Chapter 73
Kairi stared at Ella, her breathing still uneven. Mabigat pa rin ang dibdib niya, parang nagsasabay-sabay pa rin ang panic, galit, at gulat. For a moment, hindi niya agad na-process ang sinabi ni Ella. Ang pumasok lang sa isip niya ay ang ibig sabihin nito.
Nandoon pa rin si Gianna, naghihintay at willing to stay kung gusto siyang kausapin ni Kairi.
"She wants to stay now?" Kairi asked, the bitterness slipping out before she could stop it. She let out a dry laugh and shook her head nang hindi inaalis ang tingin kay Ella. "Now? After all this time, ngayon niya gustong mag-stay?"
Ella didn't move. She stayed where she was with her arms folded loosely. Kalmado ang mukha niya even if her jaw had gone tense.
"I know," she said quietly. "I know it's late."
Napatawa ulit si Kairi, dragging a hand down her face.
"Late?" she repeated, looking at Ella like the word itself was absurd.
"Ella, I needed her to stay years ago! I needed her when she left. I needed her when I was standing outside her apartment. Noong paulit-ulit akong nagtatanong kung nasaan siya. Noong araw-araw akong umaasang babalik siya."
Napailing siya. "And now she wants to stay?"
That hit harder than Kairi intended.
Ella looked away for a second, swallowing whatever reaction she had. Pero hindi niya ipinagtanggol si Gianna. Hindi siya gumawa ng excuse. Hindi rin niya sinubukang pagaanin ang sitwasyon.
Pagbalik ng tingin niya kay Kairi, isa lang ang sinabi niya.
"She's here now."
Napailing ulit si Kairi and somehow, mas lalo lang bumigat ang pakiramdam niya.
The thought of Gianna being here now, after everything, after years of silence, and after years of rebuilding herself around that absence, it didn't feel like relief. It felt cruel.
Zoe stepped in then. Mas steady ang boses niya kaysa sa kanilang dalawa at hindi siya kumampi kahit kanino.
Tumingin lang siya kay Kairi. "Kai, if you walk away right now, are you done?"
Napakunot-noo si Kairi sa hindi inaasahang tanong.
Zoe held her gaze.
"I mean, really done. No more wondering, no more looking back."
Nagbukas ng bibig si Kairi, ready nang sabihin ang oo.
Pero walang lumabas.
"You can live without her," Zoe continued, softer this time. "You already proved that. Ginawa mo iyon for years. But can you live not knowing? Can you live with her being here, right now, tapos aalis ka without hearing anything?"
Nandoon pa rin ang galit. But beneath it was something heavier. Something older.
Kairi looked away because Zoe had found the one part of her she never wanted anyone to touch. The part that still carried questions she never found the courage to bury.
For a long moment, walang nagsalita.
Humupa na ang paghinga niya. Not because the panic was gone, but because something else had taken its place.
Finally, bumalik ang tingin niya kay Ella.
"Where is she?"
Ella hesitated, then nodded toward the back of the building. "Near the stairs. Under the tree."
Kairi moved before she could talk herself out of it.
Nilagpasan niya si Ella at lumabas ng alley nang mabigat ang bawat hakbang. Tahimik lang na sumabay si Zoe sa paglalakad, staying close enough to be there but far enough not to crowd her.
Hindi naman kalayuan ang pupuntahan nila.
Pero pakiramdam ni Kairi, sobrang haba at tagal ng bawat hakbang. With every step, lalong bumibigat ang pakiramdam niya. Nanlalamig na rin ang mga kamay niya and her legs felt weak in a way she hated.
The whole way there, one thought kept pressing into her. That it felt like she was chasing Miss Herrera again.
Ang pinagkaiba lang, this time, may naghihintay na.
Gianna was waiting.
When Kairi turned the corner, she saw her immediately.
Gianna stood beneath the tree beside the concrete stairs that led back to the main road. One hand was tucked into her pocket, the other holding a cigarette between her fingers.
