Chapter 39
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Gavin
My hands clenched at my sides as I stood at Karen’s Mum’s door. I never thought I’d be doing this–meeting the family, not this soon anyway. But, if I had to do this, I would. But no matter how nervous I was or however scared I was, I knew I had to get it done and stop being a tool all my life.
I’d figured that I’d pretty much do anything for that girl. That was a strange realisation I’d come to after Holly had ripped me a new arsehole for the way I’d treated her, she made me promise to not hurt her again.
As I waited for the door to open, our conversation was at the forefront of my mind.
“Do you know how many tears she’s cried over you?
” Her tone was sharp and full of venom. “From the first time she told me about you, I knew you had the power to break her. I saw it in her eyes, they shone when she mentioned your name.” She huffed and shook her head, and her lips twisted up as she regarded me.
“You broke her, Gav. I’ve never seen her so upset, so tell me why you think I should tell you where she’s gone?
Why would I betray her trust like that?”
“Holly, please.” I studied her for a moment, “I love her.” Just hearing those words falling from my own lips so easily even had me shocked but it felt so natural too. “I know I haven’t done the right things through this, but I love her, and I need to tell her before it’s too late for us. Please.”
Something must’ve pulled at her heart strings because she groaned at herself, as her eyes narrowed and snatched a post it note from the table in their apartment. She scribbled the address down and passed it to me.
“Don’t hurt her again. I’m trusting you. This is your only chance, Gavin.” I pulled her in for a hug, promising to not hurt her again and kissed her cheek.
“Thank you.”
And with the address tucked in my palm, I left their place and jumped in my car, input the address into the satnav and set off.
And here I am. Nerves swirling around my stomach wondering what she’ll say when she sees me.
The door opening had me looking back up. My gaze fell on a woman that Karen was almost the double of, I smiled nervously and rubbed my palms on my jeans. “Hi. You don’t know me but I’m Gavin.” I thrust my hand in her direction, she took it and we shook gently.
“So, you’re the one that broke her heart?” Her head cocked to the side as she took her hand back and folded her arms across her chest. I nodded.
“I just need to see her. Please?”
“She’s distraught, but I can only go with what I can see.”
“I love her.”
A soft sigh left her lips, “You better come on in.” She stood to the side opening the door wider, and invited me in.
I stepped over the threshold and looked around.
The muted colour scheme and the homely feeling hit me straight away.
Nothing like the way I feel in my own parents house.
A tight smile flattened her lips as she passed me and led me through to another room.
As I entered, I heard the softness of Karen’s voice asking who it was at the door. A guy sprung up from the couch though, his hair a little darker than Karen’s. Her legs had been stretched across his lap. If it wasn’t for the fact his eyes matched Karen’s, I’d be questioning who he was.
“It’s me.” I voiced quietly. I saw the widening of her eyes but she didn’t look at me. “K?”
“Kaz, who’s this?” The guy asked. He gave her a moment to answer but when there was no reply, he took it upon himself to get them, “Okay if you’re not going to tell me, I guess I’ll ask him. So?”
He was staring at me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She sat up slowly and her eyes closed briefly before they opened again and finally, she looked up at me. Her jaw tensed. I knew she was trying to hold back her emotions. I’d seen it enough recently.
“Dan this is Gavin, Gavin, this is Dan, my brother.” As her voice shook, she hid her face in her hands.
“Do you think I can have five minutes with your sister?”
“Obviously, you’re the jerkoff that’s upset her?”
What could I say to that? I couldn’t deny it, doing all this was about airing truths. “I’m that arsehole, yeah. There’s no doubt about that.” A slither of a smile graced her lips, and I felt some kind of hope.
“How did you know I was here?” Her head shook, “And why are you even here, anyway?”
“I’m here for you.” My answer was instant. “Don’t shout at her, but I made Holly tell me where you were.”
“Fucking Holly.” She mumbled in a sullen tone.
“I had to come. I had to speak to you, and I couldn’t get hold of you on the phone.”
“I don’t want to talk, Gav.”
“Well, I do.” Her eyes widened. I knew she found that hard to believe. “I need to explain. I have things I need to say.”
“Then say them now that you’re here, and then go.
” She turned her sad gaze on me, there was something in her eyes that had me second guessing everything.
Did she really want me to go? I guess I couldn’t blame her if she did, and I know she’d had a lot to take in recently, but I refused to believe that she really wanted me to go.
“Do you mean that?” Her fingers brushed the tears from her eyes as she lifted her head up. Her eyes were rimmed red, she looked so sad, and tired. “Please, K. I need you to listen to me.”
Her eyes closed on a tired sigh and nodded, “Go on.” I moved slowly towards her, soft, careful steps, until I’d left only a small gap between us. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“For what Gav, because your list of misdemeanours is stacking up against you.”
“I know. I’m sorry for everything.” I breathed slowly, “I’m sorry for upsetting you, I’m sorry for hurting you…
” I wanted to reach across and hold her hand but like she could read my mind her gaze dropped to her hands and she shifted them back into her lap.
I reached across and took it anyway and smoothed my thumb across her knuckles, “God, I’ve never done this before.
” I breathed, “I have so many things I need to tell you, and if I have to do that right here, in front of your family, then I will.”
The gap between us was merely inches, but it felt like a mile.
