Chapter 36
Trill-Land, ‘LoLux Estate
The next morning…
While Toni slept in my arms, I sat with my back pressed against the headboard and my eyes stuck on the light like I could stare through it and make last night un-happen.
Her body was curled up on me like she was tryna climb inside my ribs and hide, and I held her the same way I held her when she was sick, when she was hurt, when she was scared, and when she ain’t know how to ask me for help without feelin’ ashamed about it.
My hand stayed on her stomach, and My’Love was in there movin’ like she had somewhere to be. It was like she knew I was up, and was tryna remind me she was still here, fightin’, and she was okay.
Toni was sleep, but me and my baby was wide awake, and I ain’t even gon’ lie, it felt like we was havin’ our own quiet moment together in the middle of all this crazy shit.
I kept rubbin’ her belly slow, addin’ just enough pressure to let My’Love feel me, and every time she moved I felt them kicks tap on my palm.
She was sayin’ ‘I’m here, daddy,’ and that’s what it felt like.
It should’ve been a good feelin’, and been that peace I get when I’m with my family, but my mind couldn’t stop replayin’ Toni’s face from last night when she ran through the rain and clung to me with my gun in her hand like she ain’t even recognize herself.
I still couldn’t wrap my fuckin’ head around it ‘cause Toni wasn’t built like that. Toni was hard-headed and mouthy and she would fight a bitch in the street if she had to, but killin’ somebody was different. That wasn’t her lane. That was my lane.
For a long time, Toni had been scared of that part of me, even when she loved me, ‘cause she knew what I was capable of and she knew I meant it. She used to look at me sometimes like she was wonderin’ if she married the devil, and I used to laugh it off and pull her close and tell her she was safe as long as she was mine.
Now them tables had turned in a way I never saw comin’, and I was the one holdin’ her through it while she felt apart in my arms.
I wasn’t mad at her, ‘cause I couldn’t be mad at her. I understood what rage felt like when somebody kept pokin’ and pokin’ and pokin’ until your soul got tired of bein’ cool about the shit.
What bothered me was the fact that I missed the signs. I missed the way she had been movin’ lately. I kept thinkin’ it was pregnancy hormones and stress from the trial. I kept tellin’ myself I had it handled ‘cause I was the one fightin’ this case and I was the one carryin’ the weight.
Whole time, my wife was changin’ right in front of me, and last night proved it.
The second I got Toni cleaned up and in bed, I moved like I always move when it was time to protect mine.
I ain’t lay there cryin’ with her, and I damn sure ain’t sit there askin’ a million fuckin’ questions. I kissed her forehead, tucked her under my arm, and once her breath slowed down, I got up and made calls.
My first call was to Renza. I called that nigga fast as hell ‘cause I already knew what time it was.
Toni took my gun, which meant shell casings was left behind, which meant any weapon in my house could become a problem if the wrong person decided they wanted to connect dots.
I wasn’t about to let nobody link shit to my wife.
It wasn’t gon’ be no fuckin’ fingerprints, no residue, no gun powder, not a damn thing.
Renza pulled up, and he ain’t hit me with no questions or nothin’ extra ‘cause that nigga knew I wouldn’t be callin’ him at that hour unless it was real.
I had every gun in the house collected, even the ones I ain’t wanna let go of, and I gave ‘em to him ‘cause this wasn’t about what I wanted. This was about what I needed to do. That part hurt me more than I admitted out loud, ‘cause I couldn’t sleep comfortably without my protection close, and I ain’t like feelin’ exposed in my own crib.
Still, for Toni, I would sleep in a room with nothin’ but my fists if I had to.
Then I went outside and handled the next part.
I got on my roof in the middle of the night while it was rainin’ like the world was endin’, and I snatched cameras like they was decorations.
I pulled them down from angles I knew could see too much, and I tossed them bitches into a bag like I was takin’ out trash.
I ain’t give a fuck about the mess and I ain’t give a fuck about gettin’ soaked either, ‘cause I wasn’t thinkin’ about comfort, and I damn sure wasn’t thinkin’ about myself.
