Ellisandre
Taping a music video was hard work. Ellisandre pushed the fringe of their hair back as they helped Richard put the last of the light stands away in the Parsonage.
Richard gave them a tired nod. Ellisandre returned it.
A few steps away were Collin and émeric.
They’d already stowed what they’d carried over but had turned back and were waiting for Richard to join them.
Richard wrapped an arm around his Collin’s waist, linking with émeric’s around their boy.
They went off together, shadowed by their security.
Ellisandre made their way back into the sanctuary, the last place they’d seen Rei.
The day had gone better than they’d hoped.
It had been a gamble, a heavy one, but like so many things, their gut had demanded they take it.
Rei was stronger than he thought he was, than Sevastyan thought he was. And he’d proven it today.
The sanctuary was empty, or at least appeared empty at first.
Rei was sitting on the floor, his back to the edge of a pew, staring at the altar.
There were footsteps in the direction of the lobby, one of the security guards coming through.
They stopped to check in and ask a question.
Ellisandre answered it and then waved him off, telling him to leave them be.
“We’re alone.” Ellisandre sat down on the floor beside Rei. “Cameras are on outside, but everyone’s gone and they’ve closed up.
Rei reached up and touched his mask.
“You need a break,” Ellisandre said. “Take it off.”
Rei obeyed. The mask was soggy and wet. Ellisandre held out their hand and Rei surrendered it.
Ellisandre stuffed it into their bag. Slowly, as if he were old and frail, Rei pulled off his coat and the glasses.
He stood up and went to the dais and turned in place.
And then he moved. Ellisandre opened their mouth to tell him to be careful of his ankle, but then closed it.
Whatever they were witnessing needed to exist.
The dance steps that 5N had been doing all day merged with Rei’s body.
They weren’t exactly the same in him. He didn’t move with Yoihei’s power, making the stage shake, or like Geun, who had looked like he was going to war during some takes.
He wasn’t as soft or light as Su-jin, nor as loud as Jaewoong.
He was something else. Probably closest to Jun in style, but where Jun was like fire, Rei danced .
. . like darkness. Soft as water. Delicate as moonlight.
As overwhelming as grief. With each motion, the steps changed and augmented until he wasn’t so much repeating the choreography as building on it, expanding it, extending the story.
Rei would have been a force to reckon with, if he had ever debuted. Though there was something about him that would never have been able to be contained inside a boy band. There was a glimmer in the way his waist turned, his hips rolled, that never would have been vanilla enough.
His ankle wobbled and he caught himself against the altar, chest heaving. His eyes met Ellisandre’s.
“You never stopped dancing.”
Rei nodded. He sank down onto the floor, extending his injured leg out in front of himself, facing Ellisandre, chest still rising and falling.
“You still love it.”
Rei nodded again.
Ellisandre stood and moved closer, settling on the steps below him. Up close the tear tracks on his face were visible.
“Do you still sing?”
“Sometimes.”
“Sing something.”
Rei blinked slowly, then closed his eyes. “What if someone hears?”
“No one is going to hear. We’re alone. There’s only one security guard here and he’s making rounds. The cameras don’t have sound and they’re all external facing.”
Rei put his hand to his face as if he had forgotten, then lowered his palm. Then he started to sing.
The words were Korean, so Ellisandre couldn’t make them out.
But Rei’s voice was strong, different from the soft words and whispers they had mostly heard him utter over the past days.
He kept his eyes closed as the music belted out of his chest, hands limp in his lap, like there wasn’t enough of him to both exist in his body and to create ethereal music in the same instance.
Ellisandre leaned forward, elbows on the top of the steps.
Any thought of looking elsewhere no longer existed.
Their eyes were on Rei’s lips, the way his chest rose and fell to draw in air, the ripple of his skin in the shadows, and the way the light played off his face and his scars.
When the song finished, fluttering up and away as if it had taken flight and gone onward without either of them, Rei opened his eyes, staring directly into Ellisandre’s face.
He was beautiful, like the aftermath of a disaster, when the rain came down and a burned-out forest started to bloom with flowers. A breathing emblem of the liminal space between life and death, two parts of a whole.