Chapter 21
Sawyer
“ Q uestion one: How old are you?” She starts easy. I can manage this.
“I’m forty-five, Sugar. How old are you?” I ask.
“I’m thirty.” She smiles at me. I had no idea that she was so much younger than me, but I also didn’t care. She was twenty when I was going through a divorce. The most carefree years of your life. She’s probably never been through something horrendous, and honestly, I love that thought. Nobody deserves to go through shit.
“What do you do for work? Do you work outside? You look as if you would.” She brings a glass to her lips and licks the rim while looking at my hands.
Fuck.
“ I build timber frame houses for a construction company.”
“Of course you do. Well, I work with Edith, but considering you’ve found me there, I’m sure you already knew that.” She rolls her eyes at me.
“Is that what you always wanted to do?”
“No. I always wanted to be a writer. But life had other plans for me.” Autumn looks down at the table when she answers me, and I sense that I’ve hit a nerve.
“What other plans did life have for you?” I adjust myself in the seat.
“Hey, we are supposed to be taking turns asking questions, and I do believe that you are ahead of me, Mr. Green.”
Jesus, fuck.
It is so God damn hot when she calls me Mr. Green. I want her to call me Mr. Green when she’s on her knees in front of me.
“But since you asked so nicely, I moved to America ten years ago. Alice followed almost straight after, and that’s how I ended up with Edith. I was an English Literature student at university, in England before I moved here. Then I lost everything, and my life got turned on its head.” She smiles at me, and I know that it’s a strained one. I don’t want to push further, although I think she wants me to.
“How did you end up building houses? Was it always something you wanted to do?”
“Yep. All I ever wanted to do as it happens.” That’s not a lie. I have a lot of passion for my job and get to be outdoors. What could be better than that? “I worked in finance for many years, then I too had my life turn on its head, so I got the fuck out of dodge and decided to live for me and not anyone else. My family built our home from the ground up, and ever since I was a kid, I saw myself doing the same thing.” It is obvious that there is more to both of our admissions, but neither of us probes further.
“Why did you go into finance then?” She looks at me, confused.
“Now, who is not taking their turn and asking more questions? I know I’ve met him before but what’s the deal with this little guy?” I say as I scratch Jed behind the ears. I adore dogs. I have wanted one for years but haven’t been able to with my working hours. It would be completely unfair. My parents have a Newfoundland called Callie, and she is a big slobbering mess. Autumn would love her, I’m sure.
“I walked into the shelter, wanting a friend, but I didn’t know I was going to find my best buddy in a dog. I don’t know much about his background, but he’s unproblematic, unless he’s running after weirdos in the park. Jed is my best friend. But apparently, Jed has a new best friend.” She gestures to me and points to my thigh, where Jed’s head is currently resting. “Don’t forget Mr. Green, he might be nice to you now, but if you decide you want to do harm to me, Jed will kick your ass.” There is a twinkle in her eye, and Jed playfully barks at Autumn, his tail thudding against the floor like he knows she is talking about him. I can see myself caring about this little guy as much as I can see myself caring about the absolutely fucking beautiful woman sitting in front of me.
“Ex-wives? Illegitimate children? Criminal record?” I laugh because I can honestly say no to only one of those, so I grimace and try not to answer.
“Ooooh, you rebel! What did you do?” She bounces on her chair. She can’t wait to know the secret.
“I was in prison for beating the ever-living shit out of someone.” I let out a puff of air. Autumn's eyes go wide, but there is absolutely no judgement on her face.
“Did they deserve it?” This woman amazes me.
“Well, I think so. It was my sister’s ex-husband. I’m not proud of it. But it’s done now, and it was in my past. I don’t lie about it, but it was also very long ago, and it’s not who I am.” I emphasise the last part.
Looking at her with stoicism, I wait because I don’t know how she will react. I haven't shared this with anyone unless they were important to me. Not that I am hiding it, but there is really no need to know.
She considers me for a moment.
“Okay.” She shrugs, and that is all she says. No questioning, no delving further into that part of my life, no look of concern on her beautiful face.
“Ex-wives? Yes, One. Illegitimate children? Not as far as I know. Criminal record? Yes. To expand further, my sister’s ex-husband was beating her, so I returned the favor.” Staring at her across the table, I remind myself again that I have never felt the need to be honest with any of the women I have fucked, so why I am starting now is anyone’s guess. The women I meet don’t need to know about my life.
