Chapter 6 Valentina
SIX
VALENTINA
I didn’t mean to show up here. Being in this dumpy little town, on this creepy little ranch, does nothing but make my skin crawl. And yet, I knew I wouldn’t know peace until I got here and saw it for myself.
Why’s everyone who’s supposed to choose me choosing this place instead? These people? What’s so special about it?
As the gravel crunches beneath my tires, the moonlight rips pale gashes across the tired Texas landscape.
I feel the immense weight of my hair-trigger decision like a brick on my chest, and I try to focus on anything but the fear threatening to destroy me.
Once more, I’m being dragged beneath the icy water, the ivory moon winking at me through the ripples of my decent.
Regret fills me, and yet, I can’t stop. I’ve never been able to stop. Stopping now would be admitting defeat, and defeat is weakness. Reyeses don’t have weakness.
I round the last bend of the driveway and have to stomp on the break to keep from barreling over the man standing like a wraith, his form darker than the night around him. A small ember flickers near his face, and I roll my eyes.
No matter how many times I’ve told him I find smoking repulsive, he still lights up. It’s just one more thing about him I can’t control—and secretly love. He’s untamable, formidable in the darkest way, and he’s mine.
Or was mine.
But now that I see him here, standing between me and the people determined to take my own brother from me, I’m not so sure. Is he choosing them?
My chest instantly tightens. I don’t want to lose Mateo, but I can’t lose McCrae.
I come to a complete halt, my tires sending a wave of sand toward him and his bike only inches from my bumper. Fear and anger pulse through me, and I throw open my car door.
“What the fuck, McCrae? I could’ve fucking hit you,” I snap, stomping toward him. His familiar scent of smoke and mint coats my lungs, and for a single second, my rage wavers.
His eyes narrow as he takes another drag, and then the cigarette falls, dying beneath the toe of his boot. “You didn’t. Now, what the fuck are you doing here?”
I bare my teeth at him. “It’s the middle of the night. Why are you outside? Baby brother kick you out? Again?” And if he did, why didn’t he come back to the casino? To me?
“I took the night off. I made sure Michael was more than prepared to take care of your safety if need be.”
My muscles stiffen at his dismissal—so like my father, so unlike McCrae. He knows that’s not how it is between us. McCrae might get paid to be my personal guard, and we might’ve never wandered beyond a professional relationship regardless of my attempts, but we are more.
He’s more to me, and I’m more to him, even if he wants to pretend I’m not.
“And like you said, it’s the middle of the night. Why the fuck are you here, Valentina?”
“Are you my fucking keeper now?” I snarl, crossing my arms.
“Why are you here?” He fiddles with another cigarette, the tip unlit between his fingers, like he’s fighting the urge to light it. Why am I here?
That’s my problem—rage and anxiety always get the better of me, and I find myself in situations where I have no answer to the simplest questions.
I cock my hip, pulling my lip between my teeth to try and mull over an acceptable answer. Saying I was driven by jealousy and crippling fear that you were leaving me, the same way and for the same fucked up people as my brother doesn’t sound badass or even rational. It sounds fucking weak.
I’ve never had to explain myself to McCrae, and although it’s usually a blessing, tonight, I recognize my error. His eyes narrow more, small chips of icy blue in the darkness, before he motions to the car still idling behind me.
“Get in the car and go home, V. I’ll follow on my bike.”
His words fill my chest with a balloon of hope, but just like a balloon filled with too much air, it pops almost instantly, the needle of pity pricking the thin exterior. My hackles rise at the realization it’s for the benefit of those here that he’s leaving with me, not my own.
But I won’t be anyone’s fucking charity case.
“Fuck you,” I bite out, filling the words with as much hate as I can muster.
Before he can open his mouth and say something annoyingly placating in that way only McCrae can, the front door squeaks open, and I meet my brother’s eyes.
“Valentina, what the fuck?” The words are a hushed curse, and it only pisses me off more. Who’s he trying to hide me from? His precious Adalene and her perfect little friend group?
The man I know to be McCrae’s younger brother steps into view, a silver pistol glittering in his hand.
It should terrify me, but instead, it only sends electricity scorching through my veins—am I really that scary?
