29. Chapter 29
Chapter 29
Maisie
I kept my promise that next day and phoned the doctor the minute the phone lines opened, I was terrified beyond belief and the lady on the other end of the phone could tell, she was very sweet and understanding but made the mistake of asking if I was okay. Well that set me off balling my eyes out down the phone, but she did give me the earliest appointment.
Tomorrow at nine am I would be going to see the doctor and potentially have my entire life turned upside down. I didn't have time to worry too much about that now though as I was late for work. Thankfully Piper was the best boss a girl could wish for and always an amazing friend. We'd known each other for around five years now, meeting when I came to work at the same veterinary surgery as her. She had worked her way up the ranks and was now the boss.
As I bundled through the front door, wrapped in my winter coat, scarf and gloves – I couldn't fit a hat over this barnet unless it was restrained. Piper took one look at me and was immediately on her feet and storming across the waiting area .
"What's wrong?" she demanded, she was tiny, so much shorter than me but as she stood in front of me with her arms folded across her chest and her foot tapping on the ground, waiting for answers. I could imagine that this is the very same treatment her kids would receive, this was Mum Piper that I was seeing right now, not Boss Piper or Friend Piper.
When I didn't answer immediately she began to pull her phone out of her back pocket,
"Don't make me call one of the boys." The boys being Mack, Ace, Jax and Hugh. Ryan was the newest addition to those 'boys' but he wasn't yet used in her threats. She knew how close I was to those boys and they were quite often able to get me to talk far quicker than any of the girls could.
I don't exactly know why that was, but each of the girls always seemed much more vulnerable than me. They needed strong Maisie not defeated, frightened Maisie. There had been many a time when I'd had to be the strong one, even when I didn't feel that way deep down inside.
Like when Grace died and I was determined to be the one to hold everyone together, or when Piper overcame her biggest fears and danced at Jax's leaving do at the club. Or even when Sophie went through everything she'd been through this year, I was pretty sure that strong Maisie would be needed at some point again in the future for her.
Especially when the day came that Hugh pulled his head out of his arse and asked that gorgeous woman to marry him. They were inevitable, they just didn't know it yet.
"Ah Pipes, I'm alright. Just got some things going on." I heaved a sigh as I lowered myself into one of the waiting room chairs, Piper settling herself in next to me and looking at me expectantly.
"You want to talk about it? I'm a good listener." She told me with a smile, she was one of the best listeners out there, that didn't make it any easier to tell her though. Although I knew I had to, she was my boss and I needed the morning off tomorrow.
"I – I need to take the morning off tomorrow if you can spare me? I have a doctors appointment."
"Of course Mais, I can handle tomorrow. Are you alright?"
I spent the next ten minutes until opening time telling Piper all about what had been going on, the pain, the fatigue, the achiness. It felt therapeutic talking to someone else about it, as amazing as Mack is, he's too emotionally involved. Of course he's going to tell me what I want to hear, he's going to want to protect me. At the same time I want to protect him, sometimes it's easier talking to somebody who isn't as close.
I left my chat with Piper feeling like a small weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I also left with a dinner invite for myself and Mack. It had been a while since we'd been over to see the kids, I loved those babies. Although they definitely weren't babies anymore. Posie was fifteen, nearly sixteen and Beau was four and had just started school this past September.
Me: Hi Muscles, Pipes has just invited us over for dinner tonight. Sound good? xxx
Mack: I'll be there baby, meet me after work? xxx
Me: Of course, see you later. I love you xxx
Mack: Love you more baby xxx
I went about my morning as usual, trimming claws, prescribing medicines, taking bloods, performing x-rays and scans. It was all very calm and routine. Those days were few and far between so when they did happen they were very much appreciated. It was much more likely that someone's pet would try and claw my eyes out or had eaten something they shouldn't.
We saw it all the time, the funniest time though was a few years ago when Mrs Finley's dog ate all of her sex toys and we had to go in and retrieve them. God we laughed that day.
The rest of the day flew by and before I knew it I was walking up the high street to meet Mack after work. I loved walking up this high street, it brought back gorgeous memories of our engagement and our wedding which took place just over the road in the town square.
What I loved most about it is how everybody knew everybody else, I waved to Trudie from the café and Bill from the post office. They both shouted after me "Good afternoon Maisie."
I walked past the little library where Lily used to work, I suppose technically she did still work there even though she had seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. But outside locking up was Elodie, we'd spoken a few times but didn't really know each other very well.
Elodie had worked at the library for as long as Lily had, she was a tiny little woman, curvy, quiet. She almost had that 'deer in the headlights' look about her, especially since everything had gone down between Lily and Ace. I expect she had to fend off questions about Lily's whereabouts all the time.
"Hi Elodie." I waved as she turned to walk towards her car.
