Chapter 2 #4
Once again, Elizabeth Bennet had turned Fitzwilliam Darcy’s world on its head.
How many times could she do this in one conversation?
He once again had to sit and think, and he admitted the justice of her observation.
In addition to his own changes to behaviour that were now imperative if he wished to hold his head up in the world—he must also, finally, deal with George Wickham definitively.
The snake was the ultimate enumeration of his failure.
His failure to act, his failure to even inform his father of Wickham’s true character when it might have been checked, his fear, and his selfishness in trying to protect his sister’s reputation at the expense of everyone else.
This was quite possibly the worst offence of his young life.
“I know not how many times you can overturn my world in one conversation, but you are correct in every particular, and you have given me a call to arms. When I found Wickham in Ramsgate with my sister, my cousin recommended we call him out, or just kill him. I could not do so because my father loved him, but now I can see that I have caused others to pay the price for my folly. It will not happen again. After I finish with Bingley tomorrow, I will take the colonel with me to Meryton, and we will deal with him conclusively. His future will include debtor’s prison, being pressed into the Navy, or possibly transportation to the least pleasant of the colonies.
I will no longer allow him free rein due to my timidity, and I suspect the colonel will take some pleasure in making his countenance somewhat less handsome and honest appearing.
I will also go to all the merchants in Meryton to make any debts whole, and hire some men to follow his back-trail and right any wrongs we can find.
The problem was mine, and so must the remedy be. ”
Fitzwilliam Darcy was not the only person whose world had been turned upside down.
In fact, nearly every cherished notion Elizabeth previously held about her sagacity and ability to sketch characters had been thoroughly and completely destroyed in the last hour.
How long had it actually been? It felt like minutes, or months, or both.
She had no idea what she thought about the man before her, but he was certainly different than he had been either before, during, or after the tumultuous discussion.
Henceforth, her life would consist of two distinct times—everything that happened before today, and everything after.
At first, she thought he might destroy her.
For a time, she thought she might have destroyed him, but he was much more resilient than she had surmised—or perhaps she had simply been better at pulling him from the brink.
He had been nearly ready to crumble in the middle of the discussion, but now he seemed to have rallied quite well.
He was still clearly distressed, but he was looking towards the future, and she might imagine a day when she could even look upon him favourably.
She also now found herself surprisingly strong.
She was rather satisfied she had survived a very difficult situation, if not with grace, at least with strength and fortitude.
These ruminations were cut short by Lady Catherine’s carriage entering the drive. Darcy jumped up in alarm and started looking around the parsonage for a speedy exit without being seen.
“My apologies, the time has completely slipped away from us and now we are in a precarious position. I am concerned for your reputation, and the time for impropriety has long since passed. I must attempt to leave without being seen.”
Elizabeth knew she bore as much fault for the lateness of his exit as he did, so she would not let him shoulder all the responsibility, particularly now that once he was aware of his responsibility he would discharge it no matter the cost. She reflected on an entirely new possibility.
Here was a man she had hated to her very soul a few hours ago, and for whom she now had a begrudging respect—perhaps even admiration, and affection.
She would not have believed that possible.
She also believed his affections were not entirely dissipated, and they might very easily enter a new and much-improved relationship, but not if they were forced by compromise into a premature marriage.
“Pray calm yourself. My cousin will go directly upstairs to his room. The only person to enter this parlour tonight will be Charlotte, and she can be trusted implicitly. All will be well.”
With some surprise, she saw her situation with perfect clarity.
His affections had not been destroyed by her intemperate responses.
In fact, she believed they had been strengthened by her resolve in defending her family and her person.
She thought he might well admire her more now than he had when he started.
She now had an opportunity to start over with the man.
She could see that he was determined to attend to her reproofs and clearly saw that in essentials, he was a man well worth knowing.
She had no idea if she could love him, but she certainly could like him, and perhaps over time even more.
She began to comprehend that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her.
His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, might just possibly answer all her wishes, and she might answer his.
By her ease and liveliness, his mind might yet be softened, his manners improved, beyond what he was already endeavouring to do after the evening’s reproofs.
It was also clear that he was very informed, well read, master of a great estate, and from his judgement, information, and knowledge of the world, she might also receive a benefit of greater importance.
Yes, there was much more to consider with Fitzwilliam Darcy, if she had not already destroyed any chance of happiness with him—but had she?
It seemed likely they could enter a leisurely courtship, gradually get to truly know each other and perhaps find each other’s company quite agreeable.
She perhaps had already destroyed that chance, but if they could not survive one quarrel, what chance had they for even friendship?
Friendship—an odd feeling—could they be on their way to friendship?
She resolved to discuss this with William at the first chance.
Even that thought was unsettling, but somehow correct.
Darcy, perhaps sensing her glimmer of hope, took one more risk.
“Before we go, may I beg leave to make one statement, and ask a boon. You need not allow either as I have not really earned them, but I would ask still.”
“I had my fair share of the conversation; I yield the floor,” she said with a small smile. She was relieved to find herself still capable of non-caustic wit.
“First, I must thank you from the bottom of my heart for the reproofs you delivered. I have been a selfish being all my life. I was raised with good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. I was taught to look down on those below me, and took the lesson too much to heart. It took your particular brand of intelligence, insight, observations, and implacable anger to make me see the error of my ways. You have given me the information I need to mould myself into a man worthy of being loved. Perhaps these reproofs will be difficult, but they will be the making of me, and I very much thank you for that service.”
Elizabeth sat stunned. “I am moved beyond measure. Had you learnt from my reproofs within a fortnight, a month, or even a year, I would have been impressed. That you have done so in less than an hour moves me beyond measure. I hope that I might also learn from this evening, and I believe I have my own reproofs to attend to, so I likewise thank you for your service.”
Fitzwilliam chuckled. “We seem to always be quarrelling over the greater share of the censure or credit. In this case, let us agree that there are probably no two other people in the world who could have such a horrific quarrel, and emerged as two better people.”
“My request—might I beg that, sometime in the future after I have attended these reproofs—that I might have a chance to call on you again and perhaps earn some small measure of your regard? I would be happy to call on you in Cheapside or Longbourn, or perhaps host your family at Pemberley.”
“Yes, William, the idea of starting over I like very much. Perhaps it need not be the far future,” she said with a timid smile.