41. Vivienne
Vivienne
Landon gives me a peck on the cheek as I wait for him on the front steps, and I get a faint whiff of his soap—clean, with a hint of citrus.
I don’t lift my face, because part of me is still smarting from his betrayal, even though if things had progressed with Cass in the stables a few weeks ago, I can’t promise I wouldn’t have done the same thing.
The only difference is that my indiscretion would’ve stayed a secret, while he was reckless enough to take his date out in public.
Landon slept in one of the guest bedrooms last night.
I couldn’t demand he drive back to the city that late, but I wasn’t going to share a bed with him either, not after what he did.
While I’m disappointed that he clearly didn’t think through his decisions, it doesn’t mean we can’t still make this work.
I know what my parents would say without even having to ask. My dad has cheated on my mum more times than I can count, and those are just the ones I know about. I’m sure there have been dozens of others.
Landon slides behind the wheel of his car and gives me a final wave.
I lift my hand as he pulls out, and I’m relieved to see him go.
Having to constantly perform and prove to everyone that I have my shit together is exhausting.
At least now I’ll be able to breathe, even if it means I’ll be stuck alone with Cassian again.
I’m still standing outside when the first raindrops fall, and instead of heading back in the house like a normal person, I duck into the boot room for my coat before walking to the forest. I need to clear my head, and the company of the trees and the rain will help me do exactly that.
The ground and soggy leaves squelch beneath me as I walk deeper into the woods. Above me, the canopy provides a slight cover, only letting some of the rain trickle through. I raise my hood and keep going.
My phone chimes with a text. I pull it out to see a message from my sister.
Maeve: I heard about Landon. Want me to submit him for revenge poker?
I sniff a laugh as I reply. Maeve and her friends play a weekly game where they bet people they want to get payback on. I’ve heard about some of their schemes, and I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy, let alone my fiancé.
Me: I’m good, thanks.
Maeve: You sure? We can definitely take the little bastard down.
Me: I have no doubts, but it’s fine. Really. We’re going to work things out.
I stuff the phone back in my pocket and keep going. As much as I appreciate Maeve’s gesture, it’s better this way. Landon and I will see a couples therapist, and things will be fine. They have to be fine. I refuse to consider another outcome.
By the time I’ve walked the entire trail and am back at the edge of the lawn, the sky has darkened to an inky blue. Clouds roll in from the west, and thunder rumbles in the distance. Fortunately, there’s still enough light to find my way to the back door.
As I head up the steps of the terrace, a dark figure moves around the corner of the house. I scream before my body instinctively recognizes Cass. He’s wearing a dark sweatshirt with the hood pulled up, the hint of a tattoo visible beneath the hem of his shorts.
“God, you scared me,” I say, clutching my chest.
“Sorry,” he mutters. “What are you doing out here?”
“I was walking. Clearing my head.”
He shoves his hands in his hoodie pocket and takes a step closer. Wet strands of hair dribble water into his eyes, but he doesn’t push them away. “I hope that’s code for ‘deciding to dump that bastard.’”
I frown and tug my jacket closed. “No, it isn’t.”
“Goddamnit, Viv. Don’t tell me you’re staying with him.”
“What’s it to you if I am?” I lift my chin, daring him to speak the truth we both know he won’t.
He leans down until our noses are an inch away from each other. “You know exactly what it is to me,” he says in a low growl.
Part of me wants to make him say it, but another part knows exactly how painful it will be if I have to hear it again while nothing between us changes. “Well, it’s my choice. And I’m choosing him.”
Cass’s jaw grows stiff, and he straightens, shaking his head. “Unbelievable. He cheated on you.”
My breath catches on the jagged edges of my lungs. “You know about that?”
He shoots me an annoyed look. “I’m sure there aren’t many people who don’t.”
As if I needed that reminder. “Cass, please. I don’t need you to understand, but I do need you to support me.”
“I’d rather die than support you marrying that son of a bitch.”
I blink away tears. I’ve cried so much in the past week, I’m surprised I haven’t run out of them. “Then I guess I’ll have to do it without your support.”
Pain flashes across his face as if I’ve cut him. “You can’t possibly love him.”
“If you think I love him, you don’t know me very well.”
He pushes his hair out of his eyes. “But you’re still marrying him.”
“We were never getting married for love,” I say. “You knew that.”
“He humiliated you, Vivvy. How can you pretend that doesn’t matter?” Cass sounds like a dying man, begging for more time.
I swallow the emotion in my throat. “Of course it matters, but so do a lot of other things.”
“Name one.”
Taking a deep breath, I slowly exhale. “My future.”
“Marriage to a worthless asshole doesn’t seem like much of a future.”
I shake my head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Then help me understand!” His breath comes in quick, breathless pants as he watches me with wild eyes. He steps closer, his hand outstretched as if he’s trying to tame a stray kitten. “What do you want from me, Vivvy? Tell me and I’ll give it to you, I swear. Just tell me what you want.”
I shake my head again, tears blinding me and choking my words. “You already told me I can’t have what I want. So maybe it’s time you tell me what you want, because it seems like no matter what I say, it’s not good enough for you.”
“Nothing could be further from the truth,” he says, reaching for my hand.
I yank it out of his grip. “Then why don’t you leave me the hell alone?”
“Because even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.” Cass steps closer and slips his hand into my wet hair.
I inhale sharply. I want to ask what he’s doing, but the words won’t move past my lips.
He leans down and rests his forehead against mine.
“Our souls are bound together, Vivvy. Everything you do affects me. Every moment you choose to spend with him is a knife to my heart. Every time you let him kiss you, it feels like I’m being carved out with a rusty blade.
Thinking about you tied to him for the rest of your life—wearing his ring, sharing his bed, having his children—” His voice breaks, shattering my heart along with it.
“It makes me want to drive off a cliff.”