Chapter 22
Sienna
Waking up, my mind feels worn, like gum that’s been chewed for too long.
Slowly, I become aware of Christiano’s arms locked around me and his weight as he lies partially on top of me.
I’m depleted from the mental toll it took on me to admit the truth to him, but having him here gives me a sense of safety.
He didn’t turn his back on me. Instead, he comforted me and assured me of how much he loves me.
My arms are heavy as I pull them free from where they’re pinned between us.
“Feeling better after the nap?” Christiano asks, his tone unbelievably tender.
My lips part, and not quite able to talk yet, I nod sluggishly.
He lifts his head, his eyes searching my face. “Are you still drowsy from the medication?”
I nod again while I fumble to place my hand against his neck.
“Take it easy,” he murmurs. “I had Nico get us a light lunch.” He pulls away from me, and as he gets up, he orders, “Stay in bed. I’ll be right back.”
While he’s gone, I fight the haze, and by the time I pull myself up into a sitting position, Christiano comes back with a fork and a salad the size of Manhattan.
“I got your favorite,” he says as he sits down, facing me.
The corner of his mouth lifts as he spears some chicken and avocado, and when he brings the fork to my mouth, he says, “Open up.”
I take the bite, searching his face for any sign that he regrets marrying me yesterday, but all I see is contentment.
When he notices I’m staring, he admits, “I love taking care of you.”
He spends the next few minutes feeding me until I’ve had enough, then he takes a couple of bites before setting the plate down on the bedside table.
Wiping his thumb over his bottom lip, his eyes lock on me. “I told Rosie to get me a body cam and to set up a secure system so you can watch me when I’m not with you.”
Surprised, my eyebrows lift. “You don’t mind?”
His expression turns serious as he replies, “I’m worried about you seeing the gruesomeness when I kill someone. That can’t be good for you.”
I think about it for a moment. “Maybe if I see how you handle yourself at work, it will help, like a kind of exposure therapy.”
“I’d like to meet with your psychiatrist. I want to learn everything I can about…” he frowns, then asks, “What’s it called again?”
“Thanatophobia. We can call it anxiety to make it easier.”
Lifting his hand to my face, he cups my cheek. “I’m sorry I gave you such a scare when I got shot.”
The crippling fear that the memory brings is muted by the Xanax, but my body still shudders while a pit of angst forms in my stomach.
Christiano shifts closer to me and tilts his head. “Does it make it worse to talk about it?”
It’s difficult to be open about my mental state after hiding it from him.
“Dr. Kahn says it helps to talk about it, but I try to avoid it.” I give him a hopeful look. “Then again, I haven’t been able to talk to you about what happened.”
“You can talk to me about it at any time,” he assures me. “Just don’t push yourself too hard. Your mental well-being comes first.”
For the most part, Christiano has always treated me like I’m something precious, but having him be so gentle and caring after I came clean about my disorder is something I needed desperately.
“Thank you.”
A frown forms on his forehead. “For what?”
“For not hating me because I’m weak.”
“Stop saying you’re weak. You’ve fought this hell all by yourself for years, Sienna. That takes some serious fucking strength.” He leans closer and presses a kiss to my lips. “I’m proud of you, but it’s time for you to rest and let me take over fighting this battle for you.”
His phone rings, drawing his attention. When he pulls it out, and Rosie’s name shows on the screen, he accepts the call.
“Hey.” He listens for a moment, then a smile forms on his face.
“Hold on a second.” Meeting my eyes, he asks, “Instead of a body cam, how would you feel about a device that shows you my vitals and tracks my whereabouts? That way, you don’t have to see me killing someone every other day, and you can see my heart beating for you wherever I am. ”
“God, yes! I’d love something like that.”
Chuckling, he tells Rosie, “Go ahead and design the app so Sienna can have access to it from her phone, and do the same for me. I want to track her at all times.”
When he ends the call, he says, “Look at us being all obsessive. I love it.”
“Thank you.” A smile spreads over my face. “I think it will help a lot.”
