Chapter 2 #2
Oh, my heart. It’s breaking a little, right down the middle.
How can I feel this way when we haven’t ever been more than friends?
In the back of my mind, I guess I thought I’d be able to have all four of them when it was so easy with the others.
Feeling my eyes getting wet, I suck in a deep breath.
Bay doesn’t need my tears right now with him hurting, too.
“Bay, I’m not sure that would have mattered.
I wasn’t ready before. I’m slowly accepting these new feelings I have, but it’s still a struggle sometimes because of Jake and the poly lifestyle.
We are keeping things simple while I try to adjust to this new dynamic.
I would love you to be a part of it, but I understand how you feel.
” A sob nearly escapes as I try to keep it together.
“You’ll still be one of my best friends, though, right? ” I ask hopefully.
“Yeah, of course, Summer.” He squeezes my hand as we stop at a clearing at the water’s edge.
“Good. I would be devastated if I lost you in my life, Bay.” I can’t lose anyone else, not yet.
“So, do we just pretend this conversation never happened?” He asks.
“No, I don’t think so. I’m glad you told me how you feel, even though it won’t work out for us.”
“Let me walk you back. I think I need some time to process,” he tells me. I keep his hand in mine as we turn around to return to the campsite.
“You can still talk to me about all this if you want, Bay. I’m always here to listen.”
“Thank you, Summer,” he says, giving me a small smile. His face and neck are flushed again, but he’s avoiding eye contact. I can see his eyes are glassy, though.
When we get back, he squeezes my hand and lets go, then keeps walking as I join the rest of the guys.
Tears threaten to fall, but I suck them up with a shaky inhale.
Seb must see something on my face because he grabs E and asks me to walk to the store with them.
After we are out of earshot, Seb pulls me over to a picnic table to sit.
“What’s going on, Sunshine? You’re sad?”
“Bay wanted the drive-in to be a date, but because of what you hinted at, he wasn’t certain I was free. He doesn’t want a poly relationship,” I tell them, as the tears I’ve been holding back silently begin to fall.
“Oh Sunshine. I’m so sorry,” Seb says, gathering me onto his lap, cuddling me. I allow myself to break down for a few minutes before taking a deep breath and wiping my tears away.
E sits on my other side and grabs my hand. “You are free to choose to just date Bay, Summer.”
I give him a watery smile. “I know, but I’m too close to you guys already, and I can’t turn my feelings for you three off, even though I care for Bay, too.”
“I can try to convince him, Sunshine. I’m sure I can make him realize he should do this,” Seb offers.
“No, Hurry. That wouldn’t be right. He wants a one-on-one relationship, so that’s what he should have. I don’t want to convince him to date me.”
“I know,” he sighs. “I just hate to see you like this. This is my fault for even suggesting it. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted. It never occurred to me that Bay wouldn’t be interested in a poly relationship.”
“Not your fault,” I assure him. This was a pipe dream, anyway.
I’m so lucky Nick, and these two were willing to try this dynamic with me.
Maybe someday my feelings for Bay would dissolve into just love and caring of the friendship variety.
Woah. Love? Where did that come from? Do I love these three already?
Something to examine later. “Come on. Let’s go to the store, like you said. ”
We make the trek to the little shop beside the office, with me holding hands with the guys.
My head is down as I convince the rest of the tears to stay inside me.
This sucks. Little fissures are emerging in my chest with each deep breath I take.
The fault line in my heart from the accident hasn’t healed completely yet, and it feels like the fissures are creeping closer to it.
One moment at a time. I mentally list all my blessings as we meander down the road, as E and Seb remain quiet.
I’m outwardly composed when we arrive at the small general store.
It has a little of everything campers may want or have forgotten at home.
I buy some popcorn you can pop over an open fire while Seb buys a box of popsicles.
They drag me into random conversations as we walk back to our campsite, chasing away the thick fog of sadness.
