13. The Rose
Chapter 13
The Rose
I didn’t stop walking until we’d left the building and entered one of the outdoor breezeways. It was partially to put as much distance between myself and Grayson as I could and partially because I hadn’t actually known where I wanted to storm off to when I’d stormed off. Ducking into an alcove that seemed as good a place as any, I dropped Marcus’s clothes onto the edge of the open-air window.
“Change and get dressed,” I said, “You know I adore you and your vicious little fangs, but I need to speak to the man now.”
The snake nuzzled his coffin-shaped head against my cheek once then slithered off my arm to the ground. I stepped back into the breezeway and turned my back while he changed. Shifters weren’t shy about nudity—our very nature made that impossible—but it was polite to offer privacy when we could. Given I’d spent years in a pack as the only person to never shift, I’d grown used to being fully clothed while others were, well, less than.
“So, that was fun.” Marcus pulled his shirt into place as he joined me in the breezeway. His mouth was set in a mischievous smile and his eyes were brighter than I’d seen them since we’d arrived.
“That’s your definition of fun?” I asked. “You know Grayson won’t forget you lunging for him today, right? The wolf is an expert at holding a grudge.”
He shrugged, unfazed.
“I hope he does remember,” he said, “I hope it's a reminder that our allegiance isn’t something he’s owed, it’s something he earns. I hope that when he thinks of today he thinks about that while he hasn’t earned it, you have. Maybe then he’ll ask himself why and start acting like someone we can respect again.”
For the first time, maybe ever, Marcus had rendered me speechless. I wasn’t used to his words ringing with wisdom instead of immaturity.
“Plus think of how cool I’ll be when word gets around I challenged an Alpha and lived to tell the tale. The females will be lining up to fawn over me.”
And with that, the moment was ruined, and the world was back on its rightful axis.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that last part and just say thank you.” I reached over to ruffle his copper hair. “Thanks for having my back.”
“Pack mates have to stick together,” he said, “I may not be as powerful as Isaac or Grayson, but I won’t turn my back on you. Like you said, someone who sees their friend under attack and does nothing is a coward, and I’m a lot of things, but not a coward.”
Unless of course, it’s a chimera. In that case, he’ll be too scared to leave the carriage, but I chose not to bring that up. He’d done well today. I’d let him keep his pride.
“I’m going to meet Naomi for dinner,” he said, “Want to come with? Or should I escort you somewhere?”
“Escort me?” I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. His attempt to be sweet was very thoughtful, but the idea of needing an escort made me want to giggle. “No, I’m okay, but it’s sweet of you to offer. Have fun with your sister. Maybe I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Okay, I’ll catch you later then. If I see Isaac, should I let him know where you are?”
“No need.” I smiled conspiratorially and channeled my inner Fenrir when I said. “Let him track me down if he wants to. It’ll give him a chance to sharpen his tracking skills.”
When he heard about the events in the hallway he surely would. He may be horrified at my choices, but I felt good—proud. Not only had I shut down the rumors of my fragility, I hadn’t felt my fire surface a single time during the confrontation, not even when that hateful fish called me a latent bitch and Grayson, again, stood by and did nothing. If that wasn’t the epitome of self-control, I’m not sure what was.
Marcus gave me a half wave as a goodbye and strode to the other breezeway to find his sister. I sighed and let my shoulders relax, giving myself a minute to lean against the stone pillar and breathe.
It had been necessary, I reminded myself. The rumors and whispers couldn’t be allowed to continue. They’d only spread and grow. I’d done what I needed to do, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t taken some pleasure in it at the moment, but now? After it was done? The smallest tendrils of guilt invaded the perimeter of my mind.
What was wrong with me that I found joy in the ruin of others? Was it justice? Vengeance? Or was it simply part of my nature to be fueled by the pain of those weaker than me? I shook the thoughts from my mind and pushed off the wall. My minute was up.
I started walking aimlessly as I pondered where to go. I definitely wasn’t in the mood to go back into the crowded hallways or face off with Grayson in the dining hall. I had no interest in being the evening’s entertainment for the pack and the rest of the student body—I’d given them enough of myself for one day.
I stopped.
That was my fault—not theirs.
I let them put me in this position. Their behavior is unacceptable yes, but hadn’t I all but accepted it? I didn’t force my way into the pack. I didn’t submit, but I didn’t take what was owed to me either, did I? With the exception of the little fish in the hall today, I hadn’t even brought the gossips and naysayers to their knees.
I’d been tolerant—too tolerant.
That ended now.