“K,” I moved closer and crouched in front of her, “you amaze me. Every time I look at you, every time you kiss me, I wonder what I did so right that you chose me. I was stupid. I say stupid things, I do stupid things, and my mouth drops me in the shit all the time, because I have no filter.” I wrapped my fingers around hers, lifted them and let my lips linger on her knuckles.
“I love you and there’s no one else in this world that I want to share my life with.
I know you probably don’t believe this, but you are my whole world.
” I moved to my knees and shuffled closer to her. “Please, say something.”
She swiped the back of her hand across her cheeks as her tears fell. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to show her I was here for her. I wanted to show her I could comfort her.
“Gav,” She sniffed, “How can I be sure you won’t take off again when things get tough.”
“I promise.”
Her fingers squeezed mine and let go, “You can’t make those promises. I mean I wish you could, but that would be so selfish of me.”
I then moved my hand to her face and stroked her cheek. “I can.”
“Gav…”
I reached up and rested my finger on her lips, “Please K, let me finish, then you can make your mind up, and if you don’t think it’s enough then I’ll walk away.”
I watch how her throat worked when she swallowed, her eyes soft on mine as more tears rolled away.
Her legs crossed in front of her. I took my hand from her face and held both of her hands, “I never thought I wanted anything or anyone, until I had it with you. That goes for you, and for this baby,” I moved my hand to her belly.
“We created this baby; I should never have said what I said.”
“What the fuck, so you are pregnant, then?” Dan asked from across the room.
Fuck I hoped I hadn’t just dropped her in the shit with her family.
I heard her mother shush him. I glanced at them both and saw her mom watching us.
My gaze drifted back to Karen and found her rounded, worried eyes staring back at me. God, I’ve missed those eyes.
“Are you sure, Gav? Because I can’t think you’re all in and have you decide that you don’t really want this later on. I know I wouldn’t cope if I lost you again.”
“Come on, out, let’s leave them to it.” I glanced back at her mom again and smiled softly, her hands settled on Dan’s chest and softly she pushed him from the room.
“Come on, you can buy me a coffee.” Dan’s eyes were on me all the way out of the room, but I smiled at them before turning my eyes back on the beautiful woman in front of me.
“Gav?”
“I promise, K. We’re in this together from here on out.
I love you, Karen Duncan.” Her chin wobbled as more tears spilled from her gorgeous eyes, I pushed up on my knees and took her face in my hands, bushing my thumbs beneath her eyes.
If she gave me another chance now, I’d be the luckiest man alive.
“Baby, you complete me, you make me whole. I promise I’ll get help, I’ll never let anything come between us again. ”
“Oh my God,” She squeezed my fingers in acknowledgement and sniffed, “but what about Nikki?”
“What about Nikki?” I didn’t want to sound like a dick, but Nikki didn’t factor here.
“I swear to you, it was innocent. I promise I’ll explain later but right now I just need you to know I love you.
I’ve never said or even wanted to ever say those words to anyone else.
Sweetheart, you're it for me. I know that now.” He lifted a shoulder, “You’ve changed me and how I think.
I’m a better person with you…if you want me to beg I will. ”
“I don’t want to change you, Gav. I happen to love you just the way you are.” She shrugged.
“Then you’ve changed what’s in here.” I lifted my hand to my chest, “You’ve made it beat. It’s you that’s made me see what love can do to a man, even a selfish fucker like me.”
Her lips tipped into a shy smile, but it was so good to see that flicker of a spark back. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I haven’t got you in my life…”
“Shut up…” she cut me off. Her fingers stroked down my cheeks, teasing them through my overgrown beard, my eyes closed briefly.
God, they felt amazing. I captured her face in my hands and brought her face to mine, resting my forehead on hers.
“…Just shut up.” she repeated, her breath warm on my face.
“I love you, and I’ve missed you so much. ”
I breathed a sigh of pure relief; she was in my arms and I intended to keep her there.
“I want us to be a family.” I leaned forward and took her lips gently at first, before working my lips over hers, with a little persuasion she kissed me back, her arms wrapped around my neck as I kissed her a little deeper before I pulled away again and licked my lips.
“What if it doesn’t work?” her chin dropped, and her gaze fell to her lap.
I lifted it back up with my fingers, “We’ll make it work.”
“It’s not always that easy.” Her head shook.
“Life isn’t easy K, I know that more than most, but I’m ready to put in the work for us, I love you, that has to be a start, doesn’t it?
” With a slow nod and more tears, she knew we made sense.
“I promise I’ll do everything I need to make this work between us.
” I brushed my lips over her cheek, then the tip of her nose, before lingering them on her forehead, her breath shuddered, I found her eyes, smiled softly and then moved my lips back to hers.
I kissed with a softness I didn’t even know existed in me.
She pulled her lips from mine, “That’s a big promise to make.”
“And one I intend to keep,” I smoothed my thumbs across her cheeks again, “do you forgive me?”
“Yes.” the answer was immediate. She circled my neck again and held me so tightly, I didn’t want to let her go again.
We spent the next ten minutes making up, kissing her like I’d never kissed her before. I moved to the couch and wrapped my arms around her waist, and as I eventually pulled my lips from hers, I just held her tightly in my arms, promising to never let her go again.