When we get back, Bay has returned, so Seb hands out his treats and we go for a boat ride.
The water is a welcome distraction, and Alex is a great captain. I decide I want a boat of my own someday. Being on the water is so energizing and relaxing at the same time. He steers us around the large lake and then into a river that’s connected on the far end.
We stop about a mile in so the guys can fish.
The owner told us there was good fishing to be had in the river.
Bay and Alex have both fished before, so they show the rest of the guys how to.
Since I don’t like fish, I relax on the back of the boat and watch with my hat and sunglasses on.
It’s nice to see the camaraderie between the guys as they laugh and poke at one another.
You wouldn’t know anything happened between Bay and me, and I appreciate that so much.
The last thing I would ever want is a rift between them.
I take the time to process my feelings regarding Bay.
Based on the interactions with the guys, I don’t think there will be any tension between them, so I need to act normally too.
I’m sad there won’t be more between us, but I respect his decision.
As long as he doesn’t withdraw from me, I can handle things.
The guys caught enough fish for dinner. As usual, it became a competition, and Bay won, which isn't surprising since he has the most experience.
Going into my tent when we return, I call Mal and Jake, despite talking to them yesterday.
I’ve started talking more about my feelings for the guys with him.
It was super weird at first, but I don’t feel right keeping this from him anymore.
Filling him in on the conversation with Bay allows me to shed a few more tears, but I’m going to be okay. Sad, but okay.
That evening, we walk to the park area near the office for some live entertainment and fireworks. The band is decent, and there’s lots of families and couples scattered around the grassy area. I dance with Bay, Seb, and E as we enjoy our night.
As Nick and I get settled in the tent with my laptop to watch a movie, I decide to tell him about Bay. “Grumpy, I need to tell you something.”
Nick looks over, quirking an eyebrow at me.
“Bay doesn’t want a poly relationship. He said he likes me and wants me for himself. I told him I couldn’t stop caring about you guys though, so we’re just gonna be friends.”
“You’re hurting,” he states.
“Yeah, a bit. Are you still good with the arrangement we have?”
In response, Nick leans over and kisses me hard.
Guess that answers that question. I let him roll me over onto my back as I wrap my arms around him.
We make out for a while, and I end up on top, grinding myself against him until we both climax.
Collapsing onto his chest, Nick runs his fingers through my hair until I’m half asleep.
He rolls me over before getting up and shucking his shorts and underwear.
After using a wipe, he dresses in clean clothes and gets back under the sleeping bag, pulling me back on top of him.
“You make a good bed,” I mumble before falling asleep.
I’m awakened during the night by voices calling out. Rolling off Nick, we both sit up, and I can hear the patter of rain hitting the tent. “Must be Seb and E,” I surmise. Nick grabs a knife, getting in front of me just in case.
“Summer, Nick, it’s E. Can I come in? Our tent is leaking,” he calls from right outside.
Nick grunts, getting up and unzipping the door. I stand and turn on our lamps to find E standing there, soaked with his bag in hand. He steps in, dropping his bag just inside and re-zips the door. “Sorry about this. Our tent started leaking pretty quickly.”
“It’s okay, E. Where’s Seb?”
“In with Alex and Bay. Do you mind my sleeping here?”
“Of course not. Get into some dry clothes and we’ll get back to bed.
” I sit down, turning my back to give him a semblance of privacy.
Nick lies back down on the air mattress with an arm slung over his eyes.
A few minutes of rustling later, E taps my shoulder.
Turning around, he’s smiling down at me in dry shorts and a t-shirt. “Come on.” I pat the bed beside me.
E turns off the hanging lamp and lies on my right side.
It quickly becomes clear that this will be a tight fit with the two big guys on either side.
Nick pulls me back on top of him, which gives E enough room to lie down.
He reaches behind us and turns the other lantern off.
“Thanks, guys,” I hear E say before I drift back off to sleep.