43. Paige
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Paige
It’s only been two days, but I miss him. We exchanged a few texts, but it’s nothing like having him next to me. Being able to touch him, hold him.
A loud sigh escapes me as I walk around my house with nothing to do. I’ve already cleaned the entire place, took care of my plants, and sent in my column for next week. How did I even spend my time before meeting Ryan?
Mostly stressing over your job, which is now finally safe, a voice inside my head adds.
True.
Martha loved my latest pieces, and it doesn’t take me over a day to write each one. It was one of the reasons I wanted this job. It would allow me to travel back when travel was the goal.
Now, it means I have plenty of free time and not enough ideas on how to spend it. I shoot off a text to Emma, reminding her of inviting me for a run.
Half an hour later, I park in front of Emma and Jordan’s place.
Emma is wearing a purple gym set, her hair pulled up into a ponytail as she warms up in their driveway.
I park behind their car and exit my own, my baggy shorts and old T-shirt looking nothing like Emma’s practically professional attire.
“I can’t believe you agreed to go on a run with me,” she exclaims, pulling me into a hug.
“I told you I would.”
“Yeah, but I thought it was just an attempt to get me off your back.” She waves her hand dismissively. “But you’re here now. You’re going to love it.”
“Hope you’re ready to slow down to my pace.” I copy her movements, hoping to prepare my body for the exercise.
“Come on. Let’s warm up so we can get started.”
After a few rolls of our heads, shoulders, hips, and knees, she states that we’re ready to head out. “This is the shorter route, for when I know I won’t have much time. I thought it would be more suitable for your first run.”
“Good thinking.”
“But if this becomes our thing, I’ll show you my favorite route, one that goes along the seashore.” She nudges my shoulder with hers, eliciting a smile. “Let’s go.”
Our feet thud against the pavement, and I focus on keeping my breathing slow and steady. If I get winded too soon, it’ll be over before it started.
Emma ruins my plan, turning to me as her ponytail swishes from side to side. “We haven’t seen you this whole week. Is there anything you want to share?”
Exhaling a deep breath, I respond, “I’ve been spending some time with Ryan.” My focus returns to breathing as soon as I finish the sentence.
“Ooh, is it getting serious?”
“No!” It slips out louder than intended, eliciting a curious glance from my sister-in-law. “Not serious, I think.”
“Just having fun then, got it. Either way, I love it.”
My pulse picks up as I turn my head toward her. “Why do you love it so much? You don’t know how it’s going to end.”
“I know it’s better than what you did before.”
“What did I do?”
She stops, placing her hands on her hips. “Nothing, Paige. You did nothing. You were as much of an ornament to your house as your precious plants.”
“Don’t you dare talk shit about my plants.” I point a playful finger at her.
She chuckles. “I’d never. But I’m serious. I think he’s great for you. I also predicted it from the very start.”
“That’s because you see romance in everything.”
“It’s called enjoying life, Paige. You should try it sometime. Oh, wait, you finally are.” She winks and starts running again.
This time, I chuckle and follow her. We run in silence for a few minutes before she speaks again. “You know, if it becomes more…more than just having fun, that’s okay, too.”
For the first time in a long, long time, I feel the truth of her words. I’m terrified to let someone in, but the thought of falling in love with Ryan doesn’t cripple me with fear. It relaxes my shoulders, puffs up my chest, telling my brain it truly is okay.
“I know,” I whisper, more to myself.
Deep breaths long forgotten, the taste quickly turns acidic in my mouth as my heart thuds in my ears. With a huff, I drop my hands to my knees, stopping the run. “Water. I need water.”
“Here you go.” She hands me the bottle, barely sounding winded.
The cool water runs down my throat as I fight the need to hyperventilate and, after a few breaths, I feel like not throwing up anymore. “Whew, I think this is a little long for me.”
“This? We’re not even halfway there.”
“Can we please at least turn toward your house? Unless you want to carry me back.”
“Fine. But we’re running back. Let’s go.”
Not even a hundred feet later, a woman stops in front of us. “Paige, is that you? Oh, my God, it is you.”
In her tall stilettos, dark blue slacks, and perfectly pressed white blouse, Isabelle is a stark contrast to my disheveled look. She kisses both of my cheeks like we’re long-lost friends. I never considered us that close to each other, but I guess some people are simply touchy-feely.
“Emma, this is Isabelle. She sold Jordan and I our houses. Isabelle, this is Emma, my sister-in-law. She now lives in one of them.”
Isabelle grins before taking Emma’s hand with both of hers. “It’s so nice to meet you. How are you enjoying the house?”
“Nice to meet you, too.” Emma smiles back at her. “We love it.”
“Good. Great. But if you ever decide you need more space, let me know.” She extracts a business card out of thin air and hands it to Emma. “How about you, Paige? Need me to take that gorgeous cottage off your hands?”
A chuckle escapes my lips. “No, thank you. I love my little house.”
“You should. It’s one of the cutest houses I’ve ever sold.” Her gaze focuses on something behind me. “Is that?” A gasp. “It is.”
Emma turns to where Isabelle is looking. “Who?”
“Just a client. A very attractive client,” Isabelle responds.
“Paige, isn’t that Ryan?” Emma narrows her eyes.
My head snaps back. It is Ryan. He’s holding a little girl’s hand while walking her down a driveway.
“You know him?” Isabelle’s high-pitched voice asks.
Emma lets out a snort.
“Yeah. Ryan’s mom and my dad are getting married,” I respond, unwilling to share the details of our unlabeled arrangement.