"Oh hi Maisie, how're you doing?"
"I'm good thanks, just going to meet Mack after work. How about you?"
She fidgeted slightly, tucking a strand of her dark brown hair behind her ear and pushing her glasses up her nose before she responded.
"Oh erm … I'm okay." She finally replied.
"You sure? You seem … off."
"Yeah I'm okay, Ace was in here earlier that's all. He was … intense." She whispered, almost as if she was telling me a secret.
"Was he okay?"
"Yeah … I mean, yeah he was okay. Just wanted to look in Lily's office." She stammered a little.
Strange.
"What was he looking for?"
"Oh he didn't tell me, he barged his way through the locked door, was in there a few minutes before storming out again with a pile of papers. He was furious."
I raised an eyebrow at her, that kind of behaviour was so unlike Ace. I could count on one hand the amount of times I'd seen him truly angry over the past ten years.
"Thanks for telling me Elodie, I'll make sure to check on him." I told her.
"Thanks." And then she was gone, hurrying down the street fumbling with her handbag on her shoulder.
Very strange.
When I eventually made it to the fire station, they were all just milling about chatting and laughing. It was nearly the end of most of their shifts so they were ready to switch over. Hugh and Ace were sparring in the corner, both wearing their mustard fire trousers, navy t-shirts and braces.
Ryan was still relatively new, he was tall and well built, had black hair, short on the sides and floppy on the top. He was young, having only just turned twenty two but he was here full time on an apprenticeship. When I first met him a couple of years ago I instantly thought he seemed nice, he was polite and well spoken. Mack had told me that he had still lived at home with his mum and twin sisters. He was a nice guy, hard working and sweet. Even if he did blush seven shades of red anytime someone spoke to him, I knew my boys would look after him.
Two years after that first meeting and he was head over heels in love with Freya, they'd gotten engaged on new years and were planning a beautiful church wedding. Ryan was eight years younger than Freya, they'd had a rocky start but it had all worked out exactly as it was supposed to.
All the guys greeted me as I walked into the station, they all knew me by name of course. Ace was straight over and pulling me into a hug.
"Hi sis."
"Hi Acey, I have a bone to pick with you." I didn't give him a chance to respond before continuing, "Why were you making a scene in the library today, I've just seen Elodie on my way over here and she was all shaken up."
"So she should be," he muttered under his breath. I'd never heard that kind of distain from him, what the hell was going on?
Before I could question him more, the alarm sounded and everybody sprang into action, firemen swung down the fire pole, the others already racing to pull on their jackets and helmets before racing to the fire engine.
I felt him before I saw him, it was all such a frenzy of activity that I'd missed him springing out the the office door way and racing for his equipment. He shouted for me,
"Maisie!" I swung around to face him and hurried to his side, picking up his helmet to hand to him once he was ready.
"Baby, I'm going to be late to Jax's, I might not make it at all. I'm sorry."
"It's fine, it's fine. I understand, what's happened?"
Sadness and fear flashed in his eyes before he told me,
"A lorry has hit an SUV on the motorway, the lorry has tipped over and fallen on top of another car. It's crushed the roof, there's a family stuck inside." All the while he was talking, he was pulling on his fire proofs. As he fastened the last buckle on his jacket I pressed his helmet into his chest, gave him a quick kiss and told him to go.
"Be safe!" I shouted after him.
"Always, I love you!" he shouted back as he ran towards the engine, all of that happened in a matter of one minute and then they were gone. Sirens blaring, lights flashing, gone.
I arrived at Jax's house five minutes later, he owned 'Jax's', the local pub in town. There was a huge three bedroom apartment above it which is where he and his family lived. As I rung the doorbell, I heard screeching coming from inside and I knew instantly who it was.
The minute Posie and I had met, we'd hit it off.
She was a sweet soul who was way too mature for her age. She'd been through a lot in her life, watching her mum and dad split up and then watching Piper fall in love with Jax. She'd been through a lot, but it had all been for the best, she'd grown into a beautiful young woman.
The front door was pulled open and Posie flung herself into my waiting arms,
"Auntie Maisie! I'm so happy to see you, Dad is being annoying." She had called Jax Dad for the past few years, ever since her own dad upped and left and seemingly forgot that she existed. She wasn't missing a thing though, she'd had the very best man to replace him.
I laughed as I held her close, this girl gave the best hugs.
"What's he done now?"
"Well, Kai wants to take me to the cinema on Friday night. He said he'll come and pick me up and then drop me home again. Dad said I'm not allowed, he says I can go to the cinema but that he will drop me off and pick me up. He says he doesn't trust 'that little weasel' to get me home in one piece." She rolled her eyes, giving me air quotes before crossing her arms over her chest, her teenage attitude shining through.
