Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Gavin
Karen had been gone around an hour, and in I hadn't seen Nikki at all that time. As far as I knew, she was still with Paisley. I grabbed a coke from the fridge and took it back out onto the patio. Roman had disappeared too. Fuck knows where everyone was. To be honest, I quite enjoyed the peace out here. The sound of the water rippling from the pool was relaxing. I cracked open the fizzy drink and took a long gulp then rested back on the lounger. I held it firmly in my grip as my eyes closed briefly with the sun beaming down on my face. My reprieve was cut short, though, when I heard the clacking of Nikki’s heels on the tile in the kitchen.
I sat up and twisted to the edge, stood and went back inside before she could run off. “Hey, Nik?”
“What do you want, Gav. I’m busy.”
As I got to the island, I pushed my arms on to the top and leaned on them. “I’m sure you can give me five minutes.”
A sigh of pure frustration left her lips while her hands landed on her hips. “Go on then.”
“Are you okay with me and Karen being, you know,” I tried to find the right word for us, “together?”
“You’re asking that like you think I care.” she forced a tight smile. I knew Nikki well enough; I knew she cared.
“I know you do.”
She stalked through the kitchen, a thoughtful look crossed her features as she got closer, “You know shit. I was the one that broke our arrangement off in the first place, remember.” I snorted.
I just couldn't help it. I loved how she tried to fool herself, because she didn’t fool me.
“Look, whatever, you and me aside, just do me a favour and don’t hurt her.
I think she’s way too sweet for you, and I think you’ll break her heart. ”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence. I appreciate it.” I nodded.
“Cut the bollocks, Gav. I know you. I know what you’re capable of and I know better than anyone that you can walk away at the drop of a hat, because relationships don’t factor in your world.
But whatever you’ve told her or whatever you’ve promised her, don’t go back on your word, because you have the power to smash her heart to pieces.
Personally, that’s why we wouldn’t work, I wouldn’t let you have that kind of power over me. ”
A smirk played on my lips but every word was true.
Nikki and I had always clashed, which was why it was only sex between us, but as I stared at the fiery spitfire now, I knew my conclusion was right when it was broken it off, whoever initiated it.
She wanted more and that was something I couldn’t ever give her.
“Promise, Gav. Promise you won’t hurt her? I like Karen, and I think she deserves better than you, but can you at least do that for me?”
“I’ll try my best.” I nodded, “Friends again?”
My hand thrust in her direction, she glimpsed at it before looking back up at me and sighed with a roll of her eyes, “Fine.” We shook hands like we were ten, just as my phone vibrated in my pocket. As I took it out, I saw a message from Karen:
Can you come to my place now please I really need to speak to you.
I quickly typed back a message.
Yeah, if you want me to. Are you okay?
“Tell Rome I had to leave, would ya?” I asked as sweet as sugar, as I shoved my phone away.
“I’m not your fucking receptionist.” Nikki replied, a scowl twisted her pretty face.
Laughter burst from me, “Annnd there she is. Thank you.” I said as I walked away, threw my hand up in the air and I left through the back doors.
As I got to Karen’s place, someone was leaving through the security door of her apartment block, I jogged over and thanked them as they held it open for me.
Once I’d climbed the two flights of stairs to her apartment, I rapped my knuckles on the door, I smiled as the door opened but it soon turned to a frown when I saw her standing before me, dark eyes and even more pale than earlier.
“What’s going on?” She stepped aside as she opened the door wider for me, I waited for her to close it again.
She turned and pressed her back to the front door.
“We need to talk.” She made her way down the hallway and into her living room.
“Okay.” I followed her dutifully into the lounge and stood just inside the door.
She sat herself down on the couch and buried her face in her hands.
Unable to see her like this, I went over and crouched in front of her, took her hands from her pretty face and placed them in mine. “What’s happening?”
“I’m not sure how to tell you this.”
My brows came together, I didn’t like the sound of this. Was she telling me she didn’t want this anymore, after I’d just come clean to my best friend, and finally let myself believe that I was good enough for someone other than being on my own. “Is it bad news?”
Her chest heaved and she dropped her head into her hands again. “Depends on how you look at it I suppose.” I didn’t know what that meant.
“Stop talking in riddles and just come out with it.” She peered up over the tops of her fingers. I took her hands from her face, I wanted to see her eyes.