I straightened my back, raised my head, and turned toward the dining hall, meeting the eye of each student who crossed my path, and every time they were the first to look away a piece of me fell back into place. By the time I pushed through the double doors of the dining hall, I was feeling more like myself than I had since stepping foot on Academy grounds.
The stained glass encased room was unsurprisingly crowded with some students lining up to get their dinners as others huddled around the rectangular tables scattered throughout the room. I recognized a few faces from the day’s classes and a few more from the incident in the hall. More than one selkie sent glares my way, but I didn’t spare them a second of consideration as I scanned the room.
The only group that did capture my attention for a half second longer than it took to glance over was the table of foxes, but not even the death god’s icy stare could distract me from my target. Why did he always have to be staring?
I kept walking through the room, noting who was—or rather wasn’t—at each table I passed, and then I saw him.
Grayson sat at the head of the table, and a wave of familiarity hit me as I moved in that direction. Once again, I saw him before he saw me, but he wasn’t smiling in my absence this time. He paid attention to each of the pack mates who spoke to him in turn, but the joy–the light–he’d had in his eyes before my arrival had disappeared.
Maybe I’d stolen it from him.
Another twinge of guilt hit me when I saw Isaac, Naomi, and Marcus easily conversing with the other pack members. They shouldn’t have to choose between their loyalty and their desire to integrate into their new pack. No doubt, what I did next and how Grayson chose to respond would make it that much harder for them to accomplish both.
It wasn’t Kenna sitting at the head of the table opposite Grayson, so I could only assume the petite brunette was her Beta. She didn’t notice me as I drew closer, no one did. Well, no one other than Isaac. I was pretty sure Isaac would find me in the middle of a white-out snowstorm if he sensed I was nearby—which he inevitably would.
Sometimes I wondered if he and his father hired a witch to enchant my bloodstone with a tracking spell. I wouldn’t be shocked if they had and it would explain how any attempts I made as a child to hide away from them had proven pointless.
“I think you’re in my seat.” My tone was kind by design. I was impressed with my amiability, all things considered. I stopped a step away from her, there was no need to loom over her shoulder, at least not yet.
The girl looked up at me, and I knew the second she fully processed who was speaking to her when her spine stiffened. Her eyes darted to the pack mates sitting on either side of her and visibly stiffened when she turned her attention back to me.
The longer I stared at her, the more obvious it became she didn’t want this fight. The mark of a great Beta was being ambitious enough to lead but not so ambitious they threaten their Alpha or Luna, and her Beta instincts must be screaming at her to yield to me.
As much as I craved a fight—a chance to prove I was done with allowing others to push me aside—she didn’t deserve to be dragged into one, especially not one she had no part in starting.
There was a fine line between leading with a healthy dose of respect-driven fear and leading with fear as the foundation of your control, and I was teetering on the edge of it. So, instead of grabbing her by the hair and forcing her to her knees, I channeled my inner Lucas and attempted to take a calming breath.
I relaxed my shoulders and said, “We haven’t had a chance to meet yet. What’s your name?”
“What are you—” I held up a hand to interrupt Grayson’s interruption.
“I’m not talking to you right now, I’m meeting my new pack mate.” I didn’t spare him a glance as I spoke. Getting to know the pack would be easier if I pretended he didn’t exist–you can’t argue with someone that isn’t there. I asked the female again, “What is your name?”
She cleared her throat and answered, “Ainsley.”
“Hi, Ainsley. It’s nice to meet you.” I curled my mouth in a smile, but I don’t think it helped put her at ease. “I’m Briar.”
“Hi.”
I waited for her to say more, but she must’ve been a woman of few words. I quirked my brow and gave Isaac a look meant to say ‘Goddess I hope the rest of the pack communicates better than its Beta’. He shrugged.
Not an encouraging sign.
“Hi,” I repeated, pausing again in case she wanted to interject. She didn’t. “Ainsley, I know the situation between Kenna and me is probably confusing, but can you move seats please?”
More than one intake of breath sounded around the table, and I lost the internal battle not to roll my eyes. I knew it was exceedingly rare for a Pack Leader to make a request instead of giving a directive, but it wasn’t completely unheard of—excuse me for attempting to be polite.
To my pleasant surprise, she grabbed her plate and slid to the seat next to her, around the corner of the table. The others gaped at her compliance but still shuffled to make room for her to sit.
I took her place in the chair and leaned back against it, one leg crossing over the other. Only when I was comfortably sat did I look up, expecting to see an ever-glowering wolf staring back at me.
Except when I did look up, it wasn’t anger or disapproval shining in his eyes. It was approval — maybe even a shred of respect.
“I’ll grab you a plate, Luna.” Isaac winked at me as he rose and walked toward the array of food at the front of the room.
