend my nights with this woman for the rest of my life.
By the way she’s smiling softly at me and whispering, “I love you,” on repeat like a prayer, I think she might feel the same.
After another round in her shower, when we’re lying in her sheets, sated and happy, Jane turns to me.
“Were you serious about coming with me to Nora’s wedding?”
I nod. “Of course. Wherever you go, I want to be right at your side.” It comes out more fiercely than I intend, but I mean every word.
“Okay,” she says, nodding resolutely. “Then there’s something I have to do first.”
She pulls out her phone, showing me the draft of the email. My eyes widen as I read the words. I’m proud that she’s come to this conclusion for herself, but it also makes me anxious.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” I ask her. “Once you do this, you can’t take it back.”
“I’m so sure,” she says. “It’s time. I don’t want to hide anymore.”
“I don’t want you just doing this for me,” I whisper.
Jane pulls me closer, and the heat of her skin against mine is a balm for my nerves.
“I’m doing this for us, but also for me.
I’ve spent years terrified of being known, letting people decide for me who I was going to be, but honestly?
Fuck that. They can have all of me or leave me alone, but I’m done concealing who I am from the world. ”
“Okay,” I say. “Then at least let me be there to hold your hand.”
“I wouldn’t dream of keeping you away.”