27. Brent
Do You Feel That?
Four days had passed since the night I surprised Berkley by bringing her family to my first playoff game.
We’d won our second game two nights later, tying the series at one game a piece. Today, we were heading to Buffalo for games three and four.
Berkley and I had moved around the apartment—mine, hers, it didn’t matter—like ghosts. She hardly spoke to me, and when she did, they were clipped responses, one word answers, or hums of agreement or displeasure.
I had to leave for the airport like…now if I was going to catch my flight with the team, and I wasn’t leaving here until we’d resolved this issue. I knew she was mad at me for flying her family in for my game, and I’d been waiting for her to tell me that herself, but it seemed I’d have to take matters into my own hands.
Squaring my shoulders, I turned to where she sat next to me at my kitchen island, picking at the omelet I’d made her.
“Let’s hear it.”
“Hear what?” she asked, eyes widening innocently.
My own narrowed. “Don’t play dumb, Blondie. It’s not cute.”
Berkley heaved a sigh so large her shoulders rose and fell comically. Then she swiveled to face me and said, “You had no right.”
“It’s my money.”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
“I think that’s exactly what you mean. You think I haven’t seen you balk every time I whip out my credit card to pay for something for you? You think I missed the irritation in your eyes, the discomfort, every second of that weekend in Vegas? This has been a point of contention from the beginning.”
“In case you’ve forgotten,” she said, “after you surprised me and Lexie with that Vegas trip, I specifically asked you to run this shit by me. I would’ve been pleased to have my family here had you only given me the courtesy of being included in the decision!”
I hadn’t entirely forgotten, but I’ll admit…selective amnesia had been at play when I made the decision. “I wanted to surprise you,” I said simply.
“You know I hate surprises. Instead of doing shit that makes me angry with you, Brent, you could always…I don’t know…just not spend thousands of dollars on chartered flights to bring my family to your playoff game without telling me!”
She leaped out of her seat, her voice rising until it echoed off the walls.
Even with her on flat feet and me seated, I still towered over her, this tiny ball of fire.
Who’d suddenly turned that heat on me.
I hadn’t seen her this angry since New Year’s Eve. That night, I’d vowed I’d never piss her off like that again.
I guess some promises were harder to keep than others.
“I love that you want to do nice things for me, Brent,” she said, voice softening. “I really do. But going behind my back with something like this was bullshit. You knew I’d react this way.”
“I truly don’t see what the big deal is,” I said, exasperation rising. “I have more money than I’ll ever know what to do with. You’re my girl, Berk. The love of my life. I really can’t think of any better way to spend that wealth than on you.”
I expected her to come to me with my words, to fall into my arms, but her body stiffened further. Blinking in surprise, I recycled my words in my mind, trying to figure out where I’d gone wrong.
“I don’t need you to spend your wealth on me. I don’t want it. I never have. I’m not Ashley.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t need you to buy my love. We’ve had this conversation, Brent! I’ve let a man keep me dependent on him by using his money to hold me there, and I’m not going to do it again.”
“That’s not what I’m trying to do at all, and if you really think that, then I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing here.”
Berkley stumbled back a step as though I’d dealt her a physical blow, and the regret coursing through me almost made me feel like I had.
I’d known from the beginning how important her independence was to her. It was the one thing she’d always stood firm on, the one thing she refused to give up. And truth be told, I didn’t want her to. I loved that she wanted to take care of herself—and that she could. I appreciated that she was the exact opposite of Ashley in every way. She was the woman I’d spent my whole life searching for.
But I realized something about her in that moment that I wasn’t entirely sure she knew about herself.
Sometimes, you had to let people take care of you. And her opinion on the matter was surely born of years being told she was strong and capable and didn’t need a man to do the things she was perfectly able to do herself. I’m sure being cheated on, and all the other shit that Lee bastard had done to her, had only exacerbated that particular facet of her personality. I knew it was difficult for her to rely on anyone—even me. Though I knew she loved me, I also understood that she didn’t like asking me for help.
So, okay, flying her family in for the game without running it by her first was admittedly a dick move. But I wouldn’t apologize for it. Not if it had led us to this moment. I didn’t like fighting with her, but if it got her to finally open up about just how deeply this particular root of who she was ran, if it got her to finally trust me more, I’d fight with her all day and night.
Well, except when I had to be on the road for a game. We didn’t have all day and night. We barely had half a minute before I absolutely needed to be out the door.
I rose from my seat and approached her slowly, like a hunter closing in on its prey. No, that was a bad analogy. I didn’t want to cage her. I wanted to set her free from the things that weighed her down.
Clasping her face in my hands, I tipped her head back until she was forced to look me dead in the eye.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” I told her. “I know exactly what we’re doing here. That was a heat of the moment thing, and I didn’t mean it. I also know that you don’t need me to buy your affection or do anything for you at all, Berk. But that’s the kind of man I am. I like spending my money on the people I care about. I like giving small, inconsequential tokens of my affection. Those things make me happy. And since you are the most important person in the world to me, I like making you happy most of all.”