“Oh, that’s nice, I’d tell you to put in a good word for me, but it’s obvious his relationship is pretty serious.”
Her words don’t register in my brain right away. I watch a beautiful, blonde woman open the door where Ryan knocked, and the little girl runs into her arms.
“Relationship?” Emma beats me to the question.
“Yeah, he told me he was dating someone the last time I showed him a house. I know I shouldn’t hit on clients or whatever, but this town doesn’t have a surplus of eligible bachelors, so I need to take my chances.”
“R-really? When was that?” I ask.
“A couple of weeks before Labor Day. Ugh, the house was a great deal, but he was totally disinterested.”
“Before Labor Day?”
“Yeah, he put a pause on finding a house afterward. I don’t think he’s ready for it, to be honest.”
A couple of weeks before Labor Day. We barely knew each other. I certainly couldn’t be the relationship he was referencing. Was he dating someone? Is he still dating someone?
Is that his daughter?
Images of finding out Bradley had a family flood my mind. Only, instead of Bradley, I see Ryan. Ryan, the little girl, the beautiful blonde woman, and this perfect scene playing right in front of my eyes.
My heart thumps loudly in my chest as my ears start buzzing and bile rises in my throat. My feet itch to get away from here.
“I-it was nice seeing you, Isabelle. But I need to head back.”
I start toward the house, leaving Emma behind. My calves burn, but I quicken my pace, desperate to get home as soon as possible.
I don’t get far before I hear Emma’s voice behind me. “Paige! What are you doing?”
Ignoring her, I pick up my pace. Unfortunately, my pace is still nothing to a person who runs every single day.
“Paige!” Her hand wraps around my upper arm, forcing me to glance at her. Her mouth parts, noticing my blurry eyes and sullen expression. “Oh, Paige.”
My face is enough of a distraction for her grip on my arm to loosen, so I start running again. She falls into step next to me but stays quiet for the rest of the run. By the time we arrive at the house, tears stream freely down my face, any attempt at deep breaths replaced by desperate sniffles.
I snap my eyes shut to get a grip, but the visions of the betrayal I’ve lived through haunt my mind.
“Paige…” Emma places a comforting palm on my back.
“I just want to go home,” I respond between sniffles.
“You will, after you talk to us.” Gently, she leads me inside, where my sister appears in the hallway.
“What happened?” Jordan asks, her eyes searching my body for traces of harm.
“Let’s sit down first,” Emma says, and they lead me to their coral couch. They each sit on one side of me before Emma clears her throat. “Nothing happened.”
A sarcastic snort escapes me. Jordan looks at us with confusion.
Emma continues, her voice gentle. “We saw Ryan. And he was with a kid.”
I snort. “Yeah, that’s exactly what happened, Emma.” I turn to Jordan. “Ryan was dropping off what seemed to be a third grader at a woman’s house.”
“It still doesn’t have to mean what you already decided it means,” Emma adds.
“Yeah. I guess I’m the crazy one to freak out after seeing him with a daughter I didn’t even know existed.”
“Why do you think it’s his daughter?” Jordan asks.
“Pfft.” I roll my eyes. “You should’ve seen them.”
“Don’t you think Kim would’ve mentioned a granddaughter? Or we would notice him talking to his child while we shared a villa for a full week?”
I inhale a shaky breath. Her words are exactly what my mind tried to conjure, but it got lost in the thick fog of my previous trauma. It doesn’t relieve my anxiety one bit.
“Yeah, well, Isabelle also told us he was dating someone just before Labor Day. Maybe even after, who the hell knows?”
The two of them share a look of concern. Jordan speaks first. “You spent a lot of time with Ryan these past few days, Paige.”
“So?” My tone gets higher as my patience wanes.
Why don’t they get it? “I spent four years with Bradley. I was blind to the fact that he had a whole other family for four fucking years, Jordan. Maybe I’m just that na?ve.
That stupid. Maybe it’s my destiny to always be the other woman. Maybe I’m cursed or something.”
“Look, I get it. Technically, there’s a possibility that Ryan has a daughter no one knows about, and he’s also dating someone else. There are also probably a million other explanations for what happened. Why didn’t you ask him about it?”
“She ran away before he noticed us,” Emma states.
“Well, why don’t you talk to him and find out?” Jordan adds.
“No.” I shake my head firmly. “Don’t you get it, Jordan?
Even if the whole thing isn’t what it seems, the image is already here.
” My finger taps my temple. “The seed of doubt has already sprouted inside me. I can’t trust him.
I can’t trust anyone. I knew that before.
It was why I refused to get back into dating.
Because I knew this was going to happen. I knew it.”
And that’s the root of it. For a split second, I forgot how wounded I was. For a split second, I thought I could act like a normal human being and everything would work out. But it doesn’t work that way. Not for me. My heart broke into a million pieces once before. It can never be whole again.
This whole thing with Ryan was a charade. An attempt to pretend I’m something I’m not. A person capable of love, of trust. It’s probably good that this thing happened today. Better to get heartbroken after a month than after a year.
Still, my lungs seize and heart squeezes with pain. My stomach churns and my eyes are heavy with tears.
“I can’t do this, Jordan.” My voice is barely a whisper. “Not again.”
“Fine. But you’re staying with us tonight.”
Too tired to argue, I agree. Why does it hurt so much to be betrayed by someone I didn’t even care about? How did my idiot of a heart manage to grow feelings for someone when feelings were forbidden?