Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Gavin
It wasn’t often I was nervous, but today I was.
I hated that feeling. Karen took my hand and squeezed gently as we sat in the car on Roman’s drive.
Karen was worried about what Nikki had to say after everything went tits up yesterday when she caught us outside the casino.
“It’ll be fine, I promise.” I squeezed hers in return and exhaled.
The frustration seeped out of my pores. Yet again, I had to explain myself.
I bet Nikki loved running back to Roman and telling him what she’d seen.
“Are you coming in?” I asked quietly. It wasn’t like I needed her to or anything. Her eyes were soft as she gazed into mine, a little flicker of guilt sparked in them as she looked away.
“Not right away. I need to change my clothes.” A small smile tightened her lips, “If I’m going to come under fire, and maybe fight for my job, I’d rather be wearing armour,” she snapped the material of her dress that she still had on from last night, “my own clothes, other than…this.”
“Okay.” I nodded being agreeable.
“And anyway,” she leaned forwards, “I have no panties on…” she whispered slowly, a slight twinkle flashed in her eyes.
I cupped her chin in my hand and grinned wickedly, “Come here.” My lips caressed hers.
Something changed last night. She switched something in me.
I didn’t know how to explain it. I didn’t want to analyse, because then I’d run from it.
Not physically, but emotionally I’d be on the next plane out of here.
“I won’t be long, I don’t think.” She stated against my lips as she broke the kiss, and with a quick nod I released her and let her go.
“I better go in. No use putting it off any longer.” I slipped out of my car as Karen did the same, she went to her own and I strolled over to the gate.
As the rattle of her engine started up, I looked back, almost worried she wasn’t going to make it home in that death trap.
That car did not sound healthy. As I watched her leave the driveway, I knew I couldn’t stall any longer, I had to go inside.
I entered the key code in the electronic keypad, it bleeped and turned green, then I slipped through the gate.
The loaded spring ensured it closed behind me.
Rhys and Roman were at the kitchen island drinking coffee as I reached the patio doors. I took a deep breath in and slid open the door.
They both looked up as I entered. I lifted my hand, “Hey.”
“Well, look what the cat dragged in.” Roman stated with that stern look he has when he’s angry. I’ve seen it more than a few times. His eyebrows came together and twisted up his face. “Does your phone not work?” He sneered.
I didn’t answer straight away, I needed caffeine first. I poured the black liquid into my cup, the aroma filtered up my nose as I inhaled.
In just a small sip, the tangy flavours burst on my tongue as I took a seat opposite them.
“Did you really want me to answer last night?” No.
The answer is no. “In fact, I’m surprised you thought I’d answer. ”
“No, I guess not. I’m surprised you’re here this morning, if I’m really honest with you.”
“There you go, then.” I sniped back.
“That doesn’t mean I’m not fucking pissed.” He stated angrily.
“And you think I don’t know this.” I shrugged. “Look, I’m sorry, okay.”
“Fucking hell! You’ve shown your face, and I’ve got an apology? Who the fuck are you? You used to disappear for days.”
“Ha ha,” I exaggerated and held my stomach, “you’re fucking funny.” My eyes rolled as I took a gulp of my coffee, I needed it to deal with him this morning, it seemed. “Where’s Pais?”
“She’s resting up, she’s not too good. She’s having dizzy spells again.”
“Is she okay?” My tone changed, because I was naturally concerned. I might be a twat at the best of times and didn’t know anything about pregnancy, but even I knew she shouldn't be having those.
“Yeah, I’m making her rest today, if she doesn’t get any better, I’m calling the doc out.
” I agreed, because fuck… “Now stop changing the fucking subject and talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what the fuck is going on in your head.
” His hands rubbed over his face before he turned his steely gaze back on me.
I glanced between Roman and Rhys before I moved my gaze to my coffee, when I saw the cup almost empty, I got up and poured more. “You got food? I’m starving.”
“Gav. Just fucking talk, usually I can’t shut you up.”
“What the fuck do you want me to say, Rome,” I answered harshly, “that I didn’t know what I was doing?
Well, I did.” I closed the cupboard and turned back.
“Of course, I did, but I can’t stop that snarky, bastard voice in my head that pushes me on.
It takes over every rational reasoning and I have to go on - I have to fucking win…
it’s, it’s like an illness, a poison inside of me, and it spreads though my blood.
” My head hung, “I don’t know what to tell you other than, I’m sorry.
” I shrugged, liked a petulant child, but I did lift my head and look him in the eye to say what I needed to.
I owed him that much at least. “I’m sorry it happened last night.
I’m sorry I did it on your big night, and I’m so fucking sorry that I might have messed shit up for you…
” I paused to grab a breath, my eyes closed from the pain I felt, “...yet again.” I dipped my head and pinched the skin between my eyes.
I hoped to ease the tension in my head, but it didn’t work.
“It’s like a disease that never gets cured. ”
I glanced up at Roman, his brows were set high.
He obviously didn’t expect that little meltdown, or maybe it was because I spoke the truth.
Roman wasn’t used to having the truth from me, in fact I think it’s only happened a handful of times.
If I could get out of any shit I was in with a joke, I’d do it.
I’d never been tagged the serious one. I skirted around the truth to make it sound better for myself.
Or to get myself out of shit, but as much I was ashamed of that now, I never was back then. Maybe I had grown up a little bit.
“Why don’t you take a few days off. Away from all of this, away from the stress and the urge,” he sighed heavily, “can you give us a minute, Rhys?” My head snapped back up and I wondered what he could want now. I was still waiting for him to mention Karen.
