Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
Rome
G wen told me it might take Korra a couple of days to acclimate to her new environment. Cats are finicky creatures, and they’ll come to you when they’re ready. Well, Korra was ready within two hours of being home, but I wasn’t. This cat isn’t young. Gwen thinks she’s about four or five, but that doesn’t stop her from sniffing every corner and climbing onto every ledge.
Chrissy went back to her dorm. Things are better between us, but our feelings are still fragile. Some time apart won’t hurt us in the long run. Besides, I have a cat that needs my constant attention. I’m afraid if I look away for one second, she’ll bolt and knock something over or, worse, hurt herself.
After a few hours, I gave up. I retreated to my bedroom in hopes she’d follow me. I don’t know why Korra likes me. During my first one-on-one with Chrissy, Korra locked her sights on me and almost claimed me as hers. I wouldn’t say she prefers one sex over the other. She tortured Gwen just as much as she did Ryan. Korra showed Chrissy some attention but then grew tired and cuddled close to me. Do I smell weird or something? Maybe it’s all that salmon I used to eat in high school... It’s finally catching up to me.
The box fan in my room is running along with my air conditioner. I became used to having Chrissy sleeping beside me. I miss her quiet snoring and the shift in the bed. I forgot how loud my thoughts were until now, and all they’re doing is reminding me how lonely I am.
When was the last time I talked to my father? Christmas, maybe? I can’t say for certain. We used to check in with one another every day, but that stopped last year. If I’m honest with myself, I think I’m avoiding him. Not because I don’t love him, that’s not it at all. It’s because there’s nothing I can do for him right now. I don’t have the means to care for him, to help save him from himself. That man needs loads of therapy, and even if you have health insurance, those bills pile up. I want to ensure he lives the rest of his life in comfort or at least be able to quit one of the many jobs he had to take on to support us. If I ignore him, his problems don’t exist, even if it’s only temporary.
I think about Dad meeting Chrissy; he’d like her, but that’s not a concern. She would charm him with her smile and win him over with her warmth.
I reach for my phone and decide to be the man Chrissy thinks I am.
Hey, Dad, just letting you know I’m still alive. Text me so I know you’re alive as well. I miss you.
I wait a moment to see if he responds. It doesn’t come as a surprise when he doesn’t. So, I drop my phone and get comfortable on my side of the bed, pretending Chrissy is lying next to me. I close my eyes and focus on the sound of the fan’s blades rotating, the hum of the AC, and the unfamiliar pitter-patter of a white cat walking down the hall. When the noise stops, I peek my left eye open and find a fluff of white fur staring me down.
“Korra.” She tilts her head to the side. “Have you made yourself at home? Because you and I both know this is going to be a foster failure. Even if I wanted to return you, I couldn’t. You won’t let me.”
Korra releases a tiny huff and struts toward me.
“I wouldn’t ever want to return you though.”
I raise my hand and offer her my finger. She bypasses it and climbs onto my chest to observe me.
“What was your life like before the café?” I ask like she’s going to respond. “Gwen said you’ve been to a few shelters. It sounds like you never found your home, your person.” Being as careful as I can, I start to scratch behind her ear. “Am I your person?”
She melts against my hand, pressing her head into my palm and plopping onto her stomach. Her purring vibrates my ribcage, and the melody fills the room, seemingly louder than the box fan.
“I hope I am,” I say as I kiss the top of her head. “Because you’re home now.”
“Rome is officially a foster failure. Cough it up,” Gwen says as she holds out her hand toward Blake.
“You two bet on me?” I ask as Blake hands Gwen a five.
“What? I didn’t expect you to adopt a cat, a fluffy white one, at that.” Blake shrugs before pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
“She’s more than a fluffy white cat...” I mumble under my breath.
“Oh, right, sorry. She’s your pretty princess,” Gwen teases.
The one time I called Korra my pretty princess in front of Chrissy was a big mistake, and I will never live it down. It’s not my fault the cat is cute with her bright green eyes and soft fur. Plus, she adores me, which only adds to it.
“Is Chrissy meeting you today for your one-on-one?” Blake asks as he ties his apron around his waist.
I forgot he works here with his partner, Ryan. I wonder if the guys know he hangs out with kittens on a daily basis.
“No, I’ve been reassigned to Raina Bennett.”
“Makes sense. You shouldn’t date your therapist in real life, and you definitely shouldn’t fuck them?—”
“Blake!” Ryan scolds from the back.
“What?! Tell me I’m wrong,” Blake shouts, holding back a laugh. “Anyway, I’ve heard Raina is really nice. She would have helped Malik if he gave her the chance.”
“Yeah . . .”
Chrissy is meeting with Malik for the first time today. I’m trying my best not to dwell on it. We’ve been okay with one another. The tension from the previous fight is still lingering, and it’s painfully obvious. She hasn’t been around as often as she used to, and when we are together, she looks at me like I’m an injured puppy, either waiting to be loved on or on the verge of biting her. I’m hoping to cut the tension today, and it starts with talking to my new mentor.