I ignored the shocked expressions at his use of the title and called a quick thank you after him before turning to address Ainsley once more.
“So tell me, what pack are you from?”
“The Hemlock Pack,” she answered after a moment’s hesitation. “My mother is the Beta there.”
“To Alpha Frederic or Luna Mara?” I asked.
“Uh, Alpha Frederic,” she answered, eyebrows drawn in.
“So you’re Charlotte’s daughter, then.” Her shock drew a smile to my face. “I met her during my visit last spring. She’s one of the fiercest warriors I’ve fought beside. You must be very proud.”
Ainsley crossed her forearms on the table, nearly dunking her sleeve in the mashed potatoes on the edge of her plate, and leaned closer, studying me.
“You’re the Beta who drove the kelpies from the lake?” she asked, a hint of awe warming her voice.
“Well, it was a group effort, but I certainly helped.”
It really hadn’t been. I’d been the one to dive in the lake and drive them away, but it was rude to brag.
“You captured their king and cut off his head!”
Forks clanged along plates in what became an otherwise silent room.
“And now the entire room knows it.” I chuckled at the open-mouthed stares her exclamation garnered. “But yes, I did.”
My chest felt lighter now that the tension at my arrival had been broken. At least it did until a deep voice rang from the other end of the table.
“You never told me about that.” Grayson’s accusation had me turning to him before I remembered my plan to ignore him completely. The tips of his fingers were white where he gripped the edge of the table. I wondered if he managed to snap it if we’d have to reimburse the school directly or if they baked the cost into the tuition.
“I must have skipped over it during our many heart-to-hearts and deep discussions about life the past few years.” His eyes narrowed. My lips twitched as I realized I held the power to get under his skin. It was only fair–he’d spent years getting under mine even if the emotions driving it were opposite as fire and rain.
“Is that what you were off doing every time I came home?” If he hadn’t cared enough to ask where I was then, I saw no reason for him to care enough to ask now.
“The Hemlock Pack called for aid, and there was no need for your parents to miss seeing you when I had the matter well in hand.”
He leaned so far forward, I suspected he’d left the seat of his chair entirely. It’d be a shame if someone knocked into him and he fell.
“I could’ve gone to help you,” he said tersely, “If any of you had told me where you were or what you were doing, I would’ve gone to you.”
“As I said,” I deadpanned with a raised brow, “I had the matter well in hand. I didn’t need your help then.” I didn’t need his help now. The unspoken words felt heavy in the air between us.
He lowered back into his seat. His posture said ‘I’m at ease,’ but the vein pulsing in his neck said ‘I may throw a chair.’
“And every other time I came back?” he asked. He was either oblivious to the dozen faces watching us with rapt attention or he simply didn’t care we had an audience. “Is that what you were doing without me? Risking your life battling creatures and making enemies rather than being there the two or three times I could make it home in a year?”
Now I was the one staring with an open mouth. This was neither the time nor the place for that conversation. I was quite certain there would never be a time or place for that conversation—not while I had a say in the matter.
“I didn’t realize my absence was such a hardship for you,” I admitted truthfully.
“Then you weren’t paying attention.” He sprawled back in his chair, his arms hanging along its sides like a king on his throne.
“On the contrary, I see and hear far more than you give me credit for,” I said and mirrored his stance. “So let’s not rewrite our history, okay?”
His jaw hardened and he pivoted the conversation back to my safety, when he said, “Kelpies are as loyal as they are vengeful. They will not forget you stole their King from them.” As if I didn’t already know that. What did he expect me to do? Only eliminate the threats who would never fight back?
“If being a bit more cautious when I swim in a lake is the price for keeping the shifter realm safe, I’ll gladly pay it.”
“And if it’s more than that?” His voice dropped lower, but I still heard every word, “If the price was your life? What then? Will you still be so willing to give it?”
“In an instant,” I answered without hesitation, “I will protect the shifters in my charge until my last breath and give even that if needed, just like I vowed to do. Just like you vowed to do. Would you truly expect any less of me?”
“No.” A drop of relief hit me at his immediate answer. “But I wish you would stop choosing to face unnecessary dangers alone when there are people right there willing to help you.”
“And I wish you’d trust that I know when to call for help and when help is not needed,” I countered, “I guess we’re both destined to be disappointed.”
“Just because my mother made you her Beta?—“
“And that’s another wish of mine,” I snapped, “stop saying she made me her Beta as though she convinced Logan to throw the Pack Rite. I won that challenge fairly, and I’ve defended it proudly. Don’t diminish my standing or your mother’s integrity by implying otherwise.”
