9. Jason
9
I didn’t wake up this morning thinking I’d have Julie in my arms before nightfall, but damn, it fucking feels good.
Better than it should.
Almost good enough to make me forget I’m pissed at her.
Her arms wrapped around my neck blissfully scorch my skin while I cradle her against my chest. She smells like sunscreen, but I can still detect a hint of vanilla when I secretly dip my nose into her hair.
“Breathe, Jules.” I take her down to the nearest cabin I can find, but her body keeps shuddering against my chest as she’s gasping for air.
I deliberately move my chest up and down with each intake of air, trying to get her to follow my rhythm, but it doesn’t work.
Since when is she having panic attacks?
“Breathe,” I command. “I got you. You’re okay.”
I sit her down on the crisp cream sheets of the small twin bed, crouching between her legs. Her breaths are short, her gorgeous brown eyes haunted with a panic that claws its way through my heart.
Fucking hell.
I’ve never seen her like this. I’ve seen her hurt, sad, angry like a wildcat, but never like this.
I squeeze her knees, forcing her gaze to lower to mine.
“Do you remember when Hunter moved back into town and the four of us had a bonfire to push him and Charlotte back together? Do you remember?” My grip tightens until I get a small nod, almost making me smile.
There you go, baby.
“You faked some kind of thing I needed to check out in your Jeep even though I know shit about engines, and then we bickered about which bar we were going to go to after we got those two to kiss, but that never happened, did it?”
A frown conjures on the pretty face, and I suck in a deep breath. “Did it?”
“No.” Her head shakes vigorously, and the muscles in her cheeks relax just an inch.
The intake of her breath is still not steady, but at least she’s trying.
That’s it, Jules.
“Why not?”
Shallow breaths continue to fly over her parted lips, but her chin dips, pointing her caramel eyes at me.
“Why not?” I dig my fingers into her knees.
Sass is shot my way, the panic slowly disappearing from her gaze. “Because you were bitching and moaning about mosquitoes.”
It’s almost comforting that she’s not freaking out enough to bite my head off whenever she gets the opportunity.
“They were eating me alive,” I huff, and she releases a chuckle, then shuts her eyes.
Her shoulders move up as she takes a deep breath before they lower with her exhale, and she repeats the move.
“That’s it. You’re okay.” My palms rub up and down her thighs, setting a pace to encourage her to follow along.
“You gotta keep breathing, baby.”
My molars are grinding like a fucking wheat mill while my fists are itching to go back out there and knock dear Mike off the boat. Her “stop” was loud enough to be heard in fucking Catalina.
Her frown deepens as she glares down at me. “Don’t call me baby.”
“Yeah, that’s what snaps you out of it?” I push back a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.
She fully sucks the air into her lungs, exhales, and repeats the move as her defiance returns to its full glory.
Her cheeks are still a little flushed from soaking up the sun, and her tanner skin stands out against her blue bathing suit. The soft fabric fits every inch of her body perfectly, highlighting the curve of her hips, but it’s the swell of her breasts that makes my mouth dry.
I let my eyes roam down her length, rolling my lips to prevent them from doing stupid things when goosebumps pebble her flawless skin. Goddamnit.
My dick twitches, a response to my eyes exploring, pushing freely against my board shorts that hide absolutely nothing. I let my ass fall to the dark blue carpet, knees in the air to hide the tent between my legs while I continue to take her in.
I’m not unfamiliar with this look. I’ve seen her sad and frustrated more times than I can count, but this is different than that.
“Thank you.” She finally smiles tightly. “I’m fine. You can go now.”
Instantly, I’m knocked back to our reality. Out of my protective mode and right back into my anger.
Yeah, nice try.
Annoyance spreads around my body like an expanding ripple, and I glance down, snorting at how quickly my boner disappeared back into his cave.
Right, I’m mad at her.
“Wanna tell me what the fuck that was?” I get up and straighten, crossing my arms so I can peer down at her.
Fully back to being an asshole.
I take a step away, studying her from tip to toe. Eyes fierce, she’s doing her best to show me the confidence she’s been throwing at me while flirting with that guy, but it’s haunted with an insecurity that reminds me of all the nights I comforted her in my embrace.
There’s something she’s not telling me.
I know this girl. I’ve seen her drunk, sad, mad, rebellious, you name it, I’ve seen it. But never did she have a panic attack. Not one of the million times she fought with my brother and not even when her best friend lost her mother.
“Since when are you having panic attacks?”
“That wasn’t a panic attack,” she answers quickly, adding nada to her credibility.
Cocking my head, I raise my eyebrows.
“Wanna try that again?”
“What?” She shrugs, adjusting the strap of her bathing suit. “I didn’t want my hair to get wet.”
“Save your lies for someone who doesn’t know you.”
“You don’t know me,” she snaps.
I wish. “I know when you’re lying.”
“I’m not lying.” She hops off the bed, whipping her hair into my face before retreating to a corner, her hands in her hair. “Can you just give me a minute?”
She’s putting in an effort to appear fine, wide eyes and pretty smile and all. She can’t fool me, though.
“You don’t blink when you lie.”
“Excuse me?” Her glare is adorable but ineffective.
“You don’t blink when you lie.”
She jerks back, taking in my words, then blinks twice to make her point, and I hold back the grin that wants to sneak out.
“Too late now, Jules.”
“Whatever.” Her eyes shut as she releases a big sigh that I can feel vibrating through my body.
I’m dying to take her into my arms and erase whatever sorrows she has. Run my hands through her silky hair and have her tell me what’s wrong. But we’ve passed that stage. Crashed right through it and wrecked it beyond repair.
