Chapter 6 - Nikki
She wandered through the library’s towering shelves, pushing the cart of returned books in front of her.
She craned her neck up to scan a shelf, pinpointing a gap between two books, one leaning against its current neighbor.
She tugged a ladder over to rest next to the spot.
Tucking a book under her arm, she began clambering up.
Once she reached the correct level, she stretched out her hand and slid the book into place.
When it was secure in its rightful home, she clambered back down to the cart and continued moving along.
This was one of her favorite parts of the job, though she couldn’t fully explain why. There was something nice about getting to roam the shelves and return books to their rightful place. She found it strangely soothing, like fitting a puzzle piece into its perfect slot.
She plucked the next book from the cart, a romance. The man on the front, a handsome, muscular man with sandy hair and a strong jaw, bore a startling resemblance to Jasper. Heat spread across her cheeks, and she put the book back on the cart, face down.
It had been a week since Jasper had insisted they get married. A week of her living in the guest room. A week of her trying to avoid speaking with Jasper at all costs.
She hated Jasper. She doubted she would ever forgive him for what he’d done.
For a brief moment, when he’d helped her after the attack, when he’d been tender and reassuring, she thought he might have been different.
She could have seen himself falling for her.
That had all come crumbling down the next morning when he’d shown his true colors.
To him, it didn’t matter what she had wanted.
He assumed he knew best and made her decisions for her.
He was no better than any of the others who had decided she was property instead of a human.
And yet, despite that, she couldn’t help but feel that spark.
She was furious with him, but some other part of her was inexplicably drawn to him, like they were two magnets always tugging toward one another.
She couldn’t ignore the flutters in her stomach whenever she saw him.
She might hate him for what he was doing to her, but she couldn’t help but notice his strong jaw, how that intense gaze seemed to stare right into her, as if able to pull apart everything about her.
Her heart clenched at the memory of that gaze, and she felt herself heat despite herself.
She paused at the appropriate shelf, picked up the romance book, and considered it once more.
No, she couldn’t deny that she was attracted to Jasper.
That didn’t change anything, though. He was still her captor.
He was still doing exactly what everyone else had done to her. He was still trying to control her.
She slid the novel back into its spot, trying to shove those thoughts from her mind. She didn’t need to dwell on them right now. They muddied everything.
The next hour was spent in a similar fashion: shelving books and trying not to think about Jasper.
Sometimes it worked. Most of the time, she kept thinking about that stare and the way his hands had felt on hers when he had held her.
Gritting her teeth, she shoved the final book in its place with more force than necessary.
The shelving finished, she made her way back to the circulation desk and to the brunette hunched over a piece of paper, drawing a tiny cartoon dragon in the corner. Amber, a friend Nikki had made when they’d both been under Sier’s thumb, glanced up from her doodle and smiled.
“All taken care of?” she asked when Nikki slid the now-empty cart back behind the desk.
“Yup,” Nikki huffed. She slumped forward, forearms resting against the desk, while she scowled at nothing.
Amber gave her a knowing look. “Thinking about the Jasper situation again?” Amber asked. She had always been good at reading Nikki’s thoughts.
“How did you guess?” Nikki asked.
“Because you have that angry expression on your face that you only ever get when you’re thinking about him,” Amber said matter-of-factly. “I don’t think I have ever seen you so angry at anyone, and that includes Sier.”
Sighing, Nikki glanced down at the desk. Her index finger ran along the wood, tracing an invisible image. “That’s because Sier never pretended to be anything other than exactly what he was,” she said. “A manipulative, conniving, evil person. Jasper at least pretended to care.”
“I don’t think Jasper’s that bad,” Amber said. “But yeah, I get where you’re coming from.”
Shaking her head, Nikki slumped further forward. “I just wish there was something I could do,” she murmured.
“I spoke to a few people for you,” Amber said. “It doesn’t look like there’s much anyone can do. Once a shifter decides on their mate, that’s the end of it. It’s the old traditions.”
Grimacing, Nikki nodded. It was what she had expected, but that didn’t stop that tiny kernel of frustration from flaring up again. “Great,” she muttered.
“When’s the ceremony?” asked Amber.
“Saturday,” she muttered. “Far too soon for my liking. I tried to postpone it until the next century, but he wouldn’t listen.”
Snorting, Amber said, “That does sort of defeat the purpose of this specific marriage.”
“It’s just this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous,” Nikki groaned, leaning forward on her elbows, hand tangled in her hair.
A patron appeared at the desk, ending their whispered conversation.
Nikki smiled while she scanned each book and handed them back, reminding the woman of the due dates and the library’s late policy before waving her off.
Once the woman was out of earshot, the two turned toward one another once again.
“Why the hell shouldn’t I be able to get a say in any of this? How is he allowed to just pick a mate against their will? God. I thought it would be better here, you know?”
Amber chewed the inside of her cheek, mulling over her response. She’d always been the kind of person to wait and think out her response before saying anything. Right now was no exception.
“I mean, I don’t think he’s going about it the right way,” Amber agreed. “But it does seem like he’s trying to protect you. That doesn’t mean he’s not being a bit… extreme.”
Nikki snorted. “Bit of an understatement.”
Amber chewed the inside of her cheek, glancing around. “I think he’s trying to help,” she finally said. “And I think that’s sweet. Is he being an absolute idiot about it? Probably. But don’t you think there might be some logic to what he’s saying?”
“Glad to know you don’t think I can handle myself, either,” Nikki muttered.
Shaking her head, Amber said, “That’s not what I’m saying at all, so please don’t put words in my mouth. You told me what happened with Lucas. It seemed like you had him at one point.”
