Chapter 47
He wasn’t the man she’d given him credit for. He hadn’t followed the ambulance to the hospital, refusing to leave her bedside. It had been the next day before he’d finally shown up. Seeing him standing in the doorway of her room had caused hope to resurface, only to plunge again. He’d stood there so hesitantly, looking like he wasn’t sure if he should enter or flee.
Finally, he walked in and stopped at the end of her bed.
“How are you?” he’d asked politely.
“Fine,” she answered.
“Good.” He’d shifted from foot to foot.
“Derek!” She was not going to make small talk with him. Not after everything they’d been through.
He met her eyes. Too tired to keep pretending, she didn't bother to hide the hope that they could finally start something meaningful. But the sudden panic in his eyes made it clear that this was the last thing he wanted.
“I’m not trustworthy Jayna. I don’t deserve forgiveness or love. I break everything I touch. I will only hurt you.”
“You’re not afraid of hurting me,” she scoffed. “You’re afraid of letting me close. If you do, I might see something about you that I don’t like. You’re afraid that I’ll hurt you.”
His mouth dropped open, but no words came out.
“That’s what I thought.”
“Jayna,” he said, shaking his head.
This man was strung tighter than a drum. And he was pigheaded.
He didn’t feel worthy of her. That thought ripped her apart. The man who, by all appearances, seemed to have way too much confidence, felt unworthy. He didn’t believe he deserved love, so he pushed it away, keeping everyone at a distance.
She should have seen it right away. She was an expert at feeling that way.
It’s how she felt, too.
She was the poor little rich girl who no one loved. Jayna was lonely. And Derek was too.
The unloved who told the world that love was the last thing they wanted. When in truth, it was exactly what they craved.
“I’m in love with you,” she spoke words that had never passed her lips before.
He sucked in a loud, shocked breath. His lashes fanned his cheeks. He was using them as a shield, she realized.
“You don’t know what love is.” His words should have been harsh and would have been if not followed by the next words he spoke, “I don’t either.”
“That’s not true,” she defended.
“We both know how to avoid love, but neither of us knows how to love.”
She opened and closed her mouth. The denial died as the truth of his words sank in. A bunch of different emotions assaulted her at once. Hurt, shock, humiliation. His words hurt, but she was even more shocked by the words she had spoken out loud. She had put her feelings on the line, only to be humiliated that he so easily turned her down yet again.
She should have known better.
She knew that his heart was closed off, but now she also saw the truth.
The man was without a heart.
Now she’d given hers to the one and only man guaranteed to shatter it.
She watched him walk away. She didn’t attempt to stop him.