"Well he does have a point sweetie, you're only fifteen and Kai …. doesn't come from the best family." I wasn't one to judge, most of us in our friend group didn't have the best start in life but Kai's family were … difficult. They were known in the area and not in a good way.
"But Kai isn't like them, he doesn't do the drug stuff like his dad and brothers."
"Pose?"
"Yeah?"
"Dad's told you about his childhood right?" I knew he had, he'd told me it was the most difficult conversation of his life but felt like he had owed it to Posie to be honest. When Piper and Jax first got together, Posie noticed some of Jax's … reservations about some things. She'd been asking questions for a long time so around a year ago he decided it was best that he told her the truth.
"Yeah …" her shoulders slumped as if the weight of what she'd learnt weighed down on her too. I know it did the rest of us.
"He has … issues when it comes to drugs, addiction – you know that. His worries are warranted, he loves you sweetie. It would haunt him forever if he let you get involved in something that had the power to hurt you."
Her eyes were on the floor as I pulled her in for another hug,
"I didn't think of it that way – thanks Auntie Maisie."
At that moment, Jax walked down the hallway probably wondering what was taking us so long.
"Hey sis," he told me before pulling me in for a hug. "You okay?" He looked between Posie and I, trying to figure out what was going on in our female brains. Posie saved me from saying anything when she moved into Jax's arms.
"Sorry Dad, I won't go with Kai. I understand now." Jax breathed out a sigh of relief into Posie's little blonde head of hair and mouthed 'thank you' to me as he closed his eyes and held us both tighter. For all of the Bowman's confidence and swagger, underneath that bravado was an unhealthy dose of fear and anxiety, but it was a part of them and made them into the men they were today. Some of the very best men I knew.
"Anyway, where's my man?" Jax asked as he led us down the hallway towards the most exquisite smelling food.
"There was an emergency just as he was about to finish, he was called away. There's been an accident on the motorway, a family is stuck inside their car."
"He's there? We've just been watching it on the local news, here come and see." I wasn't sure I wanted to, Mack's job was dangerous, I spent everyday in some sort of state of anxiety until he was back in my arms again.
The television was already on, a news reporter standing a safe distance away, reporting that the family was in the process of being cut loose. The children and the wife had already been rescued but they were having trouble getting the driver out, the dad. My heart was in my throat as I watched the scene playing out before my eyes.
The screen was filled with firefighters working frantically to get the man out, I couldn't recognise any of them in their uniforms but I knew they were all my guys – Mack, Ace, Hugh and Ryan.
"Shit," Jax suddenly said, "Maisie – is Ace there?" he questioned.
"Yeah." I muttered and that's when I saw what Jax had seen, a spark beneath the car, then a bigger spark, then smoke and flames, it all happened so quickly. Too quickly for anyone to get a handle on the situation before it quickly raged out of control. The firefighters continued to work, cutting the door off to pull the man out. The car was now a raging inferno, smoke filling the inside of the car. The screams, I'd never ever forget those screams of pure and utter terror. At that moment, the picture moved back to the news reporter who was sending us back to the studio, if something terrible was about to happen it wasn't appropriate to show it on the television at dinner time.
I wasn't thinking about that though, my hands were over my mouth as I started to hyperventilate. My breaths coming in thick and fast, my head beginning to spin. Just before the camera cut off – a boom – an explosion kind of boom and then the screen went black and we were sent back to the studio.
"No no no." I dropped to my knees in front of the television, no no. Mack. The wail that left me hurt my throat on the way out, Jax was frozen beside me, Posie sobbing from somewhere else in the room as Piper came running in to the room, looking from me to Jax and back again.
"What? What's happened?" She had a tea towel flung over her shoulder, Beau came running in behind her dressed head to toe as Spiderman.
"Explosion." That's the only word that left Jax as his knees gave out and he fell to the floor beside me. The newsreader on the television promising to go back to the scene when it was deemed appropriate to do so.
I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest and shredded into a thousand pieces. The pain I felt in that moment was like nothing I'd ever felt before. My life was being torn apart, I couldn't lose him. Mack was my entire life, the reason for my existence. We had so much to look forward to.
Everything around me seemed to disappear as my breathing became so erratic, so pained. My chest was burning, I could barely see through the tears, someone was holding me. Big strong arms were clutched around my body, his own body shaking with his own tears. I knew Jax was holding me, that Piper was holding him but I couldn't see it, couldn't feel it.
It was as if my own soul was leaving my body.
I cried for not only Mack, but for our friends, my family.
Ace. My brother.
The walls were closing in on me, I couldn't breathe.
"I can't -" I couldn't get the words out, my chest tight, my lungs heaving painfully against my ribs.
Then it all went dark.
