Chapter 5
5
T he following week, Fleur thought about the life hack of putting her phone on airplane mode when she wanted to stop herself from scrolling social media. Flicking the toggle on meant resisting the temptation to scroll through Sarah, Ben’s partner’s, social media. It was very hard, though, not to give in. Contemplating switching it back she forced herself not to, telling herself that if Sarah thought that Fleur was scrolling through her social media, she’d love it. Fleur really didn’t want to give her that pleasure, even unknowingly. However, she’d just come off the phone with Lucy, who was staying at Sarah and Ben’s, and Lucy had told her that she’d just been taking a video of Sarah doing a pregnancy dance with her fully formed bump front and centre.
Lucy’s conversation was full of fun and laughter and she’d thought both the dance and posting it on TikTok were hilarious. Fleur, not so much. She was very tempted to have a look but forced herself not to. Telling herself she did not need, want, or essentially have the time to waste an hour doom-scrolling people dancing in their kitchens, she moved away from her phone, opened her laptop, and started to answer work emails. About twenty minutes later, the temptation of Sarah dancing with her baby bump was just way, way, way too much. Pathetically, she gave in and succumbed to her ex-husband's new partner’s social media dances which held their own special kind of addiction.
It had to be said that Fleur was definitely more than befuddled and a lot shocked when she saw the video. She couldn’t quite believe her eyes. Part of her wondered if it was a deepfake image because who in their right mind would jiggle and gyrate in their knickers and bra and gigantic oversized pink fluffy slippers at nine-plus months pregnant and publish it to the world? However, she very much knew it was real because her own daughter was the one who had taken it. Pressing pause for a second, she let what she’d seen sink into her brain—her ex-husband’s new partner, pregnant with their baby gyrating to a soundtrack where a rapper informed Fleur, and anybody else who watched, that she had been pregnant for way too long.
Fleur watched in astonishment, or was it horror, as Sarah started to rap the words herself and cradled her hands over her gigantic, bare baby bump. Groaning into the cup of peppermint tea she was drinking, she watched agog as there was a slight pause in the video. Sarah feigned for a moment whether her waters had broken, and then the music started again and she continued to gyrate to the rap. Fleur continued to let her chin drop to the floor. Shaking her head, she took another sip of peppermint tea, not really sure what to think. At least Sarah was positive about the whole thing. There was that.
She didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or what to do but reflecting on the video, she wondered if it was good for Lucy to be involved but decided it wasn’t any of her business. She had to talk to someone about it, though, and picking up her phone, she dialled Cassy.
‘Cass, how are you?’
‘Yeah, good, thanks.’
‘Where are you? Sounds like you’re somewhere busy.’
Cassy sighed. ‘I’m in Sainsbury’s, just grabbing some bits to make a meatloaf. I’ve literally been eaten out of house and home by the boys. I don’t know where they put it, I really don’t. Same old, same old.’
‘Well, three boys would do that to you.’ Fleur laughed.
‘What can I do for you? Did you want to chat about the training on Tuesday?’
‘Well, no, actually, I’m just phoning you to tell you to go on TikTok and have a look at Sarah’s video. I don’t mean to be mean, but?—’
Cassy interrupted. ‘Ha, I know that voice. You do mean to be mean so you are being mean...’
‘Caught red-handed.’
‘Were you going to say you didn’t want us to slag her off but?’ Cassy laughed.
‘It’s unbelievable! You have to have a look. I can’t believe Sarah is gyrating with her baby bump on show when she’s about to drop. Lucy just phoned me and told me she’d taken a video. I mean, what can she possibly want to get out of broadcasting herself rapping? I must be too old. I don’t get it.’
‘Wait a minute, I’ll have a look. Hold on.’ A few seconds later, Cassy was back. ‘Wow. She really does love herself, doesn’t she? It’s quite unbelievable that Ben is with someone who does all this. Literally, the post before is one of her psychology babble books pointing out the dangers of digital life!’
