Chapter 24
Salem
Ever continues to talk about Chase Parker and his wife and how they’re going to do whatever I want them to since they’re desperate to fix the mess he caused by sleeping with their damn nanny, but all I can think about is how Kellen just looked at me like I dashed his last hope when I said I don’t want to get married.
I don’t know where this urge to be Mr. and Mrs. came from, but I’m pretty stunned at how that conversation went.
I thought we were on the same page when it came to marriage and children.
I guess I was wrong about that.
As my sister continues to give me her ideas on what to do with the Parkers’ case, I try to remember if Kellen ever gave me a clue that he actually did want to make our relationship formal.
I can’t think of a single time when marriage has been brought up around us that he didn’t react with near utter disdain for the whole concept.
So where the hell is this interest in being my husband coming from all of a sudden?
My bet is his brothers. I like them, but ever since Marius settled down with Eden, he’s been the poster child and biggest fan of getting married and starting a family.
While Kellen is his own man, a fact I’ve always appreciated, especially when it comes to things like how he lives his life, I’ve gotten the sense a few times in this past year that the influence Marius has over him has increased.
That would explain this newfound interest in marriage.
“So, with that all said, I think you know they have to sit down for an interview with a big name journalist. I’ve got a few in mind, although I know you probably have some ideas already.
Your work is made easier by the fact that the wife is one hundred percent onboard with everything to rehabilitate his reputation. ”
I barely hear most of that, but I agree anyway. “Hmmm…yeah, right. That works.”
The call goes silent, but I don’t really notice because I can’t get what just happened with Kellen off my mind. Where did the gorgeous player who loved life and me and wanted to enjoy it in every way possible go? That free spirit would never have sat in our kitchen talking about marriage and kids.
“Salem? Hello? Earth to Salem? Are you there?” my sister asks, exaggerating her questions to show how she’s aggravated that I haven’t been listening closely.
“I’m here. I heard everything you said,” I lie, hoping she’ll just return to what she was talking about.
“No you didn’t. I know you didn’t. I can always tell when you do that thing where you say yeah, right and that works.
Those are your tells, Salem. I know when you say those things that you aren’t listening.
If I interrupted something between you and Kellen, you can just say that. I would have called back later.”
Terrific. Now I’ve upset two people in the span of fifteen minutes. I’m really having a banner night.
“You didn’t interrupt anything. We weren’t talking about anything that we can’t discuss later. Continue with what you were saying.”
That’s usually enough to get my sister back on track, but tonight, it doesn’t work. Instead, she gets quiet and asks, “Is something wrong? You don’t sound like yourself.”
I consider making the old joke, “Who do I sound like then?” but I have a feeling that isn’t going to work. Obviously, my conversation with Kellen is coloring even my tone of voice.
God, I don’t want to discuss my opinions on marriage and children with a second person tonight. I didn’t even want to talk about them in the first place with Kellen.
“I don’t know what you mean. I sound like me.
I don’t think I can sound like anyone else.
Let’s get back to talking about the Parkers.
I like the idea of them doing a sit-down interview with some media outlet, but I agree, it has to be with a big name journalist. I think that will pull half the weight.
Then we just have to hope those two look like they love each other enough for the rest of the world to forgive him. ”
“Forget the Parkers for a minute. I know you’ll handle things with them.
You always do. You’re the gold standard, Salem.
That’s why people in trouble come to us.
I’m more concerned about you. There’s something off about you tonight, but I can’t put my finger on what exactly it could be. You aren’t sick, are you?”
I let out a sigh, already tired of talking tonight. “I’m fine. In fact, I feel great. How about you? Are you feeling all right?”
It’s an old trick one of my mentors taught me. He called it something specific, but I’ve always referred to it as the Off Me, On You Technique. Ever knows it as well as I do, though, so I’m not entirely surprised when she doesn’t fall for it.
“We are not doing that, Salem.”
So much for thinking I could fool her. Still, I don’t want to talk about what the problem with me is tonight, so I play stupid. “Doing what? Aren’t I allowed to be concerned about my one and only sister and partner in business?”
