Chapter Twenty-Four
Ryan
My wolf is restless, pacing inside me and pushing me to turn around and drive back to Maya. But nothing could keep me away from the pack and my little sister’s first time leading a run on the full moon.
Still, with every mile I drive away from my mate, my wolf becomes more on edge.
The distance from her is pushing me back toward the madness that has plagued me for the past two years.
With every passing month, I had felt myself declining further and further.
My wolf became more feral as the need to find our mate became intolerable.
And yet, as much as it pains me to drive away from Maya, I’m going home.
The next time I make this trip, I need her with me.
I don’t think I’d survive it again. Sex with her is keeping me sane—for now—but the need to claim her fully is borderline unbearable.
I can’t, though. Not until I know what the hell is going on with her.
I roll down my window and slow my car as I approach the Lunar Eclipse border, but the wolves on patrol don’t stop me as I drive in. I’m still part of the pack, even though I’m not their alpha anymore. That’s Sofia now.
The smell of the forest floats into the car—pine and moss and home.
It grounds me while simultaneously reminding me of the frustration I felt every time I returned in the past. Every time I went looking for my mate, only to come home defeated and alone, feeling my sanity slowly ebbing away like grains of sand in an hourglass.
I’ve found her now. I just need to make her mine.
The gravel crunches under my feet as I walk up to Luca and Sofia’s home. She could have taken the alpha house, but I don’t think she wants to accept the role long-term. Not yet anyway.
Luca answers when I ring the doorbell, his mouth dropping in shock at seeing me for the first time in nearly a month. “Ryan?”
A loud squeal pierces the air, and Sofia rushes toward me, launching into my arms in a ferocious hug. “You came! I know I asked, but I didn’t think you actually would.” Her voice trembles with excitement, and it guts me knowing how I’ve essentially abandoned her.
“And miss my little sister’s first full moon pack run as Alpha?
Never,” I say, giving her a squeeze before I move into the cabin with my arm still around her shoulders.
I nod to Jackson and Emily who are here too, and guilt hits me at seeing Jackson after how I acted toward him only weeks ago.
Sofia melts into me, and the salty tang of her tears has more guilt churning in my stomach.
I should call more often and check in. Help her in the role.
But she’s been killing it by all accounts.
“Okay,” Sofia says, clapping her hands together. “Can you get the steaks on, Luca? I don’t want to be late for leading my first run!”
“Yes, Alpha,” he says with a smirk, looking at her like she’s the most magnificent thing in the world.
I’m happy for them. Jackson and Emily, too.
We all grew up together, but Fates, it’s hard being the only one of our group unmated.
Unclaimed. I trail behind my best friends, suddenly feeling removed from our group.
“So, how close are you to convincing that mate of yours to going on a date?” Jackson asks.
I take a swig of my beer, trying my best to seem unfazed.
I don’t want them to know anything about my relationship with Maya or what I’ve done to create it.
If there’s even a tiny possibility she truly doesn’t know she’s fucking me—although how, I have no idea—I don’t want anyone else to know before she does.
“She’s still very against dating a patient. ”
“Yet you’re grinning like a wolf with a fresh kill,” Luca points out, narrowing his eyes and making me realize I’m not as good an actor as I thought.
My lips twitch as I try to tamp down the smile brought on by the barest mention of my mate. “It’s complicated.”
“Fates,” Luca mutters. “You’re sleeping with her, aren’t you?”
What the fuck? How the hell did he put that together?
Luca is loyal to a fault, but he’s never been the most perceptive shifter.
Something that nearly led to his rejection by his own fated mate and meant he never picked up on my decline into moon madness.
But now he’s reading me like a book, and I don’t fucking like it. Not one bit.
“Watch it. That’s my mate you’re talking about,” I snarl, my wolf close to the surface and already looking for an excuse to leave and get back to Maya.
He raises his hands and tilts his neck ever so slightly to show his submission. Jackson’s eyes dart between us—ever the protector—his eyes glowing golden as his own wolf is ready to jump between us if necessary. “Just threw me for a loop—she won’t date you, but she will—”
“She doesn’t exactly know it’s me,” I cut in before he mentions Maya and sex in the same sentence, and my wolf decides to rip his damn throat out.
Goddess, what is wrong with me? I literally fucked Maya in a room with other people in it, but I feel completely different about the pack.
She might be an exhibitionist—and a kinky one at that—but I don’t know… it’s just different.
I don’t know if people in her everyday life know about her sexual proclivities. It should be up to her to share what she wants when she’s ready.