‘I know. Maybe it’s just the thing these days, that you put yourself all over social media when you’re pregnant.’
‘No, I don’t think so. I didn’t do that, did I?’
‘I know, but it wasn’t quite around then, was it?’
‘We’re not that old! It was. No, come on, most people don’t do that sort of gyrating dance thing when they are about to give birth. What even is that music? Did someone make that up, especially for that dance? Pregnant for too long, man? I mean, really?’
‘Who knows?’ Fleur questioned. ‘Honestly, I don’t even know what to say, which is why I phoned you to get your take on it.’ Fleur shook her head as she stared at her phone screen. ‘She’s overdue. She could pop at any moment, and she’s cavorting around like she’s about to launch a world tour.’
‘It’s actually impressive. I mean, she’s got balance, I’ll give her that. If I’d tried anything like that at nine months pregnant, I’d have needed a forklift to get back up. I couldn’t even put my own shoes on.’
Fleur snorted. ‘Right? I could barely roll over in bed, let alone do a dance routine and thrust my nether regions about.’
‘Maybe she’s trying to shake the baby out?’ Cassy suggested. ‘Like a human snow globe?’
Fleur burst out laughing. ‘It’s possible. I mean, at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s got an entire social media strategy planned out.’
‘That’d be a great series,’ Cassy mused. ‘Day One: Aggressive Squats. Day Two: Belly-bouncing to Club Remixes. Day Three: Interpretive Dance to Whale Noises.’
‘You can’t make it up.’
Cassy sighed. ‘I mean, fair play to her. She looks fantastic. I was an absolute mess when I was that far gone. The only thing I was dancing with was a box of biscuits and the heartburn that came after.’
‘Same,’ Fleur agreed. ‘My idea of exercise was waddling from the fridge to the sofa.’
‘Exactly. I couldn’t even sit comfortably, let alone attempt what she’s doing. This is why I have trust issues with influencers. They make pregnancy look like a fun little adventure when in reality, you’re sweating, swollen, and trying not to cry because you dropped your last piece of toast on the floor.’
‘The truth right there and yet, there she is, doing a full-on music video like she’s starring in Pregnant: The Musical.’
‘Honestly, though, what is Ben thinking? Like, does he see her setting up the tripod and just, what, carry on with his day? Or is he the one filming it?’
‘This time it was Luce.’
‘Right.’
‘I hadn’t thought about that. Please don’t tell me he’s usually the cameraman. I can’t deal with that level of cringe.’
‘Imagine him giving her feedback,’ Cassy snorted. ‘Like, “Babe, let’s do another take, but this time, really feel the lyrics.”’
‘Stop, I’m actually dying. If he ever starts doing couples dances with her, I will officially combust.’ Fleur chuckled.
‘Next thing you know, they’ll be in matching pyjamas doing a reveal to a drum roll.’
Fleur groaned. ‘I hate that I can picture it.’
‘Look, all jokes aside, good luck to her.’
Fleur nodded. ‘I suppose and at least Lucy thinks it’s funny. I was a bit worried she’d feel weird about the baby and all that goes with it, but she seems fine.’
‘Yeah, I guess it’s better than her sitting around feeling left out. Maybe this baby will come out dancing at this rate.’
Fleur smirked. ‘If it does, I hope someone gets it on camera.’
‘Sarah will have a tripod set up in the delivery room. “Hey guys, welcome back to my labour vlog—don’t forget to like and subscribe!”’
‘Stop.’
Cassy chuckled. ‘Right, I better get this meatloaf stuff bought or the boys will start eating the furniture. Keep me updated. This could be the most entertaining thing to happen all week.’
‘Will do.’ Fleur rolled her eyes as Cassy hung up and chuckled to herself. She put her phone down and stared out into the garden for a moment. Sarah’s social media antics aside, the whole new baby situation had the potential to be a tricky one to navigate but so far so good. Champo nodded; she’d just watch from the sidelines and see how it all panned out. Her popcorn was ready and waiting.