“Jesus Christ! Fine! I’m fine. Is that what you want me to say? I’m fine. You, on the other hand, sound anything but fine, but since you’ve decided to be childish about things tonight, I won’t push it. Happy now?”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, unhappy with the ugly turn this conversation has taken.
Maybe I should tell my sister what Kellen mentioned right after dinner.
She’s known me longer than anyone else I know.
She might be able to give me some insight into how he could have misunderstood my ideas on marriage and children.
“No, I’m not happy, but it has nothing to do with you or this Parker situation. It’s something else.”
“Just as I figured. Spill it. What’s going on with you? Let’s talk it out and get things fixed so you don’t spend any more time worrying about whatever it is.”
As she orders me to tell her what’s on my mind, I can’t help but smile. My sister is one of those people who’s all business when it comes to problems. She becomes an instant researcher to find the solution and then pushes for it to be implemented.
The problem is I don’t know if that’s how this problem can be handled.
“It’s Kellen,” I say, unsure how I want to phrase the rest of what I have to say.
“Is he okay? Something happen to him at work? I know he’s under a lot of pressure there, but the last you told me, things were going great for him in his career.
Oh, let me guess. He’s still struggling with the fact that you make more than he does.
I don’t know why he cares. He’s a goddamned billionaire.
The guy doesn’t even have to work. His money makes more money than most people do every day. ”
While Kellen and I did have to overcome his discomfort with my making more money than he does, she’s right.
He has more than enough of it to last for this life and probably three more lifetimes, so after he and I talked things out, he came to accept and even respect that I make good money with my job.
“No, it’s not the money thing. We took care of that. It’s something else. Something that I think has to do with his family.”
Quickly, she decides she knows what the problem is. “Ahhh, I get it. I bet they want to see him around more, and he’s not really feeling that whole nieces and nephews thing. Is that the problem?”
She’s never going to guess, so I might as well tell her. The fact that it hasn’t occurred to her tells me I’m not wrong in thinking he and I had settled this issue a long time ago.
“No, he loves those kids. That’s sort of what’s going on.
He said he wants to get married. Out of the blue right after dinner, he just blurted it out.
I was blindsided. I thought I made myself perfectly clear how I feel about marriage, but there he was talking about how he always assumed we would someday.
Ever, he looked really hurt when I said I don’t want to get married. ”
Now it’s her turn to sigh heavily. “Well, I know you, so that means you’ve made it clear you weren’t into getting married.
That I’m sure of. On the other hand, I have to think it hurts someone’s feelings having to hear the person they love doesn’t want to take what most people in this world consider to be the next logical step in the relationship. ”
Guilt begins to wash over me as I think back to how I’ve always sort of sidestepped any talk of marriage with him.
“I thought I was clear, but maybe saying someday and then changing the subject wasn’t as clear as I thought.
It’s not that I don’t love him. I told him I do.
You know I’m crazy about Kellen. I guess I just figured I was with someone who believed the same things about marriage that I do.
Now he’s hurt, and I’m confused. What do I do? ”
“You have to clear this up before you two go any further into this relationship. It’s not fair for one person to want marriage when the other person doesn’t.”
Her words stun me. “Any further in this relationship? I’m not going to break up with Kellen just because he wants to talk about getting married, Ever.”
“I wasn’t talking about you. He may be at the point in his life that he wants to settle down. If that’s the case, it’s unfair of you to keep him wondering, although it’s not as bad as if a woman wanted to and a man didn’t. He can get married and have a family when he’s in his sixties or seventies.”
What she’s saying is making me nuts. I walk over to the window in my office and look out at the street below. I see families with children and can’t help but think they seem to be able to do it, so maybe I could?
No. That’s not who I am.
“Ever, you’re not helping.”
“Fine. How about this? In my opinion, and this is only my opinion, when a man starts thinking about marriage, he’s already decided he wants to get married. You need to let him know exactly how you feel about this.”
The thought of losing Kellen settles into me, making my chest hurt. I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to get married. I thought we both agreed on that point.