Chapter 7 Kelsey
Kelsey
Kelsey. Was. Floundering.
It was only a few weeks into her brand-new program, and she still felt the same way she had on day one.
She had walked into a small classroom filled with other students who wanted to dedicate their lives to helping folks process their mental health issues with the beauty of art.
She thought she was going to find her people.
Instead? She discovered that she knew absolutely nothing.
Week after week passed, and the more she tried, the further she fell behind.
More times than once, she looked around at the other students in class, following right along and nodding their heads in agreement.
All while she frantically tried to match the lecture to the book and her notes, pulling at her hair, and struggling to breathe.
She never thought of herself as dumb before. She’d always been a top student with excellent study habits. But this was entirely a new ball game from top to bottom.
A game she was losing.
Storming into her apartment with hardly any energy left after a long week, she locked the door behind her, tossed her bookbag to the floor, and collapsed into her oversized living room chair.
Staring off at the far wall that contained bookshelves, a couple of houseplants, and a window facing the brick building next door, she could feel an ugly cry coming on.
One that was fueled by the frustration of trying and failing.
And getting back up and being knocked down.
Of trying her hardest to be her best, only to end up the worst.
But just as her body felt free to let loose, a chime came through the speaker on her door.
She stopped short, thinking she’d started hearing things when she heard the chime again. Getting up and pressing the button, she answered. “Hello?”
“Awesome Blossom delivery for Kelsey Kramer?”
What the…? “Um, sure, come on up,” she said, releasing the lock to her building and letting the woman through.
Within seconds, the floral deliverywoman showed up. She clearly was busy, off halfway down the hall after handing Kelsey a small wrapped bouquet of roses. Red roses.
Three, to be precise.
And it was then that she realized it was Valentine’s Day.
Crossing the kitchen and pulling down the only vase she owned, she took out her phone to polish off a quick text. The roses hadn’t come with a card, but that was okay. She knew who they were from.
And once again, I feel bad. I didn’t get you a thing…
I’ll take a kiss the next time we meet up.
Kelsey’s heart started to race, remembering that kiss they’d shared on Christmas Eve. It had completely wiped her brain blank, forgetting all the reasons they couldn’t be together.
Why do I have a feeling you’re going to have quite a few in the bank by the time Christmas Eve rolls around again?
Maybe I will
She jumped slightly as the phone began to vibrate with an incoming call. Pleased to see that it was a video call, she didn’t hesitate to answer. She and Sev had shared calls like this already, and she secretly savored every moment she had to stare at his handsome face.
“Hey!” she said, feeling her spirit brighten for the first time since… Well, since the last time she had a call from him.
“Hey,” he answered smoothly, sitting back in what appeared to be a desk chair.
A quick look at the surroundings behind him showed a couple of bookcases, white walls, and some landscape art.
The room looked a little larger, too, which made her think he’d probably gone to visit with his parents over the weekend. “How’s the week been for ya?”
“Oh, you know…” she said, filling the vase up with water and hoping that the sound would be too loud for him to hear over. Which meant she could pause and not seem weird.
Or specifically, not answer him so she didn’t have to share her ongoing failure with him.
She wanted only the good stuff when it came to Sev.
“How are classes?” he asked, his voice taking on a serious edge.
She sighed as she propped up her phone, using two hands to arrange the roses and the baby’s breath that accompanied them. “Miserable?”
“Kels,” he said, his voice now sad and not what she wanted to hear. “I’m sorry. Have you tried talking to the professor?”
“Pffft,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Every time I go to her office hours, I feel stupider than I did when I first went in.” Kelsey had tried everything she could think of to better understand the material, but the professor only looked at her like she was incapable.
It was something she’d never been on the receiving end of before.
“You’re not stupid,” Sev nearly growled, causing a bit of a shiver down her spine. Some for bad reasons, but others for very, very good reasons.
“I know,” she said, taking her phone and crossing back into the living room, flopping back down in her chair once more. “How’s life treating you up on base?”
“Good,” he said, taking her change of topic and running with it. Although there was a little bit of hesitation in his voice. “Seems we’re going to be taking a trip again in a couple of weeks.”
“All of you?” she wondered.