I ain’t give a fuck if I slipped on that slick ass roof and broke my muthafuckin’ neck slidin’ down that hoe, ‘cause I was gon’ do whatever I had to do to make sure this shit didn’t touch my wife.
I handed the cameras to Renza too and told him to make sure none of that shit ever made it back to me, and he nodded like he understood the assignment.
Now it was the next day, and the house was quiet in that heavy way that only happens after somethin’ big. The rain had eased up outside, but the sky still looked mean, and Toni was sleepin’ in my arms like she ain’t slept in weeks.
Then my phone rang. I ain’t flinch, but my stomach tightened.
“Wussup?” I answered.
Kade’s voice was tight. “Kay’Lo.”
“Wussup…” I replied like we was talkin’ about regular business, even though I knew it wasn’t that.
There was a pause on his end like he was choosin’ his words. “Echo Lennox was killed outside her apartment last night.”
I kept my face neutral even though my chest felt like it got punched.
“What that gotta do with me,” I asked, and my tone stayed flat ‘cause I wasn’t about to give this nigga panic through the phone.
Kade went quiet for a second, then he exhaled. “You know what it got to do with you.”
I stared straight ahead while Toni’s breath warmed my chest. “Okay… so… I ain’t do it.”
“I hear you,” he said, but his voice sounded like he was already countin’ the ways the system wouldn’t give a fuck what I said.
“But you’re already on trial for killing her brothers, and her death makes you the easiest suspect on the island.
They’re going to say you silenced her. They’re going to say you retaliated, and you did it to intimidate the family and sway the case. ”
I ain’t respond right away ‘cause everything this nigga was sayin’ made sense, and I hated that.
“What’s the move then?” I asked.
“The judge already signed off on a warrant,” Kade said. “They’re coming to pick you up.”
I let out a slow breath through my nose and kept rubbin’ Toni’s stomach like I could rub away the stress too.
“I’m not goin’ nowhere,” I said.
“Kay’Lo… Please don’t do this. If they have a warrant and you don’t comply, they’ll make it worse. They’ll paint you as a flight risk and they’ll use it against you. You need to turn yourself in.”
“I ain’t do shit,” I repeated.
“I know,” he said, and I could hear frustration in his voice. “But this isn’t about what you know. This about optics and procedure and a judge that don’t give a damn about you. They want you in cuffs, and if you don’t walk in calm, they’re gonna drag you in looking guilty.”
I clenched my jaw, then lowered my voice. “I’ll hit you back.”
“Kay’Lo,” he started.
“I said I’ll hit you back,” I repeated, then I ended the call before he could say more.
The second the phone went dark, Toni shifted in my arms like she felt the change in me even in her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open. They was swollen and heavy from cryin’ all night, and when she looked up at me, it was like she remembered everything ‘cause her face tightened.
“What?” She whispered, her voice raspy.
“This shit already circulatin’. They got me as the suspect.”
Toni sat up, and I held her steady immediately ‘cause I wasn’t playin’ about her movin’ reckless with My’Love in her belly.
“No,” she said, and her voice cracked. “No, baby.“
Her eyes filled up instantly like she was back in the driveway again, and she shook her head hard like if she shook it enough she could make reality change.
“It’s my fault,” she cried, and her hands went to her face. “It’s my fault. I fucked up. I shouldn’t have did that. I shouldn’t have went over there. I shouldn’t have took yo’ gun. I shouldn’t have did none of that.”
I grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands down. “Baby,” I said, calm but firm, “look at me.”
She tried, but tears kept spillin’.
“I’m not lettin’ this shit touch you. You hear me? I might turn myself in.”
She shook her head again, cryin’ harder. “Kay’Lo, please don’t do this. Please don’t leave me.”
My chest tightened ‘cause I ain’t wanna leave her either, but I wasn’t about to let fear make me move stupid.
“Toni,” I said, my voice lower, “I’ll die for you. You know that. So doin’ time for you ain’t shit. I’m not about to let my wife go down, and I’m not about to let my baby be without her mama.”
She tried to speak, but she couldn’t get the words out. She was cryin’ too hard, and her body was shakin’ like she couldn’t hold herself together.
