Chapter 13
Marius
With Lily in tow, I walk into my brother’s house to find him sitting with his daughter Elizabeth in his arms. He smiles at me and tilts his head to silently offer me a seat.
“What’s going on here?” I ask as I sit down and set Lily in her baby carrier on the floor next to me.
“Nothing. We’re just hanging out having some daddy-daughter time. Same as you, I see.”
I try to smile, but it’s no use. I haven’t been able to actually muster enough happiness to achieve one since Duck walked out of the house last night.
“You okay? Let me tell you, little brother, if you can’t handle one tiny baby, you’re bush league.”
Sighing, I say, “I think I’m worse than that.”
Matthias cranes his neck to look down at Lily now asleep in her carrier. He studies her for a few seconds and then looks at me. “She looks fine. What could be the problem?”
Surprised he hasn’t heard anything from Ava, I ask, “Your wife hasn’t told you?”
I know Eden talked to Ava last night. They’re best friends. Of course, Ava knows all about what’s been going on between us.
My brother shakes his head. “No. What’s to tell? Does this have to do with why she needed to go out last night with ice cream and poundcake?”
A laugh escapes from my throat. “Sounds like Ava. Probably a care package for my wife since she left me last night.”
I know the effect of my words immediately when Matthias raises his eyebrows way up into his forehead. “What’s that? Left you? Like left you, left you?”
The more he says those words, the worse they sound. I hated them coming out of my mouth. Coming out of his is infinitely worse and so damn shameful.
“Technically. She said she needed time to think. We had a fight about the wedding plans because of her mother, which is nothing new, but last night, she packed a bag and walked out. Since then, Lily and I have been hanging out alone. She may not know what’s going on, but I do.”
I stop for a moment and correct myself. “Actually, I don’t know what the hell is going on. What seemed like a normal fight about the guest list blew up into her packing a suitcase with enough clothes to go on vacation and her leaving.”
Matthias doesn’t seem to know what to say. “Damn, Marius. I’m sorry. I’m sure you two will get things patched up, though. You guys are crazy about each other.”
“Before she got pregnant, I would have said that, but things have been rough for a while. Lily gave her a run for her money for nine months, and since she had her, she’s been different. I can’t explain it.”
“Different how?”
I glare at him and shake my head. “What about I can’t explain it is confusing to you?”
He gives me a tepid smile, nodding at my clapback’s accuracy. “Sorry. I meant different how as in has she been sick?”
“Not that I know of. Hey, do you have any coffee made? I’ve been up all night. I’m exhausted.”
Tilting his head toward the counter, he answers, “Help yourself. I’d get you some, but Elizabeth is asleep, and I don’t want to wake her up.”
“You want any?” I ask as I make my way across the kitchen to pour myself a much-needed cup of coffee.
“Nah, but thanks. So Lily still isn’t sleeping through the night? That’s tough. I can’t remember if it was Theo or Matty, but one of them kept us up night after night for ages.”
I take my first sip of coffee and feel better instantly. “Actually, she slept through the night for the first time last night. I’m not sure why. I was up the whole time, and to be honest, it was the only night since she was born that I would have liked her to be awake so I had some company.”
As I sit down at the table again, he chuckles. “Kids never do things on the schedule we’d like them to have. I had to accept that a long time ago. You’ll get used to it.”
“Listen to you. You’re a seasoned veteran at this fatherhood thing.”
That makes Matthias smile. “Well, thank you. I think if you want a veteran, you’d be better off having talked to Dad back in the day. I only have three.”
I roll my eyes at that thought. “Did Dad change diapers like we do? I don’t remember our father doing a thing with us until we were older. It was always Mom or Eleanor helping us. He never even helped with homework. That was Mom every night.”
Shrugging, my brother adjusts his daughter in his arms. “It was a different time. I like to think we’re more enlightened. I do have to say that I wish Mom was around to see you with Lily. I think she’d be so happy.”
Pleased by that idea, I smile. “I am pretty much a natural, aren’t I? I haven’t succeeded at most things in life that anyone thinks means anything, but she and I found our groove right after Eden went back to work somehow.”
We fall into silence as our daughters sleep. While the coffee tastes great, it’s not helping me keep my eyes open. The first night Lily sleeps all the way until morning, and I stay up all night wide awake. I’m having a hell of a week.
