Forty-Seven
Kaiden
The compound’s medical facility smells like antiseptic and failure. I float somewhere between conscious and not, aware of movement around me but unable to care enough to engage with it.
Why the hell am I still here? Just end it already!
Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, a voice screams at me to hold on. Not for myself - I stopped giving a shit about my own survival years ago.
Not for Aspen. I’m already dead to her.
But for Kai.
My son doesn’t deserve to lose his father before he even really got to know me.
Didn’t I always promise I wouldn’t be the absent parent my father was?
Except… sometimes, a parent’s absence is better than his presence. Wasn’t that also true of mine?
Voices filter through the haze. Fragments of conversation that drift past like smoke.
“...infection spreading...”
“...septic shock...”
“...given up...”
I recognize the doctor’s voice, clipped and professional, but edged with frustration. Good. Let him be frustrated. It’s the same asshole who followed Vito’s orders not to treat me all those years ago.
He doesn’t fucking care one way or the other. He just doesn’t want to let down the person paying his big, fat fee.
Honestly, I’m surprised I’m still here. But… it won’t be long now. I’ve made my peace with that.
“Kaiden!” Aspen’s voice pulls me back from the edge. Or is it my mind playing more tricks on me?
I try to open my eyes, but my lids feel like they’re weighted with lead. The voice comes again, closer now, and I feel a hand on my good arm. Warm. Real.
“Kaiden, please. I need you to fight. Kai needs you. I need you.”
That can’t be right. Aspen doesn’t need me. She made that abundantly clear when she walked out of Prospect House. When she looked at me like I was every bit the monster I’ve always known myself to be.
“The infection is getting worse,” another voice says. “His body’s shutting down. He’s not responding to treatment.”
“Then try something else!” Aspen’s voice cracks, and the sound of it cuts through the fog in my brain. “There has to be something.”
“Mrs. Brooks, I understand this is difficult, but the truth is, your husband seems to have lost the will to fight. Without that, no amount of medicine will help him.”
A sob catches in her throat, and I feel her hand tighten on my arm. “This is my fault.”
No. No, it’s not. I want to tell her that. Try to force words past my lips, but nothing comes. My tongue feels thick and useless in my mouth. The darkness pulls at me again, insistent, and I’m so tired of resisting it.
There’s a lull. Everything goes quiet, and for a moment I think I’ve passed into oblivion. Into nothingness.
But then, I hear Aspen’s sweet voice again and it makes me want to stay.
“Kaiden, listen to me.” This time I feel her breath against my skin, and even in this state, my body responds to her proximity. God, I love this woman. Always have, always will.
I wish things could have been different. I wish I was worthy of her.
“Kitty told me everything. About what the Viper did to you both. About all of it.”
My heart stutters. No. She wasn’t supposed to know. I never wanted her to carry that weight.
Except… she already knew, didn’t she? That’s why she told me to stay away from her.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers, and I feel something wet drop onto my arm. Tears. She’s crying. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. Sorry I jumped to conclusions. Sorry I walked away when you needed me most.”
Her words wash over me, but they feel distant, like they’re meant for someone else. Someone who deserves forgiveness. Someone who hasn’t spent the last decade as the Viper’s unpaid lackey, doing things that would make her sick if she knew the full extent of them.
“Kai asks about you every day,” she continues, her voice thick with emotion. “He keeps asking when you’re coming back. When you’re going to take him to get ice cream again like you promised. When you’re going to teach him more things that only ‘dads’ know…”
Something cracks inside my chest. A fissure in the despondency that’s consumed my conscious moments.
Kai. My son. The one pure thing I’ve helped create in this fucked up world.
The boy who looks at me like I hung the moon, who doesn’t yet know what a disappointment his father truly is.
But he will, if I can’t pull myself out of this pit of torment which is consuming me.
“He drew you a picture,” Aspen continues. “It’s of the three of us. You, me, and him. He wrote ‘my family’ across the top in the biggest letters. He’s so proud of it. He wants to give it to you himself.”
The image forms in my mind despite the fog. My boy, tongue probably poking out in concentration as he carefully colors inside the lines. Drawing a family he barely got to have.
“Don’t you dare leave him, Kaiden Brooks.” Aspen’s voice hardens now, taking on an edge that cuts through the haze better than anything else has. “Don’t you dare make me explain to our son that his father gave up. That you didn’t think he was worth fighting for.”
That’s not fair. None of this is about Kai. But also… what is it about?
Wasn’t it about losing Aspen?
Except… she’s here.
“I love you, Kaiden. I can’t do this without you. But if you won’t get better for me, then at least do it for him.”
Her voice breaks, and I hear her heartbreaking sobs.
In what world would I ever abandon this woman? It’s incomprehensible. Her tears are acid on my skin, burning through the numbness that’s been my only refuge. The darkness that seemed so welcoming moments ago now feels like betrayal - not of me, but of them. Of Aspen and Kai.
And her words… they’re like a balm on my anguished soul.
I need to comfort her. Tell her I’m here. That I’ll always be here for her and our son.
Her touch recedes, and I miss it immediately. I try to force my eyes open, but it takes more effort than I can muster.
But she needs to know. I can’t bear her crying. Not when it’s within my power to stop it.
I try to reach out. My fingers twitch. It’s barely movement - just the smallest flex against the sheets - but I feel it. Proof I’m still tethered to this world, however tenuously.
I focus everything I have on that one sensation. The texture of the fabric beneath my hand. But what I really crave is the warmth of Aspen’s touch against my skin, fighting against the demons trying to claim me.
The steady beep of machines somewhere nearby marks time I’d been ready to let slip away, but no more.
“Kaiden?” Aspen’s voice sharpens with sudden hope. She grasps my hand in hers and her blessed warmth seeps into my bloodstream, calming something I didn’t know needed her touch.
I try to squeeze her fingers, but it’s a truly pathetic attempt.
“Doctor!” She calls out, and I’m aware of the rush of feet.
“His hand moved!”
Footsteps approach quickly. “It could be an involuntary spasm, Mrs. Brooks. I don’t want to give you false…”
“It wasn’t involuntary.” Her voice is steel now, the same strength she showed when she faced me down all those weeks ago. When she told me I couldn’t just waltz back into her life like nothing happened. “Kaiden, if you can hear me, do it again. Please.”
I summon every ounce of strength left in my beleaguered body and force my hand to move again. My fingers curl around hers, weak but undeniably deliberate.
Change of plan. It’s time to return from the dead.
Apparently, I still have a life to live.