“Nah,” he said, shaking his head. “Just a few of us. I was actually pretty lucky to get assigned. It wasn’t something I was expecting.”
“Well, that’s good, right?” she said, loving the feeling of hope filling her chest cavity, even if it wasn’t for her own life. “It means someone’s taken notice of what you can do.”
“I think so,” he said, again, hesitant. Then silent.
“Sev, what is it?” she encouraged him. “What’s holding you back?”
He sighed heavily, the end turning into a chuckle as he looked straight at her through the phone. Even though she knew they were separated by miles and miles, that searing look still made her think she could reach out and stroke his cheek.
“I get the feeling this is more of a test than it is an application of what I can really do. I mean, there’s a chance I’ll be able to show off some, but it really feels like someone wanted to see just how we’d do in a particular… situation”
Situation. Kelsey remembered her father saying stuff like that as she grew up, which was code for please don’t ask, I can’t tell you the details.
No matter. It wasn’t the situation she was concerned about.
It was Sev.
“You know, I remember a time when my dad had arranged a bunch of different units for training,” she recalled. “It wasn’t so much to test out your abilities to do your job as it was to see how you interacted with a whole variety of people.”
Sev nodded, following along.
“In the end, I remember hearing him talk with some of his close friends about different members and their leadership capabilities. Some were best at following orders, while others showed true leadership potential.”
Sev gave her a half-smile. “And the rest?”
“Oh, the rest were a hopeless mess,” she exaggerated, giving him a big smile. “Sent home to scrub toilets with their toothbrushes.”
“Well, good, you’ll know where to find me,” he said, laughing at her joke. And while she laughed too, she knew that wasn’t going to be the case. Sev could follow orders, but he also inspired something in folks. Something that made them want to do whatever he asked of them.
Her included.
She knew that the reason he was pulled for this test wasn’t because he was a follower. It was because they saw leadership potential in him.
And judging by the hopeful look on his face, he knew it too.
Who knew it would be possible to feel so good for someone gaining accolades and climbing toward their future, and also feel so awful because all she could do was slip down the branches of that tree one by one.
“So what do you have planned for the weekend?”
“Nothing,” she said, rather emphatically. “Well, actually, that’s not true. I’ve got to bone up on one of my classes. I’ve got a project coming due, and I want to make sure I’ve got some extra time. Account for mistakes and all that.”
“Mistakes aren’t about failure,” he reminded her, stepping right inside her head without permission and speaking out loud the thing she was afraid of most. “It’s what you do after that makes all the difference.”
She sighed, putting her head in her hand as she stared back at him. “Have I told you how good you are for my soul?”
He laughed, and she continued to smile. “You may have mentioned it.”
“If I could bottle and sell your enthusiasm, I wouldn’t need a master’s degree,” she lamented, knowing it wouldn’t make any difference in the long run. Sometimes you just needed to gripe.
Fortunately, Sev seemed to understand that.
“Plus, I’ve got to get as much done this weekend as I can. My dad wants me to come home next Saturday, and I know I won’t have much time for studying while I’m there. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to take a break from it all.”
“I think that’s wise, keeping it all in balance like that,” he agreed.
A beat of silence passed, and Kelsey just studied him, this gorgeous man giving her all his time.
And she was gobbling it up like Thanksgiving dinner.
She wondered why he bothered with someone like her.
Goodness knew she’d been a right mess the first time they’d met, fresh off a breakup and running away in her wedding dress.
Still, they became friends. Established traditions.
And had become important to one another in spite of their distance and life demands.
And of course, speaking of…
Sev turned his head away from the camera, casting a glance behind him. He mumbled something and nodded, breaking into a grin and a laugh before clearly saying, “I’ll be right there, get out of here.”
“Who was that?” she wondered.
“Em,” he said of his sister, settling back in front of his phone. “She says dinner’s nearly done and to get downstairs.”
“Yum,” she said. “What’s on the menu?”
He lifted a shoulder. “Typical stuff. Roast chicken, potatoes. Probably peas or green beans. Maybe carrots if Em had anything to say about it.”
Why did that sound so heavenly right now? “Gosh, save me a seat. I’ll be right there.”