Chapter 74
Hindi na nagtanong si Zoe kung saan gustong pumunta ni Kairi. She also did not attempt to fill the silence with meaningless comfort. She simply walked beside her while Maya quietly moved to Kairi's other side, and together, the three of them left the bar without looking back.
None of them spoke during the drive home. Kairi just rested her forehead against the cool glass, staring outside without really seeing anything.
Hindi siya umiyak and that felt worse. Everything inside her felt too full and too empty at the same time, as though seeing Miss Herrera again had torn open something she had spent years carefully putting back together.
By the time they reached their apartment unit, the silence had settled comfortably around the three of them. Binuksan ni Zoe ang pinto habang si Maya naman ang unang nagtanggal ng sapatos. Paglingon niya, kasasara lang ni Kairi ng pinto sa likod niya.
"You want to shower first?" she asked softly.
Kairi looked at her for a few seconds before managing a small smile and giving a slight nod.
"Yeah."
"Take your time," Zoe added gently.
Bahagya lang na tumango si Kairi bago tahimik na naglakad papunta sa hallway.
Makalipas ang ilang segundo, narinig nila ang pagsara ng bathroom door.
...
For several long seconds, nakatayo lang si Kairi sa loob with both hands resting against the sink as she stared at her reflection. She looked normal. There were no tears. Wala ring pamumula sa mga mata. Nothing that suggested her entire evening had just been turned upside down.
Eventually, she reached forward and turned on the shower. Warm water immediately poured from above.
Kairi stepped beneath it and closed her eyes, intending only to clear her head for a moment.
Instead, memory betrayed her.
The sound of falling water immediately pulled her somewhere else. To another bathroom, another evening, and another version of herself.
Naalala niya si Miss Herrera, standing impossibly close. Naalala niya ang init ng mga kamay nito. The way their foreheads rested against each other. At higit sa lahat, naalala niya ang boses nito, breaking as she whispered—
You make me lose my mind...Tell me to stop...Say my name...
Mariing napapikit si Kairi.
In one instant, parang nabura ang nakalipas na halos tatlong taon.
Back then, everything had felt different. Every touch had carried warmth, every glance had been filled with longing, and even silence had seemed heavy with things neither of them knew how to say. Now, the same sound of running water carried something entirely different.
Grief.
Dahan-dahang umangat ang kamay niya hanggang sa mukha niya at saglit na idiniin ang mga daliri sa mga mata habang patuloy na umaagos ang tubig sa buhok at balikat niya.
Tonight had changed something.
Hindi dahil nakita niya ulit si Miss Herrera. Kundi dahil narinig niya siya.
Just one word.
Kairi.
Nothing more.
Yet hearing her name spoken in that familiar voice after years of silence had undone parts of her she genuinely believed had healed.
Because memories were cruel.
They waited patiently.
And the moment they found something familiar, they returned all at once.
...
Tahimik na ang buong apartment nang tuluyan nang makahiga si Kairi.
She lay on her back with the blanket loosely draped over her waist, staring into the darkness above her habang hindi pa siya dinadalaw ng antok. Sa tuwing ipipikit niya ang mga mata niya, may panibagong alaalang bumabalik.
Gianna standing beneath a tree with a cigarette between her fingers.
The look on her face earlier that night.
The way she looked at Kairi the moment their eyes met again.
Then came the questions she'd carried for years.
Did you know I went to your apartment?
Did you know I stood outside that door waiting?
Did you know I thought you'd come to my graduation?
And then came Gianna's answer.
I wanted to.
Mariing napapikit si Kairi at dahan-dahang huminga.
"You wanted to do a lot of things," she whispered into the darkness, bitterness and exhaustion mixing in her voice. "You wanted to stay. You wanted to explain. You wanted to come back."
Her throat tightened.
"But you didn't."
The room remained silent because that had always been the problem, wanting never changed what happened.
Makalipas ang ilang sandali, biglang nagliwanag ang phone niya sa bedside table.
The glow cut through the darkness.
1:07 AM.
Unknown Number.
Agad na bumilis ang tibok ng puso niya.
Bago pa man niya buksan ang message, she already knew.
Slowly, she picked up the phone. There was only one message.
I'm sorry.
Matagal lang na nakatitig si Kairi sa screen.
There was nothing else. No explanation. No excuses. No request.
Only two words.
Three years.
Inabot ng halos tatlong taon bago tuluyang nagkaroon si Kairi ng phone number ni Gianna.
Naalala niya kung ilang beses niyang tinanong si Ella noon. Kung may balita ba ito. Kung alam ba nito kung nasaan si Miss Herrera. Or if there was any possible way to contact her. Every single time, umiiling lang si Ella o kaya naman, maingat nitong inililihis ang usapan,
Back then, Kairi thought Ella had simply been protecting herself from being caught in the middle.
Ngayon, naiintindihan na niya that Ella had been protecting Gianna's decision.
Gianna hadn't wanted to be found that even her phone number had been deliberately kept away from Kairi.
Until tonight.
Her thumb hovered over the keyboard, but nothing came.
Ano namang gagawin niya sa I'm sorry?
Paano mabubuhat ng dalawang salita ang ilang taong katahimikan? Ang halos tatlong taong grief, questions, and everything she had spent so long trying to survive?
Eventually, ni-lock niya ang screen at ibinalik ang phone sa bedside table.
The message remained unanswered.