Kairi felt that familiar heat settle in her chest. So much for pretending she'd grown out of finding it attractive.
As if sensing she wasn't alone, dahan-dahang napaangat ang ulo ni Gianna.
Then she saw her.
The second their eyes met, she stopped moving.
"Kairi."
Hearing her name in that voice again sent something twisting hard through Kairi's chest, so sudden it almost knocked the breath from her.
But before anything else could surface, naunahan na iyon ng galit.
"Don't."
Agad na natahimik si Gianna.
Sa likod niya, marahang hinawakan ni Zoe ang balikat niya.
"I'll stay close," she said. "Take your time."
Bahagya lang tumango si Kairi.
Umatras si Zoe, sapat lang ang layo para mabigyan sila ng privacy pero malapit pa rin kung kailanganin siya ni Kairi.
Nagpatuloy si Kairi sa paglalakad hanggang ilang hakbang na lang ang pagitan nilang dalawa. The moment she stopped, Gianna dropped the cigarette to the ground and crushed it under her shoe.
That almost made Kairi laugh.
Some things never changed. Gianna still hid the things she thought Kairi wouldn't like.
"Talk."
Maikli lang ang sinabi ni Kairi at halos wala nang emosyon sa boses niya.
Napalunok si Gianna bago nagsalita.
"Kairi, I'm sorry—"
"Don't start there," Kairi cut in, fast enough that Gianna stopped at once. "Not with that."
Gianna nodded once, her mouth closing.
For a few seconds, walang nagsalita.
The silence between them felt unbearably heavy. Punong-puno ng lahat ng hindi nila nasabi sa loob ng halos tatlong taon.
Then Gianna tried again.
"You're angry."
Napatingin si Kairi sa kanya na parang hindi makapaniwala.
"Angry?" she repeated, letting out a dry, bitter laugh. "That's what you think this is?"
Huminga nang malalim si Gianna.
Pero naunahan na naman siya ni Kairi.
"You left."
The words were simple. Flat. But they carried more weight than shouting ever could.
Gianna looked down for a moment before meeting her eyes again. "I had to."
Kairi's jaw tensed. "Why?"
Gianna's face tightened before she answered. "Because of you."
That stopped her.
Natigilan si Kairi, the words hitting her before she could even understand them.
Gianna stepped a little closer, not enough to touch her. Just enough to make sure she'd hear every word.
"Because staying would've ruined you."
Something inside Kairi cracked.
For almost three years, may isang tanong na pilit niyang ibinaon sa sarili. Buried beneath all the others.
Why wasn't I enough to make you stay?
And now, standing here, she was hearing the opposite.
That she had mattered too much.
Hindi iyon nakagaan. Instead, it just made it worse.
Kairi stared at her, her voice shaking when she finally spoke. "Do you even know what that did to me?"
Natahimik si Gianna.
"Did you know I went to your apartment?" Kairi asked, her eyes burning now. "Did you know I stood outside that door waiting? Did you know I kept thinking na maybe babalik ka? Maybe there'd be a reason. And maybe you'd explain."
Gianna's lips parted, but Kairi didn't let her speak.
"Did you know I thought you'd come to my graduation?"
At iyon ang tuluyang nagpabago sa mukha ni Gianna.
Kitang-kita ni Kairi kung paano bumagsak ang guilt sa kanya.
Because she hadn't come.
At pareho nilang alam iyon.
Gianna swallowed before answering, her voice low enough that Kairi almost hated how honest it sounded.
"I wanted to."
Mahinang napatawa si Kairi na parang pagod na pagod na at napailing. Her eyes were wet now though the tears still refused to fall.
"You wanted to," she repeated. "That's all you ever did."
She looked at Gianna for one long second that felt dangerous because she could feel herself slipping. She could feel the anger cracking at nagsisimula nang lumabas ang lahat ng pilit niyang itinago sa ilalim nito.
At alam niyang kapag hinayaan niyang magsalita pa si Gianna at kapag nakinig pa siya sa kahit isa pang paliwanag niya, it would tear her open all over again.