I pulled her back into my chest and held her tight, and I kept one hand on her stomach the whole time ‘cause My’Love was still movin’ like she was knockin’ on the door, and that was the only thing keepin’ me from losin’ my mind.
“Toni,” I murmured, “you gotta breathe. You stressin’ my baby out.”
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed again.
“I know… I know you sorry, but we ain’t gon’ stay stuck in that. We gon’ move forward.”
My phone rang again, and the sound of it made Toni flinch like it was a gunshot.
I looked at the screen and saw Kade again. I answered. “Yeah.”
His voice was urgent. “They’re outside your gate right now. Kay’Lo, please... Turn yourself in before they force their way in. I will deal with the rest.
I stared at the wall across the room while Toni clung to me.
For a moment, it felt like my whole future flashed in front of me; My trial, my daughter, Toni’s face if I got taken in cuffs and my baby girl growin’ up hearin’ stories about her daddy instead of holdin’ him. Then I brought myself back to the only thing that mattered.
Protect mine…
“A’ight,” I said finally.
Kade let out a breath like he been holdin’ it. “Thank you. I’m on my way.”
I hung up and sat there for a second, holdin’ Toni while her tears soaked my shirt. She looked up at me like she couldn’t believe I was really about to leave.
“Baby,” she whispered, her voice broken, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I ain’t mean to ruin nothin’. I was just so mad.”
I brushed my thumb across her cheek. “I know what you was feelin’, but you can’t fall apart right now, Toni. You gotta be strong for My’Love.”
She grabbed my arm tighter. “Don’t go.”
“I gotta, baby. I gotta handle this shit.”
She started cryin’ harder, and I could feel her body shakin’ again.
I waited until her breath slowed just a lil’, then I slid out the bed, and she reached for me again. I leaned down and grabbed her chin soft.
“You know me,” I said. “I always come back to you. I don’t give a fuck what the situation look like, and I don’t give a fuck what them folks try to throw at me. I’mma always come back.”
Toni’s eyes was swollen and shiny. “You Promise, baby?”
“I promise, baby,” I said, and I meant that shit too.
I got dressed quick, pullin’ on a dark sweatshirt, black sweatpants, and a pair of black kicks, and while I moved, Toni sat there cryin’ in the bed.
Before I stepped away from her, I told her, “Call my mama.”
She nodded, wipin’ her face, but I could tell she wasn’t hearin’ me fully.
I walked back to the bed and dropped to my knees in front of her, then I placed both hands on the sides of her belly like I needed to ground myself in My’Love before I walked out the room.
Toni’s fingers slid into my hair, and she rubbed the back of my head like she was tryna soothe me, but the truth was, she needed soothin’ more than I did.
I leaned in and kissed her stomach slow, then again, then again, and I spoke low like My’Love could hear every word.
“Move for daddy real quick, baby girl,” I murmured.
At first, she didn’t, and I felt my chest tighten ‘cause in my head I needed that kick like I needed oxygen. I kissed again, and I kept kissin’, and after a moment, My’Love finally answered me with a thump against my palm.
“There you go.”
Relief hit me so hard it made my eyes burn, but I ain’t let it turn into tears. I just pressed my forehead against Toni’s belly for a second and held my breath like I was savin’ that moment to carry with me. Then I lifted my head and kissed her stomach one more time.
“Stay in your mama until I get back,” I whispered. “I promise I’m comin’ back.”
Toni sobbed above me, and her hands gripped the back of my neck like she ain’t wanna let me up.
I stood anyway, then leaned over and kissed her lips, slow, so she could feel the promise in it.
“I don’t want you walkin’ me to the door,” I told her, keepin’ my tone calm. “Stay right here, and call my mama, and you keep breathin’ for my baby.”
She nodded, cryin’ too hard to argue. I took one last look at her, then I turned and walked out the room.
Even though I kept my shoulders relaxed and my steps solid like I wasn’t bothered, the truth was my heart felt like it was tearin’ open with every second I got farther from the room, ‘cause I knew what I was about to go through the moment I stepped toward the front door.
I was about to carry my wife’s secret the same way she been carryin’ mine. And I ain’t know how this was gon’ end, but I knew one thing for sure, I wasn’t about to let this stain touch Toni’s name… even if it cost me everything.