“Jesus – I thought life handed me the rough end of the pineapple. Check you out for taking that prize away from me!” She bursts out laughing. A laugh that travels on the air and straight to my soul. Hearing Autumn laugh is my new favourite thing.
“I’m sorry, this is not funny. What an inappropriate time to laugh. Can you tell me more about the ex-wife?” she says through another fit of the giggles.
“Oh. Okay. Well.”
“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry if you’d rather not t-”
“She cheated on me with my best friend. I walked in on them together. He had her bent over the kitchen table.” I tap on the table in front of me with the bottom of my glass. “They had been having an affair for four years. It started the night before our wedding.” I hold her gaze across the table. Her mouth opens with a satisfying pop.
“Fuck all the way off. That has got to be a joke, right?” She looks equal parts horrified and amused, and her mouth pops open.
“Ha! I wish it were a joke, Autumn! I never did quite recover from that.” I chuckle. Hiding the sting that I can feel emanating in my chest.
“Jesus, Sawyer, I’m.. I.. Ummmm. Well, I don’t even know what to say to that.” She reaches across the table and touches the back of my hand. The warmth from her soft fingers curling around my rough skin sends warmth up my arm.
“It was ten years ago. I have moved past it,” I lie. “Wait, how are you more concerned about my ex-wife cheating on me than you are about me doing time for assault?”
“Why would I be concerned about you protecting your family? It sounds very much like the prick had it coming. I would wait my whole life for someone to care that much about me.” My chest aches as I recall the conversation where I left her half-naked on her bed. Jesus, who is this woman? I’ve never told a single soul that didn’t need to know about what happened with my sister’s ex, and the first person I do tell is so fucking cool about it.
“Are you close to your family?” She moves on, completely unphased by my confessions. I didn’t need to tell her any of that, but I had no reason not to.
“Very close. Two brothers, one sister, a niece, and, as you know, my parents. We are incredibly close. How about you?” Between us, we’ve drunk half a bottle of rum now, and Autumn is looking flushed and fucking perfect.
“Well damn, there are more of you?” She gives me a wicked grin, one that I return. “No family for me. No siblings. I was an accident.” she uses air quotes at the last part. “I was never completely loved by my parents because they never wanted children. It was hinted at, more than once, that I ruined their life a bit! They honestly did try their best, even though I was their biggest burden. Then, they rudely died in a car accident ten years ago. Probably about the same time that your buddy was fucking your wife. They left me enough money to move here and buy my own home, though. So, I am mortgage-free at least. Cheers, Mum and Dad, for the house and the trauma.” She raises her rum and coke to the ceiling. There is something to be said about Autumn masking hurt with humor. I recognize it because I do it all the time.
“Fuck. Autumn. I’m sorry I told you those things that night. About not knowing what it is to have someone care enough about you to protect you. I’m such an asshole.”
“Hey, it’s okay, I’m not mad about it. You didn’t know and honestly, what you told me is true. Mostly. I hate having this discussion with someone because it sounds so woe is me. The fact is, the one person that has ever truly loved me is Alice and mannn, what a person to be loved by! I am not sad about it. Truly, I am not. It’s simply part of my life that has happened. I am not a true believer in ‘ everything happens for a reason , ’ but if none of my life played out the way it did, then I wouldn’t have moved thousands of miles away to a different continent, and I wouldn’t be sitting here with you, would I?” She tilts her head to the side and shoots me a genuine smile.
“Autumn, have you never been in love with someone? Has someone ever been in love with you?”
“Nope. No way, Sir! I don’t think I’d know how to love someone in that way, even if I tried. I don’t need to love someone to have sex with them, though.” She laughs again. Nervously this time. Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink, and I find the bashful version of Autumn sexy and intriguing.
Well, this got heavier than I thought it would. It’s not the conversation I expected to have this evening, but I have an overwhelming desire to protect Autumn at all costs. Nothing that is coming out of her mouth is said for pity. She is so matter-of-fact about it all, and I know nothing and everything about her all at once. If there was any doubt at all about whether I want something more with Autumn, than I have with any woman since my wife, then that has been clarified. I am going to make Autumn fall for me.
“Hey, I realise that I don’t know your last name, Autumn.”
“Andrews.”
I am going to make Autumn Andrews fall for me. I hope she doesn’t fuck me up in the process, or even worse, I hope I don’t fuck her up either.