All the fight left her, and I caught her as her body sagged against mine.
“I want you to be happy,” she said softly, voice barely above a whisper. “But not at my expense.”
“You know everything I do is well-intentioned.”
“I do,” she said. “But maybe that’s not enough.”
I pulled my hand away from her face to check my watch, swearing when I saw the time.
“I really have to go if I want to catch my flight and not have my ass reamed by Coach,” I said. “Are we okay?”
Berkley only nodded but wouldn’t meet my gaze.
“Berk, I need you to say it.”
“We’re okay.” The unspoken for now hung in the air between us.
With a quick peck on her lips, I said, “I love you,” collected my bags, and rushed out the door.
I refused to think about the fact that she hadn’t said it back.
“So you just…ate the cost of the plane tickets you bought her to come out here?” Mitch asked, eyes wide.
I swallowed and nodded. “I didn’t even tell her about them. How fucking embarrassing is that? Everyone else has their families here, but my girlfriend got mad at me for spending too much money on her, so I couldn’t even ask.”
“To be fair,” Mitch said, “Lexie isn’t here either.”
That actually did make me feel better, if only because I was certain she was with Berkley right now.
“Am I that big of an asshole?” I asked, raking a hand through my hair, which was several months past-due for a haircut. But it was playoff time, which meant the hair on my head and face would grow until we got knocked out or won the whole damn thing. “I just truly do not see what the big deal is.”
“As your friend, teammate, and someone who is in the same financial situation as you, I don’t either. But your girl is clearly different, and she’s told you so before. So no, I don’t think you’re an asshole, but I’m not the one warming your bed, so my opinion doesn’t matter.”
“She’s doing a lot more than warming my bed,” I growled, and Mitch raised his hands placatingly. “She’s the love of my life, man. I’m done. This is it.”
“If that’s truly the case, maybe you should consider making a compromise. Or, you know, consider adopting the one she already asked you to make.”
It really should’ve been that simple, and yet I’d still managed to fuck the whole thing up.
With a groan, I flopped backward onto the bed in my hotel room, and Mitch chuckled from the chair across the room where he’d draped his massive body when we’d come up after dinner.
We’d won last night, earning us a 2-1 edge in the series. Another win tomorrow night would set us up nicely to close out the series at home next week.
Home. I couldn’t wait to get back there.
With a jolt, I realized I wasn’t missing home in the sense that home was a place. Detroit, my apartment, the rink, any of the places I frequented and felt safe in.
No. Home was Berkley.
“Berk?” I yelled the moment I walked into my apartment the next night. It was late, well past midnight, and I couldn’t even be sure she was here, but…
“Brent?” Her voice was small, sleepy, and the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. Her feet shuffled closer, and I met her in the hall.
Clad in nothing but one of my shirts, which hung on her thin frame but didn’t fall far enough to cover the creamy expanse of her thighs, I’d never seen a more perfect sight in all my life.
“You’re here.”
Berkley gave me a small smile. “I forgave you as soon as you left.” I took a step toward her, but she held up a finger. “On the condition that you listen to me this time when I tell you I need you to give me a say in those kinds of decisions.”
“Whatever you want, baby.”
“We’re a team, right? It’s you and me in this. Together.”
“Of course.”
“Then we have to act like it. Make these decisions together.”
“I—” I wanted to argue, but Berkley narrowed her eyes, and I wisely shut my mouth. “Okay, baby,” I said at last. “I’ll be better. I promise. Some habits are just hard to break.”
Her gaze softened. “I know. I’m just asking that you try. For me. Okay?”
“Anything you want, Berk. It’s yours.”
“That’s all I want,” she said. “A compromise. One, I’ll remind you, I asked for before and you ignored.”
“Never again,” I promised her.
“Then you’re forgiven.”
“You didn’t call.”
Her smile tipped down at the corners. “I’m not proud of it, but I wanted to make you sweat.”
“You definitely did.”
For untold moments, we stood there, five feet apart, simply studying each other.
At last, Berkley spoke.
“I’m sorry I overreacted.”
“You’re sorry? I’m the one who should be getting on my knees and begging for forgiveness. You didn’t overreact, and I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“Well, since I’ve already forgiven you, that would be dumb. Although…if you wanted to get on your knees for a different reason, I wouldn’t be opposed.”
My blood heated at the invitation in those words, and every baser instinct within me screamed at me to take her now.
But not before she gave me the go ahead.
“Can I…” I started, trailing off and hoping she got the message as my eyes raked across her body.
“God, please.”
I sagged and closed the distance between us. My mouth was on hers the second she stepped into my arms.
“I love you,” I whispered against her lips.
“I love you, too.”
I blazed a path of kisses over her cheek and jaw, down the column of her neck, pausing at her pulse. “You know…there’s one good thing about fighting,” I said, nipping at her skin.
“And what’s that?” she asked, her voice already that breathy whisper I loved so much.