I don't know how long I had been out for but I couldn't bare to let myself wake fully, I couldn't live with the knowledge that my husband wasn't here with me anymore, we had so much left to live for.
And my family too, I couldn't bare the thought of losing any of them.
As I became more and more conscious, I tried to fight it. If Mack wasn't alive then I didn't want to wake up, ever.
I was laid on something soft, the sofa. My head was laid on something solid and warm, someone's lap, Jax. A hand was threading through my hair, short nails tickling against my scalp. I ignored the pain and savoured the feeling. It was the exact way Mack would always wake me when I'd fallen asleep in his lap whilst he read to me.
I tried to make sense of what was going on around me, still refusing to open my eyes. I could hear the television, volume low in the background. There were voices coming from the kitchen, multiple deep voices, sounding tired and defeated. Strange. It had only been Jax, Piper and the kids here.
I could hear Beau playing on the carpet somewhere nearby.
Those soft fingers still running through my hair, a thick arm laid across my chest. More intimate than Jax had ever been with me. Weird, he wouldn't usually hold me so intimately. I dared to crack open my eyes just enough to recognise that I was indeed on Jax's sofa, Piper's crochet blanket over me. There was a thick hairy arm across my chest, under one of my arms and pressed against my breasts as if I'd been hugging it in my sleep.
I swept my eyes down that hairy arm to the thick fingers, one of them held a thick silver wedding band. I recognised that wedding band at the same moment I registered the acrid, potent smell of smoke that surrounded me. I closed my eyes as tears began trickling down my face and landed on that hairy arm.
It couldn't be, could it? I couldn't bare to open my eyes just in case I was wrong, my heart would break all over again if this man I was laying on wasn't my Mack.
The fingers continued threading through my hair, a soft kiss was pressed against the top of my head as I continued to sob into this man's lap. He just held me and let me come around in my own time, always being so patient with me.
After a few moments, I gathered the courage to ask,
"M-Mack?" I could barely form the word, fear and pain still clutching me tightly.
I waited for his response.
"I'm here baby."
I closed my eyes tight and prayed to a God I didn't believe in.
Then I crawled into my husbands lap and let the profound relief swallow me whole.
He held me as I cried, rubbing soft circles on my body before he pushed me back slightly to look at my face. My eyes were still shut tight,
"Open your eyes baby, look at me."
I couldn' t.
"Come on little flame, open those beautiful eyes for me." His hands were on my cheeks, wiping away my tears as they fell. He leaned forward to press a soft kiss to my tear swollen lips. I opened my eyes then and took in the sight of the love of my life.
He was here, I checked him over for injuries.
"I'm not hurt, I'm okay." His face was sooty, he smelled terrible but he was here.
"You came back." My voice cracked.
"Always, I'll always come back." He told me, pressing sooty kisses all over my face, my neck, my chest. He kissed every slither of available skin he could find.
He was here, he was okay.
"We saw …" I couldn't say the words.
"I know baby, Jax told us everything. I'm so sorry you had to see that, but we're okay. We're all okay." Mack then told me what had happened, they'd managed to free the man from the car with seconds to spare before the car exploded. Everybody was alright, the man was in the hospital but they thought he was going to make a full recovery.
Mack was exhausted as he told me the story, I could hear it in his voice and feel it in the slumping of his body. But I needed to know one more thing, I know he'd told me that everyone was okay but I needed to see it with my own two eyes.
"Mack?"
"Hmm?"
"A-Ace?" My voice cracked, I couldn't say more words than just that one.
"He's fine baby. Ace!" he shouted, "Get your butt in here and see your sister."
And then there he was, the closest thing I'd ever had to a brother. I climbed off Mack's lap and threw myself into Ace's arms, he was sobbing just as hard as I was as we held each other tightly for a long time. He wasn't crying for himself, he rarely did, he was feeling everybody else's pain. At some point, Mack had joined us, pulling us both into his chest and holding us tightly. The same way he did all those years ago.
I looked up into Ace's tearstained face a little while later and told him how relieved I was that he was alright, along with all the other guys too.
"I love you Acey." I told him and I meant it.
My family was safe, my heart was still intact and life was to continue.
As if nothing had ever happened, Piper burst through the kitchen doors.
"Dinner's ready!" And off we all went, settling around the dining table, grateful for whatever had saved our guys today.
Grateful that we were all still together.
We sat around that table full and happy. Mack and I, Jax and Piper, Ace, Posie and Beau. Hugh and Ryan had gone home to reassure their own families that they were okay.
We ate, we drank and when we were finished we all held each other, grateful that we were all still together.
We had already lost a huge part of ourselves when Grace had died, there was no more space for more loss. That thought alone is what gave me the determination to go into my doctors appointment tomorrow with strength.
Whatever was trying to take me down was not going to win, I wasn't called Little Flame for nothing!