Luca and Jackson exchange glances and a silent mindlink that I’m not privy to. “And how is your moon madness?” Luca presses.
I’m so over this conversation. I’m not Alpha currently, but that doesn’t mean I’ve had a personality transplant.
I’m still the biggest, baddest fucker here, and my wolf is bristling at being away from Maya.
He doesn’t particularly care about dinner with friends or supporting Sofia to lead a run.
As far as he’s concerned, she’s more than capable.
“It’s under control.”
I feel their stares burning into me as I gaze out at the forest and quietly sip my beer. I’m not here to play twenty-fucking-questions, I’m here to support my sister and the pack. Then I’m getting the fuck out of here and going back to my mate.
Fates, I never imagined feeling this way. I grew up watching my father, always learning from him about being Alpha. It was a role I was born to do, and even though it happened much sooner than anyone wanted, I’ve loved it. I’ve loved leading the pack, loved being a part of something bigger than me.
Until I didn’t.
Until the pressure of being the perfect leader slowly started to erode my sanity, pushing my wolf further toward madness and away from everyone else.
Until I found Maya. After so many failed journeys, I really had accepted I just wasn’t meant to find her.
That my wolf would take over and I’d need to be put down.
But now that I know where she is, the distance is clawing at me. Begging me to return. To claim her fully and never let her go. Even if it means leaving the only home I’ve ever had. Even if it means abandoning the pack.
I’m on edge as we sit at the table to eat moments later.
My wolf is champing at the bit to get back to Maya, and my human side isn’t far behind him.
But this matters too. My sister matters.
And listening to Sofia talk me through the changes she has made—new patrol rotations, a mentorship system for younger warriors, how she has been handling the council—it all feels like it’s coming together. She’s doing great.
Warmth radiates from my chest as she talks.
She had been helping so much over the past couple of years that it shouldn’t be a surprise, and in many ways, it’s not.
But damn, it’s impressive how seamlessly she has settled into the role.
I smile at her as pride lets me know I’ve left the pack in safe paws.
We don’t talk about the Keepers or how the operation to track down the customers is going.
I know Jackson has visited Katie and Caleb, and I should be more interested in what’s happening, but they have it in hand.
It doesn’t feel connected to me anymore.
Sure, I took part in the rescue mission, but we got the omegas out.
And tonight is a night of celebration. Of Sofia leading her first run.
There will be time to support them again after my mate has accepted my claim.
“We doing this?” Sofia asks as our chatter dies off and anticipation buzzes around us.
Luca assures her that he’ll always be behind her, not that he needs to be. It was his idea in the first place for her to take over as Alpha. One I should have had myself. One I would have had if I weren’t so blinded by moon madness.
I strip off in the sitting room with Luca and Jackson before shifting into my wolf and heading outside to wait for Sofia and Emily. I shake out my fur and enjoy the smell of home in my wolf’s form. I haven’t had the chance to run as much as usual with being in the city, and I’ve missed this.
Sofia holds her head high when she emerges, and I fall in line behind her, Luca, and Emily, her luna.
I don’t need to assert myself. I never really had to. Always the top dog without having to earn it. It was in my blood and in my wolf.
Sofia leads us through the trees toward the lake, and the rest of the wolves join behind us. My fur bristles with the power coursing through the pack. Goddess, I’ve missed this sense of belonging and community, the connection to the land and the silver moon above.
Is it too much to believe I could have both?
Sofia turns, her eyes scanning over the wolves gathered behind her. Tension builds, and no one moves. Until finally, her wolf throws her head back and lets out a howl that breaks the silence of the night. She’s loud and ferocious and every bit the leader the pack needs.
I’m the first to return her howl, removing any doubt that I will follow my sister and that they should too. The thunderous roar of the wolves around me rises as Sofia sprints off into the woods.
Paws pound against the forest floor as wolves tear after her, racing and discharging the excess energy of the full moon. Many will couple up and fuck in the woods tonight, both mated couples as well as unmated adults. It’s the night we are closest to our wolves. Closest to our animal nature.
And I’m fucking wasting it.
I let out a yip before turning and racing back to the house. Shift damn it! My wolf is slow to hand the power back to me. He doesn’t want to be pushed down without running first.
We’re going to our mate, I plead, and that does it. He dips his head and defers the power to me. Shifting back to my human form, I hastily shove my legs into my pants and pull on my undershirt and boots. I grab my keys and race back to my car, leaving the pack behind.
I’ve done what I came to do. I showed up. I supported Sofia. Now I need to get back to my mate and find out if she feels the pull of the full moon the same way. If tonight is the night she finally lets her cat out to play.