Footsteps in the hallway alert us to someone coming to the kitchen, and a second later, Ava and Eleanor appear from behind the wall. They both look well-rested, which instantly makes me jealous of both of them.
“Look at how adorable these two look!” Eleanor coos.
Ava looks at Lily still in her carrier on the floor and then at me. “Do you want to put her in Elizabeth’s crib? She can sleep in there.”
I wave her off, thankful for the suggestion but fearful that might make her scream. “It’s okay. She’s good.”
“Okay.”
Ava sits down next to me and quietly says, “Speaking of good, your wife isn’t. She hasn’t been for a while. I think she has postpartum depression. I saw her last night and convinced her to see a doctor. She texted me this morning to tell me she got an appointment later this morning.”
Behind her, Eleanor sighs as she shakes her head while I try to mentally digest the news Ava just dropped on me.
“Postpartum can be bad. Your mother had it with Kellen. She had to have a C-Section, and she was laid up for a while compared to with the rest of you. Your father and I were so worried about her. She was so depressed. The doctor finally told her it was postpartum depression, and for a while, they had her on some drugs to level things out. One day, it just disappeared, but for months, she was in a bad way.”
The three of us adults listen to Eleanor talk about something I knew nothing about until a few seconds ago. When she finishes, I say, “I had no idea. Did you guys?”
Matthias and Ava both shake their heads, but then she says, “I know about postpartum depression, but I didn’t know your mother had it. I told Eden last night that I think she’s been suffering from it. I’m not surprised after how much this little lady put her through for nine months.”
Jesus, I had no idea. It never occurred to me that anything was wrong with Duck. I just thought the two of us were feeling overwhelmed because Lily is our first child.
“I think that’s why she wanted to go back to work, Marius. She’s been feeling like a failure since Lily arrived. But I shouldn’t be the one to tell you this. Call your wife and talk to her. I know she misses you.”
Hearing that, I jump up from my chair, nearly knocking my daughter over. “Hey, will you guys watch Lily for a few minutes? I’d like to make a call.”
Ava and Matthias agree to babysit while I walk outside into the sun to call Duck. She answers quickly, which I hope is a good sign.
“Hi, Marius.”
She sounds so sad. I hate hearing her like that.
“Hey, I’m over here at Matthias and Ava’s. Don’t be mad that she told me, but she said she thinks you’re dealing with postpartum depression. I had no idea, baby. I’m sorry I didn’t know. I would have done something if I could have.”
“It’s not you, Marius. It’s me. My gynecologist agreed to squeeze me in when I told her nurse what I was experiencing. I had no idea it could be postpartum. I’m so sorry I’ve been awful to you and to Lily. I didn’t know how to handle everything I was dealing with.”
I begin walking toward the road as my emotions get the better of me. “Duck, you haven’t been awful. I didn’t know anything was really wrong. I thought we were just having a hard time getting used to being first time parents.”
She lets out a heavy sigh. “You didn’t have a hard time.
I did, baby. You’ve been great. A wife couldn’t ask for a better husband or Lily a better father.
I’m so sorry. I didn’t handle this well at all, but I’m hoping today is going to be a new start for me.
I want to be happy like I used to be. I love our daughter. I hope you know that.”
“Aww, Duck. Of course, I know you love her. I know you love me. I’ve never doubted either of those things. I just want you to feel better.”
I don’t mention the other thing I want because I don’t want to pressure her, but I don’t want to spend another night away from her. She’s my Duck, my wife, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
“Me too, Marius. I’ll be home right after my doctor’s appointment. I love you.”
“I love you, too. I’m happy you’re coming home. We missed you last night.”
“I missed you too. I’ll see you in a little while.”
When the call ends, I’m happier than I’ve been in far too long. As long as she’s going to be okay, I’ll let her mother have whatever she wants when it comes to the wedding.
All that matters is my Duck feels better.
The front door opens, and I snap my head around to see Duck walk into the foyer. She sets her suitcase down and waves at me.
“Hey, I heard you were missing a wife and mother. I’m here to report for duty.”
I open my arms, and Duck runs to me. We hug tightly and hold on to each other as she sobs on my shoulder.
“Please forgive me, Marius. I should have never left last night.”
Stroking her long, silky hair, I whisper, “No more talk about that. I just want to hear you’re going to be better now.”
She leans back away from me and nods. “I think I am. I’ll tell you all about it, but I want to see Lily. Where is she?”