You prick , I was tempted to add. For the sake of those around us, I bit my tongue and prayed for patience instead. After the Rite they’d acknowledge me as their Luna and a greater rift between their Pack Leaders would cause constant unrest.
I took a moment to study the ceiling while my blood cooled. I wouldn’t admit it to him, but Fenrir was right. I needed the bloodstone to stay in control while I was here, but I doubted either of us expected my own pack mate to be the cause.
I braced myself for whatever quick retort or jab he’d throw me next, but it never came. The only sounds that reached my ears were the scraping of utensils on plates and the breathing of the people around me. One of them was breathing harder than they were before I’d spoken.
When the silence continued, and my neck began to twinge, I reluctantly looked away from the vaulted ceiling. I expected to see anger or maybe arrogance on Grayson’s face. I hadn’t expected to see awe.
“You challenged Logan?” His voice half broke on the last syllable. “You fought in the Rite? Against him ?”
Was he joking?
It’d been nearly two years since I first challenged Logan, surely someone from the pack had told him, hadn’t they? Staring into Grayson’s shining eyes as his chest rose and fell more rapidly than it had before, I realized the answer was no. They hadn’t.
It felt like my chest was caving in on itself without reason. I didn’t trust myself to speak clearly enough to give him an answer. I simply nodded instead.
I’m not sure what I had expected from him, but the shaky laughter that left him as he rubbed a hand over his mouth certainly wasn’t it. Judging by the widened eyes and slack-jawed faces of the others around the table, I wasn’t the only one.
Looking back at Grayson, he wasn’t laughing anymore, but had the smallest hint of his smile on his face. I didn’t drop his gaze and he didn’t drop mine, not when Isaac slid a plate in front of me, not when I muttered my thanks, not when someone coughed and cleared their throat, not even when footsteps signaled someone’s approach behind me.
“Another staring contest, I see. I do wish you two would get over whatever issues you have and tear each other’s clothes off already. If you have any regard for my sanity, you’ll spare us all the longing stares while you pretend to loathe each other.”
“We are perfectly amicable,” Grayson assured her, not sparing her a glance but sounding more sincere than was trustworthy. What was he playing at?
“No different than any other pair of childhood pack mates,” I added.
“Because that was super convincing.” Kenna slid unceremoniously onto the bench opposite Ainsley and propped her chin up on her hands, elbows resting on the table. She then turned to me with a wistful sigh and said, “I heard about the scene with the selkies. Nicely handled, I wish I could’ve been there to see you get all dagger happy. I bet it was glorious. Is that what prompted this round of overly-charged eye contact between you and wolf boy? I totally get it, but maybe take it somewhere private, you know? Spare the rest of us.”
“Kenna,” Grayson chided half-heartedly, “Enough.”
“Like you two aren’t obvious to everyone sitting here.” She rolled her eyes and grabbed a piece of bread from the plate of the male—I really should learn all of their names—sitting beside her. “You can ogle each other at the pack run tonight, but must you subject us all to it while we’re trying to eat?”
Ice speared down my throat and settled in my chest.
“What pack run?” Naomi asked. “No one told me about a pack run. Did you know about a pack run?” So it wasn’t just me who’d missed the announcement.
Naomi elbowed her brother who grunted, and said, “Can you not? I didn’t know either, keep your pointy elbows to yourself.”
My eyes cut to Isaac who shook his head. No one else at the table seemed surprised by Kenna’s announcement, but more than one face turned sheepish. A willful deception then.
“It must have been an oversight.” I put a smile on my face and said, “After all, the only alternative explanation would be someone intentionally excluding the Othniel Pack from an Iolite Pack event, well, at least some of us.”
Not a single pack member met my gaze. Each of them stared at their food or looked down at the table, except Grayson.
Grayson didn’t look away. He let me see the storm of emotions swimming in the green of his eyes: regret, determination, and affection? No, it couldn’t be. I shook away the thought. No good would come from falling back into that trap.
“It had to be a mistake,” I repeated, “unless someone is planning to have two packs at the Academy instead of one this year.”
“That would be ridiculous,” he said slowly, “and I’d never propose or support it.”
“Right, ridiculous.” I addressed Naomi next, “So you see? It was just an oversight. No one’s perfect.”
Kenna turned to me with a puzzled look on her face and said, “I take offense to that. I’m quite perfect, but I’ll forgive you your mistake since you’ve only had a couple of days to take me all in.”
“I’m sure that’s the case.” I reached over and patted her hand before picking up my fork and to stab a few green beans before stuffing them in my mouth to avoid further conversation.
“So you are coming tonight?” Ainsley asked. It seemed her voice had accompanied Kenna’s arrival. “To the pack run, I mean.”
