Chapter Twenty-Five
Maya
The cool salt air of the coastal trail is invigorating, yet it does nothing to ground me.
It does nothing to ease the tension that radiates through me.
My muscles burn and my lungs scream, but it’s not enough to rid me of the adrenaline.
It never is. Not when I get like this. When my sympathetic nervous system is activated and I’m filled with this endless energy and anticipatory buzzing feeling.
Always on a full moon. Since I was a teenager.
Since even before I found out what I am.
It’s lucky, really, that my masked man isn’t around tonight. How would I explain running a random marathon alone at night to the man I’m sleeping with?
And while I’m used to it in a way, tonight is different.
Every step I take feels like I’m going in the wrong direction.
It’s as if there’s a tug deep in my stomach, pulling me backward.
It started light and easily ignored at first, but it’s been building to the point where it has become incessant and undeniable now.
Visions of the masked man and Ryan Rivera flash in my mind, joining together until I can no longer tell them apart.
Images of my teeth sinking into his neck—visceral and filled with desire.
The sharp taste in my mouth is like that first night I slept with the masked man.
Fear skitters down my spine at the thoughts of what could happen if either one were here. I could hurt them.
I could kill them.
So, I ignore it. Ignore the want and desire. I try to push away the images as their likenesses merge—Ryan’s face instead of the mask, his openness and desire for a future along with the masked man’s raw dominance and power, combining together to form perfection.
Perfection I have dreamed of but will never achieve.
Never deserve.
No matter how hard I work. Straight A’s all through school, scholarships and first in my class for undergraduate and master's programs, the youngest PhD candidate in years. And I’m still not good enough.
Underneath the girl who worked so hard to succeed and the girl who does everything her parents have ever asked, I’m still a monster.
And that’s the part I can never change.
Sweat runs down my spine as thoughts of him—the perfect man of my imagination—start to feel increasingly real. Until I can smell him. Practically taste him.
I’m losing my mind. I always knew the future would be unpredictable.
I didn’t know if I would even have a future.
But I never imagined this is how it would go.
I’ve worked so hard to protect my mind from the potential of insanity within me.
Years of therapy. Years of learning to tamp down the monster inside me and ignore the voice in my head telling me to do things I shouldn’t.
Years of rejecting it and controlling everything.
And it’s all for nothing.
I drop to my knees as a sob chokes in my throat, and I bury my face in my hands. I can’t keep doing this. It was supposed to get easier. The control was meant to keep the voice and urges under wraps. But it’s only getting harder.
And then I hear it.
Heavy footfalls pounding the trail, coming toward me. It’s the middle of the night. I run this trail every month, and it’s always deserted. But the sound gets closer, and I spin in a crouched position. A man runs toward me, and even shrouded in darkness, his purpose is clear.
He’s running at me. Let him. For once in my life, I won’t hide my strength. I rise to my full height as he approaches, and then I lunge. Barreling into his waist, I throw him to the ground with a resounding thud.
I should run. I could get away. But I don’t. He didn’t know what I was capable of when he came for me. He just saw a woman running alone and decided he wanted to take from her. I’m going to ensure that he doesn’t do it again. Not to me. Not to anyone.
I climb on top of him, straddling him, and press my hand into his throat. Fast. I can move so fast when I stop holding back. I wish I didn’t have to hide this all the time. But I do.
Except he’s fast too. And strong. So strong. He flips our positions and pins my arms above my head. The bottom half of his face is covered in fabric, and his hood shrouds the rest of his features in darkness, yet his eyes practically glow. Golden and piercing.
“Ah, ah, Kitten,” he growls. “Put the claws away.”
“It’s… you,” I sputter out, inhaling deeply, confirming it through his scent. His insanely enticing masculine cologne. Do I love it so much because it’s his, or is it just a coincidence? Is it even real? Am I manifesting the smell because I’m losing my mind?
“Who else would it be?”
I yank my hands from his hold and push him off me, harder than I should, but I’m pissed. “What the hell? I thought you were going to attack me! How did you find me?”
He rolls into a seated position and cocks his head. “You don’t feel it? The tug toward each other?”
I glare at him. As much as I want to submit to him sexually, and as much as I want to give him control, I need to feel safe to do so. And nothing about this is safe.
