Chapter Forty-Five
Maya
“You guys go ahead,” Sofia says, handing Ryan a set of car keys when we join them after cleaning off. “We’ll deal with the mess here, and I’ll travel back with Luca.”
“Never going to let her out of my sight again,” Luca grumbles from beside the door.
Ryan shoots Sofia an apologetic look that I don’t understand, but she waves it off. “It’s fine, you guys head out,” she says, rolling her eyes and dragging out the word fine. “We’ve got everything covered here, and Mike and Simon have already left with Michael. We’ll head out soon.”
“Thank you,” Ryan says to her, his tone filled with emotion and sincerity. “I’m going to bring Maya back to her place. We’ll see you in a few days.”
My mate carries me through the woods until we reach the area where they parked.
He places me into the car gently. He leans over me to buckle me in and kisses my forehead before shutting the door.
Everything that stood in the way of us being together feels so insignificant now.
There’s still a lot to work through, but it doesn’t feel like an insurmountable feat anymore.
I’m already planning in my head what I’ll need to change so I can have a life with him.
I can move my in-person practice online.
Lunar Eclipse is four hours from the city, so it’s not too far to travel regularly and visit my family.
They can come to us too. Humans aren’t normally welcome in the pack, but I’m sure they will make an exception given that my parents have kept the secret of my identity for half of my life.
“I can practically hear your mind whirring,” Ryan says, interrupting my contemplation. “Want to share?”
“I was thinking about the future. About the practical pieces of how I’ll manage my move to Lunar Eclipse.”
He places his hand on my leg and squeezes gently, his thumb rubbing circles on my thigh.
“I don’t want you to have to give up anything.
I can move to you. Be a stay-at-home dog dad.
I can still manage the pack investments remotely, and as long as I travel back a couple of times a month to shift, it should keep my wolf settled. ”
I smile and rest my head on his shoulder. He’s thought about this. “I love Lunar Eclipse. I want to join the pack.”
“But what about your practice? You love your job. You love your patients.”
“We’ll figure it out,” I say, squeezing his hand and peering up at him. “I’m not going to give up my career, but you shouldn’t give up everything to be with me either. That’s not healthy, Ryan. I can’t be the only person you live for. You can’t lose it again if something happens to me.”
The steering wheel creaks under his white-knuckle grip, but he nods his agreement. I know he thinks the claiming mark will fix everything, but it won’t remove his depression. Mental health doesn’t work like that. There are no quick fixes. Even when it comes to magical beings and fated mate bonds.
I place my hand, palm up, on the center console, and Ryan interlinks his fingers with mine. Shivers of electricity slide up my arm at our connection, and Ryan lets out a soft exhale.
“I know it doesn’t make any sense because it isn’t how humans operate, and I never wanted to put pressure on you to accept the bond for the wrong reason, but male wolves can lose their minds without their mates.
I’m not sure if it’s biology or magic, but it’s real.
There are some exceptions, obviously. But male shifters are usually primed to find their mates and spend their lives making them happy. Nothing else is more important.”
I glance down at our hands twined together, at how tightly he holds onto me. “Okay, let’s say being with me and making me happy is the most important thing in your life.”
“It is.”
“I need it to not be the only thing.”
Ryan lets out a slow exhale. “You’re coming at this as a human, but we aren’t human.
I was raised to be the Alpha of Lunar Eclipse.
Now that I’ve handed the baton to Sofia, I’m not really sure where my place is anymore.
I don’t even know where I want it to be.
But if you think I need to have a fuller life, then I’ll figure that out.
I’ll figure out who I am outside of being your mate. ”
“Thank you,” I say, resting my head back on his shoulder and settling in for the journey.
Being together involves a lot of sacrifice—not having children for Ryan and moving away from my family for me.
We need to have a whole and complete life, though.
A way to have our relationship without codependency and losing ourselves.
Feeling the way I do about him is intoxicating.
It’s enough to make me forget all reason.
He was right to stop us completing our bond tonight, but the problem is that I wanted to in the first place.
I wanted to forget every issue and dive in headfirst. The same way I did when I left him. He makes me irrational and obsessive.
I don’t want to get lost in that. I want him, that much is clear, but I need it to be in a healthy way.
“Do you want to talk about what happened tonight? Or is it too soon?” he asks, and I love that he understands me enough to know I need time to process. The way he doesn’t push me too much, too fast.
“I’m okay. You got there in time before he… before he hurt me in a way my tiger couldn’t heal.”
Ryan inhales sharply, and he pulls off to the side of the road when hair spurts from his arms. He takes a deep breath before speaking again.
“And what about Brett and Michael?” he asks, taking my hand again. His eyes bore into me.
“Brett lied to me,” I say simply. “He asked me to meet him in person, and I did. I suggested the location; I thought as long as it was public and, well, filled with humans that it would be okay. But it obviously wasn’t because he drugged me.
He was planning to start up the trafficking again, with me as his first victim. ”
It all feels like a story right now. As if it happened to someone else, not to me. I’m detached from it. My nervous system has shut down, and I’m not ready to do anything to change that. My body aches and exhaustion, unlike anything I have ever experienced, weighs heavy on my shoulders.
“I’m so sorry, Maya,” Ryan whispers, taking my hand and placing a soft kiss on my knuckles. “I know how much meeting your biological family meant to you. How much you wanted answers and that connection.”
“I did. But I also always felt guilty about it. My family is great. I mean, Mom worries about everyone, Dad doesn’t take anything seriously enough, and Pippa and Maddie are a lot, but in the best way. I think I needed to be able to let go, and now I have.”
“You don’t need to put a silver lining on it,” he tells me. “You don’t have to be strong right now.”
My eyes warm, and a solitary tear slips down my cheek, cooling my skin in its wake. Ryan pulls his hand from mine and wraps his arm around me. His warm fingers tracing soothing circles on my arm.
“I’m going to book in with my therapist as soon as we get home,” I tell him. “And I’m going to take some time off. I need to focus on me before I can think about being there for others.”
Ryan squeezes my now-healed arm, and I allow the exhaustion to take over, nestling into him as he resumes the drive home.