As our gazes met, tears filled her eyes. I didn’t like this. She opened her mouth to say something, but it closed again, I tried to wait patiently but the anticipation was killing me. “I’m…” she blew out a huff, “I'm pregnant.”
I didn’t hear that right? Did I?
I didn’t say anything, I couldn’t.
I was speechless, fucking mute.
Did she actually just say what I thought she said? “You can’t be.” She produced a white stick and held it out for me. I took it from her shaky fingers and locked my gaze on it. My eyes were wide on the two thick blue lines in the little window. “It can’t be right.”
“I’ve done four, Gav.” her voice was just a little above a whisper. She sounded nervous. My head wasn’t processing this at all.
“How?”
“Are you fucking kidding?” She scoffed. “We’ve been at it like rabbits for weeks.”
“But I thought you were on the pill?” My tone rose higher,
“And you should have used a fucking condom, but you never did.”
“Didn’t fucking complain though did ya?’ I fired back at her snippy answer and pushed to my feet. How was all this fucking relevant anyway. She was pregnant. How the fuck did I begin to process that?
My hands tugged at my hair as I moved away to sit down. I needed to think. I need to do what was best. “What are you going to do?”
“What am I going to do? I’m sorry, are you not involved in this?” A hardness appeared in her eyes. “This is your baby too, you know.”
“Don’t.” I stopped her, “That’s your decision! I can’t be a dad.”
Her jaw tensed and she looked like she was about to explode. “Why not?” she stood and moved back towards to me, dropped to her knees and put her hands on my thighs. “Gav. It could be great. We could be great.”
My head shook, “I’m not ready. I’m not ready to be a father.”
“And I am?! I’ve just got myself more work, better work and now this.”
“I’m not ready to change my lifestyle…”
“Huh. So, you prefer to be a gambler, that’s what you’re saying?” she pushed to her feet.
“No. I didn’t mean that!” Everything was jumbled in my mind. Nothing was coming out right.
“I knew you’d be shocked, but I didn’t think you’d be like this.”
“Like what? Like my world hasn't just collapsed. We’ve gone from fucking, to trying out a thing, to this; being parents. So, what the fuck do you want me to say?” I shouted.
I shouldn’t shout, but I couldn’t stop it.
Even when I saw the tears trickling down her cheeks and wanted to hold her, pull her in close and tell her I was sorry, but I couldn’t.
Why? Because my heart didn’t have that compassion.
My heart was a hard-faced bastard, and most of the time my brain agreed.
I wasn’t normal, I fucking knew that and for the best part, I hated it.
I wanted to think different. For once I wanted to break the cycle.
“I want you to tell me you love me, like I love you. I want you to tell me everything will be okay…”
“What did you say?” My voice just a whisper.
“I want you to tell me you love me, like I love you.” she repeated only an octave lower this time.
My head shook, “You love me?” I gasped as the shock registered.
“Yes, Gav. I fucking love you.” Her voice bold as she stood firm.
My chest heaved as my hands went back to my head. “How?” I shrugged and turned away.
“Quite easily, to be honest.”
Then a thought hit me, “Hang on, how long have you known?” She wasn’t well last week in Malibu. “Did you know in Malibu?” I whirled back around and faced her, “Did you?”
“What, that I loved you? Because that was pretty much from the start I think,” her shoulder lifted, but my head shook.
“No, Karen. Did you know you were pregnant when we were in Malibu?”
Her head shook. “No. I promise. I had an instinct when I came back but I was too scared to do a test.” Her teeth nibbled her lip, “Are we going to be okay, Gav?”
My gaze found hers but as I stared back into her beautiful eyes, I couldn’t quite believe it. I was scared’ “I can't see how? You’re the first woman that I’ve even wanted more with and now this… I’m not fucking ready for this, K. I can’t do it.”
Her eyes widened to saucers almost, “What are you saying, Gavin?” her voice hardened. She never called me Gavin. Nobody did. Gavin was only my go-to name when I got into shit…like now.
“I can’t do it.” I stared at her while I tried to swallow past the boulder lodged in my throat. ‘Maybe we should think about this, you know,” I shrugged and looked down, “discuss your options…”
“My options? You’re talking like this is only my problem, what fucking options? There are no other options,” A deep frown appeared in her forehead, her tone was loud and sharp, her breaths ragged as she raged.
“There’re always options, K. Maybe it would be better if you found someone else or…” I didn’t want to say what I was thinking but I h to. “...or there’s always abort…”