And then I threw it all away, Nikki thought, though she kept it to herself. She didn’t know what had happened that night, what about Lucas had made her freeze in panic, and all of her training had flown out the window. It was equal parts frustrating and humiliating.
Amber was still speaking. “But guys like Lucas are going to keep coming back over and over again until they get what they want, no matter how strong you are or what you do. I mean, you remember what they were like. It wasn’t like they were going to listen to any of us then. They aren’t going to listen to us now.”
Nikki took a moment to process this. Amber had a point. That didn’t stop the frustration and helplessness that had been threatening to consume her anymore.
“I don’t like people dictating what I can and can’t do,” Nikki said, scowling.
“I know,” Amber said. “And believe me when I say I’m pissed off for you. I’m just trying to come up with some way of looking at it on the bright side.”
Letting out a puff of air, Nikki ran her fingers through her hair. She might have said more, but at that moment, a man appeared at the desk, clutching a couple of books. He smiled.
“Hey, Nikki,” he said, handing over the books.
“Hi, Vincent.”
Out of everyone she had met since joining the Silverrose pack, Vincent was one of her favorites.
He’d always gone out of his way to be nice to her and the other former slaves.
He always took a moment to chat, even if he had somewhere to be.
She was slow to build relationships, and Vincent was one of the few people she considered a genuine friend.
“Thanks for the recommendations, by the way,” Vincent said. “You were right. I devoured them.”
She grinned. “Right? That series is a ton of fun!”
They spent the next couple of minutes chatting about the plot, the characters, and theories. For a few minutes, she actually felt normal. But then the smile that had been tugging at her features dissipated when he changed the subject to something far less palatable.
“Congratulations, by the way,” Vincent said cheerfully. “I have to admit, when I heard about the wedding, I wasn’t expecting it. You never struck me as the marrying type.”
Nikki shrugged, schooling her features and keeping them as a mask. “What can I say? I’m just full of surprises.” Without looking at him, trying to keep an even countenance, she scanned the books, then handed them to Vincent. “These will be due in two weeks.”
“Thanks.” He tucked the books under his arm. “Hey, so I think I told you about this cool spot near a waterfall ages ago. Remember?”
“Yeah! It sounded gorgeous. What about it?”
“Well, it’s getting close to winter, and I figured we were coming up on some of the last few weeks to go this year. I wanted to see if you might be interested in going?”
“That would be great.”
“Awesome!” He glanced at the growing line behind him. “Let’s plan it for sometime soon.”
With a wave, he let the next person step up. Nikki smiled and took their books, allowing herself to get lost in her work for the rest of the evening.
***
Nikki glanced down at the dress. It was simple and cream-colored, with three-quarter-length sleeves and a bit of lace around the collarbone and hem. It didn’t exactly scream “wedding dress” beyond its color, which was just what she wanted.
She had insisted on a small ceremony at the pack house with just the two of them and a couple of witnesses.
In her mind, this wasn’t the type of wedding to celebrate, and she didn’t want it to be any more of a fuss than necessary.
When she was younger, she’d imagined a big wedding with a huge party that would go well into the night.
Then again, that had been with someone she had chosen.
Not someone who had picked himself for her.
In Jasper’s defense, he had asked her what she wanted.
He seemed genuinely determined to make this work and to make her as comfortable as possible with the situation.
She would have appreciated the sentiment, but at the same time, it just felt like platitudes, and it was hard for her to believe any of it was genuine.
“For the record, you look amazing,” Amber said, teasing a strand of Nikki’s hair into place.
“Thanks,” Nikki muttered, though without much conviction.
She sighed, glanced in the mirror, and checked her makeup, wondering idly why she was even bothering.
Straightening, she said, “All right, might as well get this over with.” Again, not exactly the sentiment she had pictured when she’d fantasized about her wedding.
The ceremony was to take place in the grand hall, where most weddings were held. It was almost entirely empty when she stepped in. The only attendees were herself, Amber, Camden, Cillian, Franco, and Jasper.
Unbidden, her eyes strayed to Jasper, and a wave of heat washed over her.
Despite herself, she couldn’t help but admire how good Jasper looked in his suit.
It fit his muscular frame perfectly, the dark of the suit complementing his tan and hair.
She tried not to imagine what he looked like underneath the suit, and failed miserably.
He watched her with that same intensity she’d grown accustomed to from him.
She sucked in a breath, her heart hammering as heat rushed over her.
What was it about him that made her lose her senses?
There was some pull there that she couldn’t fully describe or articulate, and it seemed only to amplify when he stared at her the way he was in that moment.
The wedding began, with Camden presiding over it. Nikki barely heard what he was saying. Despite herself, she found herself unable to tear her gaze away from Jasper. There was something magnetic about him, despite her best efforts to keep that yearning for him under wraps.
Camden finished, and the only reason it registered with her was because Jasper was leaning in for a kiss.
For half a second, she considered stepping back to refuse the kiss, even if she couldn’t refuse the marriage.
But before she could fully follow that train of thought, Jasper’s lips were on hers, and her mind went blank.
Her heart stuttered, and for a moment, all she could think about was the taste of him.
A bizarre craving sparked to life despite herself.
It took all her willpower not to lean further in, not to succumb to those urges, but she pulled herself away.
When she looked at Jasper, she saw the same surprise and hunger on his face that was currently running through her.
That expression sparked an even deeper longing within her.
As she stared at him, though, a new knowledge rippled through her that sent shivers running down her spine. The wedding was over, and she and Jasper were married, for better or worse, bound together forever, until death did they part.
What alarmed her the most was that part of her seemed to like the idea.