“Good. I’ll also call you often.” Getting up, he collects the plate. “I’m going to get the men to move all your belongings to the penthouse. You don’t need that kind of stress right now.”
I climb off the bed and follow him to the kitchen. “You don’t have to baby me. Besides the phobia, I’m physically fine.”
He sets the plate down on the counter, his eyes flicking to me.
“This has nothing to do with the phobia. I told you yesterday I’m taking over every aspect of your life.
” Leaning his hip against the counter, he crosses his arms over his chest, and it makes his biceps strain beneath the black sleeves.
“Being the head of the five families, there are a lot of moving parts. I need to have complete control. It’s the only way I can protect everyone. ”
When he’s so gentle with me, I almost forget who he is. Seeing all those photos in the hallway was a real eye-opening moment. This man carries our entire world on his shoulders, and all he wants is me.
“You are so strong, it amazes me at times,” I say, my voice soft and filled with awe. I walk closer, and pulling his arms open, I lean against his chest. “All the control is yours, and tell me if there’s anything else I can do to make things easier for you.”
“Just love me, Sienna.”
Tipping my head back, I meet his eyes. “I do.”
“I mean, I’d like it if you showed me you love me.”
Guilt rises in my chest. I push up on my tiptoes as I frame his jaw with my hands. “I’m sorry for all the hell I’ve put you through, and I’m going to do my best to make it up to you.”
The corner of his mouth lifts. “Yeah?”
I press a soft kiss to his lips. “You’re the only man I want.” I kiss him again. “Thank you for fighting for us.” Kiss. “And thank you for still staying with me after finding out about my phobia.”
He pulls back a little to stop me from laying another kiss on him and says, “No more secrets.” I nod, then he adds, “And no more lies.”
“I promise.”
He lowers his head, and as his mouth claims mine, things feel different. It feels like we’re connecting on a much deeper level, and I swear I feel Christiano’s intense energy in my soul.
His arm tightens around my lower back, lifting me off my feet, and keeping me pinned to his body, he walks us to the bedroom without breaking the kiss.
I’m gently laid down on the rumpled covers, and as he braces himself over me, I blindly begin to undo the buttons of his shirt.
The kiss doesn’t turn wild but, instead, deepens until our undying love forms an intimate bubble around us.
In this moment, there’s only us. No fears. No Cosa Nostra. No heartache.
We undress each other slowly, savoring every touch. When Christiano positions his cock at my entrance, I wrap my legs around his ass. He fills me, inch by inch, and once he’s all the way in, he stills.
I have no idea how long we lie like this, just kissing and loving each other, but when he finally pulls out, my body shivers from how good it feels.
The rhythm between us remains deep and steady, and it makes me feel his cock so much more.
He ends the kiss, and bracing his forearms on either side of my head, he stares into my eyes as we make love. I trail my fingers over his back, and when he shudders, goose bumps form on his skin.
“Switch places with me,” I say as I push my body against his.
Christiano pushes his arm beneath me, and the next moment, he flips us. I take his cock deep inside me again as I straddle him. My hips move while I begin to kiss his chest, my hands roaming over every inch of his skin.
His hands grip my hips, and when his fingers dig into me, I ride him faster.
“Sienna,” he breathes my name like a prayer, his attention solely focused on me as I push him closer to his orgasm.
My own need grows, and when my pace falters, he takes over, hammering hard and fast into me.
I keep my eyes locked with his as an intense orgasm seizes me in a chokehold, and I’m only able to whimper.
Christiano comes so hard, he darts up into a sitting position and crushes me to his chest. Hearing him groan while he fills me with shuddering thrusts makes another wave of pleasure move through me.
I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, and pressing my hand to the back of his head, I hold him while his ragged breaths hit my throat.
“You are my entire life,” I whisper. “If you die, I die.” My throat closes up, and my voice is strained. “There’s no me without you.”
Christiano’s hold on me becomes painful, but it helps keep me grounded.
“I feel the same, baby. We live and die together.”