Chapter 28
TWENTY-EIGHT
Anson
The last thing I expect is Bristol showing up at my office, so when I look up from a new project proposal I’m reviewing and see her standing in the doorway, my heart jolts in my chest. I saw her note on the counter this morning, saying she didn’t want to wake me up.
But what she didn’t know is that I barely slept all night.
The anticipation of losing her was killing me slowly.
I tossed and turned and worried about how the hell the two of us were going to move forward.
What it was going to look like without her there every day, or if she wanted to stick around for Ford, how I was going to manage to forget everything that’s happened the last couple of months.
I’d have to find a way. I would eventually. For Ford’s sake and our family.
But in the meantime, I was going to need a lot of fucking black coffee to keep me awake after the sleepless nights.
Coffee I always drink in a mug she gave me because this woman permeates every corner of my existence, and frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way if it was up to me.
But this isn’t up to me. For once, I have no control.
No matter how many barriers and guardrails I’ve put in place.
I just have to hear her out and let this unfold.
“Hey,” she greets me, the same dark shadows under her eyes that I’d seen under my own this morning. “Can I come in?”
“Sure. I didn’t expect to see you here.” I try to explain away the surprise on my face.
“I didn’t want to wait until tonight to talk to you. Figured the sooner we talk, the better.”
“Makes sense.” I usher her in and shut the door behind her. “I need to tell you a few things too.”
I’m prepared for her to tell me we have to end things today. I just want a chance to explain, before my heart breaks, that I’m gonna do whatever I can to fix anything I broke on the way. I want her to be able to trust me again. I need her to know she can still turn to me if she needs someone.
“Okay. Do you want to go first? Or me?” She sits in the chair, her purse pulled close to her, and her arms cross over it. I guess neither of us is excited about this conversation.
“Mind if I do?”
“No. Go ahead.” A soft smile appears but fades just as quickly.
“I talked to Jasper already this morning. Apologized for the way I handled things these last few weeks, but I told him that you deserved your privacy. He agreed. He said it just took him off guard, and he’s hoping he can apologize for how he reacted if you give him a chance. I think he genuinely forgives us.”
“That’s very understanding of him.”
“If he cares about you as much as he says he does, it’s only right. You were friends first.”
“Fair enough. Hopefully we can fix it.” She nods. I feel like we’ve switched places today. She’s the one with the terse answers, and I’m doing all the explaining.
“I already had a talk with Ford. I told him to go easy on you for the next couple of weeks, as you’ve had a lot on your plate.
Explained you might not be able to run him to practice or school this week, but I’ll make sure Bo or I will be there to give him rides.
He was understanding. He just wanted to be sure you were okay.
Suggested we get you some flowers and ice cream. ”
“That’s sweet of him.” Her fingers circle over her forearm as a sad smile crosses her lips.
“But I understand if you need a break from the house and me in it. I can tell him you need a rain check.”
“I appreciate that.”
“I also checked in with the authorities this morning. Made sure Chris is locked down, and they confirmed he’s got no chance of getting out again.
They’re investigating the chain of events that led up to it,” I explain, and she nods along.
“I also talked to Levi about some extra security measures at you and your mom’s house.
I hope you don’t see that as overstepping.
I figure even if Chris isn’t on the loose, you might still have reporters or nosy neighbors, and either way, it’d give you more of your privacy back. ”
“Thank you. That’s really thoughtful of you to do that.”
“Of course.” I nod, finished with my explanation. The quiet in the room feels crushing, and no matter how many times I rehearsed this in my head, it still feels stilted compared to the easy rhythm we’d found in recent weeks. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know.”
“I talked to Marlowe and Hazel this morning too. They were both very supportive. I’m sure the life-or-death situation the other day helped my case a little.
It went better than I would have expected, and they were incredibly kind and understanding too.
I feel like things there are going to be okay. ”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
“Anson, I…” Her words fade on her lips no sooner she starts to speak, and I feel my heart sink with them.
“You don’t have to explain, Bristol. You were clear when we started this that it was temporary and a way for you to get over Chris.
I’m pretty sure he cleared up any leftover feelings or misplaced affection with that stunt.
You don’t have anything to worry about here.
We can go back to things the way they were whenever you’re ready.
” I try to be strong even if the idea of letting her go feels like death.
Ford needs her. I still want her around even if it’s in half-measures.
Life without her isn’t even a thought I want to entertain.
“I don’t want to go back to how it was. I don’t even think we can, really. Too much has changed.”
“I see.” I feel like I’m going to be sick. I pushed too hard. Too far. I tried to have it all, and now I’m going to lose everything.
“What I mean is, I love you, Anson. I mean, I’ve always loved you, you know that. But I’m in love with you. I know that’s fast, but I—”
“I’m in love with you too.” I interrupt her because she doesn’t need to explain a damn thing.
“Oh god. Okay, good.” There’s finally a smile on her face that goes all the way to her eyes, lighting them in a way I’ve missed so much in the last few days.
“Then can we stop having this weird office meeting?” She laughs, standing up and dropping her purse into the chair as I make my way over to her the second she gives me an opening.
“Any time you want,” I mutter into her shoulder as I pull her close to me; her arms go tight around my middle. I was afraid I might never get to hold this woman again, and it feels like sweet fucking relief to have her tell me she loves me.
She doesn’t let me go for a long minute, and when she does, she stares up at me like I’m her fucking everything. My heart feels like it might burst in my chest.
“You can’t marry someone else. Okay? I mean, I’m not saying you have to marry me. I’m just—Hazel asked me how I’d feel if you married someone else, and then suddenly I realized that I was being ridiculous. There’s no way I can be just your friend again. I want you. I want us.”
“Thank fuck because I don’t want to go back to that either.
” I kiss her before I even let myself think about whether or not I should.
I don’t want to keep calculating my actions with her.
Trying to hold a line and keep on one side or the other of the rules.
“I just want you. I just want to be me. For us to be us without any of the guardrails,” I confess when we stop to catch our breath.
“Me too,” she admits.
“And I’ll marry you the second you say it’s not too soon, darlin’. I couldn’t imagine anyone else in my bed or being a mom to Ford. I wouldn’t want it. Not when I know how perfect you are.”
“Well, too soon is up to you because I think I’d marry you right now if you asked.” Her melodic laugh sweeps over me, and I feel like I’m home again.
“As much as I’d love to steal you away, I want the wedding.
The dress. I want everyone to see you say yes.
You deserve to have that. Be the center of everyone’s attention for that day.
I want your mom to see you walk down that aisle.
Plus, selfishly, I gotta make sure everyone knows you could have had anyone you wanted, but you went and picked me. ”
“You’re the one I always want. Bad day. Good day. Doesn’t matter. I realized that it’s been that way for a long time. I don’t know how you were so patient with me while I figured this out.” There are tears in her eyes, and I swipe them away with my thumb, kissing her to reassure her.
“It’s a lot easier to be patient if you feel like you’re betting on forever,” I confess. “And when the person you’re being patient for has shown you more love than you thought you ever deserved.”
“That makes two of us.”
She kisses me and I feel the slow wave of comfort it brings to my heart wash over me and she pulls close.
Her head against my chest as I run my hands down her back.
I love this woman more than my own life, and nothing on earth is going to be better than all the years I get to show her exactly how much her love means to me.