A few kittens run toward the door when it opens, but Raina is quick to block their attempted escape. She keeps an eye on them as she walks toward me, and they watch her eagerly, like they’re waiting for something.
“We’ll stage a coup later,” she whispers with a hint of a laugh. “Hi, Rome.”
“Hi, Raina.”
She sits across from me, preparing her notebook like Chrissy used to. I already miss that girl’s note-taking and the nose wiggle she used to do while she was studying me.
“I’m sorry about last time.” I offer her a sad smile. “I wasn’t myself that day. I’m not normally so?—”
“Abrasive?” she asks with a smirk.
“Yeah . . . it wasn’t my best day.”
“I understand, don’t worry. I took no offense.”
I release a tiny puff of air through my nose when she looks at me.
Her eyes are hazel with a dark green ring around the irises. She has long, dark auburn hair and a beauty mark on the edge of her nose. I don’t know much about her other than that Chrissy likes her.
“Chrissy caught me up on where you two left off. Are you ready to get started?”
I nod while playing with my thumbs under the table.
“What has happened since your last check-in?”
When was our last one-on-one? I feel like it’s been an eternity.
“If I remember correctly, the last official check-in was before the Fourth of July, and I’ve been lying to Chrissy.”
“How so?”
“She thinks I’m on the verge of burnout. I told her what I do for the team, along with my own routines, classes, and social life. I’ve been taking on additional tasks to help Malik, but he took advantage of my kindness. She suggested I give him some of the tasks back, and I didn’t, even though I said I would.”
Raina writes all this down, keeping her eyes locked on me. “Why did you lie to her?”
“I—” I stumble over my words.
Why did I lie to her? I’m not prone to lying. I’m an open book. So, why did I lie to the one person who has done nothing but reassure me, who has tried her best to help me? Chrissy was only looking out for me, but if she hadn’t known that I hadn’t kept my word, what would she have done?
“I didn’t want to disappoint her,” I say under my breath. “I was afraid she would leave if I did, and I would be left alone.”
Raina’s gaze softens, and her lips trickle into a small smile. “Like when your mother left?”
All I can do is nod.
“Do you think she left because you disappointed her?”
“I don’t know,” I mumble as I fight the tears in my eyes.
“I’m sure Chrissy has told you this, but I will say it again. It’s not your fault.”
“Then why?” I ask through my tears.
Raina drops her shoulders as she sighs. “You may never get your answer, Rome. Accepting that fact will take time. It’s important to remember that you did nothing wrong. You were a child, and that child is still within you.”
The thought of eight-year-old me makes me cry harder, and I’d give anything to give him a hug.
“You parented yourself, didn’t you?” Raina asks carefully.
“What do you mean?” I ask as I grab a napkin to wipe my nose.
“When our parents don’t live up to our expectations, we often seek things our inner child wants or needs. Comfort, love, security, reassurance, protection. It seems to me that you had to provide those things for yourself, and you still are. But you have friends who love you, a girlfriend who will do anything for you. You’re a good person, and you offer a lot of people some of the things you provide yourself. Hence why you won’t give up some of your tasks for the team.” Raina smirks knowingly, and I chuckle through my tears.
“That makes sense.”
Her eyes dart over my shoulder, and her smile widens. “You have a rather antsy-looking barista looking at you.”
“That’s Gwen,” I say with a light laugh. “I’m fine, Gwen.”
“I’m sorry, but I really want to give you a hug. I hate seeing you cry.”
“You can hug him.” Raina chuckles and beckons her over.
Not a second later, Gwen wraps her arms around me and hugs me with all her might.
“Therapy is so hard. You’re doing such a good job.” Gwen sounds like she’s on the verge of crying herself, pride soaking through her tone.
“Thank you.” I sniffle and hug her back.
Gwen pats my back and pulls away, wiping a tear away from her cheeks.
“How’s Korra?”
“A downright princess,” I chuckle, and she laughs.
“Sounds about right.”
She turns to look at Raina, and her smile grows. “Nice to meet you, I’m Gwen.” She extends her hand toward Raina, who happily takes it.
“Nice to meet you too, I’m Raina. Chrissy has told me so much about you.”
“Really?” Gwen asks, sounding shocked.
“Your ginger ale trick for nerves? It’s a miracle.”
“Ginger ale is magic.”
“It really is!” Raina exclaims, matching Gwen’s excitement.
As they go back and forth, their grins grow with the unfolding conversation.
Taking the moment to gather myself, I rest my hand over my heart, and little Rome from years ago materializes in my mind. He’s been through so much, always trying to keep a smile on his face, even when all he wants to do is cry. I’ve kept that facade for years, but the act has started to break. It’s time I focus on what I need, and it starts with taking what I deserve.