Considering the amount of lip she’s giving me, she’s clearly fine. I should just walk out and let her be, so we can go back to firm lines and hate each other.
“I first noticed when you kissed me,” I confess. “I brought you back to my place after your fight with Jacob and he walked in.”
I labeled it as a mistake. An impulse from a girl whose heart had just been broken, by my own brother, but who still owned it, nonetheless. It had nothing to do with me. But the way my body still responds whenever I set my eyes on her contradicts that completely.
Our gazes lock, hers with palpable pain.
“You can fool the rest of them. But you can’t fool me. I saw the sheer terror in your eyes out there.”
“Look, I’m fine.” She flicks her wrist, dismissing me. “Just go back outside.”
“Is it the water?”
“I just didn’t want to swim!”
“Bullshit,” I snap. “That’s not just it.”
She’s feisty. Hell, in some cases a fucking firecracker even. She’s adventurous, and she has no issues speaking her mind about whatever is bothering her. But this wasn’t her speaking her mind or setting a boundary. This was her freaking the fuck out enough to suck all the air from her lungs and freeze.
It was a fucking panic attack.
“Just leave me alone, Spence!” She bulldozes my way to head for the door, but I step in front of her, dipping my chin to fix it on her death glare. “Move.”
“Tell me why you had a panic attack.”
People don’t have panic attacks for no reason, and if this is something that’s happening frequently, I need to know. I don’t want her living alone, and going through this shit, on what? A daily basis? Monthly basis? She’s on my shitlist, but I’m still not a complete asshole.
She studies my face for half a minute, her nostrils flaring like a cute baby bull each time she breathes out before her gaze cuts to the ceiling.
“Tell. Me,” I growl.
“I don't like the water! Okay? Happy now?” she shouts, then lowers her voice. “Scares the shit out of me. Now you can go back out there and tell them how silly I am.”
She folds her arms in front of her chest, and I pull a face.
That makes no fucking sense.
“Since when?”
“Always.”
“We’ve had half a dozen pool parties, and you didn’t freak out then. What are you not telling me?”
She steps back and fucking rolling her eyes once more before she tilts her head, challenging me with a single look. Brat.
“You’re asking the wrong questions, Jason.”
Deflection, of course. But I take the bait anyway. I always do with this girl.
“Would you answer them if I asked the right ones?”
“I wouldn’t lie.”
A year ago, I’d take that as gospel, but now my jaw clenches at that bullshit answer.
“I thought you’d never cheat.”
“I thought you’d never be this evil,” she retorts.
“Says the girl who had my fingers in her pussy with her boyfriend on the other side of the door.”
She just releases the tension in her shoulders, blowing out a raspberry, and that tired expression hits me in the heart like an arrow. My jaw falls slack. No way . There’s no way I would’ve missed that. But then I remember the micro responses she had at the gala. The eye rolls whenever my brother spoke. How she flinched when he touched her. The fact that she let me touch her while he was on the other side of the door.
“You’re not with Jacob anymore.” It’s a statement, not a question.
She flicks her lashes up, a small frown aimed at me. “No.”
Her hip pops as she squares her shoulders with a what the fuck took you so long attitude.
Suddenly, I feel it, as the ice around my organs melts a little. Hope flutters in my chest, all the way up to my dry throat.
“Why not?”
“You know why not.” Annoyance drips from her voice, and I can only stare at her.
Do I?
My eyes cramp shut, recalling how she was planning to leave the gala without Jacob until he stalked behind her. Fuck. She wasn’t with Jacob then and she isn’t now.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whisper.
“Because you didn’t want to hear it.” She gives me an incredulous expression.
“Jules.”
She holds up her hand. “I need to go.”
Quickly, she darts past me, but I grab her wrist, tucking her back, breathing in her vanilla scent. Goddamnit.
“Just stay and talk to me.”
Her pretty brown eyes tear up as she flattens her lips. “I wish you asked that question six months ago.”
“I wish you never met my brother.”
She swallows her sadness away, then lifts her chin as she pulls her arm free.
“That makes two of us.”
Group chat
Hunter: Yo, Californian asshats. My birthday is in two months. I expect you home and happy.
Jordan: I’m not from California.
Hunter: But you are an asshat.
Jensen: And you do live in California, so…
Jason: Why are you pretending I don’t come home for your birthday every fucking year?
Jordan: Why did Julie storm off the yacht thirty seconds ago?
Jensen: You guys are on a yacht, nice.
Bodi: With Julie?
Jordan: We’re at a NVS promo party with Ford.
Hunter: With Julie? Our Julie?
Jordan: She’s Ford’s NVS Brand Manager
Jensen: Nice! Did you two kiss and make up?
Jordan: If by kiss and make up you mean Julie busting his balls every chance she gets, then yes.
Jason: Okay, I’m done with this conversation, bye.
Bodi: This is not the moment to bail, buddy.
Jensen: You gonna leave us hanging like that?
Jason: Yup.
Hunter: You’re lucky I’m lined up for a diaper change, but this conversation is not over, asshole.
I let my head hang, deflating my lungs. Great, now Hunter is going to stalk me all night until I answer my damn phone. Not even considering the fact that my mind will be looping, wondering if Julie is alright.
Fucking get it together, man.
“Jay, are you in here? You cool?”
The door to the cabin opens, and the traitor who just threw me in front of the bus in the group chat pops his head in.
My eyes narrow while Jordan’s gaze widens at my glare. “Never mind, wrong door.”
“I’m going to kill you,” I growl before I dart off and chase my brother down the yacht.