“I could have hurt you,” I snap back.
“You wouldn’t have.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t understand…”
“What if I do?” he says, leaning toward me. “What if I understand everything and you just need to stop pretending you don’t know what’s going on?”
I scrunch my eyes together as if I could just imagine that none of this is real. I need to get away from him. This cannot be happening. I can’t risk hurting him, and I can’t share the deepest, darkest part of me with him.
I can’t share that with anyone. Especially not someone who won’t even tell me his goddamn name.
I inhale slowly, but his smell floods my senses and does the opposite of what I need. Instead of grounding me, it lights a fire in my core. My need for him takes over all rational thought, and that voice pushes against me, urging me toward him.
None of it makes sense.
Pain lances across my chest as though I’m being torn apart from the inside out. A whimper escapes my lips but then he’s touching my leg and the pain is gone. I need more than he can give me. I’m dangerous to him, and I can’t tell him.
It doesn’t matter anymore. Because in this moment, with his hand on me, everything else fades away as the feeling of rightness settles over me.
“I need you inside me,” I demand, my voice coming out in almost a growl.
“What? Maya, we need to talk.”
“Later. I need your cock. Right here under the moonlight.”
I hate myself for taking from him like this, for being so damn needy that I will beg for him when the risk is so palpable.
When the thoughts of sinking my teeth into his neck are still fresh in my mind.
But I can’t help it. All those months and years spent running under the full moon, and I never once felt like I could get rid of this anxiety and pressure in my body.
Until now. All I know is that fucking him will make it better.
It will sate my beast and let me feel at peace.
I push down my running shorts and underwear, exposing myself to him right here on the trail.
He lets out a snarl that sounds more animal than human, and then he’s on me.
He eats my pussy like a starved man, frantic and possessive.
His fingers dig into my hips, bruising and anchoring me as his tongue finds every hidden corner, every sensitive point.
I gasp, throwing my head back and hitting the hard ground, not caring as waves of pleasure crash over me and chase away the panic.
My mind clears of all thoughts until there is nothing but us, the moonlight, and my overwhelmed senses.
The salty scent of the sea, the rough texture of the ground beneath me, and the raw, demanding hunger in how he devours me whole.
And all the while his hood is up, covering his face in shadows.
His mouth on my pussy tells me he’s not wearing a mask right now.
I could reach over and pull his hoodie down. But I don’t.
I won’t.
He pulls me to my feet before I have time to fall off the cliff completely, then throws me over his shoulder, carrying me to a more secluded spot while I squirm and gasp.
He deposits me on the ground, spinning me to face away from him. His hand covers my mouth as he kicks my legs apart. I arch my back and press my ass back to him as he undoes his zipper with one hand.
“Stay quiet, Kitten,” he mutters before spearing me with his cock.
My eyes roll back, and I’m already on the precipice of an earth-shattering orgasm after the earlier foreplay.
“Fuuuuck,” he groans out. “How did I ever think I could stay away from you tonight?”
He pounds into me, hard and relentless as I try to hold back. As I try to stop myself from falling apart until he’s right there with me at the edge of oblivion. But his pace is punishing and so damn good.
He rips my top—tearing it open to expose my shoulder—and then he licks me exactly where I imagined biting him. Pure electricity radiates out from where his tongue hits my skin, and we both explode.
His arms band around my stomach, holding me up when I want to collapse.
He drops kisses along my shoulders and up my neck as I come back to reality.
A shiver runs through me, and I’m not sure if it’s from the chill of the night air or the reality of what just happened.
He pulls out of me before darting back to the path to grab my shorts and underwear.
I wait for him to return, breathing hard until he’s lifting one of my feet and sliding my clothes back on. He wraps his arms around me as I squirm, feeling his cum pooling in my underwear.
“My car is nearby,” he murmurs into my ear.
“Can I see you?” I whisper, and even though part of me knows he will say no, I have to ask. “I need to know who you are.”
“You know me, Kitten. You already know me.”
I let out a sigh before nodding. How long can I do this? How long can I fuck a man who won’t share anything of himself except his body? Even if it is a deliriously attractive body that he knows exactly how to use.