And long after the apartment had become completely silent, nanatili pa ring gising si Kairi. Nakatitig lang sa dilim habang isa-isang bumabalik ang mga alaalang akala niya noon ay natutunan na niyang iwan sa nakaraan.
...
Morning arrived much earlier than Kairi wanted.
She rubbed the remaining sleep from her eyes as she stepped out of her room, immediately greeted by the smell of breakfast. Maya was placing scrambled eggs onto the table while Zoe carried over toasted bread and three mugs of coffee, both of them already looking far more awake than she felt.
Si Maya ang unang napatingin.
"Morning."
Kairi answered, her voice still rough from sleep. "Morning."
"Nakatulog ka ba?"
Napaisip sandali si Kairi bago bahagyang nagkibit-balikat. "A little."
Tumango lang si Maya as though that answer was enough and gently motioned toward the table.
"Come eat."
Hinila ni Kairi ang isang upuan at umupo. Without saying anything, Zoe slid one of the coffee mugs toward her before taking her own seat.
For the first few minutes, only the soft sounds of cutlery and plates filled the apartment.
Hindi nila siya minadali. Hindi rin nila agad tinanong kung okay lang ba siya. Wala ring namilit na pag-usapan ang nangyari kagabi.
And Kairi appreciated that more than she could explain.
Eventually, siya na rin ang unang bumasag sa katahimikan.
"She said she left because of me."
Sabay na napatingin sa kanya sina Maya at Zoe.
Bahagyang ibinaba ni Maya ang tinidor niya. "What do you mean?"
Kairi stared down at her plate for a few seconds before answering.
"She said staying would've ruined me."
Natahimik ulit ang mesa. Neither of them spoke right away.
Kairi let out a slow breath, her fingers tightening slightly around her mug.
"For years..." she paused, searching for the right words. "For years, akala ko baka hindi lang talaga ako enough para mag-stay siya. Lagi kong iniisip na kung naging iba lang sana ako o kung mas naging worth it sana ako, maybe she wouldn't have left."
"But that's not what she said," Zoe replied softly.
Kairi shook her head.
"No."
"What do you think she meant?"
"I don't know."
Kairi let out a small, humorless laugh and looked down at her coffee.
"I really don't know."
Ipinatong ni Maya ang mga braso niya sa mesa, maingat ang expression. "Nag-explain ba siya?"
"Not really. We barely talked." Kairi paused for a moment. "I got angry."
"You had every right to."
A faint smile appeared on Kairi's face.
"I know. But now, I somehow have more questions than before."
Nakatitig lang siya sa kape niya, watching the steam slowly disappear.
"For the longest time, akala ko tanggap ko na lahat. I thought I had already made peace with the fact na umalis siya." Napatawa ulit siya nang mahina. "Apparently, hindi pa pala."
The silence that followed wasn't uncomfortable. It was simply thoughtful.
Makalipas ang ilang sandali, si Zoe ulit ang nagsalita.
"So, mag-uusap pa ba kayo?"
Kairi looked up. "I don't know."
"It didn't sound finished."
Kairi immediately looked away again. "It wasn't."
Dahan-dahang tumango si Maya.
"Marami pa kayong hindi nasasabi sa isa't-isa.."
That earned a tired smile from Kairi.
"There are probably enough unsaid things to fill another three years."
A small laugh escaped both Maya and Zoe.
Then, parang may biglang naalala si Kairi at napatingin ulit sa kanila.
"She texted me."
Zoe blinked. "What? What did she say?"
Without answering, Kairi reached for her phone and unlocked it before sliding it across the table.
Parehong yumuko sina Maya at Zoe para tingnan ito.
The screen displayed only two words.
Maya frowned slightly. "'Yan lang?"
"That's it."
"You didn't reply?"
Kairi shook her head. "Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin."
Zoe looked from the phone back to her.
"I think kailangan mong mag-reply."
Agad na napakunot-noo si Kairi.
"I don't."
"Kai, you don't have to forgive her."
"I'm not saying that."
"I know," Zoe said gently. "Pero you deserve answers."
Maya nodded in agreement.
"Ang tagal mong naghanap ng kasagutan, ng explanations."
Muling bumaba ang tingin ni Kairi sa message and the two words suddenly felt heavier.
"I don't even know where to begin."
"Anywhere," Zoe replied. "It doesn't have to be perfect, Kai."
For several long seconds, Kairi simply stared at the screen.
Then she unlocked her phone.
Her fingers hovered above the keyboard.
Slowly, she typed.
Why did you come back?
Matagal niya itong tinitigan. Then she deleted everything.
Ilang sandali pa, sumubok ulit siya.
I'm still angry.
Tinitigan niya ulit iyon nang ilang segundo.
Delete.
Another attempt.
We need to talk.
Delete.
Napabuntong-hininga si Kairi sa frustration at ni-lock ang phone niya, pero halos agad din niya itong in-unlock ulit.
Sa kabilang side ng mesa, tahimik lang sina Maya at Zoe. Hindi sila nanghimasok. Hindi rin sila nagbigay ng suggestion. They simply waited.
Sa huli, dahan-dahang huminga si Kairi.
Her thumbs moved across the screen one last time.
This time, she didn't erase the words.
Where are you?
Matagal niya iyong tinitigan.
Then she pressed send.
After that, dahan-dahang ibinaba ni Kairi ang phone sa mesa, face-up.
Now, she waited.