I reached for the goblet Isaac thoughtfully brought me with my plate and took a drink before responding.
“Yes, of course.” I asked, “Why wouldn’t I?”
The question hung in the air without an answer. Ainsley’s only reply was a nervous chuckle and a shake of her head before she became fully fixated on the food in front of her.
Isaac, bless his kind heart, took pity on us all and struck up a conversation with the male next to him. They prattled on about the Myths and Legends class they shared this year and the professor’s propensity for spitting as he spoke. Gross . A minute or two later everyone has returned to the conversations they’d been having before my arrival or started new ones.
By the time I finished eating Kenna had essentially stolen Christopher’s plate—I’d finally learned his name—and spent the better part of the past twenty minutes explaining why she was so attached to her favorite dagger. She’d insisted on comparing it against the blades of everyone present to further prove its superiority.
The surrounding students looked utterly stupefied at my outburst of laughter when I presented my dagger and she’d been unable to find a flaw. Her entire face had closed off as she’d turned the blade over in her hands before glaring up at me and saying, “It’s perfect. How can it be perfect? Do you even use it?”
She’d kept a firm grip on the handle, but I managed to pry it from her hand and slide it back into the sheath on my thigh.
“I truly don’t know if this makes me want to be your friend more or accidentally kill you during the Rite so I can keep your blade as a trophy.” She contemplated for a moment, her head cocked to one side as she thought it over.
“If you’re planning an accidental death, it’s not actually an accident,” Naomi chimed. Kenna shot her a glare that had the blood fleeing from the serpent’s face before she turned to her twin to ask about the weather.
Kenna returned her attention to me, and grumpily asked, “Where did you get this? I want one.”
“I don’t know, it was a gift.” And the person who gave it was currently on my list of people to use it on. I’d rather not openly credit him for finding it even as he sat opposite me with a growing grin—the picture of smug satisfaction.
“That’s still your favorite dagger, then?” Grayson asked. “You must not have forgotten me completely if that’s still the first blade you reach for.”
I knew he was baiting me—it was an obvious taunt in the same tone he’d used to rile me up as a child, and I cursed that it always worked. A wiser woman would ignore him, but I never claimed to be wise.
“The blade had no say in who purchased it,” I quipped back, “I don’t know why I should neglect it for factors beyond its control.”
“So you admit you haven’t really forgotten me?” His smile grew until it was borderline dazzling, how annoying.
“I haven’t said or acted like I’ve forgotten you, Grayson I’m sitting right here speaking to you. I have been this entire time.”
“Yeah, now you’re speaking to me, but?—”
“Stay on topic!” Kenna stalked toward Grayson and glared. “Where’s my dagger, Grayson Pierce? If the two years we’ve led together mean so little to you that you’ve never thought to give me one then at least tell me the silversmith who made it.”
I could hardly believe my eyes as pink tinged the top of his cheeks—in the entire decade I’d known him he’d never looked flushed—and he ran a hand through his hair before answering.
“He’s not available anymore.”
Kenna scoffed and flicked a hand through the air. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll make him available, just give me his name.”
“Drop it, Kenna.” Grayson’s words were nearly a growl.
“I certainly will not. Now you tell me that silversmith’s name or so help me I swear to the suns I will?—”
“I made it, okay?” He cut off her rant and my breathing. “I made the damn thing, and I’m not making another so let it go already. You won’t die if one person has a nicer blade than you.”
Kenna began muttering the many reasons she surely would die, but it faded and the blood rushed to my ears and drowned out her words and the sounds of the dining hall.
“You made this for me?” He nodded hesitantly. “It must have taken days.”
“Weeks, actually.” His chuckle held no humor.
“You never told me.” And I couldn’t for the life of me understand why. I’d been ecstatic when he gave it to me thinking it was something he purchased. If he’d told me it was crafted by his own hands, back then I think I’d have fainted on the spot.
“It wasn’t important,” he dismissed, pushing back from the table and grabbing his now empty plate. “It was just a gift.”
“Grayson,” I said beseechingly, not sure what I planned to say next. I was spared from having to decide when he waved me off and turned to leave.
“I’ll see you all tonight.”
Then the man who’d spent weeks crafting me the perfect blade dropped his dishes at the wash station and left the room without a backward glance.
Kenna slid back into her seat and looked longingly at my thigh. I swore the sheathed blade there burned against my skin even through the leather.
She sighed and said decidedly, “If I accidentally kill you in the Pack Rite, I’m stealing that dagger.”
Naomi looked at her in horror before whispering not so quietly to her twin, “Does she sound entirely too happy about that to you too?”
Kenna looked at her and smiled.