I pulled away to look at her, lips twisting in a wicked grin as I swept her off her feet.
“Making up.”
“I like the way you think, Jean,” she said with a laugh as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, pressing that warm, perfect mouth against my throat.
“I like the way you call me by my last name.”
I want it to be yours one day.
“I like the way you call me ‘baby.’”
“What else?”
We’d reached my room, and I dropped her onto the bed, staring down at her like a wolf surveying a particularly appetizing meal. Every inch of her body was perfect to me, and Berkley arched her back under my gaze, pushing her breasts against the soft, well-worn fabric of my shirt. Her nipples pebbled against the material, and I couldn’t wait to put my mouth on them.
“I like when you look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you want to consume me.”
“I do want to consume you,” I growled, crawling between her thighs. In moments, the shirt was discarded on the floor and I had one of those tits in my mouth. “I want to brand every part of you,” I whispered against her skin. I slipped my fingers beneath the leg hole of her panties, pulling them down and discarding them before returning my hand to her pussy. My thumb lingered on her clit as I coated my fingers in her arousal. “I want this tight little pussy wrapped around my cock all the time. I want you to take me so deep that we don’t know where you end and I begin. But mostly…I want you. In all the ways you’ll let me. In every way it’s possible to have someone.”
Berkley smiled lazily, pupils blown wide with desire. “Sometimes, you say the dirtiest things, and sometimes you absolutely melt me. That little monologue was equally the filthiest and sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
I dropped my head against her chest and laughed, then lifted it again and shifted so our mouths were a breath apart.
“You make me feel like a caveman sometimes,” I said. “Like I just want to roar to the world that you’re mine. I want to beat on my chest and stake my claim on you. And other times, I find myself getting choked up listening to a love song, because I finally know what all those people are singing about.”
With a hand fisted in the front of my shirt, Berkley pulled me into her and sealed her mouth over mine. Her tongue licked the seam of my lips and delved inside when I opened. We tangled together—tongues, arms, legs, hands in hair, roaming across skin.
“Too much clothing,” she breathed against me, clawing at the buttons of my shirt.
I ripped it open, and Berkley sighed when her roving hands met my bare, warm skin at last. The muscles of my abdomen jumped against her touch, and I pulled my arms free of the shirt as she toyed with the waistband of my pants. When she slid a hand inside and palmed my cock, my hips pumped forward, unbidden, and Berkley growled impatiently when my clothes restricted her movements.
“Off. Now.”
“So demanding.”
“Not when I know you’ll give me what I want.”
I chuckled. “I will give you anything and everything you want, Berkley. All you have to do is ask.”
And though I was loath to leave her, to peel my body away from hers for even a second, the sooner I shed my pants, the sooner I’d be buried inside her, so I backed off the bed and stepped out of them.
“Someone should sculpt you,” she said, eyes greedily drinking in the sight of my naked body.
With a grin, I was back on her in an instant, notching myself at her entrance. With a hand on the base of my cock, I teased her, slipping my head through her slippery arousal.
“So wet.”
“Only for you,” she said, our eyes locking. “Always for you.”
On a sigh, I slid home, the tension in my shoulders, temples, the base of my skull easing. Being connected to her like this was my happy place, the place where all worries and stress washed away. When it was just us, closer than I’d ever dreamed it was possible to be with someone.
“Do you feel that?” I asked, leaning back on my heels and pulling her hips with me so we remained connected. With her body splayed out, hands resting on my forearms, thighs atop mine, her hair a bright corona around her head—fuck, this must’ve been what heaven looked like.
“Feel what?” she asked, staring at me through heavily-lidded eyes.
“How easily this tight little body opens up for me. How fucking perfectly you grip me.” I reached down and brushed a thumb over her clit, a glancing touch that had her shivering. “Nothing has ever felt as good as this. You were made for me, Berkley Daniels. We’re two halves of a whole.”
Berkley began wriggling her hips, smooth gyrations that I knew were meant to give her the friction she craved but weren’t getting the job done.
Only I could do that for her.
“Do you feel that?” I asked again.
Her movements stilled, eyes still glued to mine. “I know that every time I’m with you, whether it’s like this or out in public or simply curled up on the couch studying while you watch game tape…I’ve never felt more like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Like my whole life, I’ve been a magnet searching for that perfect surface to cling to. The one that was made for me. You are that, Brent. I never feel safer than when I’m in your arms, or at your side. I’ve never felt more at home.”
“Now who is making who melt with their words?” I said, grinning. Then, seriously, I added, “I love you.”
“And I love you.”
We didn’t speak anymore as I began to move, smooth, languid strokes in and out of her body. At this point, we were beyond words. We’d stripped ourselves bare in the last few minutes, more bare than simply putting our naked bodies on display for each other. I started slow, then picked up the pace until Berkley was clawing her nails into the muscles of my back, until I was spilling inside of her as she squeezed around me in that perfect, tight Berkley way. And as we broke apart together, our gazes remained locked the entire time, our eyes and bodies saying more than our mouths ever could.