“Who…” Augustus starts, but I huff, unable to contain my complete irritation that I know who he is and yet no one here’s bothered to tell him about me.
I snap my gaze back to Mateo, snarling, “Are you going to let this brute threaten your sister with a fucking gun, Mateo? Really?”
They shush me in the same breath, and it only makes me want to scream louder. Does no one care about me? About my feelings?
“I don’t know who the fuck you are, seeing as I’ve never met you.
Besides, you’re here in the middle of the fucking night, with a man I do not trust.” Augustus’ words are laced with venom, but I barely notice—the only thing I can think about is his implication of distrusting his brother, and how that must make McCrae feel.
He’ll resent me for that—I know I would. Tears sit hotly behind my eyes, but I blink them away.
If he wants to be a big, tough guy and cut me down, I’m not going to fight him. I’m not afraid of dying; I stopped fearing death long ago. I square my shoulders, giving him a bigger target and flashing a smile through the darkness.
A snarl rips across his dark features, but Mateo steps between us, looking over my shoulder at McCrae, who hasn’t made a single move to intervene. Should I be hurt? Grateful? Who’s side is he on anyways?
“McCrae, care to jump in here?” Mateo growls while grabbing my arm and twisting me away from Augustus. As he does, my eyes find McCrae’s as they flick between me and his little brother. Something shrivels up and dies at the sight of his warring features.
I’ll never be first for anyone.
“You can’t answer any of my phone calls for weeks, and then you show up here in the middle of the night? You couldn’t even be bothered to show up when Dale was missing, but now, the drive isn’t too far? What the fuck is going on, V?”
Mateo’s words snap me out of my haze, and for a second, I turn to him, desperation filling my heart; desperation to be chosen, to be enough even for my own brother. But I’m met with a hard glare so similar to our father’s, ice fills my veins.
I rip my arm from his grip and step back. “What are you doing here, Mateo? You don’t fucking belong.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“I agree,” McCrae grumbles behind me, and I feel my control slipping. That’s all I am to everyone—a ridiculous, exaggerating, venomous bitch who does nothing but cause problems.
“Why haven’t you answered my phone calls?” Mateo asks again, his voice seeming to tremble. But I’m done trying, with him or anyone.
I cross my arms. “I had nothing to say”.
“Well, I had plenty to say, starting with several questions, including why the fuck you knew where to start looking for her. What does that have to do with anything?” He sucks in a deep breath, and I know what’s coming before he says it.
It’s the same thought that haunts me every night.
“Did Dale get kidnapped because of something you did?”
I shrug; not because I don’t care, but because I can’t.
I’m already drowning, and there’s no way out now.
“She’s not a part of our world. She never was supposed to be.
What happened to her was because of your misplaced interest, because you made her your weakness.
Because make no mistake, Mateo—” I step toward him, punching my nail into his chest for effect, “she’s nothing more than that. A weakness.”
“Do you fucking hear yourself? Are you really that much of a monster?” Mateo’s voice rises in disbelief, but what’s new? He doesn’t believe a thing I say; why would I try to explain now?
“I am what they made me. I won’t apologize for that, because someone in our family has to be strong, and lord knows it isn’t you.” Mateo will never know what I’ve done to help our family, what I’ve given up, and I’ll never tell him—it’ll forever be a wall of ice between us.
“How did you know where she was?”
“That’s not the question you should be asking.”
“That’s enough, Valentina. This isn’t the right time.” McCrae makes a move to step between us, and his brother advances in a show of allegiance to Mateo. It’s a gutting sight, and I don’t have the heart to look over my shoulder. McCrae raises a hand in submission. “I’d never hurt Mateo, brother.”
“You hurt me plenty,” Augustus growls, and I have half a mind to ask if he knows everything his brother’s done in order to protect him?
Over Mateo’s shoulder, another shadow emerges onto the deck, and my knees threaten to buckle beneath me.
I can’t see her—I can’t be around her. Even in the dark, she radiates a light demons used to the darkness of hell like me cower from.
She’s what’s good and right in the world. She’s everything I’m not.
“Do you really think you’re helping her?” I beg, my voice growing more hysterical.
“Yes,” Mateo states with a certainty that crushes me. I can’t tell him what I’ve been through, but maybe I can help her in the only way I know how.