“Gav, mate.”
“The urge never goes away, Rome. I thought I was okay.” I interrupted, “I was sure I could handle it, but as soon as we were in there I was sweating like a bitch, it’s like knives prickling away at my skin, I can’t explain it.
I wouldn’t want to explain it to you, because I’d hate to see you pity me anymore.
You’ve made enough excuses for me. You’ve done that for most of your life.
” I dropped my arse onto the stool and sighed.
“It’s what friends do.” He sighed. “What’s the deal with Karen? I saw you walking the casino with her. What the fuck? You looked very cosy.”
“Fuck you.” He smirked, the fucking moron. “We’re friends.”
“Fucking friends.” He scoffed, “I saw how she held on to your arm and laughed at your shitty jokes. It’s not the first time I’ve noticed either. I saw how you smiled at her.”
“So?” There’s that child again, I shrugged. “She doesn’t treat me like an idiot, or even talk to me like shit.”
“I’m not having a go,” his hands flew up in front of him in defence. “I’ve just never seen you like that. I take it you stopped whatever you and Nikki…?” I needed to shut down all talk of Nikki and Karen.
“Are nothing. I’d like to say we’re friends, but we’re not, are we?
Nikki and I are toxic. I told you that a few weeks ago.
And I don’t need a lecture. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing right now.
” I breathed in slowly, evenly, and exhaled.
“I don’t fucking do relationships, but her, I don’t get it.
” A smug smile formed on his face, it pissed me off. “What the fuck are you smiling at?”
“Nothing. You’ll get it.”
“What do I do about Alex and Quinn. Are they pissed?”
He shrugged one shoulder, “Quinn, yeah. Alex, not so much.” He took something from the back pocket of his jeans and skimmed it across the island to me. “That’s Alex’s business card. Give him a call. He’ll think more of you if you do.”
“I don’t give a fuck what he thinks of me.”
“Liar.” Roman fired back.
“What?” My brows pinched tightly.
“If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be here right now. You forget mate, I knew the old Gavin, the one that really didn’t care a damn, this version is way different to the old version, even with the gambling problem. You’re a much a better person.”
“I don’t feel like one.” I admitted in a low tone. “Are we good?” I asked impatiently, eventually we would be anyway, even if he was angry with me.
His phone pinged on the marble surface of the island. He lifted it up and unlocked it with his face ID, took a second then lifted his gaze to mine, “Saved by the bell, mate. Paisley wants me.”
“Does that mean we’re not?” I was confused.
“Yeah, we’re good, until you fuck up again.” He smirked like he was joking, and maybe for the most part he was, but I knew a small piece of him wasn’t.
“Wow, thanks for that vote of confidence, dick. I’ll just leave now, shall I?” Roman and I pushed up from the stool at the same time and met at the end of the kitchen island. I slapped his chest and carried on down the hallway without another word. Then a thought popped back into my head.
“Did you mean it about taking a few days off?” Roman was already halfway up the winding stairs when I asked.
“Of course I did.” He said as he half turned his body on the staircase, “I think it’ll do you good.” He nodded with a tight smile on his lips. “Oh, and don’t forget to call Alex. We could do with him onside.”
“Okay.” I answered compliantly. I knew he needed this. I couldn’t fuck him over twice in a lifetime.
He started back up the stairs, “Use the beach house if you want. You know where the keys are.” As he disappeared at the top, a thought grew in my mind.
Malibu beach. What better place to go for a break.
Sun, sand, sea and sex. But as far as sex was concerned, there was only one person I wanted that with.
I really had changed, I thought to myself as a smile grew on my lips.
With that thought, I turned back towards the door and left.
As I tugged the door closed behind me and set off towards my car, the sound of Rhys’s voice had my steps halting, I swung back around to face him. “You know she has feelings for you right?”
“Who?” The impatience in my voice was more than recognisable, I didn’t need this shit.
“Nikki. Who do you think?”
“Why do you care, Rhys?” I folded my arms across my chest and strolled towards him, stopping at the front of the Range Rover.
“I don’t like to see her get hurt.” He admitted.
“Is that all? Because this concern seems a little more than friendly, don’t you think?
” I stated, it was fucking obvious why he was concerned about her.
“Look mate, and we are still mates, yeah?” He nodded but stayed silent, “It was just a bit of fun. If she’s taken more out of us fucking than that, then that’s on her.
” I slapped his chest. I cocked one brow and lifted the corner of my mouth. “She wanted exactly the same as I did.”
“But you get to walk away, unaffected, just as you always do.”
My chest lifted as I inhaled through my nose and exhaled on a loud huff. “Is this you asking for her or has she put you up to this?”
“She doesn’t know, and don’t fucking tell her either.”
I shook my head and walked up close, “Maybe it’s time you told her about those feelings you have for her, then you can stop using me as your excuse for being a fucking coward.
Man the fuck up, dude.” I was done being blamed for everything.
“You know I might be a fuck up, but at least I have the balls to own up to my own shit.” I pressed the fob on my keys and waited for the beep.
My eyes were on him as I got inside my car, he leaned back against the front of the Range Rover and slid his hands into his pockets.
Maybe that will give him something to think about. I refused to be everyone's drain.
Done taking the blame, I was sick of everyone’s bullshit, including my own.
I placed my phone in my hands-free holder, and while I waited for the Bluetooth to connect, I started the car. Karen still wasn’t here and there was no sign of Nikki yet, I was glad to say.
I quickly typed out a message as the engine rumbled away.
When you’ve got your camera, come to my place.
That few days away sounded damn good to me.